porn-reading-bishoujo-by-gusu.png

The overwhelming majority of healthy men at some point maintain a secret porn stash, but even the most painstakingly hidden materials can still be discovered by a girlfriend or other female authority figure, requiring an arsenal of excuses if disaster is to be averted.

Upon discovering such a stash, some women experience emotions of jealousy or find it difficult to reconcile their boyfriend’s imagined disinterest in pornography with its existence. Death or injury has been known to result from encounters with such women.

Thus it is no exaggeration to say that it may in fact be a matter of life and death for men to devise appropriate excuses for the existence of such stashes, and that their very lives may depend on reading the below article.

A Japanese writer offers up 9 possible ways of deflecting such attention from even a Japanese girlfriend:

1. “It’s proof of being a healthy man – everyone has a stash!”
“The standard excuse. Prevaricate by saying everyone does it.”

2. “Well, actually this belongs to my father…”
“Don’t acknowledge ownership. Useful if the content is problematic.”

3. “What, just where did that come from!?”
“Play dumb. Just pretend you don’t look at them any more and it was left over from somewhere.”

4. “Try reading it.”
“Counter with a recommendation. May improve intimacy, but may also be rejected.”

5. “I was studying female anatomy.”
“An excuse attempting to persuade her you were studying so as to be a better lover.”

6. “I’m just looking after it for a friend for [some reason].”
“For teenagers.”

7. “It’s better than cheating isn’t it?”
“A powerful but dangerous technique which puts her trust in you at risk.”

8. “But I just wanted to look…”
“Try to gain her sympathy by behaving cutely and perhaps turning the tables on her by being angry that she looked.”

9. “Periodically the masculine urges just build up.”
“A desperation measure likening it to a woman’s period to elicit feminine sympathy – portray it as an uncontrollable natural phenomenon.”


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    Avatar of Ota-Kool
    Comment by Ota-Kool
    06:08 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    How about I'm reading kamasutra(or other pon stuff) to study the position on how to make pleasure on my...I mean our love making.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:26 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Yeah and what happens if there are loli stuff in my stash any ideas?

    Avatar of Zavalix
    Comment by Zavalix
    07:01 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    My cat did that! I swear!

    Avatar of Trigrim
    Comment by Trigrim
    07:09 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    I`m getting practice/inspiration for when your little sister cums over?

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:51 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    My stash is electronic and I have been thinking of deleting it since its rather useless as I don't use it.

    Avatar of Barbarian of Gor
    Comment by Barbarian of Gor
    05:31 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    IMO, if the woman can't satisfy the man enough so that if he has any porn it's got an inch of dust (or multi-year old computer files) and he's forgotten about it, she ain't doing her job.

    I've seen relationships where the men were afraid to have ANY porn. And they broke up. The woman cheats, but gets everything thanks to the AmeriKKKan court system and lives off the man's income with a parasite male.

    Fruit of the "Modern women who seek to destroy men"... They want it all, but they emotionally need to bond with a man who'll protect them, but they've been told to destroy men as 'rapists/woman haters' by man-hating muff divas. Therefore, they see this need for such a bond as 'mind control' by the 'rapist' and want to hurt him, to dominate him.

    Putting women in the general work force, along with all the disruption to marriage and families, did this; It effectively doubled the workforce allowing the "Controllers" to cut wages in half. Instead of a limited number of highly trained professional men and bunch of hard working blue collar ones, we now have a glut of 'educated' but helpless otherwise people, men and women, scrambling for jobs in a decaying market. If it was just men, the limited number alone would keep wages high and they'd organize better to keep good wages up and unfair competition down.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:58 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    your waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out there.

    Comment by BannedFear
    04:50 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    This is ridiculous.... excuses for having porn? "I wanted to fap." >.>

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:54 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    I don't have to worry about ir, she even brings me more porn!

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:17 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    i dont have this problems porn is a natural instinct
    of human
    you must worry if you dont have it

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:41 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    10. "It exists, you don't!"
    Works best when your single.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:58 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Please tell me more!

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:32 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Lots of good comments, but wow, I can't believe this isn't in the article and that nobody has mentioned it yet...

    Ejaculation helps fight prostate cancer!!! It's been proven by SCIENCE. Need I say more? Jealous girls, don't you want your guy to stay healthy?

    Besides that, beating the meat helps a guy last longer when he is having actual sex. Why would his partner not want that? They want the 10-second "oops I'm done, thanks" guy? Eesh.

    Pr0n away, guyz. >D

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:46 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    LOL masculine urges.

    I had to explain to my boyfriend my hentai, yaoi, yuri, dickgirl, pegging, shota, AND bestiality collection.

    So is having 25gb worth of pictures a feminine urge?

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:55 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Hopefully he should like the yuri part

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:44 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Try reading it" is the best one. Mainly if you collect Playboy magazines... Because nowadays, the models have so much photoshopping that men only buy Playboys for the jokes and articles. Now, if it's a hentai magazine in Japanese, well...

    Avatar of Sukunai
    Comment by Sukunai
    02:32 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Excuses?

    Shit I don't offer ANY excuses.

    If you are single you need an excuse even less than a married man.

    Married men will already be aware that a healthy intelligent woman can't always be available. Porn is ONLY choice 2 if you have brains at all (and if she has any common sense as well).

