“Why Do Japanese Use Umbrellas All The Time?”

umbrella-schoolgirl-by-chihaya-72

The latest yawning cultural void to concern 2ch is why Americans never use umbrellas, as well as the converse issue of why it is the Japanese “fall ill if they get so much as a drop of water on them.”

The exchange begins with a English language discussion of why Japanese think Americans shun umbrellas, and why they are such effete little cowards for using umbrellas themselves:

umbrella-usage

“They’re right. I’ve never seen anyone use an umbrella here. If you have a car, who needs one!”

“I’ve not met one since grade school.”

“I think there might be a problem with the subs, but it’s true in any case.”

“Americans use them. It’s Canadians who don’t bother.

“We’re not like some Japanese person who falls ill if so much as a drop of water gets on them. We don’t need them.”

“I just wear a jacket, fuck umbrellas.”

“Nobody here uses them. I’ve never seen one. You can see people in hats and waterproof work clothes though.”

“I’m an American woman. The last time I touched one was years ago. I’m not a kid, a little bit of rain won’t hurt.”

“Umbrellas are for homos.”

“Exactly. Men shouldn’t use them.”

2ch is, as ever, unimpressed by barbarian criticism:

“You’re a homo if you use an umbrella? As expected of the land of Schwarzenegger…”

“They just love homos there.”

“The rain here is different.”

“I hate to say it, but we’re afraid of the radiation.”

“Hinto: black rain [the name given to the deadly radioactive ash contaminated rain which fell after Japan was A-bombed]”

“Our rain causes cancer.”

“You’d expect this from people who wear shoes in their homes.”

“They just have transient wet mists over there. It’s not like the long continuous rainfall in Japan.”

“You’ll regret going bald, hairy barbarians. Isn’t it unpleasant being soggy in any case?”

“This is why they are all bald.”

“America is arid so you’d quickly dry off.”

“If it rains, just don’t go out, then you don’t need one.”

“They do seem to prefer raincoats…”

“Anyone living near their bases can see – they never use umbrellas.”

“What kind of juvenile imbecile thinks it’s cool to be wet.”

“Try living a year in Japan and tell me if you still say that stuff.”

“I read about an English person who came to Japan and was surprised that everyone used umbrellas. Over there only rich people used them.”

“I laugh at all the pathetically sensitive Tokyoites who use umbrellas even when it snows.”

“America is a car society and that probably explains everything. Japan is different.”

“I was surprised when I first went to Europe – nobody used umbrellas…”

“Japan’s dampness will keep you so sodden you’ll find mushrooms growing on your body.”

“America, consider the possibility of an umbrella sharing event!”

“Westerners must not understand all the scenes in anime and manga where people catch colds after getting soaked. It seems only Japanese associate catching colds with the cold. Their pointing out Japanese as catching colds just by getting wet suggests as much.”

“I see.”

“Over there they already pointed out colds are caused by viruses not the rain or cold.”

“So why do you catch them? Your immune system is weakened by the chill?”

“It may be because Americans are very hot. Japanese eat 1900kcal a day, Americans 3790. So they are giving off twice the heat.”

“That’s just why they are so fat.”

“How each nation copes with rain:

English: “I’ll open my umbrella”

Japanese: “I’ll open my umbrella”

American: “I’ll increase my calorie intake”

We could make this into one of those jokes…”

“They are using all that fat to output enough heat to evaporate the raindrops which fall on them. That’s why they eat such retarded amounts.”

“It’s said Japanese buy over 100 million umbrellas a year, that’s insane.”

“You can’t understand such an uncaring race. They even have women strutting around with no bras on.”

“Don’t compare your rain to ours. Not only will ours make you bald, it’ll irradiate you as well.”

“So they won’t use an umbrella but they’re only too happy to extend a nuclear umbrella…”

For those wondering, large numbers of Japanese really do seem to believe rain causes baldness (there is no scientific evidence that rain, acid or otherwise, causes hair loss).


