Tokyo Wins 2020 Olympics


Tokyo has been selected as the 2020 venue for the world’s foremost celebration of fast-food sponsorship and televised entertainment, much to the delight of the Japanese.

Tokyo, first selected in 1964, will now be hosting the Olympics for the second time in its history.

Even an ongoing nuclear disaster was not enough to dissuade the IOC from picking Tokyo over a nation in the midst of economic collapse and another facing the serene glory of Islamism.

Aside from the mammoth cost of bribing the Olympic organisers to pick the city and the even more enormous cost of actually hosting it, there has been some concern about just what other measures the government actually took to get the event.

Immediately before the decision PM Abe was on hand to give a reality-defying presentation promising the freely flowing radioactive waters of Fukushima were “under control and pose no possible threat to Tokyo,” reassuring the press that “the contaminated water is completely contained in the harbour.”

totally-contained-nuclear-effluent (1)

totally-contained-nuclear-effluent (2)

Other reports suggest Tokyo may have promised to ban porn sales in its convenience stores because the IOC found them disagreeable, with only the likes of McDonald’s evidently being healthy enough for the Olympics.

In its best tsundere tradition, the Japanese Internet has been delightedly celebrating the award despite having spent the last year bemoaning the bid:

“It’s here!”

“We got it after all!”

“Thank you!”

“I couldn’t care less but for some reason when this was announced I ended up crying out with excitement…”

“We got it again…”

“I thought Istanbul would get it.”

“I wept!”

“I’m more interested in how Abe managed to block off the sea.”

“He’s lying.”

“Nobody is going to believe him…”

“Japanese technology is the envy of the world again.”

“Abe-chan is living in fantasy-land, it can’t be helped.”

“He hasn’t said a word about Fukushima to the Japanese people but he comes out with this for the overseas audience…”

“Amazing how they have it blocked off whilst it is flowing into the sea like that.”

“Amazing how he blocked off the sea around Fukushima from the rest of the ocean all of a sudden!”

“There is such a thing as taking a lie too far after all…”

“At least it got the porn out of our conbinis!”

“They can continue banning it after the event for all I care.”

“Please do!”

“Who care about that anyway, nobody buys their porn in convenience stores any more.”

“Expect them to ban all the brothels too. They all ban foreigners so it would only cause trouble having them open.”

“Didn’t they do this in 1964 too?”

“If they get rid of all those eroge posters in Akihabara I’ll be happy.”

“Hopefully they’ll block all the moetard late night anime too.”

“I’d rather they cancel the Olympics than any late night anime!”

“Won’t this mean they’ll block Comiket because of all the ero-doujinshi?”

“If the IOC really did moan about that, what did they have to say about all the pachinko parlours?”

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    Avatar of Shaolan-kun
    Comment by Shaolan-kun
    01:58 09/09/2013 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Good luck, Tokyo. I'm sorry for you.

    Avatar of electricmole
    Comment by electricmole
    02:43 09/09/2013 # ! Quality (+0.8)

    Hatsune Miku should be Japan's official Olympic Mascot!!!

    Avatar of cats2
    Comment by cats2
    03:39 09/09/2013 # ! Good (+0.7)

    They already said it would be Doraemon.

    Although it was kind of funny doing a search on google and seeing:

    "The fuck is a door mon? God damn pokemon..."

    in random forums discussing the news, lol..

    04:28 09/09/2013 # ! Good (+0.6)

    Doraemon will pull all the stuff needed for the Olympics out of his dimensional pocket.
    The porn will be hidden in said pocket for the duration of the Olympics.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:01 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    By that time you won't have to be stuck paper under your nose when you ask for porn; you'll have your 3D goggles for that.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:09 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (+0.3)

    Please no.
    Please don't sully her image for a shitty sham like the Olympics.

    Comment by Anonymous

    Why is the Olympics a sham? Am I missing something here?

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:42 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    It wasn't always a sham. It used to be for amateur athletes and international goodwill. Now, they send professionals and it's just a contest to see which country can garner the most medals while ignoring the original intent of the games.

    Comment by Anonymous

    Ha! You think people other than otaku give a damn about a soulless CGI doll.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:08 09/09/2013 # ! Good (+0.8)

    "In its best tsundere tradition, the Japanese Internet has been delightedly celebrating the award despite having spent the last year bemoaning the bid"

    I-I-It's not l-like I wanted to hold a super international test of s-strength'n endurance!

    Comment by Anonymous

    Right on! It's almost as if Japanese people have differencing opinions among themselves.

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:18 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Japanese are mindless lemmings, that do what their celebrities & government officials tell them to.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:40 10/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    The same can be said about any nacionality. This is human nature.

