An otaku-themed haiku contest entitled the “otaku senryu contest” has been striking a chord with an abundance of otaku due to how much some can embarrassingly relate to the results, with possibly the most accurate haiku naturally obtaining the top prize.
Rough translations of the winners and a runner-up:
1. ¥100,000
I turn off the computer
The beautiful woman disappears
Only my fat reflection fills the screen2. ¥50,000
I have many hobbies
But talking to people
Is not one of them3. ¥50,000
From my wallet
A ten-thousand yen bill disappears
Ah! And there goes another4. ¥10,000
At the handshake event
The hot guy gets two minutes
Alas, I get five seconds5. ¥10,000
The idea of buying something
On the spot, spur of the moment
Makes me laugh7. ¥10,000
The year of Evangelion
Came and went
But the angels did not appear7. ¥10,000
I always thought that
Marriage was just
Something that happened to everybody10. ¥5,000
I want my hand
To reach for the same book
As someone else11. Runner-Up
(´･ω･`) (´･ω･`) (´･ω･`) (´･ω･`) (´･ω･`)
(´･ω･`) (´･ω･`) (´･ω･`) (´･ω･`) (´･ω･`) (´･ω･`) (´･ω･`)
(´･ω･`) (´･ω･`) (´･ω･`) (´･ω･`) (´･ω･`)
Far too relatable…
Mother came into my room
I was fapping
Mother came out of my room
1位
（ネ申）
It would have been even more amusing if SanCom took the effort to fit the English translation into the standard Haiku 5-7-5 syllable format as well.
Here’s my lame attempt.
1. Turn off the PC
Cute girl disappears from screen
Reflect a fatass
2. Have lots of hobbies
But the people I talk to
Don’t have my hobbies
3. From within wallet
Ten-thousand note disappears
There goes another
4. At handshake event
The hot guy gets two minutes
I get five seconds
5. I laugh at people
Calling this a spending spree
They ain’t seen nothing
(Referring to the 爆買い “spending spree” of Chinese tourists. Poem refers to an otaku’s spending spree alone easily eclipses these Chinese)
6. To know how times change
Go watch Shuzo’s commercials
Beats weather forecasts
(I don’t know if I got this correct. Shuzo refers to Matsuoka Shuzo, a former ATP tennis player and internet celebrity due to the number of commercials he’s appeared in over the years (and thus memes that come from editing such commercials). I’m guessing the poem is trying to say you’ll know how the times have changed by watching Shuzo’s commercials over the years, which would be more accurate than trying to analyze the climate forecasts. Feel free to correct me on this one. )
7. Evangelion
This year, Angels would attack
Yet they never came
8. Marriage will come
Eventually, I thought
But it never did
9. Common knowledge that
Mother of an otaku
Is hard to swindle
(Literal translation. But the meaning escapes me. Is the poem inferring otakus live with their folks, hence conmen don’t usually get to swindle otakus because they have to go through their more vigilant moms first?)
10. Always hoping that
Someone would reach the same book
That I am getting
(Referring to the cliched anime boy-meets-girl in library/bookstore trope, i.e. never happens in real life, at least not to otakus)
Now in comic form.
http://www.whompcomic.com/comic/dating-simian
Warning: Whomp contains traces amounts of cringe. And also obscene amounts of cringe.