An inquest has found that a woman died from onanistic excess.
The 31-year-old nanny (pictured), a resident of Gloucester in the United Kingdom, was found dead whilst lying half-naked in her bed with a laptop displaying pornography and a sex toy close to hand.
Police describe the scene which greeted them when they broke into the lady’s home:
“After they broke in they realised Miss Paginton was dead. She had a computer on her lap and when they moved it and lifted the duvet, they found she was naked from the waist down and there was a vibrator in the bed.
The laptop was still displaying pornographic material.”
The coroner’s verdict dryly notes that she is thought to have died of heart problems related to her onanistic antics:
“I am satisfied [she] died of a natural disease process – sudden cardiac arrhythmia.
It is not always possible to determine an exact cause of death but it is likely that her activity before death contributed towards it.”
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Not a bad way to go, but personally I'd want to be decapitated by a surfboard in a freak traffic accident.
Well, sounds cool enough, but the CSI unit are gonna have a tough time finding your missing head.
Zoom in towards that camera. I'm sure the REAL killer is shown on the camera's reflection.
So, she died happily I guess?
Enhance that reflection!
It looks like the victim was feeling rather... "bored."
YEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH
it look like the victim was.. *puts on glasses* bored to death
YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Heart problems from just masturbating, she must have masturbated VERY intensely or had a really weak heart
Why mtb, come have sex!
Why'd they put her picture in the article? It's not a bad way to go, but you wouldn't want people to find out about it.
She is dead, entered past tense. She does not care what people think about her any more..
You could have a point if you were addressing some still living relative or something like that.
Personally I think it's a nice way to go, right after an orgasm!
I think it's precisely because she's dead that people shouldn't show her photos like that. Because she can't really defend herself can she?..
Anyway, this is pretty tragic. 31 years old? Damn...
What's there to defend? She died while masturbating.
Wait a minute:
"When there was no reply at the door [...] they saw Miss Paginton through the curtains, lying on her bed with her cat lying on her chest."
... cat on her chest ...
dun dun DUNNNN!
Well Duh! Why do you think we have wills? True, dead people don't care about privacy, dead people don't care about money either, but we implemented a system to ensure our money go where we want it after we die anyway.
The dead may not care, but the living does, we live expecting our wills to be respected. For the same reason, people from Gloucester should be pissed knowing that their PD doesn't have the decency to respect her posthumous privacy.
Well, you can't have it both ways. There were probably people who were very anxious to know why this woman was dead - and once the basic facts came out (died from heart problems while masturbating), it would be a simple matter for some newspaper to lift a picture from her Facebook page or somewhere. It's not like the police actually wrote the article.
What do you expect the PD to do? Stonewall everyone indefinitely? Refusing to say anything about some body found dead just makes it look like something mysterious or suspicious happened.
sucks. shes not bad looking niether
The irony is that she was probably one of us, and died just like any of us probably would: with one hand fapping to internet pron.
And yeah.... what a way to go. I can just see the obituary clipping:
I see what you did there... and I lol'd.
Did she have a Boyfriend? i wonder how he feels bout this.
and not a single fuck was given that day.
oh, Gloucester...
If a fuck had been given maybe this situation could of been avoided.
But that fuck wouldn't have been as intense.
Well, she gave a fuck, and ultimately fucked herself over in the end.
If that happened to you I would seriously find out who you are and attend your funeral simply because of the epicness of your death.
But personally I'd like to die from rectal trauma from mooning an incoming airplane, and have deathmetal playing at my funeral.
I live in Hawaii, so the chances of this death happening to me isn't as low as you would think.
i was thinking unless the plain saw you, and the pilot said FUCK THIS GUY and drove right up your ass, the chances are about the same as aliens impregnating a woman and then when its born declaring earth to be the new breading farm for there race
Death by sex people!!!
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DeathBySex
happens all the time......
One of my favorite Guro fetishes...
Coming and Going at the same time...
That's about as natural as it gets...
and someone might have sex with you head while police is looking
I hope you're from South Africa
..and I, getting hit by a truck going at Mach 5.
*attempts to j-walk--* *BZOOOM!* xDD
this story is nothing compared to the woman who died from having sex with a jackhammer.
I hope she at least had an orgasm...
I wonder what was on the screen...
Probably Mizugi Kanojo
Probably Light Yagami's "Just as Planned" face...
oh you, moemoekyunbeam
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! I GOT TO GIVE IT TO YOU ON THAT ONE. THIS JUST MADE MY DAY.
At least she didn't die in pain...
Might be one of those .gif images which looks like pron, but when you open it something scary pops out, and hence the heart attack.
it says she is a "children's nanny" and upon further investigation, there are gunshots riddled throughout her body, and a sticky note labeled "from the FBI"
so it's a safe bet that she was viewing *Captain Planet*.
The guy who says, "Have a seat."
At least everyone can take some comfort in the fact that she died doing what she loved... ^^
David Carradine would disagree.
Death by vibrator.... that's one for the record books.
Well 1000 Ways to Die now has new material for their show.
Except it happens ALL the f***ing time.
I was fapping at the idea of kicking the bucket at the peak of climax.
In comes the image of the woman, *dick goes limp*
(*´Д`)ﾊｧﾊｧ
AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I lol'd hard irl haha
Well.....I s'pose there are worse ways to go.
My worst nightmare. Die watching porn. Ppl would make fun of me forever.
Double standards...