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  • I’d prefer games to just allow you to play the game, I found Rosalina’s ramblings on about Stars and crap in SMG1 a tad boring.

    Who cares about the galaxy and stars, it’s mainly jump on Goombas, get Star, repeat 120 Times, volia Game End.

    The “Super Guide” in NSMB Wii was handy in Castles where I got stuck, but mainly I can see n00bs just dying a few times and having a AI Mario beat the level for them in SMG2.

    Too much text, more action!

    • Anonymous says:

      Everything nowadays is designed towards the idiots in society, because they massively outnumber the competant people probably by 100million to 1. So in the interests of money, they market to the larger group. Most games nowadays are shit compared to even 5 years ago. My favorite is still Super Smash Brothers for the N64, that was all gameplay, no bullshit. Can’t forget about Goldeneye or Zelda, i have to say though, Zelda for the N64 had a very decent storyline with alot of gameplay mixed well in. Now what the fuck do we got? FFXIII with it being 90% cutscenes with a craptastic story in the first place, below average gameplay, and can’t forget that it cost $60 in NA when it was worth 1500 yen in fucking japan.

    • If SMB was made in 2010, it would be on the iphone. And yeah, in Metal Gear(MSX) you had to RUN through an electric field to get to a certain part, and MEMORIZE all the codec numbers, don’t even get me started on Metal Gear 2(MSX), kids are getting pampered with their games today.

  • I’m happy with the tutorials and on-screen tips in the games these days, but I despise facebook and find most of the achievements pointless, especially in a single player game.

    I’ve played for 15 years and back when we didn’t have tutorials or tips, you had figure out what all those weird (badly configured) controls did and it wasn’t any fun. Booklets are nice if you want to read the story or get some background info on the units/characters, but having to use them while playing does not make playing more fun. If you want the game to be difficult, just crank up the difficulty.

    TL;DR: Yay for tutorials, nay for socializing.

  • haibane13 says:

    I remember when RPGs were the only games that had tutorials and that was because trying to figure out what to do through reading a manual was harder to understand . But today even FPS games have tutorials , which is sad .

  • SpideyPHL says:

    Lol great thing there. I think some of it is a bit off in some ways. I’m all in favor of a *skippable* tutorial because it means I can pop the game straight in without having to spend time reading the manual, and in modern games with more than 2 buttons it’s a bit of a necessity the first time out. It hits the nail on the head with the achievements and social networking bits though, but on the other hand that by itself can take the traditional cave troll act of single player all nighter have something of a social component as well, so it’s not all bad.

  • Barbarian of Gor says:


    Good one!

    I like jokes when we turn things back also. Like for instance, what if Pac-Man was made in some kind of alternative universe where we had 2010 level computing power back in the 70s…? (1)

    Well, it would have started the “Vore” game fetish years ago. And it would have gotten banned for it’s violent, bloody action. The critter ripped apart, torn in half by the ghosts that probably would look like floating squid monsters, and their central tank a bio vat, then the critter eating them with blood and gore flying everywhere…

    Imagine Super Mario with modern computer graphics but so new they don’t make it as “Cartoony” as it ended up being? – the 2.5D stuff that lets 3D realisim use a 2D side scroller. The blood from the squishes, real burns from the fire…

    Last, but not least, Frogger. Squish! With a pile of blood, skin and broken little bones;-)

    Probably would have gotten many games banned, but because the big companies were making money but hadn’t completely bought out the government, they’d be available to “Secret Arcades” often in an adjacent building the “Cool Kids” would know the passwords for. But they’d be constantly pressured by their friends to tell them where and sooner or later a member of the “Reagan Youth” would hear and get a “Merit Badge” for letting the Fuzz know about it…

    1-Actually, it’s games that accelerated the PC’s capability that even caught up with and exceeded the “Supercomputer” racket, causing that industry to choke, rely on networks of PCs rather than their often 10 year old architecture. The X-Boxes were made to re-coup the cost of making a “Petaflop” computer’s hardware. The latest Cray is designed for the higher end of the Desktop market. But just for parody I turned it around.

