ASIMO vs PETMAN: “Japanese Robots Are A Joke!”

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Japanese are aghast at how pathetic their nation’s robotic poster-child ASIMO is compared to America’s new bipedal military prototype PETMAN.

For those not yet familiar with PETMAN, Boston Dynamics’ famed bipedal testbot, the video below shows how far science can progress if only a nation has the foresight to run the world’s largest weapons development programme:

The video caused quite a stir the world over, and in Japan a variety of unfavourable comparisons to Honda’s apparently pointless eternal prototype android Asimo were made, although the fact most of the videos were 10 years old spared it too much criticism.

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“This thing makes Asimo look like a toy.”

“Compare to Asimo. This is real bipedal locomotion. Over 5 times faster, capable of running. In ten years it will be complete. The country they send this machine into will be doomed.”

“It still has wires on it!”

“Those are just to prevent damage if it falls over in a test?”

“It can do push-ups! It’s hardening its body!”

“It is a lot less creepy than I thought it would be.”

“Asimo is just a bunch of programmed tricks for entertainment. The possibilities of something like this, based on actual reflexes, are so much greater.”

“Japan is only developing them for industrial or welfare use. This is clearly military. And their government is clearly pouring huge amounts of money into it, so it’s no surprise development proceeded so quickly.”

“I thought they stopped working on Asimo in 2007 in any case.”

“Machines built for war really exude bloodlust don’t they?”

“I’m a little sad that Japan has been so badly beaten in a field it is supposedly dominant.”

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“Meanwhile, Japan is busily making fembots.”

“In 10 years these will be maidbots and osanajimibots. You’ve won!”

There is probably something to the realisation that human expenditure on sex dwarfs expenditure on military activity (and, indeed, just about everything else), and that most men could probably be persuaded to take out a mortgage several times that on their house in order to own a robotic sex slave.

However, with impeccably poor timing, Honda has decided to unveil a demo of the latest version of Asimo – perhaps in a futile effort to upstage PETMAN:

This is apparently the first publicised update in 4 years, so the timing is certainly suspicious.

In an effort to produce something useful, Honda has also been flaunting a boring robotic arm it says it developed for use cleaning up the nation’s stricken reactors (embarrassingly, Japan had no robots capable of such work and at one point ended up using American packbots).

However, given that Tepco has been able to freely and cheaply sub-sub-sub-contract the poor and destitute to work amidst the radioactive remains of the prefecture it ruined by the simple expedient of sacking them after a day’s rad exposure, it seems this may be a hard sell.

Unfortunately for Honda, few discussions of Asimo manage to get far without the embarrassing Asimo tumble video being trotted out:

Compare to the famous videos of Boston Dynamics’ military robo-packdog BigDog smugly prancing around in the mud and being mercilessly kicked, abuse it is hard to imagine Asimo surviving intact:

Even Asimo’s latest iteration is proving embarrassing to the Japanese, supposedly the world-leaders in robotics:

“Maybe now it can manage a flight of stairs.”

“It’s good, but if they don’t actually work out a way of selling this they are going to be overtake.”

“Stop messing around and make a useful robot already!”

“It can probably play DDR, but without mobility and judgement it’s useless.”

“After the quake, the illusion that Japan is some kind of robot heaven was totally shattered.”

“What ever happened to Aibo?”

“It’s a waste of time if they can’t put this to military use. Just a hobby, not something a corporation should wasting its time on. They should hurry up and sell it to the Yanks whilst it’s still worth something.”

“I feel sorry for the person inside.”

“They’ve been blown away by Boston Dynamics so now they are trying to save face by loading it with junk features like sign language, aren’t they?”

“Are you PETMAN lovers trolling? The technology is on totally different levels, Asimo’s is 20 years old.”

“It would be perfect if they could actually load an AI onto it.”

“Hurry up with the sex robot.”

“These two robots have totally different development objectives.

People say Asimo is nothing like a human, but it’s actually really close. Its way of walking is said to be close to how a person walks when they are trying to avoid spilling an unsteady cup of water.

