The USB ONACON – “8 Times Better Than Using Your Hand!”
- Author: Artefact
- Categories: Games, H, News
- Date: Nov 11, 2011 06:41 JST
- Tags: 3D Custom Girl, Controllers, Dutch Wife, Eroge, Onanism, PC Hardware, Penis Abuse
Creepy otaku are rejoicing at the release of the USB ONACON, an electronic USB dutch wife being sold bundled together with eroge classic 3D Custom Girl, finally bringing the latest in onanistic technology to semen-stained PCs everywhere.
The main feature of the Onacon is the “ejaculation button” which “allows you to sync your ejaculation with that of the character!!”
Secondary features include “a hole which completely recreates the tightness of virgin p***y” and an internal structure which “recreates her uterus!! You can pump liquid into her uterus with your thing and totally knock her up!!”
The makers proudly claim it “feels 8 times better than manual onanism, the feel and immersion it gives you is something else.” Users are exhorted to “dominate 2D in reality!” and “become an ona-master with this!”
The device is currently available from the usual otaku retail outlets.
Online the Onacon seems to have prompted some excitement:
“I’ll buy it!”
“Nice!”
“Messed up.”
“So you can do a 2D girl after all?”
“Japan is messed up.”
“The store manager would really put this out? Japan is crazy.”
“I’m glad to have been born into this age.”
“Anal version please.”
“They say you can use it as a normal game controller and use the ejaculation button to fire in FPSes…”
“If any foreigners see this they will be grossed out!”
“Our declining birth rates must be because our onanism life is so full!”
“If there’s an ejaculation button, it needs to be connected to Facebook and Twitter!”
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It actually only feels 5 times better. I demand a refund.
They will say that you are wrong in the measurement scale
“If any foreigners see this they will be grossed out!”
I agree with that 100% I am 100% grossed out that our local retailers don't carry shit this epic or any shit i see on this site
If
Evil = Money x Money
and
Time = Money
then
Evil = Time x Money
If
Women = Time x Money
then
Women = Evil
If Onacon ≠ Women
then
Onacon ≠ Evil
So I come in to conclusion that 3Dpig gross me out not Onacon
It's honestly tragic. I almost threw my wallet at the screen when I saw this.
Then I realized it doesn't have a motor in it. I thought it would vibrate or something in time with the character in the game.
Problem is: This thing may be too shallow for dem western sausages
Considering the audience are into little girls, I don't think so.
Because "foreigners" have sex shops designed to stock items such as this.
“If there’s an ejaculation button, it needs to be connected to Facebook and Twitter!”
That would be pretty epic.
8uck facebook and twitter .
-- Notifications
"Pyrolight just came in his USB Onacon 1 minute ago."
Then it'll post the status of after ejaculation to Facebook / Twitter
Why do you assume Facebook and Twitter don't know when you ejaculate already?
[your name here] just checked into a USB ONACON.
Surprised that guy has no girlfriend. He sounds pretty awesome.
i wonder where they came up with the statistic "8 times" better than using your hand
Obviously they used the international standard measurement for self-pleasure, namely FActors of Penile Stimulation (FAPS).
Using your hand is defined as 1 FAPS. This device has an output of 8 FAPS.
You, sir, are the winner of this article. 10 Faps!
I still don't believe it. There is no tool as adaptive as human hand. Even women sometimes are less effective in comparison with almighty hand. ^_^
A hand to apply the proper amount of pressure in combination with an onahole is better because the hand is unable to cover the whole cock whereas the onahole can.
I'd try it. I doubt it's better than a hand though.
I read that as "I'd try (sex with a woman). I doubt it's better than a hand though."
depending on the woman, they could be horribly unskilled and will kill your boner with their poor service. They will probably be offended afterwards too.
Bets of both worlds: woman's hand?
My hand is OVER NINE THOUSAND FAPS!!
THIS HAND OF MINE IS BURNING RED!
ITS LOUD ROAR IS TELLING ME TO GRASP "VICTORY"!
TAKE THIS!
MY LOVE!
MY ANGER!
AND ALL MY SORROW!
ERUPTING!
BURNING!
FINGER!!!!!
A day where G Gundam is quoted is always a magnificent one.
UNIVEEEEERSE!!!!!!!
09:47 11/11/2011 # !
Nice Dude! Freud would be proud.
My burning passion
Dwells inside of me,
It’s bursting with a flame.
When testicles are ready
To expose my beastly love,
Tremendous power of libido.
It’s killing me!
I can’t survive no more,
Without a help of beautiful Lolita…
You made me ROFL, seriously.
very informative. so i guess thats where "fapfapfap" came from mmm
Actually it comes from here: http://sexylosers.com/
Why do I want one?
As they clam in to be 8 times better then doing it your self. Soooooo you have accepted the challenge.