    Avatar of Ishmael
    Comment by Ishmael
    02:07 09/09/2013 # ! Good (+0.7)

    The porn sales will never be unbanned.
    The Olympic Comittee will demand sometimes outright draconic measurements from the city to be satisfied.
    Also, like all olympic cities before, Tokyo will only have positive economics from it for a short time, then massive debts will come and Tokyo will be worse off than before.
    The Olympic games themselves are nothing but a sham anyway.
    I hope they will never come back to my country ever again.
    Fuck those assholes.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:59 09/09/2013 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    The Olympic Committee did not demand banning porn. Ishihara's heir either thought it would please them for some reason, or more likely was using it as an excuse to do what he had always wanted.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:57 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    You serious? Japanese are masters of loopholes, if they can't sell porn in convenience stores they'll just move them elsewhere, or the porn itself becomes "erotic literature" or smt thus escaping the ban...

    Even the fact that porn is still even being sold is a proof of that, the censoring is in place because porn, or "obscene material" is illegal in Japan. But by censoring the genitals it's no longer thought "obscene" and thus is legal.

    Same goes for the self defence force and even loli porn both real(gravure) and hentai.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:14 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)


    Avatar of yezeik1
    Comment by yezeik1
    05:35 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    hahaha thanks for pointing that out.

    Comment by Anonymous

    Japanese are not masters of loopholes. They're pretty hardcore stick-to-the-rules and conform types.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:07 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Except when it comes to needlessly slaughtering dolphins and whales.

    Comment by Anonymous

    Except when it comes to needlessly slaughtering dolphins and whales.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:36 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    The Olympics is a cultural Greek celebration. It should be celebrated in Greece at a stadium in Mount Olympus, of which the entire bloody thing is named after.

    I find it disgusting that a historical festival has been hijacked by a bunch of internationalist sleazebags who hands it over to whomever writes the biggest cheque and adheres to their moralist standards simply for the sake of imbecilic Nationalists screaming in retard joy over the fact that a single individual in their country can hock a spear farther then another, or other equally useless talents.

    Bring back the ancient olympics which were centered around the extraordinary individuals themselves, and base the fucking medal counts not on how many some pissant country wins, but how many each person himself wins.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:01 10/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    It doesn't play into the hands of countries as much as the regional committees, and that's a homage to all the people who help the athletes focus on what they are doing.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:49 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    The amusing thing is that the very people who try to ban porn are the ones who buy it and keep it as their 'little secret'. Humans tend to be hypocrites when it comes to public morals. Remember the Meese Commission? They viewed thousands of hours of porn and concluded that watching porn led to violent and corrupt behavior, while ignoring the fact that they themselves had watched more porn than the average person would see in a lifetime.

    Avatar of Roy
    Comment by Roy
    08:10 10/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)


    Avatar of PirateKing
    Comment by PirateKing
    02:18 09/09/2013 # ! Good (+0.4)

    That olympic stuff is bullshit. On one hand all should work together, bla, bla, bla on the other hand nations compete like crazy and people insult each other with each one trying to be "superior".

    Outdated bullshit.

    Avatar of Octopi
    Comment by Octopi
    07:24 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    yes the original spirit got lost, hoping that the original spirit was true at some point.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:35 11/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    What the fuck you doing talking then? Go bitch at japs or somethin pathetic piece of shit.

    04:56 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    The Olympics only has a temporary effect on the city that hosts them.
    See Atlanta,Sydney,Athens, and Beijing other then a stadium being built it's like it never even happened at those places.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:33 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Cities like Los Angeles and Barcelona are still getting a lot of money from all the stuff built on their cities when the games were hosted. But Beijing....yeah, as soon as the Olympics ended, all those venues ended in abandon. So the effect of the Olympics also depend on how the city manages to organize them.

    Avatar of tingle
    Comment by tingle
    05:43 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    This is TOTALLY TRUE! The city spends millions on facilities, bulldozes local places, changes laws to fit in, and afterwards the place is abandoned and unprofitable. It happened everywhere from China to Brazil.

    Comment by Anonymous

    At least Brazil will have the World Cup and then the Olympics two years later, so they can milk it for all it's worth.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:21 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    The Olympic games are indeed giving a short term economic growth. After they are over lots of people become unemployed, debts from loans for the olympic facilities come to surface and you are left with lots of unused facilities.

    I live in Athens so I know... I wish my country had not hosted the olympics on 2004

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:41 09/09/2013 # ! Good (+0.6)

    Ye, but that's because you live in a bankrupt shithole: Greece.

    Don't blame the Olympics for your debt. Oh wait, who paid for those Olympics.. isn't it the GERMANS who are bailing you out now?

    Likewise the IOC didn't think it was a good idea to hand the Olympics over to another bankrupt shithole like Spain, or a country of Muslim dictator/terrorists, who were beating up their citizens and tear-gassing them in the streets LITERALLY LAST WEEK.

    When you put the Olympics in a responsible, world-class city that already has what it needs, it runs well and isn't a burden: see London. Beijing. Vancouver, and now Tokyo too.

