Breaking news concerning the continuation of the Final Fantasy VII franchise has been unveiled – though fan hopes are likely to be insta-dashed with the words “free-to-play” and “smartphone” – in the form of “Final Fantasy VII G-Bike,” a remake of the famous motorcycle mini-game from Square Enix’s magnum opus RPG.

A trailer of the remade mini-game, now granting players the incredible ability to jump and slide past various obstacles:

The game has been announced for Japanese release in the autumn, with a US release to follow, with remarks from Square Enix stating that they wish to port more of the “Golden Saucer” mini-games to phones – sure to endear them to fans everywhere.

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    Comment by Anonymous
    06:55 12/06/2014 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Is it weird that I knew Square Enix would eventually create this game? The bike scene from the PS1 and movie were pretty popular; the only thing I'm surprised about is how late they decided to create this

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:07 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    It just, you know, isn't a RPG anymore. Also, F2P what?

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:05 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Its still fiarly fucking impressive for a mobile game, and might just be a glimar of hope? (Don't read too much into it I would rather be blindly optimistic than a jaded cock with nothing but DIS PEAR.)

    Avatar of Mauvais
    Comment by Mauvais
    22:31 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (+0.2)
    What do you know of DIS-PAIR?

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:16 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    This is what happens when the milk run dry; they squeeze out urine instead.

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:06 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's not even from the Advent Children age of FF7 anymore. They're scraping the very bottom of the barrel by going back to the PS1 FF7 age.

    It is just a bike game, so it's unlikely that they'll mess this up.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:29 13/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    oh but they will, sherlock

    Avatar of Imyou
    Comment by Imyou
    12:22 13/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Really? It's F2P, which is code for "pay to win." The key to making a game in that model is to make people who don't pay suffer, but hopefully get hooked enough to pay to suffer less.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:29 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    To be fair I spent an unhealthy amount of time on these minigames, so if it's any good it could be ok. Still sucks the actual game itself will probably never have a remake, though :L

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:58 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Call me when they do the snowboarding game.

    Avatar of Imyou
    Comment by Imyou
    12:20 13/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    They have no idea what they're doing anymore. I'd almost expect the mountain climbing game first. ("Buy pocket warmers for $1.99 to recover faster?")

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:02 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Call me when you can sex Aerith while snowboarding.

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:52 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    call me when cloud is available as a humanboard with Aerith riding him

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:01 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)


    Comment by Anonymous
    15:16 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Call me ;)

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:15 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    call me when cloud is available as humanboard. would like to try the pen*le brake.

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:18 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    I love that they find new ways to milk FF7 without actually remaking the game. Watching a bunch of autistic "gamers" rage puts a smile on my face.

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:26 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Reminds me of BRS game on PSP.

    Why not G-shock, make a line of FF VII watches and a little Cloud running in circle on his G-bike ? xD

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:37 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    tifa, please wear proper T-shirt

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:11 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Q: How do you profit the most from the final sale of a property?

    A: Break it up and sell the pieces.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:54 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)


    Comment by Anonymous
    22:36 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    If they can do this for a mobile and make it look good............WHY CAN'T THEY DO IT FOR THE WHOLE remake?

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:09 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Final Fantasy G-What-a-surprise.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:04 14/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Why do people want a remake so bad? FFVII wasn't even that good of a game. no matter for bad ass Sephiroth was, he only had a presence in the game. no story, no development, seriously the only thing he had going for him was that he looked cool. the only development he even got was in Crisis core, a prequel.

    Know who was a REAL FF villain? Kefka the clown. Looked ridiculous, but was insane/evil beyond most FF villains.

    Is it just for nostalgia's sake people want this game?

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:55 14/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, you know the FF7 fans; they're Dancing Mad.

    Avatar of Riiku
    Comment by Riiku
    03:59 14/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'm pretty sure if Squenix made a full-blown FFVII remake on PS3 instead of FFXIII, XIII-2, and Lightning Returns (the budjet on those 3 games combined should cover for big detailed cities, no?)- the would make a shitload of money and be fucking rich right about now, instead of trying to crawl out of fucking shit hole.

    Avatar of Zero_G
    Comment by Zero_G
    15:29 21/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well it looks good, I was playing Black Rock Shooter in PSP and thought the bike section was better than the FF7 one, and then it comes this.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:27 14/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    They are scratching for life here..... :(

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:22 13/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    From that PV there's no originality. Many of the moves come straight from the movie.

