“I Invested $60,000 in a Maid, Any Questions?”

The desperate tale of a man who spent ¥5,000,000 attempting to woo a maid without her ever once agreeing to go on a date with him makes for interesting reading.

He (who for the sake of convenience will here be dubbed “Debuman”) approaches 2ch’s VIP board in the hopes that they will be able to help him secure a date with his maid:

I invested 5,000,000 in a maid café’s maid, any questions?

When I say maid, I mean one from a maid café.
Normally I’d take her out in my car for a drive, but I want a proper date and asked her, but she refused!

You’ve still not been arrested then.

I’m not doing anything I could be arrested for.

Haven’t we heard this before? [links to a thread by the same poster from a week ago with very similar content]

Tell us you and your maid’s specs.

Me: About 40, fatty [“Debumen”]
Maid: 24, maid

¥5,000,000 – what the hell have you been doing?

Well, it’s an investment. Presents and so on. [He later reveals his yearly salary is ¥3,000,000]

Aren’t you dating already?

We were just sort of going out together on a drive. I doubt it qualifies as a date.

She refused because she’d be embarrassed to be seen about with some old fat guy.

No way. If she thought like that she’d not go on drives with me. Anyway I love her, and she definitely loves me – it was just the way I asked that was wrong. That’s why I started the thread, so you lot can tell me how to ask her out properly.

HE HASN’T EVEN REALISED YET!!!!

So did you ask her to go to Hakone or Hokkaido?

I asked on a trip once, but she refused, really vigorously. We need to start with a date first, obviously.

So are you saying she’ll do you in the car, but not at your home?

I’m not investing in her for sex.

Well done, Mr Stalker.

I’m not a stalker.

You again. Face reality and give up, it’s commerce man, commerce.

You guys were asking me questions in that thread, now it’s my turn. Tell me how to get her to go on a date with me.

You don’t listen to people so there’s no point.

Creepy. If he’s not after sex just what does he want?

Mature dating between a man and a woman. The ones who go after their bodies are just kids.

What, is trying to work out what would be nice to give her fun? Like how she will react? What accessories would go well with her?

He’s been giving her consumer electronics…

So, how did you ask her out?

Normally. “Let’s go out on a date next Saturday. Where shall we go?”

Give it up! You’re getting nowhere, and however you look at it 5,000,000 is abnormal. She has no intention of ever dating you. There are other fish in the sea – use the money to improve yourself and then try dating someone else.

Sorry. We’re sort of dating. Trying another woman would be cheating!

“Sort of dating” is itself a bit weird…

¥5,000,000 – over how long?

5 years.

What kind of fortune do you have to be able to afford that? If I were a woman and a guy who had ¥6,000,000 in savings spent ¥5,000,000 courting me, I’d be more than a little worried about his priorities, and besides which it’s totally creepy.

I still have ¥2,000,000 in savings left.

When she turned you down, what did you think?

I thought I’d asked her out unskillfully. How should I try asking her?

Shouldn’t you be concerned about spending all that on her and her not even being willing to date you? That and how you ask her out are two different issues.

If so she would never have accepted the TVs and stuff. If she had no intention of dating me she’d never accept all those expensive gifts you moron!

Take what you can get. That’s an ironclad rule.

She’s not some greedy wretch like you.

If she weren’t she wouldn’t accept gifts from a total stranger!

That’s what I’m telling you, we’re practically lovers!

Come on – define “lovers”:
Date.
Kiss.
Sex.
And usually it starts like this between lovers:
Man: “Let’s go out somewhere.”
Woman: “Sure.”

What a childish definition!

Who says sex is for kids? It’s the ultimate form of communication between two people seeking each other’s hearts and bodies.

Didn’t you say there are other guys investing in her too? She sounds like she has a bunch of investors.

I did actually investigate this. I was watching her interactions with other guys at the café. I looked into them and they were OK.

I bet there’s another guy who invested ¥6,000,000?

I gave this some thought. I’ve been worried I might not have invested enough.

I’m a maid. I wouldn’t use my favourite man to support me. The ones you do that with are sacrificial pawns.

You asked her on a trip. If she lives in Tokyo, why not ask her to go to Osaka to buy electronics or something?

She refused to go anywhere – said she couldn’t leave the café for long.

Saying how much you spent on a girl is weird to begin with. You’re an old guy who has never dated – quit fooling yourself! She just sees you as a sucker she can safely milk for gifts by just going on a drive with you…

“Sort of dating” for 5 years is a joke. Normally you’d be having sex or even married by that time.

I understand you don’t want to face reality, but give it a break. You’re just a sucker to her.

Well, I’ve thought about that a lot. I’ve asked any number of times whether she’s just milking me for cash and intends to drop me when she no longer needs me.

She replied: “You’re my number 1 customer! There’s no way I’d drop you! We’ll go on a date when I get a chance.” No way am I just a sucker if she says something like that.

Nobody is going to say “You’ve really seen through me! You were just a sucker!”

