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China: “We’ll Construct A Life-Sized Titanic Replica!”


China has declared that construction on its life-sized replica of the Titanic has begun, doubtless intending to faithfully capture not only the ship’s stately appearance but also the dread felt by passengers when it begins to sink in the face of the hubris of its operators – and bewildering many as to how such a famed tragedy could be transformed into a leisurely tourist attraction.

Originally unveiled in 2013, the monstrous project seeks to replicate the ship’s every detail including the interior, with a ballroom and theater being only a few of the marvels that attendees will get to appreciate – dinner and overnight lodgings are also an option for guests.




The construct however will not be a fully functioning ship (despite the project costing about $145 million) and will instead be docked at a reservoir in Sichuan province (with both a southerly latitude and landlocked location hopefully protecting from rogue growlers), bound to be quickly overrun by privileged tourists desiring to experience the terrors and inhumanity of the archetypal maritime disaster.

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