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    444 Comments
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    Avatar of Offline
    Comment by Offline
    04:02 18/06/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    THAT's actually an issue? lol
    Some ppl really need less time...

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:43 18/06/2011 # ! Good (+0.8)

    and for that the world needs less people ;P

    Comment by PhillB
    09:33 18/06/2011 # ! Quality (+0.8)

    Careful with that. Don't forget Japan population is officially shrinking.

    They're free to take umbrellas with them anytime.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:03 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    they use the umbrella to increase flag triggered

    Avatar of Dirty_Dingus008
    Comment by Dirty_Dingus008
    12:21 20/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    preciously! What's better than having that female coley drop that umbrella just a touch to whisper her everytings to you!
    +
    Was stationed there in Yokosuka for a while and the humidity near the shore is around 80~90% on average (don't give a fuck what the weathermen lie about there!). Got sick badly once and had the sniffles for most of the time.. and I'm out in the middle of the fucking Ocean for 60% of the years!!!
    +
    Face it~ you get sick no matter how strong your immunity is when you're swimming in air and vaporized water~~~~

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:09 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I'll happily help achieve that. Who wants to go first in helping the world?

    12:32 18/06/2011 # ! Good (+0.6)

    Use yourself as an example Anon 09:09.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:27 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    I volunteer you :D

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:50 18/06/2011 # ! Good (+0.6)

    Why Japanese use Umbrellas ?
    because they wait for moment the one they love forgot bring a Umbrellas and ask to go home together under same Umbrellas.
    ( If you guy already see some Harem you will know what I mean )

    Avatar of Shippoyasha
    Comment by Shippoyasha
    20:09 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    A lot of girls won't fall for that trick considering some schools and workplaces have extra umbrellas around. XD But I guess it is a good indicator if someone decides to join in anyway.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:22 20/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Not like you can drop by a random school and pick up an umberella. But suddenly it rains, and look, you're with a girl and you carry an uberella. She'd have to share it with you, or get wet.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:09 20/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @05:22 Or she'd just run away and leave you standing in the rain.

    Avatar of Random2
    Comment by Random2
    04:15 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    For added excitement, they might get wind of this article and reply directly (like what happened with the fansubber fiasco).

    Will the fun never end?

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:28 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well i dont know if i can speak for my entire country (germany) but we have two easy rules around were i live.. 1. When it looks like it will rain or it is raining.. if possible.. get a umbrella. 2. If you are already outside and it begins to rain.. you go like "ach scheiß drauf.." "ah fuck it..". ^^

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:33 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Yeah, kinda like this. Living at the northern coast makes you think "Am i made of sugar? 'The hell do i need an umbrella for?".
    Wear some waterproof clothes, that's it!

    After all, it's raining about half of the year :D

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:11 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I just wear a jacket with a hood >_>

    Avatar of Riiku
    Comment by Riiku
    05:29 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Because capes are so much cooler

    Avatar of Castian
    Comment by Castian
    02:35 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I think its not the umbrella thats an issue, but the US ppl*, complaining over a trival matter.
    (*not americans, "Americans" are the whole ppl on the continent, not just the US.)

    I'm with the Japanese on this one, whoever can use whatever in whichever time if he/she wants.
    If others have a problem?
    live and let live.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:58 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    "(*not americans, "Americans" are the whole ppl on the continent, not just the US.)"

    I'm starting to think that when the Japanese refer to "westerners" they are only talking about everyone from the Americas.

    It would make allot of sense then, and still be lulz.

    Avatar of VVayfarer
    Comment by VVayfarer
    16:57 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Technically from Japan, the next "Western" country is China. So yeah.

    And pretty much everyone on the frickin' PLANET says "America" when they mean "US". They're not even taking into account everyone in NA.

