Vulva: “Vaginal Scent in a Bottle”

A German company is offering vaginal juices in a bottle for use as Eau de Cologne.

The company responsible, Vivaeros, a sex toy manufacturer, provides some glib spiel about this not-perfume:

The erotic, intimate scent of an irresistible woman…

The precious, vaginal odour filled into a small glass phial. The phial is shaken gently, only a tiny amount of the precious, organic substance is applied onto the back of the hand… and the irresistible smell that exudes from a sensuous vagina immediately intensifies your erotic fantasies and starts the film rolling in your head…

VULVA Original is not a perfume. It is a beguiling vaginal scent which is purely a substance for your own smelling pleasure. Breathe in and enjoy, anytime, anywhere, the odour of a beautiful woman.

Some pictures of a Vulva being modelled by what 2ch uncharitably describes as “an old hag”:

Some relief for the 2D demographic:

The CEO of the company responsible touts his juice in an unsurprisingly creepy interview:

So what were the main obstacles in developing your very own fanny odour?

The most difficult thing was finding preservatives to add the scent as it only lasts around half a day without them. We had to find ingredients that made the product live longer but didn’t change the scent. We tried many ingredients from around the world and eventually found a combination that works.

Can you tell us what’s in the mix?

No. It’s our secret.

Can you confirm that there’s real vagina in there?

Almost everything on the sex market is based on fantasy. The toys are plastic, the movies use actors. Vulva is real. We tried several samples from women of all ages. We didn’t take the scent after someone had run a marathon or anything, but it is a combination of urine, sweat, and female arousal.

Urine? Lovely. How do you transfer the scent from lady to lab?

That’s also a secret. I can tell you we don’t get it from any masturbating techniques, or squirting into jars. I sometimes tell people that we got many women to sit on horse riding saddles for ten hours a day and took samples. But that’s not true.

You use a range of women or just one?

One. She’s the blonde woman on our website. Of course, we wanted to take the scent from a woman that looks nice, but we tried with a variety of women as it was ultimately smell based, not about looks. We took a year and a half to get it right.

How do we know that the scent comes from this beautiful woman and not a septuagenarian hunchback from Swindon?

Well there has to be an element of trust. I think when you smell it you will know it comes from a young woman.

How does one apply Vulva? Presumably you don’t splash it all over your neck before a night out.

You use it to enhance a situation, for example, maybe watching TV or a DVD, or with your partner. You can apply it to the back of the hand and use the aroma to add another dimension.

Will there be more Vulva products?

We see Vulva Original as being like the first dildo. There are many sizes of dildo available today and we will have many smells available. There is already development going on with Vulva 18 and Vulva Exotic, as well as a very aroused scent for the bad boys.

Executive summary: they have a girl soak her pantsu every day and then squeeze them into a bottle.

Such a product of course faces stiff competition in Japan due to the availability of freshly harvested schoolgirl pantsu, but in less advanced hentai nations Vulva might well succeed in gulling a small coterie of maniacs into purchasing the Eau de Pantsu.