Top 10 Qualities You’d Seek in a Wife but not a Girlfriend

kyosuke-ruri-bride-by-edogawakid

A ranking of the qualities Japanese men seek in a wife but not a mere girlfriend seems to indicate marriage is viewed as a trade-off between gaining a housemaid and losing all freedom to engage in work or hobbies free from interference…

The ranking:

1. Kindness

2. Competence at housework

3. Understanding towards your work

4. Understanding towards your hobbies

5. Health

6. Seriousness

7. Desire for children

8. Composure

9. Not too interfering

10. Patience

Japanese men apparently view wives as little more than domestic servants with benefits, whilst women view husbands as get-out-of-work-free cards – a possible reason for the popularity of maids, who are in effect installment-plan wives without the hassle of a long-term contract, or any risk of hobby interference…


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    Avatar of Yoshii-kun
    Comment by Yoshii-kun
    18:32 28/04/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    I guess simply loving someone doesn't cut it these days.
    We need to see your resume too before we say "I do"

    Avatar of Naoli
    Comment by Naoli
    21:57 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    yep, people tend to change after marriage

    so don't forget the recommendations and testimonials

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:47 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    or at least some ID, we don't wanna fall in any trap ¬¬

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:49 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Someday you'll learn to separate reality from fiction, and you'll come to realize there's a hell of a lot more to a good wife and mother than just love.

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:47 28/04/2011 # ! Good (+0.6)

    I hope the guys responding realize that while they read the girl's answers, the girls don't give a shit about the boy's answers.

    The fact that housework is so high and patience is so low is fucking disgusting.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:07 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Proven wrong, right here. right now. I read what male commentors have to say. I think it's important to see what struggles people have with thier relationships and why they choose to be single or why they've lost faith in women. Alot of times though I run into to comments that are so negative that they are completely discouraging and make me not want to post.

    Who really wants to deal with someone who says 3D is ugly and they'd rather have a 2D girl? Who wants to respond to all women are bitches who want money? Originally I always thought I would have to work and earn more money than my husband if I wanted to be in a successful relationship. I'm a pretty good darn cook too. But a place like this has too many predujuces against women. If I combated all the comments based on 3D women and based on what guys truly want in a relationship, I would be here all the time and come off as an obsessive femanist type.

    Honestly its not that I don't care, or that other female commentors don't care. But does any human really have the patience to comfort people on the internet who find a way to bash them in almost every post?

    A lot of these surveys that get the guys here discouraed are on japanese women don't apply elsewhere, and don't apply to everyone. Also when those japanese women fill out thier surveys and say they like this type of man, there are always still the women who say that they prefer the other type. Even if they are in the minority they do exisist. On those surveys with money rubbing answers, they're are always the answers that put things like hobbies and personality and someone is voting for those answers.

    Users here can be very focused on the negative at times, I'm no different. But as long as some small percent of girls said they'd date an otaku then thats all that matter, the majority doesn't. Unless of course you want a harem...then you'll have to work hard~ even a 2D harem is costly...

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:53 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    ...Imagine eating fastfood for the rest of your life... oh god the horror of it. I prefer homecook meals like my father does. Yes, my father is the cook of my family lol. The best my mom can do is prepare instant noodles but I still love her. Though my dad is always abroad and we have househelp do it for us.

    Avatar of spoon
    Comment by spoon

    Food doesn't cook itself, but your impatience and endless nagging can just be ignored - at least, up to a certain point that is.

    Avatar of Hentai_Jp
    Comment by Hentai_Jp
    20:07 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Is this how you see a solid relationship? Ignoring each other's complains? Ever heard about open and honest communication? You sir will not be happy.

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:57 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    @spoon

    "I can live without a relationship, but I could never live without food, good food~. I'd rather have a woman who cooks well and cooks often then a woman that I 'enjoy' spending time with or a woman who 'looks good'. Especially as both of those are variables that are easily prone to change, generally towards the negative."

    Then you're looking for a maid, not a partner. Seriously, the more you spout these things, the more your age shows.

    "Also, I don't agree with your assumption that a truly great and truly 'happy' relationship is built upon open and honest communication. It isn't."

    My parents (going 32 years now), my aunt and uncle (40 years and still going strong), and a couple of my friends who have been married with their partners for around 5 -7 years now disagree with you. Let me ask you something: how many relationships -- successful ones -- have you had?

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:10 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    "*Especially as there is no such thing as an interesting real girl in reality. They are all bores."