If you were serving a table, pushing a wagon or leading a child or old person by the hand, that’s how you’d need to make a robot walk.

PETMAN isn’t designed with that in mind at all at the moment. Its designed to make fast and forceful progress through the rough outdoors.

That’s why it’s meaningless to compare the two.”

“Honestly, I think Honda has got carried away with the romance of the thing.”

“So America makes military robots. Japan’s making them for… why? Communication? Nursing? To be friends? I’m not sure if this is more like Honda or Japan.”

“Its movements are quite intricate though. It’s impressive.”

“It’s getting worse and worse. It’s just repeating preprogrammed motions like some stupid Aibo.”

“Asimo is really depressing. You can see it is at its limits, whereas PETMAN is just getting started.”

“You wouldn’t send something like this to a war or disaster zone. But then, you wouldn’t use a bipedal design in those environments in the first place.”

“It is just an advertising billboard for Honda. Of course it’s useless.”


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    468 Comments
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    Comment by Anonymous
    02:47 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.3)

    I'm just waiting for the loli sex robots. Hopefully, I won't have to wait much longer *crosses fingers*

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:10 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.3)

    lolibots; they're all 18 [days old]

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:47 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.3)

    I'll take one Yuuki Mikan sex robot please!

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:52 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.3)

    That'll be 999,999,999,999,999,999 yen please. Loli sex robots won't come cheap. We're a niche market, you know.

    Oh, and once the sex robots are finally out on the market, people won't give a **** about military robots anymore. We'll all be too busy having sex.

    Avatar of Heigen
    Comment by Heigen
    03:00 09/11/2011 # ! Good (+0.3)

    And just think about: loli has smaller body = harder to fit the parts in. I wonder how much Petman needs those wires.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:20 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.3)

    I want my loli sex robot. :D

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:48 10/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.1)

    P.S. anon who has a granny fetish, you lost =)

    feel free to try again though.

    Comment by Anonymous

    anon (02:47 09/11/2011), why are you using multies to downvote everyone?

    Avatar of an orgasmic loli
    Comment by an orgasmic loli
    09:14 11/11/2011 # ! Good (+0.3)

    granny fetish?

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:03 12/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Hey everyone! Did you see? Asimo directed an orchestra! Woo friggin' hoo!

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:01 10/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Excellent, no matter who wins, I will have a great robot body in the future. Though those robo air fish are damned tempting to try to combine with too.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:45 11/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    oh great... another reason to be laid off work... stop the development! we need jobs!

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:07 11/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    For military or security purposes, use a weighted and shielded **3** legged bot (biped bots are a failure, the gyro/balance mechanics make it too complicated and useless for now so forget it) with a trigger finger and a semi automatic gun (and cam for aim).

    Then 3 buttons on the remote, 1) auto targeting mode (shoot everything of a certain size that moves and that does not give a signal - friendlies need to have an emitter) 2) sentry mode (shoot only if it moves) 3) manual for focus fire.

    Weighted so that when it is hit, it won't go flying off. It could also be electrocutive so that thieves on the battlefield will have some trouble carting off the contraption.

    Could have a robotic arm with fingers etc. as well.

    This can be manufactured ANYTIME without any 'compulsory' advancements that don't exist. Whats with the cables and stuff? The only issue is jamming or hacking of signals perhaps via variable frequency reception etc..

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:09 11/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    well for what reason do we need a military robot anyway? i don't like wars out of my ps3, i preffer the sex doll bot slave :D and asimo can look silly but he is very funtional if you think the other one need wires to stand up in certain moves.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:33 13/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    it got wires!! it probably is an evangelion prototype!

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:36 10/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Japanese Robots = Toy Robots
    American Robots = Drunken Robots
    German Robots= Functional Robots
    Chinese Robots= Bomb Carriers

    Comment by Taylor
    19:46 08/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Hey don't talk bad about Japans robot. It can open peanut butter jars! Thats serious business...those things are tight.

    But anyway fembot > petman

    They both seem pretty useless to be to be honest one banana peel on the ground and they're both done.