They just increase the gripping force by 8 times of the hand
They just choose eight just because they could.
That or maybe someone actually timed how long it took for them to have an orgasm we are talking about Japan here.
It's all about the how the brain ticks, you observe the response on nerves and depending on the brain activity and electric current threw the nerves you determined the amount of pleasure felt by a person.
>“If any foreigners see this they will be grossed out!”
Hell no, I fucking want one!
I agree; I hope no one take this the wrong way, but I wish I was a guy just so I can try this out.
@8:19 if anything we all take it the right way. A girl with an open mind? Sign me up XD
Hell YEA!!!
brofist.jpg
Me too, I agree.
@yaku, you rock!
Me too 2X....
A girl with an open mind? rare in this days..:P (Japanese even more..)
Will get burned very usbs rsrsrs
Now missing ero games compatible with the device??!!
I'd like to swap bodies with a guy to try this too. I think I know what to get my boyfriend for christmas now.
I'd swap bodies with you. Then not only could you try it, then we could both go fuck ourselves. =)
Oh, can we fuck ourselves...? Oh my god! Oh, can we fuck ourselves...? Oh my god! Oh, can we fuck ourselves...? Oh my god! Oh, can we fuck ourselves...? Oh my god! Oh, can we fuck ourselves...? Oh my god!
yo dawg...is a stupid meme
What the fuckever. You guys got dildos on power tools and all kinds of crazy shit. Not to mention the occasional and discreet dill pickle. Let us have our fun for once.
You can't argue that a person of either sex would like to know how it feels to have the other's sexual organs; hell guys at least have the prostrate as a close equivalent if you're willing to get a bit adventurous (not to mention guys have their fair selection of toys themselves; you haven't seen much if you think this particular onahole is unique).
Anon 09:53, apparently you're unaware that Ubuntu is an operating system, and does exist. Technically all computers aimed at direct end-user use are PC's, but the term has obviously been used to discriminate between systems operating Windows and any other OS. In that case, any machine not running Windows could be said to be not a PC, whether it's running OSX, some other variety of *nix, whatever.
And where did I say that Ubuntu wasn't an OS? I'm clearly aware of that. My point is that people should stop differentiating PCs just because the marketing says so. Whether it runs Windows, Mac OS X, Ubuntu or any other Linux distro, BSD, etc., it's still a PC.
I don't have a PC (which is the likely computer to run a program like this) But i'd definitely buy one to try dis out XD)
The playstation2 had the vibrating controller option, probably the same thing just hook a flesh light up to it.
If you have a PC with an Intel or AMD processor, I don't see why you won't be able to install and run the game. Obviously, you most likely need Windows but that's a different matter altogether. Macs are PCs since Apple switched to Intel in 2005-2006 and there is no such thing as "Ubuntus" or whatever. People need to stop falling for the terms used in marketing.
Yaku, I always wanted to be a girl, I'd gladly change with you :D
If you don't mind me using your body for unwholesome things for a while then sure why not? :3 (reminder: I like yaoi)
Its called sex (ex)change!
I look like a girl already (trap~) and I have a lot of female cosplay friends who want to swap bodies with me xD
The Japanese should make a device that does that instead! :D
I'd totally be up for that.
This comment just made my day :3
the clitoris is much more sensitive than the penis, even if you dont have any toys like this, as a woman you fell way better than man :D
How does anyone know which is more sensitive? No one has ever experienced both...
Meh, it doesn't give me penis envy, unlike the tenga flipholes. Now, if it was rigged to convulse and stuff, THEN that would be fucking amazing and envy-worthy for me. :(
EXACTLY what I was thinking, they should really make a girl one!!! I kind of want to get this just because I love this game so much....
You can always use a strap-on.
I wish I was a girl to try out a Dildo though X_X
Don't you have at least one hole?
Shit, I too would like to be a girl for a while to have 'fun' but this comment generated an image in my head that caused permanent mental damage >_<
I wish i would be Ranma Satome.
I also want to get pregant
I'm a Canadian and I want one of those.
Thinking more about it now I think it is a must have, must get at least 3 to be sure have one that works after the banging its going to get. No wait, maybe get 4.
i'm not grossed out, i'm laughing at their small penises that that little thing 'fits'
I assume you're still a virgin, as if you were not, you'd know a womans vagina is only around 10cm in depth.
It can also stretch nearly twice it's depth and width, possibly even more. Muscles are funny like that.
yep me too
Time to save up money to buy one from japan !!
They are made to fit the 'japanese standard' thought...
no problem, lolis have to be tight.
"no problem, lolis have to be tight"...
Epic people will be epic I guess.
I love you anon 4:43. Pity neither of us is a loli.
HELL YEAH! THIS IS BOTH HILARIOUS , AWESOME AND USEFUL.