What a twisted way of thinking. You’re saying everything she said is a lie and I shouldn’t listen?

Give us a breakdown of all the money you squandered on her.

It’s not squandered:

Presents: ¥3,000,000
Dates: ¥1,000,000
Phone charges: ¥600,000
Misc: ¥400,000

Try confessing to her. If she really loves you she’ll accept.

Men don’t confess their love! That’s something a schoolboy would think of anyway.
If you had no doubts about this you would not have started the thread. You’re slowly starting to realize, aren’t you?

You’re an idiot. I invested ¥20,000,000 on a cabaret girl over 3 years – but a rival swooped in and gave a Benz and I lost her. Spend the rest of your money on her and then borrow more so you’re sure to get her.

I suppose I’ll have to borrow money to keep going when my money is gone. But I want to go on a trip before I start doing that.

No wonder she keeps at it – if I could get ¥5,000,000 from smiling and calling someone goshujin-sama I’d have trouble quitting too.

That there are people like him around really is scary.

I’m over 40. I’ve never really talked to a woman or held hands with one before meeting her. This is my first and last chance. You understand? My last chance.

Maybe you lot have never met a maid. They’re really kind and don’t look down on me, they interact with me as an equal.

That’s why I spent ¥5,000,000. I just want to go on a date with her too…

If she really were kind and willing to date you, she’d be worried about you spending so much on her…

You need to stop while you still have savings. There’s no going back once you have no money left.

I’ve already spent ¥5,000,000!!!!
There’s no going back!!
It’s impossible now….
Just beg her for a date and offer 500,000 of what you have left if she will.
It seems all I can do is try to lure her with money or gifts.

You still don’t get that you’re one of her “customers” do you?

But I’m her number 1 customer. She goes on drives with me. You don’t mix customers into your private life.

5 years and she got 5,000,000 out of you – this girl is a pro, a real pro.

This is like a religion for this guy – like one of the zealots in a cult. It’s hard for them to come to terms with the fact that it’s a lie and some go on allowing themselves to be exploited even when it’s made clear to them.

[Debuman proceeds to solicit several letters and resolves to send one of them, offering 300,000 for a date – she responds explaining to him how delighted she is but that it wouldn’t be a good idea to spend so much on a date – if there’s a chance she’ll definitely go on a date with him, but until then please]

Maid:

“A date?
You’ve asked so many times… I’m really happy. But please, I don’t think it would be good to spend 300,000. We can always go on a date when I get a chance, but please don’t spend 300,000 on one date.
Come to the café soon! Let’s talk about a date then!”

Wooooo!!!!
What a nice girl!!!! And she put a heart on the message!!!!!!
I need to think of a response!!!!

She shot you down… why are you so happy?

What a pro – she can keep milking you over a long period now.

And she knows how much you’ve spent on her. She’s still up for more.

She’s totally heartless… If I knew someone like this I’d sever ties with them immediately.

[Debuman sends her a mail saying he’s sorry for suddenly offering the money and asking where she’d like to go – she responds that she’d like to go to Disneyland but that she doesn’t think it would suit him – won’t he please come to the café where they can discuss it further? Debuman is delighted]

The idea that you’ve “invested” ¥5,000,000 in her is completely crazy to begin with…

Amazing – with two mails this guy has been returned to his formerly brainwashed state and doesn’t question it at all.

This maid is just so wicked I’m starting to sympathise with this guy.

If this is a troll my hat’s off – it’s damned amusing.

[Debuman offers to take his maid to Tokyo Disneyland:]

I got a response!:

“Maybe it will be rainy that day. I might have work too. Could you wait until my schedule is free for you? I’d really love to go to Disneyland with you if I could. But the café is so busy! I’m so sorry – don’t be annoyed.”

Looks like I pushed too far. Any help guys?

She wants to fight on her home ground.

This maid is powerful – basically all her mails obliquely tell him to come to the café.

She won’t accept 300,000 because she knows she’ll get that much from him by stringing him along a few months.

They’re really no different from hostesses. It’s the fault of the guys who get caught.

That’s right – it’s just the looks and customer demographic which changes.

This is just getting more and more creepy – at the café it’s gone from “Gross, I got another mail from that guy.” “Seriously? Like, gross.” to “He asked me out again.” “Seriously? He might be dangerous, you should talk to the manager about him.”

[Debuman sends a mail suggesting they reserve a place at the Disneyland hotel]

Another response!

“You’re really so kind! I’ll be sure to have a lovely rice-omelet for you next time, so look forward to it! I’ll be waiting!”
What a good girl. She’s so kind. You jealous creeps just don’t get it.

She just ignored the stuff about Disneyland completely – what a pro.”

And the meal won’t be free either.

Love and affection aren’t just about sex – I’ve proven as much. It’s about caring for one another.

All the envious people or the ones going on about her heart being black need to look at that response – you should be able to understand just how kind she is!

An abject lesson on the dangers of maids if ever there were one – to say nothing of the dangers inherent in becoming infatuated with the fantasy life on offer in Akihabara.