  • Anonymous says:

    Endless tutorials, achievements, and shameless downloadable content that doesn’t disguise the fact that it’s trying to milk the customer for all he/she’s worth. Pretty much modern gaming in a nutshell.

      • To breathe, tap R1 rapidly.

        To breathe while walking, move the left analog stick, while tapping R1.

        To breathe while running, move the left analog stick, while tapping R1 and pressing the Triangle button.

        To breathe while doing a speed jump, move the left analog stick, while tapping R1 and pressing the Triangle button followed by the Circle button.

        To breathe while bumping a brick, move the left analog stick, while tapping R1 and pressing the Triangle button followed by the Circle button, and then shake the right analog stick…

  • Azure Xuchilbara says:

    Mario doesn’t need any achievement/trophy…

    Completing the entire game is satisfaction enough…

    And it’s better for people to learn than a bloody tutorial…That’s what the manual is for…

    • Anonymous says:

      i agree azure, but the kids these days are so fucking lazy that they won’t read the manual. Besides the mario games aren’t that big enough to need any sort of trophy system. Trophy systems in general aren’t needed for any sort of game. The last thing we need to keep adding fuel to the fire for is e-fags who tell you that you suck at life and should kill yourself because you have less e-points and trophys than he does.

      If theres only one true saying anymore its “Ethugs cause shits too dangerous in person”.

  • Anonymous says:

    To be completely fair, this really is a parody more along the lines of what you’d see on the 360 or to a lesser extent the ps3. The wii isn’t as bad for annoying interruptions.

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  • shoranhimura says:

    Mario will always be a classic, no matter how old are you…

    Also, This one in particular, was the best mario ever! the one that you simply couldnt stop playing…

    I miss, the classic old times…

      • Anonymous says:

        No, people are not getting stupider. The problem is that what some people see as ‘obvious’ isn’t to other people.

        Heck, I was ROYALLY PISSED OFF that there was no tutorial for one game I played recently that was a Big Fish game.

        Took me FOREVER to figure the ins and outs of the controls on that game, and it was just a hidden object game! Hidden object, but with some ‘puzzles’ that weren’t obvious at first.

      • Anonymous says:

        Our generations are getting smarter, but the older generations doesn’t believe it because we’re getting so many statistics that we’ve never had before and possibilities to directly communicate with eachothers 24/7.

        Now we’re putting down everything that happens and it instantly looks a lot worse than before when we didn’t know how bad things were or how many did bad things.

      • Anonymous says:

        The first obstacle to most new potential userbase (as in, attracting new people into gaming) is the fact that people who aren’t used to video games aren’t used to their little quirks or jumps of logic that those of us who *do* play, take for granted.

        Thus they’ve stuffed everything full of tutorials to try and reduce the amount of frustration those people get, in hopes that it’ll lead to more people sticking with the hobby rather than getting scared off early on due to being “complicated”.

        And most people are apparently too illiterate to read instruction manuals, so lol

      • Anonymous says:

        Old games also had “tutorials” in the forms of paper manuals. I don’t mind tutorials that much anyway. Most can be skipped, and those that don’t are usually short and can be raced through.
        The last annoying tutorial I had to deal with was B&W and that was years ago.

        On the other hand, I find the social/achievement aspects are annoying to the point that I wish for a “achievements” popup blocker.

        • Anonymous says:

          The mainstreaming of games has been happening for a while now.
          I remember noticing this in the 90’s even- More and more “non-gamers” playing video games. It seemed to really begin when Sony started their gaming ascendancy with the popularization of the PS1.

          Ex- You have rappers around 96/97 talking about playing Playstation on their big screen tv’s. I don’t remember a lot of folks repping Colecovision back in the day.

          But you’re right- this trend has definitely hit its high (low?) point now with the Wii,online achievements and such.