    When you put the Olympics in a second-class shithole where the government and city are completely unprepared, you get what you pay for.. ie: Atlanta, Athens or wait for it, Sochi.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:55 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Atlanta did pretty well for themselves after the '96 Olympics. It turned the perception of the city from a city of hicks to a rather high class city in itself.

    Plus a lot of the facilities that are used in that Olympics are still in use down there too, unlike a lot of other places, where they would tear them down.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:13 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    the huge debt they just finished paying off in 2011. The huge debt they in fact paid in full, not to mention the massive economic damage they took from the fall of the berlin wall whose repercussions are still felt today, check your facts before you post you fucking moron and all of those countries fucked germany after ww1 and 2

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:07 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Yes the same Germans that got their huge debt from ww2 forgiven and that all country's belonging to EU agreed to and now they are being dicks to all country's suffering from the crisis.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:39 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Losers will always try to blame orhers.

    Comment by Anonymous

    Japan's public debt is bigger than anyone else's, asshole. And Greeks invented the Games. Without their philosophy, Japanese would be doing geisha shit and Europeans would be dressed in fur.

    I'm European but not Greek.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:50 09/09/2013 # ! Good (+0.7)

    I just hope the Olympics won't overlap with Comiket...

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:09 11/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    “Japanese technology is the envy of the world again.”

    This is the kind of delusion that japs live under when they have been pirating western tech and know-how for the last 100 years. These dumbfucks can't even do what USSR did in 1980s by sealing off Chernobyl within a year, with a powerplant that's been leaking for 2 years under much less radiation, and think they can 'brag'?

    Fuckin laugh riot.

    Comment by Anonymous

    it will. because Comiket is the first anime convention in the world.

    dude, you totally get a life.

    its not your choice whenever you dont let everyone go to Comiket.

    Avatar of Yuri
    Comment by Yuri
    03:13 09/09/2013 # ! Good (+0.7)

    RIP Japan 2020

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:02 09/09/2013 # ! Good (+0.8)

    The cost of hosting the Olympic partly the reason Greece is in this financial mess. And Japan's public debt is over 200% of its economic output, consider this event a nail to it's coffin.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:08 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    At about 0% interest and funded with domestic rather than foreign money, the public debt doesn't burden Japan nearly as much as the 200% figure may suggest. And thanks to Abenomics' easy money, it is being devalued too.

    Comment by Anonymous
    15:36 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's 234%, and rising. Nearly 15 to 20 percent of that is foreign owned. That means, nearly 30 to 40% of japan's gdp worth is owed to others. Unlike the dollar, japs can't devalue that away since yen holds less significance than dollar.

    There is also no 'easy money' from printing unless you are the dollar, which holds leverage beyond economics on the world stage. You are fuckin dreaming if you think japs can escape the self-made inevitable stagnation through this half-baked idoicy of 'abenomics'. Even now their so-called policy is not really helping them tighten that trade deficit. How does anyone explain their sudden lack of trade surplus since abenomics was implemented?

    Watching japs praise abenomics and bitching about 'success' is like watching a drowning fool bragging about getting on a burning piece of wood.

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:09 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Weaboos don't understand Japan owes foreigners money too, they live under the misunderstanding that Japan's debt is all internal. Stupid weaboos.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:15 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    When you going to learn that "money" is just a number in a computer that can be changed when ever they want? If it wasn't, the Americans would be back in the stone age already.

    Comment by Anonymous

    I'm quitting my job and getting the hell out of Japan before 2020.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:29 10/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Greece made a terrible descition to spend so much money in something they shouldn't: creating Olympics domes to host each sports and not in an already existing places. Those domes are unused until today and the money spent to make those domes was over the amount of what they made. A terrible descition... I hope Japan doesn't make the same mistake...

    Comment by Anonymous
    15:06 10/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Brazil is doing the same with the World Cup. They decided to make the games all over the country instead of concentrate it on the more developed areas and build huge stadiums in regions that will never need such big stadium again.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:09 11/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    “Expect them to ban all the brothels too. They all ban foreigners so it would only cause trouble having them open.”

    Like we give a shit :) Jap pussies for the world!

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:30 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Even though it costs loads to host it they gain more back in the end. The UK has gained more than 10 BN pounds from hosting the Olympics.

    Plus doing all they do for the Olympics ups the state of the city. It cleans it up, uses more technology, and is all together better for the city. Barcelona was a not as well known not very technologically advanced town on the coast of Spain before the Olympics but afterwards it became the travel hub of Spain.

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:28 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Tokyo already have good public transportation, modern buildings and space is scarce so I doubt they'll benefit much.

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:16 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    No, the only people who benefit from modern Olympics are the jew merchants backing it. Whom sell the airing rights to NBC Universal for a 4 BILLION dollars. Then take a large cut of all merchandize & consumable goods at the event. All while paying nothing to host the event and nothing to the athletes competing. The Olympics committee makes NCAA smell like roses.

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:19 09/09/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    Or maybe there is another entity that will benefit from this at the cost of the Japanese themselves.

    Keyword: Yakuza.

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