Q: I found a lot of ecchi PC games featuring bondage, confinement and SM hidden away in my boyfriend’s room.
He’s always kind to me, but before there were cases of criminals with these kinds of maniacal tastes, so I was pretty shocked.
My boyfriend isn’t normal is he!? I don’t know how to deal with this…
A 21-year-old female student.
Top singer/model/actress and ero-novel writer Aya Sugimoto holds forth on the situation in this Q&A:
A: Something like this is just a matter of taste.
Deciding your boyfriend is abnormal based on something like this is just unfair to him.
Those kinds of incidents do make people look at SM fans like they are dangerous criminals, but to people engaged in SM play, it really is just “play,” and those incidents are on a completely different level. There are people who can’t make that distinction and call for BDSM games to be banned too, but that’s pure nonsense.
Enjoying unhealthy fantasies is what adults do.
Your boyfriend was just enjoying a simple fantasy, wasn’t he? The real issue is not his fantasies, but your paranoia about them!
He was just hiding his tastes from you to avoid causing any issues. What’d you think of a guy who introduced himself to you like this: “Hi, I’m into BDSM slave domination games!”?
Finding out each other’s lusts gradually through spending more and more nights together – that’s how an adult couple blossoms sexually, isn’t it?
There are of course lots of couples who never show their true selves to one another, but such relationships are incredibly shallow in the end.
Even if your tastes and his tastes don’t match, if you love your partner then you should make the effort to understand their tastes.
You might be a bit put out by his taste for SM, but there’s no shortage of women who are really into that sort of thing. However, society generally tells them a woman shouldn’t be seeking that kind of thing out.
In fact, having the innermost desires you didn’t even realise you had awakened is the greatest! You can come to understand one another and share a fantasy together.
With this, the junk sex you’re having just to satisfy your lust can advance to become truly psychologically fulfilling sex!
To conclude, there’s no need to repress yourself sexually just because you’re a woman – try making an effort to understand your man’s desires. If he’s kind to why on earth would you need to worry about him imprisoning you as a sex slave?
Of course, you should also tell him what you want. Spend some time at it, I’d love to see you develop a deeper and more intimate relationship together.
Aya Sugimoto is not only reason personified, she also happens to be rather sexy herself, and distinctly unafraid to show it as the below gravure rather amply demonstrates:
omg… it’s totally normal… this is like when you found out that your boyfriend watch porn… it’s the same~~~ the important thing is that he doesn’t mix up with his fantasy and reality
ok ill just say there seems to be this belief spawned mainly by media and stupid scientific studies that say that theres a higher chance of a person that into this stuff being a rapeist or muderer.i for one believe however it is just a coincidence i mean i cant speak for everyone but just cause i like l♥♥i hentai or s&m hentai/porn doesnt mean i want to go out and kidnap a lil girl, far from it the thought of ppl that do that extreamly infuriates me pedophiles should all be killed along with rapeists in general. what a majority of the world cant seem to comprehend is my imagination isnt strong enough to reach out and harm real ppl. just let me think what i want to think let me look at what i want to see as long as its not hurting anyone and yea you can say that l♥♥i encurages pedophiles but its just a conveinient argument for those agaisnt it, pedos are gonna do there sick lil thing with or without l♥♥i. basicly thinkin you know a person based souly on there fantasies is plain stupid, is her concern valid? yes it is. did she over react? no i dont think so she went seeking advice, wether it was given in a constructive way or not is beside the point, aya is compleatly on the money she should just talk to her boyfriend about it and hear him out theres always that chance hes not even interested in doin that kinda thing for real. i mean half the stuff i look at in hentai is stuff i have no interest in doin for real, mostly i find the stuff interesting or mainly find the art to just be really good theres alot of talent out there and i can apreitiate that whatever the subject. case and point if you find cp or a secret stash or poloriod photos of girls being raped then yes please be concerned and keep yourself safe, but if you find animated matierials or legal porn you dont quiet agree with or feel confortable with just talk to him about it and be openminded, something the world is in such short suply of you never know you may learn alot more about him and yourself.fyi love is not always perfect btw, sometimes we have to accept certain things about that special someone if we truely love them. finding someone and then trying to change them to make them right for you is not the way, and if it turns out that your just to different and you cant acept it then it is probably best for both parties to seperate, but if you love that person truely love them then youll hear them out and try your best to understand them and acept them and that true of both parties.. so srry to be so long winded and srry for the likely horrid spelling and grammer but its 3 am and i havent slept so please forgive 😛
…..Omg…..OMG….OMG!!!! I LOVE THIS WOMEN!
Like artefact said, she’s the embodiment of reason.
Someone cloner her quickly!!
“You might be a bit put out by his taste for SM, but there’s no shortage of women who are really into that sort of thing. However, society generally tells them a woman shouldn’t be seeking that kind of thing out.” <– This is a great bit of advice to offer. Because when you tell a scared young female that there are women out there willing to love him for who he is, it puts pressure on her to perform and to possibly not only tolerate, but to accept and proliferate a sexual fetish she may not even be ready to become accustomed to! So just help put the girl’s relationship in that much more danger why don’t you?
“Your boyfriend was just enjoying a simple fantasy, wasn’t he? The real issue is not his fantasies, but your paranoia about them!” <– All I would change about this sentence is the exclamation point at the very end of it. To change it to a period would lower the tone of the sentence to a more relaxed quizzical kind of pondering. It would be far more effective than the generalizing and debasing attitude being presented toward this girl.
"With this, the junk sex you’re having just to satisfy your lust can advance to become truly psychologically fulfilling sex!
To conclude, there’s no need to repress yourself sexually just because you’re a woman – try making an effort to understand your man’s desires." <– this is the worst part of this condescending despicable response. One, she is using demeaning language, that the girl's sex she enjoys is somehow wrong. Two, she is assuming this girl both represses any kind of sexual tenacity she may wish to evoke in bed, and that she even has any. It's not fair to just assume what kind of sex life this girl has, and that it's somehow incompatible with her relationship! If the girl's sexlife was insufficient for the guy, he would have already left her, and there would have already been many other problems with the relationship. However, like I said before, if the girl takes the response to heart (which I SERIOUSLY hope she doesn't, at least not some of the lesser points) it could jeopardize a potentially stable relationship.
I don't know who this Sugimoto Aya lady is or what she's done, but she seems like a crazy totalitarian who needn't ever advise someone on their relationships as if she were a therapist. It's not that I disagree with Miss Aya, to the contrary, I completely agree with her. However, vilifying this girl who has a concern is NOT the way of going about answering someone needing knowledge! This isn't the kind of stuff they teach in Japan, is it?
Keep in mind that this is a translation, from a language that demonstrably cannot be accurately translated into English.
Noted!