          I don’t know if that’s a bad thing, so long as developers don’t stop making games for gamers.
          There should be room enough for all in a billion plus dollar industry.

        • Artefalse says:

          Dude the B&W tutorial was pure hell but at the same time it was one of the most memorable parts of the game… thank god they let you skip past it in later versions tho… p.s. B&W was and still is an awesome game.

        • Anonymous says:

          Video Games have been “mainstream” for a while kiddies get over it, they haven’t been remotely similar to the “underground-edge” that they had. Then again you children who suddenly dislike something when it becomes mainstream is beyond me, but to each of his own since apparently you guys feel like you accomplished something in life with all of the trophies and achievements that you get in games these days. Back in my day, we didn’t need to be online, nor need any extra little small things to make us feel good inside such as said trophies and achievements.

        • Anonymous says:

          Bah, you young’ns with your “story” and “complex gameplay”! Back then we moved a rectangle straight up and down to bounce a square across the screen for no reason other than to get points, and we loved it.

        • Anonymous says:

          “The next time you go to a game shop, just look at how many of the games are simple, have little to no gameplay/storyline, and aren’t even that complicated to play.”

          Well, hello Nintendo-Games.

        • Ikuhisashiku says:

          Well, that’s because of recent games like “Guitar hero” and “rock band”. They added to the image that shifted games from being “nerdy” to “cool.”
          Now, if you’re some master at one of them, that suddenly gets you bragging rights.

          Gaming is becoming less and less of a cult thing. That’s why there’s only a few true gems out of the lot of crap out there that they’re constantly trying to sell.

          The next time you go to a game shop, just look at how many of the games are simple, have little to no gameplay/storyline, and aren’t even that complicated to play.

        • Anonymous says:

          Next Mario? It’s already here. It’s in New Super Mario Bros. Wii.

          Though you have REALLY suck at that game for it to even appear, as you have to DIE EIGHT TIMES IN A ROW in the same stage before the block that turns it on shows up.

        • Anonymous says:

          i seriously pity the people who work help-lines for computer companies. My friend does that and some of the questions he gets asked are baffling. The whole “any” key question is by far the biggest, he told me it was about 40% of the questions asked. And sadly anon, pictures don’t help alot of the time, because people are really just that stupid. The funniest one i heard was..”How do you turn on this thing?”

        • Anonymous says:

          Having worked the help lines myself, no the “any key” remark is right on the money. We (the company I worked for) had to buy a new keyboard for someone because they said our instruction to “hit the any key” made them ruin their keyboard (they really hit). We tried a dozen different variations of the phrase (press the ENTER key — “oh, I’m supposed to release it?”; depress the ENTER key — ” how do you do that? it has no feelings…”; push down the ENTER key — “how hard am I supposed to do that?”).

          I could list literally pages of stupid stuff people have said to me over the phone. Such as, back when disks were used to distribute games, one woman removed the “cookie” (the actual plastic disk) from its envelope because the instructions said to remove the sleeve form the disk before inserting the disk in the drive (which we said because someone got mad that we hadn’t told him to remove the plastic wrap on the disk before putting the disk in the drive). I know a drive manufacturer who had to replace a computer because a woman complained that following the technician’s advice to clean her drive destryoyed her computer (she sprayed Windex, a glass cleaner, into the drive–not surprisingly, the computer shorted out when she turned it back on).

        • It’s not a fake. After all in the next Mario which’s coming soon, there will be the key “Let the IA do it for you”. Also good bye books manuals and welcome the dvd manual.

          Nintendo brings the tutorial to the next level ! (Actually to the end of the game…)

      • “So does this mean, as time progresses, our generations are getting stupider, that we need to include tutorials on every aspect of gameplay, even the old classics?”

        Game companies seem to think so. I remember raging at the tutorials in FireRed and LeafGreen. The original games didn’t have tutorials and everyone played those games just fine, so they sure as hell didn’t need to add those tutorials in the remakes.

