Cops Hunt Man For “Listening To Walkman”

The latest suspect man to be menacing the flower of the nation’s youth has been spotted “listening to a Walkman” near a school.

According to Tochigi public safety advisories, one evening a well built man aged 25-30 and 160-170cm in height and wearing a blue T-shirt was spotted walking around near an elementary school whilst “listening to a walkman.”

When this clearly suspicious individual was approached by the member of the public who reported the incident, he ran off.

Police warn that directly confronting such individuals may be dangerous and instead urge the public to report them.

That such a dangerous individual was spotted so close to a school clearly has many Japanese rattled:

“This is certainly dangerous.”

“How exactly was this suspicious?”

“Just going outside is suspicious these days.”

“Anyone within a 0.5km radius of an elementary school is clearly up to no good.”

“I don’t get what he did wrong?”

“His crime was not to use an iPod.”

“How did they know it was a Walkman anyhow? Did they just mean any music player?”

“They must have seen him change the cassette.”

“As if anyone still uses a Walkman…”

“It certainly would be suspicious to see someone with one.”

“The witness who approached him in this case was probably the more scary of the two.”

“Right – you’d be scared if some random person suddenly approached you like that.”

“However you look at it the reporter here was the suspicious one!”