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Cops Hunt Old Man For Nearly Being Hit By JC


The latest outrage against the nation’s schoolgirls comes in the form of schoolgirl cyclist who almost hit an old man in the dark, only for him to commit verbal battery on her by insisting she put on her lights, with Osaka police issuing one of their famous advisories in an effort the bring the felon to justice.

Osaka police report that middle school girl on a bicycle “almost crashed into” a man on a scooter at 19:00 on the streets of Sakai city.

The man was upset at her riding without any lights, and followed her warning her “What the hell are you thinking!? Put some lights on, you want to get yourself run over?”

The perpetrator of this attack is said to have been in his sixties and wore a blackish jumper and helmet of indeterminate colour, and was mounted on a large silver scooter.

Police are urging the public to call in any sightings of the suspect.

As is so often the case with these advisories, there is much concern online:

“Put on your lights.”

“Wait, isn’t the girl at fault here for not having any lights on in the dark?”

“An unusually kind old man.”

“A little rude but his heart is in the right place.”

“This is just how they greet one another over there.”

“This is what the girl claims he said to her. She could just be making it up.”

“They are both idiots…”

“Arrest them both, the man for intimidation and the girl for traffic infringement.”

“You would be pretty pissed too if someone almost involved you in an accident because they had no lights.”

“And the JC with no lights was not arrested for a clear traffic violation?”

“Nice how she gets to completely ignore the issue of the lights and play the victim in all this.”

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