Suicide Seiyuu: “With My Face Like This I Can’t Go Back”



Seiyuu Saori Hayashi’s failed attempt to hang herself has shocked many – and even more so thanks to the suicide selfie and disturbing writings she left after the attempt, lamenting that “with my face like this after hanging myself, I can never go back to being a seiyuu.”

28-year-old seiyuu Saori Hayashi, best known for such memorable roles as “Schoolgirl B” and “Child,” the highlight of her career being a 2013 roles as “Kumi” in Hajime no Ippo: Rising, has now sadly eclipsed her fame as a seiyuu several times over by unsuccessfully attempting to hang herself.



Formerly attached to agency “Atomic Monkey” and most recently AXL One, her sobering retirement proclamation includes a surprising amount of detail (along with a photo of herself after the attempt), whilst hinting at circumstances which can only be guessed at:

I, Saori Hayashi, have caused my fans and staff huge amounts of trouble and worry though my actions, it is truly inexcusable.

Especially everyone connected with AXL One, I only just joined you and I caused all this fuss, I’m so sorry. Atomic Monkey did nothing wrong. What I wrote was just the persecution complex of someone who was depressed. Not one thing have they done wrong. No company is as wonderful as they are. Atomic Monkey is so generous and tolerant, I am deeply thankful.

Atomic Monkey opened my eyes. I am so deeply grateful to Atomic Monkey for changing my life. After trying to end my own life and ending up with a face like this after hanging myself, I can never go back to being a seiyuu, but I am truly, truly grateful to all those who supported me until now.

Saori Hayashi is retiring.

Also, Saori Hayashi has left AXL One so please stop asking them about this matter. I quit and have had nothing more to do with AXL One. Thanks for everything up to now.


A fairly disturbing post-attempt missive from the seiyuu has been attracting some attention as well, apparently directed in no small part towards whoever interrupted her hanging:

If you mess up your suicide, you’re in for a real world of hurt.

When they put an artificial respirator on you it hurts and hurts and is far worse than death.

So everybody, I suggest you do not commit suicide.

You cause a real nuisance to everyone around you, and it is seriously expensive paying for the ambulance and hospitalisation.

You may also be forced to pay damages depending on how you did it.

But if you happen to witness a suicide, please leave them be.

If you help them, you’ll cause them a world of hurt.

This is just my opinion so it doesn’t matter whether it is right or wrong.

In any case, messing up your suicide causes you an immense amount of trouble so let’s not try it.

Her posts were all swiftly deleted, prompting her final post in which she states that “I write and write and it’s all deleted. I have no freedom to talk, do I? Fine. Relax, I’ll never open my mouth again.”

Needless to say, just what happened to prompt all this has been the subject of intense (and not infrequently callous) speculation online:

“What the hell happened to cause all this!”

“What she has to say about Atomic Monkey is pretty damn scary.”

“Was this over a guy, perhaps?”

“Hard to see it being anything than something the agency forced her to do.”

“Agencies forcing their girls to provide sexual services is a well known issue. Something like that was involved, perhaps.”

“Those posts sound about as bad as it could get. To say nothing of brain damage and depression. Stay offline and maybe you can recuperate! I’m more concerned about what Atomic Monkey did to change her life…”

“Her face is like that because she is suffering depression, not because of the attempt, I would think. Besides, for seiyuu it is your voice and not your face which matters!”

“It’s your face nowadays…”

“No company called ‘Atomic Monkey’ could possibly be legit.”

“Someone wasted no time in deleting all her posts, that is for sure.”

“If you are retiring at least spill the beans.”

“If they did a tracheotomy on her to get the respirator in that is a pretty definitive way of retiring as a seiyuu.”

“She’s just trying to get her name out!”

“Some bitterness towards whoever rescued her seems evident.”

“Her face is suffering the after-effects of her attempt there?”

“Her eyes do look swollen.”

“She just looks like I do when I have to get up early.”

“Suffered some brain death there? Go work in a soapland, girl.”

“She seems to be implying they had some hand in all this, indeed.”

“None of her roles even had names now did they?”

“A cutter is not really serious so I think they can expect to be rehabilitated more easily, but someone who hangs themselves is really serious, and likely to scare everyone around them.”

“The darkness of the seiyuu world is indeed deep.”

“Get well soon is all I can say!”

Leave a Comment