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:45 20/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Actually, no. I only know of the Japanese and the people from the US to do this - the rest of the world says "United States". Hetalia took a lot of getting used because I kept thinking of a continent rather than a country when America was mentioned.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:25 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well actualy, Taiwan also have the same reason. The rain cause baldness thing.

    I have been there, and the rain is just "diffrent".
    I live in tropical place, where rain is very common, with moonsoon that can cause Flood in just a day. and have no problem with get wet by rain

    but in taiwan and Japan, the rain is just hail mostly.
    and for some reason, the rain makes your head feel itchy. even if you only get a little rain in your head (Experience it myself when I go there).

    And the other thing summer in Japan and taiwan is realy Hot because of no wind.
    30 degree celcius in Japan somehow feel hoter than in my country.
    and my avarage Temperature on ordinary day, can reach 38 to 42 degree. thankfully there a lot of wind.

    And I the rain is the cause in Taiwan, Vegetable price is more expensive than Meat. Cause of the rain water in the country. you can ask Fruit and vegie seller in taipe. and they answer it cause of the rain
    where in Taiwan and Japan, there is no fuckin wind in summer in such a hot day.

    Avatar of VVayfarer
    Comment by VVayfarer
    17:00 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Pollution, maybe? Have you been to NYC?

    Avatar of Shippoyasha
    Comment by Shippoyasha
    20:13 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Vegetable Japanese peoples and their silly problems. XD

    I don't see the point to this argument since I see many Americans and Japanese engage in differing behaviors not always conforming to norms.

    Also, some of it might be cultural considering fair/untanned skin is actually still preferred with many Asian women. I do it too. I never expose my skin in the summer sun directly. I actually use the umbrellas a a parasol against the sun. Some Japanese girls do that.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:15 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Notice as well the generalization that all Americans are fat? It's all just being based on stereotypes.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:25 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    keep telling yourself that, and you won't feel so guilty about all that Taco Bell you just ate... fatty...

    Avatar of Shippoyasha
    Comment by Shippoyasha
    18:34 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I agree anon. Some of the most amazingly fit people I've seen in my life are Americans. I've seen Europeans and I've seen Asian peoples of all kinds in my life.

    A lot of Japanese girls tends to not see fitness as exercise based, but purely diet based and that doesn't tone their bodies well enough. Granted, many naive American girls think that way too, but there's more of a fitness craze in America.

    And some of the more fit Americans are REALLY fit and look like damn models. I see that in gyms all the time.

    Avatar of VVayfarer
    Comment by VVayfarer
    17:17 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    That stereotype is based the average fatness of Americans compared to that of citizens of other countries. A more interesting one would be "Americans are stupid" --- ironically used by people I've found very ignorant in general.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:10 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I for one am extremely skinny.

    Avatar of VillainousHanacha
    Comment by VillainousHanacha
    04:57 18/06/2011 # ! Quality (+0.8)

    Ah 2ch, I love how you generalize.

    I'm from NYC. The weather here is actually similar to Tokyo's weather (expecially in regards to humidity). Not to mention this is one of the few places in America where you can live perfectly fine without a car.

    In the summer, we basically only have 2 kinds of weather: Blazing hot sun with humidity, or rain/thunderstorms followed by more humidity. Hell as I'm typing this it's raining now. I rains plenty in the spring too, with similar levels of humidity, it's just that the temperature is cooler.

    I however, don't even own an umbrella. I don't even dress different for the rain. Personally, my favorite kinds of days are the overcast ones. I love the look of the steely grey sky. Also I love that fresh smell the rain gives the surroundings.

    However I will admit that even for the people I know, I'm unusual in my like of the rain. I will gladly go outside in a full downpour, or in a thunder storm, without an umbrella. I just really love the rain. So I'm probably not the best person to ask in this situation, as my interests an likes are too skewed.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:52 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    And we love how you comment without fulling reading the article as well. You seem the main difference between your rain and theirs is something called RADIATION which you can thank yourselves for causing with your A-bomb 75 years ago, and due to the fact that the nuclear power generator got screwed recently, that makes the rain even more radioactive unlike in America where shit like that has not gone down yet.