    HAHAHAHAHA oh my. Get out of your room and try hanging out with real women for a change. They're far more interesting than your stupid 2D characters. I have no less than 3 girl friends who're witty, smart and fun to hang out with. And that's just in this town.

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:39 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Don't waste your breath on him. He's the guy who said that he'd rather play MMOs forever than have a relationship with a woman.

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:07 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    @spoon

    Gee, why would I suppose that their relationships are truly open and honest? Oh, I remember: it's because I see them on a regular basis and I know they always have issues and problems but at the end of the day or week or whatever, they're still happy together and their relationship is still going strong, if not stronger! And this isn't some second-hand info I'm talking about; I see it with my own damn eyes every single day.

    So yes, a truly great and truly 'happy' relationship IS built upon open and honest communication. It is a truly open and honest bond because it IS real, it IS happening, and it IS not perfect but they're making it work, and that's what makes it real, not some stupid perfect bond you've been getting from anime and video games. Seriously, grow up and get lessons apart from TV or fiction, for once. This is why I make fun of otakus and weaboos who always state their opinions on real world versions of things like relationships and the opposite sex, when all they have to base it on are their stupid anime or manga stories.

    And you still haven't answered my question: how many relationships -- successful ones -- have you had?

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:15 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @Anon 01:49

    I'm Spoon; I can't be bothered to log in.

    My response: that's great.

    Avatar of patamon
    Comment by patamon
    03:08 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @spoon

    I understand what you were trying to say now. Thank you for taking the time to explain your viewpoint to me.

    Avatar of patamon
    Comment by patamon
    01:01 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @spoon:

    Well, I understand what you're trying to say, in that no one should have to be someone they're not just for someone else's sake, but that seems to contradict your earlier claims that a truly happy relationship isn't built on open and honest communication.

    If someone has things they want to say, but feels that they cannot for the sake of their relationship, then, yeah, they're not having open and honest communication, and they're going to be unhappy. In the examples you provided, though, the individuals were saying very rude/disrespectful/asshole-ish things to each other. For people who truly do not wish to be asshole-ish or disrespectful to their partner, it's possible for them to have open and honest communication, and to be happy. That's what I think, anyway. So, with everything that's been said so far, do you think it's possible for truly nice people to have a happy relationship with open and honest communication? I'm not looking for any specific answer--just looking to see what you think, since, like I said, I felt like your last post contradicted your earlier statements.

    Now I really do have to get going, because our car isn't just going to fix itself... u_u;

    Avatar of spoon
    Comment by spoon
    00:33 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    >I know you said you're done with this, but I just have to wonder why you seem to think all humans are naturally complete assholes without any manners/respect for others.

    I don't think that at all. I just believe you have the right to be an asshole if you are or want to be an asshole. If you are a nice person you are a nice person. If you are an asshole you are an asshole. If you are forced to act in a way just to keep your partner happy, then that would not be a happy relationship at all.

    If you wish to be nice, because you care about your partner, that's great. If you are forced to act nice however, that is not so great. That's really what I was trying to argue for.

    I duno in the end. Yeah, let's just leave it at that.

    and thank you, I shall. ^.~ Though, my day is actually nearing its ending. :p

    Avatar of patamon
    Comment by patamon
    00:16 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @spoon

    I know you said you're done with this, but I just have to wonder why you seem to think all humans are naturally complete assholes without any manners/respect for others. Do you really think that anyone who treats others with respect or uses manners is just lying or being untrue to themselves? I understand what it's like to be cynical about humanity, but I like to think that at least some of the people who are decent and respectful aren't actually just being fake. Not everyone is a complete asshole beneath their kind exterior, or so I'd like to believe.

    I understand that you just have a different interpretation of "open and honest communication". I do have to wonder how many people would agree with your interpretation, though. I'm not saying it's wrong...just wondering how many people think the way you do--especially people who are in, or who have had, successful relationships.

    Maybe I should have spent a lot less time on this as well. :P In any case, I have stuff I have to go do now too, so, I'll stop here as well. Have a nice day!

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:49 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @spoon:

    I am saying this in as civil way as possible:

    You are a pretentious, immature kid with delusions of grandeur. You're probably in your teens, and you think the world revolves around you and everything else is just there as background act. You're probably thinking you're some wounded, cynical hero in a life drama crushingly hounded by girls who're just dying to save you from your tragic existence when in reality you're just some emo piece of shit who's desperately living on his own imagines and ideal world. One of these days, real life will knock you down and you'll wonder why you haven't spent the last couple of years becoming a real person instead of some dreamy fantasy world you created in your head.

