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PC Gamer Individually Reviews Penises of Assassin’s Creed Odyssey

Gaming fake news site PC Gamer has resorted to rating the many penises present in Assassin’s Creed Odyssey, their celebration of Greek culture having perhaps taken a little far.

Rating 11 different digital members (most of which look very similar to one another) on a scale of 1 to 100, the article goes in-depth to explain every minute detail to pad things out as long as possible – a few choice quotes from the article:

“I’ve seen a lot of penises in my lifetime, but this one is by far the worst. The artistry here is laughably bad: There’s barely any definition, and this poor soul appears to be lacking gonads—a crucial component of any johnson.”

“But why is it so pointy? You could cut yourself on that thing if you weren’t careful. And again, I ask, where are the testicles? It’s a shame too, because this guy’s stance does a great job of drawing your eye to the prize, but anyone who gazes upon this willy is anything but a winner.”

“What really counts, however, is the immaculate shape of the testicles along with the subtle definition of the shaft. The best thing I can say about this is that, yup, that sure looks like a penis.”

The comments of course, were rife with nonsense:

Readers can of course expect a similar article rating the boobs of a recent release.

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