“The 9 Ways Girls Nail You as a Creepy Otaku”

An analysis of the 9 none-too-subtle signs by which women may identify any man as an otaku and therefore spare themselves the shame of interacting with him has predictably been proving incendiary online.

The reasons, based on “survey results”:

1. He was wearing an anime T-shirt or had anime goods about his person

“I feel pretty desperate when I see guys with anime characters on their T-shirts” – 20-something woman

“I imagine their rooms are covered in that moe anime stuff as well…” – 20-something woman

2. He has perfectly mastered the art of “ota-gei” [dancing and other antics carried out at concerts]

“I was so frightened when I saw this guy at karaoke with us had the moves to an anime song down pat!” – Teenage girl

3. He talked endlessly about the cuteness of some anime character or another

“I cannot recognise any creepy guy who goes on about the cuteness of an anime character as a real man.” – Teenage girl

4. When he proclaims some game character “his wife”

“He called a girl in the game ‘my wife’! Even for a cool guy that is not happening.” – 20-something woman

“It’s pretty creepy wondering about how he gets his rocks off if he has seriously fallen for a 2D girl!” – 30-something hag

5. He smiled broadly to himself whilst reading manga

“Guys who grin to themselves whilst reading some saucy moe-manga are just the worst! Like reading porno, they shouldn’t look at that stuff in public.” – Teenage girl

“God, it is so gross when they read moe-manga and they look like they are getting turned on!” – 20-something woman

6. He used speech patterns from anime in his mail or speech, such as “-nari!” and “desu-zo!”

“When he starts using abnormal words like ‘de gozaimasu-zo,’ ‘-narii’ and ‘da-nyaa,’ you can’t help but think he is ota.” – 20-something woman

7. He used unnatural words to represent sounds in conversation, such as “ho-e˜”

“He was hot, but when he started saying ‘mogyu-mogyu’ whilst eating I just lost all interest in him.” – Teenage girl

“Seriously, I thought he just reeked of otaku when he said ‘fumu-fumu’ on the phone!” – 30-something hag

8. When he wants you to call him by some weird nickname or something

“Jeez, I was grossed out by last boyfriend wanting me to call him ‘****-pyon’ and ‘goshujin-sama’…” – 20-something woman

9. When he started singing an anime song at karaoke

“I was a bit worried when he started singing in a falsetto voice during an anisong at karaoke…” – 20-something woman

Irrespective of its accuracy, this is proving controversial amongst creepy otaku or those who feel they may be unfairly branded such:

“Anime otaku are done for!”

“I reject living my life just to curry favour with women!”

“Damn, when I am stood in the convenience store reading Gintama I occasionally smile…”

“I don’t fulfil a single point, but I still reek of being an otaku.”

“Most of these points are a bit beyond just being ‘otaku-ish,’ aren’t they?”

“If you keep your mouth shut they’ll still mark you as a creepy for not talking much.”

“Can’t we even laugh at a gag manga now?”