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Japanese Outraged at Australian Cat Slaughter

kittens

Japanese are aghast at Australian plans to kill millions of stray cats, with many perplexed at how a nation which sanctimoniously lectures them at every opportunity about their whaling and tacitly supports eco-terrorism can simultaneously destroy millions of lovable felines.

Australia’s Invasive Animals Cooperative Research Centre is reportedly testing a system of poison traps designed to kill cats by “exploiting their natural curiosity.”

The trap uses light and sound to lure cats in to investigate, and once they have entered the trap a sensor attempts to determine whether they are a cat, and if so the trap delivers a dose of fatal poison. Cats are said to be uninterested in traditional traps, requiring a cat-specific lure playing upon their investigative nature.

In a macabre pun the system is dubbed “Curiosity.”

Australia is estimated to have a population of 18 million stray cats, which frequently prey upon Australia’s often times pathetically fragile native species.

Government efforts to control undesired non-native species have over the years seen countless millions of foxes, cats, dogs, pigs, rabbits, and fish destroyed by methods ranging from trapping and shooting to the introduction of viral agents, with mixed success.

Japanese hearing about the system were disgusted at the barbarous slaughter of so lovable a creature, particularly in light of their association of Australia with eco-pirate band Sea Shepherd and an unending stream of criticism about the (in Japan) uncontroversial issue of whaling:

“As expected of the Aussies. They fall over themselves to protect whales but abuse other species; this level of opportunism… it’s truly shameless.”

“Please don’t kill those lovable little cats! Cats are even more sensitive than whales. Please don’t kill them just for the sake of keeping their numbers down!”

“Australians are so crude!”

“What have Sea Shepherd to say about this? Nothing, because there’s no money in it for them?”

“I think Australia is justified in killing these cats, and Japan is also justified in killin whales. However, Australia has no right to be criticising Japan.”

“We’ve got to launch attacks on Australia to stop the slaughter of these poor cats!”

Whilst the ecological arguments for destroying an “invasive species” are generally considered sound, the ecological arguments against whaling are rather problematic – for example, the UN does not consider minke whales to be endangered and global populations are stable at several million, whilst Japan takes an annual catch of only 500.

Since Australian opposition to whaling is evidently based primarily on an irrational emotional and cultural attachment to whales, Japanese are naturally left wondering why their equally irrational emotional and cultural attachment to cats is any less significant.

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