Top 10 Signs a Guy is a Valentine’s Day Loser

Japanese asked what signs they associate with a man being on the losing end of Valentine’s Day provide an instructive list.

It should of course be noted that in Japan the confectionery industry has cunningly established the belief that Valentine’s Day is chiefly about women giving expensive chocolates to men (either based on affection or simply because they have been mysteriously obligated to give them to all male colleagues by the aforementioned cunning marketing).

Even more cunningly, the industry established the traditional (dating all the way back to 1978) celebration of “White Day” exactly one month after Valentine’s, in which men have to give even more expensive chocolates back in an ostensible act of gender equality.

Despite all this, Valentine’s Day chocolate receipt is still a good proxy for masculine popularity – hence this ranking:

1. He says stuff like “I don’t like sweets anyway!”

2. He buys chocolates himself when he gets home

3. He keeps checking his desk for chocolates

4. A more popular guy shares his chocolates with him

5. He stays on at work saying he still has things to do

6. He bears a pained expression all day

7. He gets asked to call another guy over to a girl

8. He starts unconsciously fidgeting a lot

9. He’s playing a dating sim on a handheld

10. He starts picking on guys who did receive chocolates

For those wondering, the top sign a man is a Valentine’s Day “winner” is that “he gets called over by girls in his breaks” – for creepy otaku, fat chance indeed.