    I agree with that one person, let me know when the sex bot is ready :D wimens are an endangered species XD

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:02 08/11/2011 # ! Good (+0.8)

    "one banana peel on the ground and they're both done."

    Uhhh.... you're just saying things without even having watched any videos or anything, aren't you? Petman and big dog are designed to handle getting back up from stumbling.

    They let big dog walk on ice even. Try doing that with that nicely preprogrammed porcelain doll.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:29 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    What if the banana peel gets stuck to its robotic appendage?!

    DIDN'T CROSS YOUR MIND HUH?

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:21 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    How do you plan that to happen? Are you going to stuff it in there, don't get your fingers stuck.

    Avatar of Aisaka Taiga
    Comment by Aisaka Taiga
    23:28 08/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I know how you feel its like a guy having sex for the first time but then realizes it as man he had sex with..., =_=

    Avatar of Kiljoy616
    Comment by Kiljoy616
    00:19 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I need that way more than one that shoots people in the face. Now if it could only open those dam plastic theft boxes everything seems to come in.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:38 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I was waiting for PETMAN to come bursting through the wall and wreaking havoc during the ASIMO demonstration, as the Terminator theme plays in the background. :3

    To be fair though, the new ASIMO demo wasn't bad. He certainly seems to be moving a lot better than before.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:10 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    They also made the smart choice of avoiding stairs altogether this time! *life alert*

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:13 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    BigDog can walk on Moutanous Rocky harsh terrain in Afghanistan, carrying 100kg weight, for half a day while getting shot at.

    Can you even do that ?

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:04 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    No, but that's why Big Dog exists. :)

    Asimo sure as hell couldn't.

    Avatar of Shizu's Waki Obsessor: MaidNiac
    01:17 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    "But anyway fembot > petman"

    Tbh, fembots aren't something not to be taken seriously. Imagine some day in the far future, a dude is banging his newly arrived fembot and suddenly she opens her mouth, shoots off a torpedo from inside and blasted the guy into pieces of burnt meat right after saying "I was sent by someone you know in the past to assassinate you into oblivion".

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:25 08/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I know how you feel its like a guy having sex for the first time but then realizes it as man he had sex with.......... =_=

    Avatar of AVEN
    Comment by AVEN
    19:05 08/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Sing with me!

    Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto
    mata au hi made
    Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto
    himitsu wo shiritai

    Avatar of Diemeow23
    Comment by Diemeow23
    20:16 08/11/2011 # ! Neutral (-0.2)

    So up to when DO you sing then, sing until you meet each other again or keep following him while saying thank you until both...of...you...meet again...my head hurts X3

    Avatar of Darkrockslizer
    Comment by Darkrockslizer
    19:50 08/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    "(...)If you were serving a table, pushing a wagon or leading a child or old person by the hand, that’s how you’d need to make a robot walk."

    Ironically, if PETMAN was programmed to, it would do that job better than a robot with equal or greater chance of falling down compared to the old person/children it's supposed to lead.

    Oh, and it would have no way to get up afterwards WITHOUT NEEDING HELP ITSELF.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:42 08/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    To be fair, PETMAN was tethered for all those dmonstrations for that exact reason :P

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:32 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, PETMAN looks a helluva lot heavier than Asimo, so I'd rather just tether it if I was working in that lab. No way I would want to lift something like that over and over.

    Avatar of Shizu's Waki Obsessor: MaidNiac
    00:52 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Artefact, the whole Sankaku voting community and even 2ch on the US' side this time...?

    Good lord, I better phone Lucifer and ask him if it's winter down there in hell.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:44 11/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    he's celebrating christmas now too i suppose. better call him quick.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:23 10/11/2011 # ! Drivel (-0.7)

    Actually no -- it is just anon (02:47 09/11/2011) downvoting everyone so that his post stays on top. Nothing supernatural about it :(

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:16 10/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.3)

    Anon 11:23...you didn't even read Victorique's post did you...how sad...

    Comment by PhillB
    01:57 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    This does nothing but to prove the fact most people are unwilling to accept.