        • Anonymous says:

          thats bullshit if they start integrating facebook into starcraft 2. thats the last thing the world needs is facebook intergrated into everything..pretty soon when you buy milk from the fucking corner store, you get some sort of achievement…Seems to me that the whole over-achievement thing is some sort of self-gratification for retards so that they don’t feel like complete wastes of skin.

          People should get out and talk to people they know rather than sitting at home being lazy and trading farming favors on farmville while talking to the person whos 5 feet away from them. I admit while its a nice way for people who are far away from each other to talk..all its done is cause social stigma through lack of physical association. If this crap keeps going, in 50 years or so, everyones gonna become a hikkikomori.

        • Anonymous says:

          The facebook part of there was added as most new games (Being starcraft 2) will add a function that will integrate Facebook to your gaming experience (along with battle.net).

        • Anonymous says:

          I agree more with the designer with an emphasis that people don’t want to read manuals or read tutorials.

          It’s like an arcade game where those who play want to know how to do every super without even trying. Button masher VS knowledgeable player?

        • Anonymous says:

          It is a sad fact. Current game design trends demand accessibility to new players, but most forget about the needs of established or repeat players, i.e. having an option to skip scenes if you’ve cleared them before, or that dreaded tutorial.
          Information resolution was a big reason why manuals have become obsolete. Too many game mechanics, too much info on-screen, etc. Using black and white thumbnail-sized screenshots in the manual isn’t helping either. There are ways of making manuals more useful, but it’s just a sad fact that those who design them don’t seem to care anymore…
          I really liked how the latter MGS games actually *asked* you if you’ve played the Metal Gear games before, or if you’re more used to a specific kind of control scheme.
          And yes, that FB thing is annoying. Social Achievement systems are another cause of sinking more time than you’re supposed to in a game. I like them as a personal benchmark, but proclaiming trifling achievements to the world? Forcing yourself to play through a horrible game just to get more gold stars to stick to your fridge? It’s just unforgivable.

        • Anonymous says:

          amen brother for the facebook ness but overall they NEED to have the ability to skip tutorials since being an avid gamer myself (since i was liek 3, 21 now) tutorials (unless the controls are super complex) are annoying as fuck and always need a skip and replay option.

        • Anonymous says:

          As a game designer, I can say a lot of it is because of the hypocrisy of the modern impatient gamer. These days people want into their game and don’t want to read, but then complain if they don’t understand something, so the manual may as well be an art book.

          Also, in 3D terms, many times you cannot explain things in a book, people must feel them for themselves. The tutorial’s existence is to guarantee that you don’t alienate any players with the game’s complexities. The Wii, which I personally don’t like in gaming terms, is a good example. Many Care Facilities now nearly REQUIRE a Wii because the elderly can fully understand the idea of using full body motions for control rather than very fine finger motor skills, and thus can play golf and such on that toy of a console. But they are also not knowledgeable about gaming and controls of them, so tutorials are there to guarantee the spread of common knowledge. 2D games never really require tutorials because of their general limitations being extremely easy to understand conceptually.

          As for the facebook connection, which I also cannot stand, that is essentially the mutation of the concept of bringing community to single-player games. It doesn’t work in my opinion and only stands to add more boring, useless, unimportant posts to Facebook.

        • Anonymous says:

          I remember when I was a kid, if you wanted to know game information and controls you either A. Figured them out. or B. Read the fucking game booklet that came with the game. Kids these days are too lazy to do either apparently.

        • DeathCrunch says:

          I have FireRed sitting on my desktop (buy GBA games, lol) right now.
          I know know I’m going to rage will playing it… thanks I guess >_> This only makes that fact the pussified the game even worse (gamblers are now gamers, fuuuu-)

  • Anonymous says:

    When all you have to press is up, down, left, right, A and B, it’s not too hard to figure out what each button does. In a game where all you can do is jump, it makes sense to jump on everything.

    When it’s up, down, left, right, A, B, X, Y, L1, L2, R1, R2 and two joysticks, all of which may or may not be pressure sensitive, it’s a bit different.