    Girls are incredibly boring? Maybe it's because you've been shutting them out, preferring to listen only to your own self-induced dramu. I could tell you about my friend who turned out to be an archery enthusiast, has won several regional archery contests, and can discuss in great length the different bows and what fletchings to use to get an arrow straight to a mark. Or I can tell you about this girl I met who has a vast collection of antiques from when she and her family were living in South Asia, and who can hold her own in a serious discussion about the intricacies of the Bhagavad Gita, among others.Or maybe you want to hear about this friend of mine who's always kicked my (and everyone else I know) ass in any fighting game. I could tell you about others but why waste my time? You're obviously convinced ALL GIRLS ARE BORING.

    Also, this reply of yours when I asked you how many relationships you've had:

    "None. I don't see why I need to have had successful relationships to criticise your opinion on what a happy relationship is however."

    Your opinion holds less than fucking squat when you don't even have any experience on the matter. Who are you to fucking say that the relationships of other people are not true and honest when you yourself have never been in one? So what do you base it on? Oh yeah, your precious manga and anime. Well, whoop-de-fucking-do, if that was all it'd take, then the best experts in the world about relationships and fucking LIFE for that matter would be the otakus of the world. I mean I'm SURE everything you need to know about love and relationships you'll learn by watching Toradora.

    Here's a fact your deluded head may not know: people are not perfect. Men and women have these little idiosyncracies that makes them less than stellar but it's these imperfections that make them compatible with their chosen partners. My dad is considered stern and stoic by his employees, but inside our house, my mom sees him for what he really is: a person who is quick to laugh and who has a great sense of humor, and maybe even a bumbling idiot sometimes. He doesn't need to try and be the perfect manager because he knows that my mom will accept him no matter what. THAT is a true relationship, not that twisted idea you have in that stupid head of yours.

    TL;DR: get your act together and start seeing the world for what it really is, not this romantic, cynical view you have which makes you think you're cool. You're not. Far as most everyone is concerned, you're just a fake and pretentious kid who's hiding in his own little world, and those little '-' on your post rating is a testament to that.

    Grow up and smell the fucking roses. Then come back when you feel like you're ready to talk like an adult.

    Avatar of Uncommon0taku
    Comment by Uncommon0taku
    01:23 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    kindness is appreciation for consideration, both ways.

    Avatar of spoon
    Comment by spoon
    01:57 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    >So, with everything that's been said so far, do you think it's possible for truly nice people to have a happy relationship with open and honest communication?

    Yeah, in fact it would be fine with assholes, normals or nice people. As long as you aren't being coerced into becoming something that you are not and are happy with the relationship then it is all fine and dandy; in my eyes, you would be in a real happy relationship.

    My problem stems from the fact that in my eyes, generally all a relationship is, is a platform for the coercion of one partner by the other and vice versa; so generally in my eyes a relationship appears founded upon lies and deceit. But that's just me, and I'm willing to admit my view is extreme to say the least.

    I hope this made sense(just to clarify and stress just in case: i've agreed with you), now g'night.

    Avatar of spoon
    Comment by spoon
    00:01 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @patamon

    I wasn't actually telling you guys that you were living out your relationships wrongly.

    I was just saying that you shouldn't call those relationships 'open and honest'. Who knows, your relationship with your husband may indeed be truly honest and open, but I personally would find that unlikely.

    If he has to become something that he is not to satisfy your wants, or vice versa, then to me your relationship is built on lies. You would call that manners, a lawyer may call it a hidden contract and so on and so forth, but to me it would be called a lie.

    I'm not saying that your relationship isn't successful, that was never my aim. Indeed, I hope you have a long and prosperous live with him - he seems lucky to have met a woman such as you.

    Now, I shall stop. I was originally just hoping to troll some people, but now I've spent more time here then I'd have liked to.

    Adieu~

    Avatar of spoon
    Comment by spoon
    20:50 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @Anon 20:39 I wouldn't mind having a relationship with a woman, in fact I'd ideally like to have a godly harem. It just isn't possible to obtain the type of woman/en that I wan't in this reality, so I don't try.

    Maybe I should though, now that I think about it. I shall try and marry a beautiful chef. edit. actually a cute chubby chinese chef - like the girl from Mahou Sensei Negima

    Avatar of spoon
    Comment by spoon
    21:08 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @Anon 20:57

    Firstly, you can have a maid for a partner, they are not mutually exclusive. Secondly, it's not like I'm a worthless bugger who wouldn't care for her. Of course I would, but I still would prefer a good cook then an 'interesting' girl*.