    Japan has developed hi-tech aiming for an extreme commercial costumer market, whereas America's tech is very highly advanced, only to the service of government agencies.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:47 09/11/2011 # ! Good (+0.7)

    Not really. Asimo in its current form cannot be sold to actually help people... in it's current state its just a publicity tool, honda invests in these a lot, but they probably spent the most on Asimo.
    Asimo slowly climbing stair and hoping it doesn't fall down, slowly opening a jar or kicking a ball... helps people how exactly.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:41 09/11/2011 # ! Good (+0.7)

    Yeah I dont think amiso is commercial quite yet... and I dont think any real functioning sex andriod are available for commercial use either... all those are still in prototype stage where they are good enough to show off a few things for media but thats about it.

    The closest one that is most adaptable at this very moment for commercial use is that dog that carry people luggage LOL, could be useful for people that go hiking or camping and it can have no problem keeping up and carry luggage/tent/etc.

    Comment by Dark Mage
    03:00 09/11/2011 # ! Good (+0.6)

    The US also does a lot of commercial sector stuff such as heavy equipment,trucks,excavators,aircraft,spacecraft etc.

    Japanese biped robot market usually health care or entertainment while the US testing in the case of PITMAN,military bigdog, or doing hazardous work.

    A commercial robot developed in the US likely would be more setup for high risk construction work or inspecting a reactor while in Japan they wish to make one that can work in a nursing home.
    In the US we have immigrants for nursing work.

    I expect in the future there might even end up being robots that are teleoperated by people in the third world as it would be a low cost way to add human intelligence.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:33 13/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    teleoperated is so WWII
    did you forgot about AI

    Comment by Anonymous

    Third world human intelligence...

    that's an oxymoron if I ever heard of one.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:28 09/11/2011 # ! Good (+0.7)

    Sounds mean but it's true. The third world is the third world for a good reason. Most of the people there are far below the average IQ.
    The average African IQ is about 67-70. I doubt we need them to teleoperate robots do to stuff in Europe or America.
    Unless it's about selling drugs, rape or other crimes.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:16 10/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Hey all of you A*&^%hole above your comment is offensive and racist.C'mon ARTEFACT please erase these type of comments to increase sancom's level!!

    A Third world Jewish Citizen

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:29 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @ Anon 11:04

    BWAHAHAHA U MAD BRO?!!!

    My high horse will drop a turd on your forehead, bitch.

    How exactly would your third world scientist in his makeshift shack with antiquated equipment compete with the many high tech biopharmaceutical and genetic research labs in the first world, genius? Magic fairy dust?

    Don't be butthurt because you live in a shithole, son.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:21 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Jews: Proving Hitler Right Since 1945

    Comment by Anonymous

    fuck you and the high horse you rode in on, asshole. See how'd you like it when someday a third world scientist develop a cure for cancer, and refuse to sell it to you.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:43 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    True, but where is the commercial market for Asimo? There is none for commercial humanoid robots - not in their current state.

    Asimo is just an amusing tech demo, nothing more. Unless they advance the technology while making production cost effective, no one could afford it nor have a use for it.

    Who wants a million dollar toy that can accomplish only a few basic tasks or sit and play Mahjong?

    Avatar of Final
    Comment by Final
    11:17 09/11/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Once these become available for everyday purposes, I'd like to see Apple's version: They'd be user-friendly, white, with a smooth design, controlled by a central server, called iRobot and…

    Oh God…

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:16 11/11/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Look up 'RealDoll' then consider insertion of servos into the near 6K expensive doll's joints for non-tongue based bj sex (this will be the most difficult to simulate (can imagine people buying lubricant to 'refill' saliva simulators. Simulating speech and selection of voice actresses are also the hardest thing to manufacture.

    Could India (bravo on the Tata nano) or China look at these and try to make a 600.00 version of a static Realdoll at least? I think this is SERIOUSLY overpriced because wrapping and sealing of few cubic feet silicone around a light steel frame and a glue on of faux hair should not cost that much. In time a 6K version of the above android could be China's best product, barring the real thing.












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