    Avatar of Castian
    Comment by Castian
    02:39 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Really? radioactive rain? still?
    im no troll, it real? after so many years?
    that sucks hard.

    Avatar of Cupofjoe
    Comment by Cupofjoe
    09:33 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I wonder about that as well. I'd love to see some recently collected data on this from a credible source. But with the nuclear power plant incident the results would be probably be skewed towards the positive.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:40 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Ever heard of Three Mile Island?

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:01 19/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    /facepalm

    We are talking about a long standing difference in belief. They didn't JUST start believing in this radiation, cancer giving, baldness causing rain in the past few months.

    Avatar of Shippoyasha
    Comment by Shippoyasha
    20:11 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Read some new articles regarding Fukushima though. The level of seriousness is actually worse than Chernobyl now. And most Japanese are EXTREMELY skeptical of Japanese government's lies and coverups. Apparently the problem is way worse than expected.

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:50 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Oh yes, you American-hating rascist. Surely VHacha didn't just simply dismiss the unfounded paranoia that Japanese rain will give you cancer!!

    Avatar of Dia
    Comment by Dia
    22:54 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I like grey skies too! I don't mind the rain but I don't love it...

    Avatar of Phrantick
    Comment by Phrantick
    09:17 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I really like the rain, too. My family and friends think I'm crazy because of that.

    Avatar of BlaqCat
    Comment by BlaqCat
    08:52 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Philadelphia here, We tend to have the exact same type of weather as NYC, e( it's an east coast thing apparently), and I wholeheartedly agree with the commentary above regarding it.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:12 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Ah one of the good americans on this thread now i need to find two normal japs

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:02 18/06/2011 # ! Good (+0.8)

    As a straight male, I use a damn umbrella because I don't want to get wet. Being wet is for pussies.

    04:06 18/06/2011 # ! Quality (+0.9)

    Wet pussies, i like the sound of that. :3

    Avatar of Yoshii-kun
    Comment by Yoshii-kun
    04:17 18/06/2011 # ! Quality (+0.8)

    I like the way it looks :3

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:34 18/06/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Shh, don't give them any ideas.

    Avatar of Satonaka
    Comment by Satonaka
    07:10 18/06/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    A cat falls int the water, a rooster laughs... what is the moral of this story?

    -
    -
    -

    A wet pussy can make a cock happy :D

    Avatar of Megidola
    Comment by Megidola
    05:02 18/06/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Coming soon on Sankaku: Wet Pussy gallery (Featuring rain-soaked felines)

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:20 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Reminds me of Highschool of the Dead, episode 9...Do you enjoy making me wet?

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:24 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I like it how we guys make it wet..

    Avatar of Mizuumi-san
    Comment by Mizuumi-san
    04:26 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    o...k... how we got here O_OU

    Avatar of HouseLife
    Comment by HouseLife
    05:23 18/06/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Wait, you're actually surprised it went there? You must be new here...

    Avatar of Elcachetondelpuro
    Comment by Elcachetondelpuro
    10:44 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @7:39 mejor tu hazme una chaqueta a dos manos, pinche putito, ni escribir inglés sabes ¿quién es el pendejo?

    Avatar of Elcachetondelpuro
    Comment by Elcachetondelpuro
    04:38 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Let me know if you are wet ;)

    Avatar of Ota-Kool
    Comment by Ota-Kool
    07:23 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Here use it to protect from suns ray weather here's tropical you can get dark skin.

    Comment by Anonymous

    Cállate mexicano pendejo, me la chupas cabrón de mierda, me tiro a tu puta madre que te pario puto....

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:53 18/06/2011 # ! Good (+0.6)

    As a straight male, I...want...wet...pussies.

    That's what I'm supposed to understand here right?

