Lifesaving Excuses for Explaining Away Your Porn Stash
- Categories: International, News
- Date: Feb 20, 2010 21:07 JST
- Tags: Adultery, AV, Bizarre, Dating, Ero-manga, Marriage, Rankings, Relationships
The overwhelming majority of healthy men at some point maintain a secret porn stash, but even the most painstakingly hidden materials can still be discovered by a girlfriend or other female authority figure, requiring an arsenal of excuses if disaster is to be averted.
Upon discovering such a stash, some women experience emotions of jealousy or find it difficult to reconcile their boyfriend’s imagined disinterest in pornography with its existence. Death or injury has been known to result from encounters with such women.
Thus it is no exaggeration to say that it may in fact be a matter of life and death for men to devise appropriate excuses for the existence of such stashes, and that their very lives may depend on reading the below article.
A Japanese writer offers up 9 possible ways of deflecting such attention from even a Japanese girlfriend:
1. “It’s proof of being a healthy man – everyone has a stash!”
“The standard excuse. Prevaricate by saying everyone does it.”2. “Well, actually this belongs to my father…”
“Don’t acknowledge ownership. Useful if the content is problematic.”3. “What, just where did that come from!?”
“Play dumb. Just pretend you don’t look at them any more and it was left over from somewhere.”4. “Try reading it.”
“Counter with a recommendation. May improve intimacy, but may also be rejected.”5. “I was studying female anatomy.”
“An excuse attempting to persuade her you were studying so as to be a better lover.”6. “I’m just looking after it for a friend for [some reason].”
“For teenagers.”7. “It’s better than cheating isn’t it?”
“A powerful but dangerous technique which puts her trust in you at risk.”8. “But I just wanted to look…”
“Try to gain her sympathy by behaving cutely and perhaps turning the tables on her by being angry that she looked.”9. “Periodically the masculine urges just build up.”
“A desperation measure likening it to a woman’s period to elicit feminine sympathy – portray it as an uncontrollable natural phenomenon.”
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Just use "tits or gtfo..and you were tfo at the time T_T"
In fact it is not even required to excuse ones porn.
GF: OMG, that's a porn stash! Why do you have this?!
Guy: Because I bought it. So what?
GF: Nvm, just wanted to make sure you didn't use my yaoi porn too.
1&4 are the best.
"I don't want to get blue balls."
That's what I use as an excuse.
I also propose the making her lose her mind tactic. Example....
G - What is this?
B - What are you talking about?
G - There is porn here.
B - Oh you are right! I didn't know you where in to this kind of things. You are quite the pervert.
G - WTF!!! Don't give that shit to me! This is obviously yours.
B - Oh gammon, there is no reason to be ashamed everybody has seen porn at least once.
G - Will you cut that shit out!!!
B - Why are you getting mad? If you are so ashamed then you shouldn't have kept it.
G - Ahhhhh!!! You are so annoying! You are driving me crazy, am going out for a walk.
B - OK have a nice walk don't buy any porn magazines on your way. It's not good to spent money like that.
G - JERK!!!!!(closes the door loudly)
Now after this incident, make certain to call everyone you know for supposedly light conversation and throw innocently enough that you found her having secret porn stash. People usually believe who ever told them something first.
Even throw the incident of your girlfriends secret porn stash at social meetings but always have a good comment afterwards like: "i don't have a problem, i think it's healthy for her, am not some crazy prudent fanatic", just so you can play the superior position role at it's fullest and make her even feel bad for having a problem with you having porn.
If you play your role well enough she will start questioning even herself and wonder if it wasn't yours or even the possibility that the stash it's actually hers.
Now that's a master piece of deception.
i haven't heard gammon since the 1980's good to see it's still on use =)
but what wil you do if she breaks up and says she will take her porn stash when leaving?
Will you admit that it was yours or will you keep the act and let her take it?
I would consider the outcome "her foot on your balls" having a probability between 20 and 50 percent...
Still, nice way to get out of trouble Sylar...
Q: "WTF this porn here?"
A: STFU, and get ready for more!!
Why keep a stash when you have the INTERNET?
In case the net is unavailable?
In my (khm, OUR) case:
GF: WTF, kiddie pr0n?!
ME: (Any options above)
GF: You sick bastard, I call the cops now! Never touch me again!
