The latest yawning cultural void to concern 2ch is why Americans never use umbrellas, as well as the converse issue of why it is the Japanese “fall ill if they get so much as a drop of water on them.”
The exchange begins with a English language discussion of why Japanese think Americans shun umbrellas, and why they are such effete little cowards for using umbrellas themselves:
“They’re right. I’ve never seen anyone use an umbrella here. If you have a car, who needs one!”
“I’ve not met one since grade school.”
“I think there might be a problem with the subs, but it’s true in any case.”
“Americans use them. It’s Canadians who don’t bother.
“We’re not like some Japanese person who falls ill if so much as a drop of water gets on them. We don’t need them.”
“I just wear a jacket, fuck umbrellas.”
“Nobody here uses them. I’ve never seen one. You can see people in hats and waterproof work clothes though.”
“I’m an American woman. The last time I touched one was years ago. I’m not a kid, a little bit of rain won’t hurt.”
“Umbrellas are for homos.”
“Exactly. Men shouldn’t use them.”
2ch is, as ever, unimpressed by barbarian criticism:
“You’re a homo if you use an umbrella? As expected of the land of Schwarzenegger…”
“They just love homos there.”
“The rain here is different.”
“I hate to say it, but we’re afraid of the radiation.”
“Hinto: black rain [the name given to the deadly radioactive ash contaminated rain which fell after Japan was A-bombed]”
“Our rain causes cancer.”
“You’d expect this from people who wear shoes in their homes.”
“They just have transient wet mists over there. It’s not like the long continuous rainfall in Japan.”
“You’ll regret going bald, hairy barbarians. Isn’t it unpleasant being soggy in any case?”
“This is why they are all bald.”
“America is arid so you’d quickly dry off.”
“If it rains, just don’t go out, then you don’t need one.”
“They do seem to prefer raincoats…”
“Anyone living near their bases can see – they never use umbrellas.”
“What kind of juvenile imbecile thinks it’s cool to be wet.”
“Try living a year in Japan and tell me if you still say that stuff.”
“I read about an English person who came to Japan and was surprised that everyone used umbrellas. Over there only rich people used them.”
“I laugh at all the pathetically sensitive Tokyoites who use umbrellas even when it snows.”
“America is a car society and that probably explains everything. Japan is different.”
“I was surprised when I first went to Europe – nobody used umbrellas…”
“Japan’s dampness will keep you so sodden you’ll find mushrooms growing on your body.”
“America, consider the possibility of an umbrella sharing event!”
“Westerners must not understand all the scenes in anime and manga where people catch colds after getting soaked. It seems only Japanese associate catching colds with the cold. Their pointing out Japanese as catching colds just by getting wet suggests as much.”
“I see.”
“Over there they already pointed out colds are caused by viruses not the rain or cold.”
“So why do you catch them? Your immune system is weakened by the chill?”
“It may be because Americans are very hot. Japanese eat 1900kcal a day, Americans 3790. So they are giving off twice the heat.”
“That’s just why they are so fat.”
“How each nation copes with rain:
English: “I’ll open my umbrella”
Japanese: “I’ll open my umbrella”
American: “I’ll increase my calorie intake”
We could make this into one of those jokes…”
“They are using all that fat to output enough heat to evaporate the raindrops which fall on them. That’s why they eat such retarded amounts.”
“It’s said Japanese buy over 100 million umbrellas a year, that’s insane.”
“You can’t understand such an uncaring race. They even have women strutting around with no bras on.”
“Don’t compare your rain to ours. Not only will ours make you bald, it’ll irradiate you as well.”
“So they won’t use an umbrella but they’re only too happy to extend a nuclear umbrella…”
For those wondering, large numbers of Japanese really do seem to believe rain causes baldness (there is no scientific evidence that rain, acid or otherwise, causes hair loss).
Americans are not romantics.
Imagine this situation. You and your girlfriend. Bus station. Midnight (so no buses until morning). Heavy rain. One small umbrella.
What will Japaneese do? Yes, they will go together under this umbrella, sharing their heat. Romantic, isn’t it?
British gentleman will give his umbrella to girlfriend, and go without cover. He will fall ill, but save his girlfriend from such fate. Romantic? Oh, yeah.
Russians will do same thing as Japanese, but since normal temperature in Russia in autumn and spring is 5 C, this is necessary, and won’t be considered as “romantic”. At least by Russians
What will Ammies do? They will call their moms and dads to take them home. But before they will have sex at the bus station, since nobody is looking. Not romantic at all. And if you’re a girl, and your girlfriend is a lesbian, then you will r♥♥e each other with that umbrella.
japs don’t naturally have white skin, they need to stay out of the sun, so they carry umbrellas everywhere the go. japs are obsessed with white skin, just look at the billboards in tokyo.
do the Japanese not use hoods?
schwarzenegger comes from austria.
Oh I did notice the all Americans are fat comments. Not true. Depending on your state, it can be hard to find a fat person. In the southern states were it is hotter, most people stay in shape more. Though even in northern states, not everyone is fat. maybe 30-40% of people in the northern half are over weight to fat. Just guessing, but Im also guessing not everyone in Japan is dangerously anorexic, has small breast, doesnt reach the height of 5 ft, has no muscle mass,eat everything raw and drive Gundams to school?
See, there are a ton of stereotypes out there. You cant believe everything on the net.
Im stil waiting for Japan to announce they have working Gundams… I know they say that one Gundam is just a statue that has working lights, but I’m waiting for that random test flight to be caught on youtube when they think no one’s looking.