    Avatar of HouseLife
    Comment by HouseLife
    09:16 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I think more than that, as straight males, it's our aspirations to be the cause of wet pussies, correct?

    Excuse me a moment, I'm going to give my cat a bath now.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:27 23/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Meh..REAL Man DONT use umbrella when raining,they just go through it...except thunderstorm.
    Daime nature,you scary!

    I just wear my hoodie rather use an umbrella.

    Comment by Anonymous

    This here is correct. Are you Americans men enough to use umbrellas? Or are you still hiding under the guise that it's some sort of fagotry?

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:43 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I'd rather use a rain coat.
    Keeps my hands free.
    Keeps me warm
    Keeps the rain off.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:41 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I actually don't use an umbrella because it's pointless. Stand in the rain, go inside, dry off in about 5-30 minutes.

    Not really a big deal.

    Avatar of HouseLife
    Comment by HouseLife
    05:29 18/06/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    I live in Phoenix, there are two states of weather. Complete blinding sunlight, and a fucking monsoon. In the monsoon, an umbrella will break, they are useless. They also usually last for only a few hours at most. Plus, we will dry off very fast wherever we go due to the nature of our humidity. That's what shelter is for, we get out from under the 3-seconds-between-lightning-strikes weather and stay dry, safe, and healthy... give or take a power outage occasionally.

    When I lived in Connecticut, the rain lasted longer but was almost always light. So summer rains I would love to let the droplets hit my skin and it'd feel almost like nothing was landing on me. Few can understand that surreal experience if they haven't experienced it ^^ Otherwise it's just rain. I'm a cancer, I love water in all its forms. Most people say rainy days are bad days, they're my favorite days of all. The only parts about rain I DON'T like are driving in heavy rains, and that point after rain when everything's halfway wet. That's the depressing time to me.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:52 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    Drenched people look like dirty homeless outside. Try looking all wet when you're an CEO or something. You'd lose some respect.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:07 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    you know, there's a thing called trench coats and hats and they're all the rage here in AMERICA. (excuse the yugioh abridged reference to keith)

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:28 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, living in South Florida for nearly 20 years now...I know from experience that during rainy season (May to November) which is also hurricane season as well...it could rain at any moment out of the clear, blue sky, for HOURS, nonstop.

    And it gets so bad that most area with little drainage get flooded, and fast. I'm talking rain up past your knees and sometimes up to your waist ( 1 and a half to 3 feet ) deep flooding in some areas.

    So, when it rains that bad, no umbrella would keep you dry, ever! You're better off staying indoors until it stops, like 4 to 6 hours sometimes. But then good luck getting home if you live in a flood zone!

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:31 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    seattle dweller here, it rains (mild to hard) about 250-275 days a year...

    I don't have a car, and just use the bus, and I still don't use an umbrela unless I am going to walk for more than 2 miles.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:09 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Sounds like the weather in Johannesburg lol these net tards need a life

    Avatar of Satonaka
    Comment by Satonaka
    07:17 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @ Houselife

    Phoenix dweller here as well (well moved to Tolleson just this years april, but you get the point)

    True, Umbrellas for the most part are useless here. I use one probably once, maybe twice a year, if it monsoons, you run your ass off (after the supposed required car trip) to whatever building you need to get to.

    Very little use for umbrellas in here unless you live downtown and you do a lot of walking when there's mild showers, which again, is rare, but because of their rarity, I myself have to appreciate such things :D

    Cloudy days and rain rocks, monsoons can go suck it XD

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:43 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Americans are such homophobes. They are highly sensitive to turning gay. Leave them be. They are be soggy and "macho" all they want.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:40 18/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    LOL half my friends are gay :P
    And I am a straight American male.

    Comment by Anonymous

    I'm not American, my best friend is a lesbian and I have two gay friends and I only use an umbrella when the rain is real bad hahaha fuck you america and 2ch retards












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