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:07 13/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    i thought the G is for tifa's cup size

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:51 14/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    She'd be bigger than a G in real life. Probably closer to a H or J cup.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:22 13/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    I wish they would make Flappy bird, with Tifa's tits. It would sell far better too.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:24 15/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    3 difficulties:

    Tifa = easy
    Aerith = medium
    Yuffie = hard

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:08 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Fuck you Square Enix, you've been complete and utter shit for the better part of the last decade and you are still continuing to go to shit instead of giving your fans what they want.
    You will never see a single cent from me ever again and I know I'm not the only one.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:15 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    SE doesnt give a shit about fans, they give a shit about money. they're a business just like any other and if they can get away with popping a turd in a box and calling it FF then they will.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:38 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    But didn't you hear? An FF7 remake would be, "too much work". You can't honestly expect games now to have as much complexity as games made in the nineties, yeesh.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:12 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Gotta say if Square even did release a full remake, the company would lose it's relevance and no one would care about them anymore(no moar monies fo them ^_^). Probably explains why they pull this stuff from time to time.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:06 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    You know what? Good for you, Square Enix! You stick by your decision to not ride an old glory like some disgruntled veteran and instead make progress in what you want! Do the fans not want it? Who cares! They just want what they currently and are making to take flight!, so fuck the fans and their delusions of a remake in the wings! Is what your making at the moment good enough to make a fan want it? Probably no! So long as they don't do a complete remake, they will continue to fuck with thei fans using FF7 as the dildo, they don't care!

    ...whew. Felt good to get that rant out of my system. Night all.

    Comment by Anonymous
    Comment by Anonymous
    07:44 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'm actually prettty excited to see this game. I'm totally curious about the system they'd use to turn this into a pay-to-win game!

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:34 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    $200 for JUMP command
    $150 for right slide comment

    Yeah, i get what you mean.

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:11 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    and another $500 for alternate bike/sword appearance. mission accomplished.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:49 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    A good way to appease fans would be to make a Final Fantasy 7 online game(In the same universe), well, when they finally decide to do another online FF title in the future. The costs would be cheaper and the day one sales if it turns out to be a good game would be phenomenal, and they would have monthly sub revenue.

    I wouldn't mind an online title based in the FF7 universe personally.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:05 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    There are MANY solution to appeasing the fans but the actual problem is that they don't have the technical know how to do it efficiently in a timely manner, especially when their resources(creative manpower) are already stretched thin as it is.

    Also, online FF7 sounds like a terrible idea. They already have DQX and FFXIV under their belt with the latter being a risky project that almost sank them deep under. Creating a new online game would just spread their current subscribers which would have diminishing returns. Leave it to FF7 fans to be shortsighted.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:19 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    I don't see how it would be a terrible idea personally. FF7 is that popular if they did a full online title and got half a million to a million subscribers paying say $10 a month ontop of the initial investment for the game, it would be a license to print money.

    The idea sells itself.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:04 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Even when you consider the costs of running a MMORPG, it wouldn't cost anywhere near $10 million a month(Taken from a 1 mill subscriber base for example) to run it. They would easily make millions in pure profit monthly and if FF11 subscriber numbers are to go by, they would stay at a healthy level for many years.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:43 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    5-10M$ a month? That might be okay for smaller games, but taking into account the costs of a typical FF game, they would have to keep their subscribers those for 1-2 years without loosing a single customer just to pay the bills... And that's withouth taking into account server manteinance, bandwith, mods & GMs, patching, preventing cheating, creating new content, etc...
    So nope, the idea does not sell itself.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:50 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Wow ! Another mobile shit ! Such Waste ! Very predictable

    Avatar of Noodlestein
    Comment by Noodlestein
    06:46 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    What in the actual fuck.
    I honestly don't want it remade because I know they'll just fuck it up but come on, this is trash.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:28 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    fuck Square Enix I want Square Soft back and fun RPG

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:35 12/06/2014 # ! Neutral (0)

    Hey now, if you were a large, creatively bankrupt Japanese gaming company with leadership that relocated offices based on advice from a fortune teller, you'd do exactly the same thing.

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