@ Anonymous 04:25
That why we have copy paste :)
I find #8 very amusing (though i think you'd have to be like, thirteen to pull it off right....)
yep, #8 looks like it works if you're a shota or ur gf is older.
make sure to do the innocent puppy look thingy as well...
Suggestion: Next month, purchase some fetish for her to wear and give them to her as a surprise gift one night. The next morning ask if she enjoyed it. If she does (which I'm sure she will), tell her you got the idea from one of your magazines. She won't object to you having a stash from now on.
Yeah seriously.
B: I just wanted to see what it looked like...
G:...
We've had sex like, 6 times already.
B: Yeah but the lights were off. :'[
G:...
GF: What the hell's this!?!
BF: Ah so that's where it's been. I've almost forgotten bout it...
GF: .....oh
BF: for old times sake, wanna watch/read/etc. them together?
Just pray she doesn't check the release dates on the stuff.
The secret is; don't hide it.
Else if you got some _really_ bad stuff; pull a Madarame.
I disconnect the HDD when not in use. Chances of discovery? Near zilch. ;D
Better yet: encrypt. Chances of finding it are even less, and when someone finds it, they won't be able to tell the difference between your entire porn collection and a completely pointless 500GB partition.
whats a Madarame?
Go read/watch Genshiken, highly recommended.
but that's only it you have money to spend on pointless normal porn
Do you know where is the best place to hide something? Right in from of them!!!
I have all my reading stuff right in the entrance of my room. Videogames, anime and "Special" magazines are all together.
If its not hidden, everybody thinks thats not something important, and they won't pay attention. It's like hiding a tree in a forest.
With my stuff in the computer is the same. I have eroges in my desktop, and I had let them see me playing normal games in my computer, so they thing that those icons are also normal games. And because they are written in japanese, they don't pay any attention to them.
you're right it doesn't even matter... they don't have any authority over you, don't they?
Yeah, but they have authority over whether they want to break up with you or not. Or tell everyone.
So, the only reason why there is a reason to hide porn stashes is yourself. If you'Re fine with the obvious consequences, then you can decide to not hide it.
It's just everyone's choice. Decisions and facing/accepting the logical consequences.
I think a girl breaking up with me, over a porn stash of all things, is far from a logical consequence. A logical consequence is her laughing at you, or throwing it away in a worst case scenario. But if she lacks self confidence, gets jealous easily, is overly self conscious, or perhaps just a prude, I can see hidden porn being a problem. Though, honestly, I wouldn't want to be with someone like that to begin with....
BlaqCat's argument is sound. My guideline is that my girlfriend should be comfortable watching porn with me. Open is the way to go.
I agree with that too. Nothing wrong with a healthy man having some porn.
Besides, where's the trust if she can't even stand the fact her man has a bit of erotica?
LOL
What a selfish bitch she would be if she said that. I'm all for sharing my yaoi porn as long as he shares his hentai porn too and we watch it together.
5 worked for girl friends. Saying you where trying to learn how to finger/eat pussy better does work.
As far as like parents or something, never got caught, and don't have to worry about that anymore.
That'd be funny if you had a girlfriend. Any any girlfriend who uses the word 'yaoi' would be fat or dog ugly.
1 8 and 9 or good
number 1 sounds more like the truth than an excuse.
I have yet to find a man who doesn't have a secret porn stash.
Yes I approve of #1 since it's the most obvious of truths.
How can it be a secret if everyone knows about it?
the trap one is secret lol
Because you don't know its exact location nor contents.
@ Anon 23:57
I think that would be hidden, not secret...
Where's the option "I have it cause I like it"?
It's not there, because death or injury has been known to result from such encounters.
OR, if its too blatant statement(depending on the person you're talking to) they might just think "you are growing up" :')
"Hey, *I'm* not the one who gained forty pounds after we started dating."
Brilliant!!
Though when my mom found my stash I merely replied: "I'll just have to do a better job hiding it then." Thus a career in Information Securities was born
but your anon, shouldn't your job be unsecuring other peoples information?
An anon helping to secure information...? That's a scary thought.
I would use a combination of 1 & 4. I'm not ashamed that I look at porn and if I had a girlfriend that wasn't interested in porn then I would try to get her to like it by finding some that she would enjoy as well.
Number 3 could never work for me since all my porn is on my computer. I can't just say "Gee, I wonder who downloaded those hundreds of gigabytes of porn onto my computer?".