Japanese Christmas Lonelier Than Ever


Fully 70% of Japanese young men now report their Christmases will be spent in (for Japan) untraditional celibate loneliness, and women are scarcely any better of with 58% stuck twiddling their mistletoe in abject solitude.

Christmas in Japan – not a public holiday, mainly a dating event for couples ending at a local love hotel, and so consumerised KFC has the nation booking months in advance for Christmas dinners of its delicious fried chicken – may bear little resemblance to the west’s premier shopping event, but has been steadily growing in popularity all the same.

Despite its reputation as a night for couples however, it seems fewer Japanese than ever actually have anyone to “celebrate” it with – as a restaurant-based survey of 1800 Japanese men and women in their twenties and thirties demonstrated.

Fully 70% of the men and 58% of the women reported they did not even have a partner, with a total of 64.5% of those questioned preparing for a lonely Christmas.

So prevalent is the lonely Christmas amongst young people, that to contrast this against the admittedly already warped notion that it should be spent at a hotel charging hourly rates the media has even taken to cruelly calling them “kuri-bocchi.”

In news perhaps not unrelated, pornhub.com has made news with the claim that whilst traffic from the rest of the world to its pages declines 22% over Christmas, traffic from Japanese actually increases 8% over the same period.

The news has been greeted with glee by the jealous majority who could be forgiven for being sick of hearing the message that they should be amongst the throngs of youthful couples jamming Japan’s public spaces around Christmas:

“‘Kuribocchi’ – who comes up with this nonsense?”

“They just made that up…”

“Come on – I bet this was always the normal way Japanese spent their Christmas anyway!”

“Just a bunch of old guys making up weird terms to push their own objectives on young people.”

“What kind of pubescent chuunibyou actually get excited by Christmas and Valentine’s anyway.”

“They are clearly in the majority so this is the normal way of spending Christmas!”

“Maybe a few bubble brainers spent Christmas splurging but I don’t think many of today’s Japanese are keen to spend money during it.”

“Post-30 you don’t even feel angry about it. Just spend it alone.”

“Please release us from this idiotic event with its Santa and stupid cakes. What are you lot, Christians or something? Christmas, Valentine’s, Halloween, you are just victims of consumerism, stop imitating the customs of the hairy barbarians.”

“Japanese – realise you are being manipulated into celebrating a Christian festival when you are not even Christians! Stop just blindly following what other people do.”

“Brothers, let us go to church and pray on this most holy of days.”

“Well, I’m off out – to a brothel.”

“I thought we were calling this ‘singlebell’… (´・ω・`)?”

Leave a Comment