    Secondly, not that I am trying to insult the integrity of your parents relationship and the relationships of your friends - but you are still supposing that their relationships are truly open and honest.

    I am sure they would never betray each other, and I am sure they share a great bond, but a truly open and honest bond is something entirely different to the bond you are talking about.

    *Especially as there is no such thing as an interesting real girl in reality. They are all bores.

    Avatar of spoon
    Comment by spoon
    22:53 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @Anon 22:10

    I've actually (unfortunately) always been highly demanded by women so I've had more than enough encounters to abductivly conclude that they aren't much. Take off your muramura(horny)goggles and you very quickly realise that most of them have pretty much nothing interesting to say - in fact, it's often a chore just to talk to them.

    If you think differently, feel free to show me an example of their 'intrestingness' - this challenge is open to anyone. You will all quickly come to the realisation that they are all inherently incredibly boring. *

    @Anon 22:07
    @patamon

    I wouldn't call what you guys call open and honest, open and honest - more, testing the waters until you delimit how far you can go before the other one gets pissed off.

    You guys aren't really being honest with each other, you are just acting how you believe your partner would want you to act - so as to secure the future of your relationship.

    A real open and honest relationship to me would be more like:

    'Get me a sandwhich'.
    'No, I will not get you a sandwhich you faggot, I am not your slave - you make your own sandwhich and make me one while your at it'.
    'Well, I might be a faggot, but at least I'm not a ugly whore like you, you filthy bitch - I should have had an affair with your best friend and left you when I had the chance'.
    'Well, I'm already having one with yours..' and so on.

    A little extreme, but you get the point - I hope.

    @patamon - A true happy relationship would be one where you don't have to lie and be something you are not to be loved by your partner of course. I mean, of course, the earlier example was a little extreme, but they were both being honest with each other.

    If you have to deny your being in any sense, I would say that isn't a 'happy' relationship, just one built on lies. A man should be able to freely say - 'Yo, that girls pretty cute. Can I have her as my mistress?'. And a woman should be able to freely say - 'Fuck you you faggot. I'll kill you if you cheat on me, especially with such an ugly pathetic girl. Don't insult me scum'.

    @Anon 22:07

    How many relationships -- successful ones -- have you had?

    None. I don't see why I need to have had successful relationships to criticise your opinion on what a happy relationship is however.

    Now, let's hope that this message gets through the s*am filter.

    *This is true for males as well though, 2d > 3d.

    Avatar of patamon
    Comment by patamon
    23:37 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I forgot to log in, damn. That was me at 23:33.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:33 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    "A real open and honest relationship to me would be more like:

    'Get me a sandwhich'.
    'No, I will not get you a sandwhich you faggot, I am not your slave - you make your own sandwhich and make me one while your at it'.
    'Well, I might be a faggot, but at least I'm not a ugly whore like you, you filthy bitch - I should have had an affair with your best friend and left you when I had the chance'.
    'Well, I'm already having one with yours..' and so on.

    A little extreme, but you get the point - I hope."

    No, that's a couple of assholes being extremely disrespectful to each other. Maybe some people are just gigantic assholes by default, so they think it's appropriate to say those things, but some of us have manners and the decency to treat other people like human beings. Plus, if my husband asked me to make him a sandwich, I would do it, because our relationship is more traditional, and the idea of being a housewife who takes care of her husband doesn't make me run away screaming in terror. However, my husband wouldn't state it like a demand--he would add "please" onto the request for a sandwich, not because that's how he thinks I would want him to say it, but because he's not a disrespectful asshole.

    My husband is actually the only person who sees the real me. I'm too afraid to show anyone else who I really am, but he knows everything. I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not around him, and he doesn't have to pretend to be someone he's not around me.

    If, like you said, a man says, "Yo, that girls pretty cute. Can I have her as my mistress?", then the woman DOES have the freedom to tell him to fuck off if she's not comfortable with that. I'm not sure why you would think she wouldn't have that freedom. Sure, it might piss the guy off, and he might dump her, but that means they weren't right for each other anyway, if they couldn't handle being in disagreement over that subject. However, for my husband and me...if he said that, my response would be, "Yeah, sure, but you have to share." and it would be a 100% honest response (unless I thought the girl was unattractive, in which case I would let him know.)

    Avatar of patamon
    Comment by patamon
    21:53 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Also, I don't agree with your assumption that a truly great and truly 'happy' relationship is built upon open and honest communication. It isn't."

    I'd like to know why you believe that, because I think it's absolute bullshit.

    I've been in my relationship for nine years now, married for two. Any problem we've had has been a result of poor communication, so we've always worked hard to make sure we're being open and honest with each other. We probably would not be happy together if we hadn't worked to improve our communication with each other.

    How can a relationship succeed when the individuals involved are communicating poorly or being dishonest with each other? I can't see that leading to happiness at all. So, what do you think is the foundation for a happy relationship? I'm curious to know.

    Avatar of spoon
    Comment by spoon

    I can live without a relationship, but I could never live without food, good food~. I'd rather have a woman who cooks well and cooks often then a woman that I 'enjoy' spending time with or a woman who 'looks good'. Especially as both of those are variables that are easily prone to change, generally towards the negative.

    Also, I don't agree with your assumption that a truly great and truly 'happy' relationship is built upon open and honest communication. It isn't.

    Avatar of shiroki
    Comment by shiroki
    18:47 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Weren't qualities male look for in females the same for both girlfriend and wife alike?

    Avatar of Darkrockslizer
    Comment by Darkrockslizer
    19:41 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    You'd be surprised, actually...

    As for a wife, men would try to find a passive woman that would not object to anything and do all the chores and cooking in your stead - maybe even stay quiet with a bitter sweet smile about you having affairs.

    As for a girlfriend, men would want somebody fun to hang out with, to go to clubs, with common interests or just good looking etc.

    As for a waifu, men browse net for torrents of anime with a character who would look best on their desktop wallpaper, dakimakura, their most visible figurine shelf, the topmost doujinshi covers on the pile and, most importantly, would have the maximum efficiency at relieving their daily discharge process of a mysterious white liquid without any need for unpleasant outside communications.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:40 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @ darkrockslizer
    I lol'd

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:41 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    best comment.

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:38 28/04/2011 # ! Drivel (-0.8)

    People who look for waifus are not men. They're sissy pimple-faced virgins boys.

    Avatar of Naoli
    Comment by Naoli
    22:02 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    and your father, was still able to impregnate your mom

    Comment by Anonymous

    @Naoli

    I heard from my dad that your mom was a screamer, especially when he took her from behind.

    Avatar of Shizu's Waki Obsessor: MaidNiac
    16:48 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Wait a minute, Kuroneko is that tall?

    I'm all for #04 btw.

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:35 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Ever heard of heels?

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:52 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    those aren't just heels, her arms are the same lenght as kyosuke, and her neck is too long, so maybe that's a grown kuroneko.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:56 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    grown kuroneko, even sexier kuroneko

    Avatar of Shima-kun989
    Comment by Shima-kun989
    07:46 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    no longer neko, now panther.

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:20 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    and she isn't flat? I'm dissapointed.

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:02 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    She's malnourished. She came from a poor family afterall.

    Avatar of Shima-kun989
    Comment by Shima-kun989
    07:49 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    @ TaJaDoru MaidNiac
    poor is fine too~

    Avatar of Shizu's Waki Obsessor: MaidNiac
    20:52 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    She isn't poor, she just lives in a traditional Japanese house. Plus, she also owns a Wacom Bamboo and a VAIO-ish laptop to work on her doujins and artworks... which I believe is her source of income to buy the materials for her cosplay.

    Though, since she can only buy her Mascera DVDs while on clearance, it's pretty obvious that she's not as rich as Kirino.

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:46 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    She's so poor she's been living on scraps so she can have enough money to buy all those gadgets.

    Avatar of PirosThe3rd
    Comment by PirosThe3rd
    23:35 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    well, maybe because time passed and she become mature. . . . .
    well, shit happens.

    Avatar of uggzlol
    Comment by uggzlol
    04:19 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    i consider any girl that understands a pun, intelligent

    Avatar of Moomoo
    Comment by Moomoo
    16:52 28/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    a wife that can take care of my orient life size dolls while i go to work so when i get home its 3-some goodness lols

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:21 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    where the fuck is cooking?!

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:46 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well to have a wife you have to have a girlfriend first...right? So how are they gonna ever get a wife with these qualities if they don't get a girlfriend with these qualities first? Yet they don't want girlfriends like that....

    I am confused. ):

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:23 29/04/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Three words: Madonna/Whore complex. Sluts are sexy and you want to bang them (Whore) but you want a perfect pure housewife you can put on a pedestal to raise your children (Madonna). Because, obviously, no woman can be both sexually exciting and a good mother. /sarcasm

    Ah, sexism, where would the world be without you.






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