    You just make it plain to her 'were you planning to be at my beck and call every single time I need to get off?' If she answers yes, well hell you don't NEED porn.
    But unless she's willing to suck it out when she's having her cycle, and willing to spread em any time of day or night you're interested, then maybe she might want to lay off complaining about the porn.

    And if she's really bright, she'll look AT the porn to get proper intel on precisely what makes you tick, and then emulate that herself. If she plans to 'own' you, she might as well figure out what you can't resist eh.

    Any woman too dense to grasp all of this, is likely too dumb to talk to at all in the first place.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:34 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Women don't know sports.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:22 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Why do I have porn? Is this a trick question?"

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:19 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Only little kids need to hide their porn stash, or worse make up dumb excuses (#2, 3, 6) nobody will believe in when they are found out.

    If you ever get a girlfriend, just man up and come clean with it. Trust in a relationship takes a long time to build up, but takes only an instant to lose. Just ask Toyota.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:54 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    I don't maintain a porn stash.

    I just use the internet when the desire arises.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:29 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Here's what I do, I stream my porn from the internet. No need to save it, and nobody knows the password for my profile on the computer, chances of anyone looking over my internet history, slim to none.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:55 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    I would just say it's all the stuff I downloaded before I met you and that now I feel ashamed.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:07 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    This is why you get a girlfriend who's also into porn.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:35 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    There are only two approaches:

    1. Don't hide it. Put it in a folder called "Porn--Enter_at_Your_Own_Risk"; or

    2. Put in on encrypted removable media (flash drives, hard drives, etc.)

    If she catches you looking/reading/watching it, just say, "Yeah, it's porn. Knowing how self-confident you are, I didn't think you'd care."

    If you've done something stupid, such as trying to hide it in an obscure folder on your hard drive, and she discovers it, you _MIGHT_ get away with, "OMFG, my box has been pwned!!"

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:52 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    My porn stash is in plain view, just next to my artbooks... Best way to hide it imho.

    Same counts for porn on you PC, just make a folder called porn on your desktop and no one will ever open it. ^^

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:00 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Pride can be such a wonder ain't it?

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:47 22/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    say it can't possibly be yours, because you're gay.

    Avatar of Freelancer
    Comment by Freelancer
    03:58 22/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Good thing I draw mangas. It's really easy to give excuses when all of them knows that you actually worked for a local comic book company. -_-

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:21 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Porn stash ? I don't have any, well I have, but Internet confiscated mine

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:55 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Surely the best countertactic is to turn the tables and go on the offensive.

    "Oh, so our relationship is entirely physical to you?"

    Avatar of Shuu
    Comment by Shuu
    07:24 22/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Great title pic... Gusu really excels in portraying these kinds of situations.

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:03 23/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    "I find it artistic"

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:05 24/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    1.Say pointless excuse.
    2.Listen to her rant.
    3.Tell her you were testing her.
    4.Act VERY dissapointed.

    Avatar of spectre257
    Comment by spectre257
    12:05 23/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Apparently the best way to hide it a stash is stash it in plain sight.
    No one would suspect you'd keep the stash there otherwise if your collection is digital just stash the hard drive somewhere in your pile of stuff.

    Avatar of Kelvin
    Comment by Kelvin
    02:27 23/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    good thing my gf buys me porn mags. Thank you dear :)

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:26 23/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    What ever happened to the good old-fashioned "I read the articles" excuse?

    Girl: Hey! What the hell is this?
    Boy: What? I just read the articles.
    Girl: Yeah right mister.
    Boy: No really. There's a great interview in here with Bonnie Pink. :flip to it: See?
    Girl: Oh...

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:30 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Haha... Choice 8 kinda funny! XD

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:26 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    My excuse:
    "Don't you have one, too?"
    She shut up immediately.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:30 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    For me I'll just randomize my way out. Once she takes out the stash, I'll act surprised
    "Oh god, you even brought your own porn stash here! I'm disappointed in you! I cant believe I have a girlfriend who watches porn!"
    then proceed to threaten break-up and all that crap till she has no room for reasoning and forgets whatever that happened lol

    Avatar of hALOTOO
    Comment by hALOTOO
    11:41 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Ha this remind of the time when I was trying to show my mom something in my laptop, but had completely forgotten that I had T2 "sora no iro mizu no iro" as my wallpaper. As I was looking for excuse than she said " what a beautiful girl" I was like "huh"

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:24 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    I dont hide my stash, I leave them on the bookshelf and my gf doesnt give a shit about whats on the bookshelf, instead looking under my bed and getting a whole lot of manga

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:02 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Whats wrong with having a porn stash? I'm a girl and I have my own porn stash. In fact I watched some of it with my bf, I think it shocked him more to know that I keep my own stash...

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:46 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    10. Roll-up one of the magazines and start whacking her on the head, yelling "bad dog! baaad dog!"

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:09 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Try reading it. ROFL

    Avatar of Tex_Arcana
    Comment by Tex_Arcana
    15:50 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    I was excited, at long last, to finally have a lifesaving excuse for explaining away my porn 'stache. But the actual article cruelly dashed my hopes.

    Although I guess I could still use 3, 7, and 9, to some extent.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:24 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'd be more disturbed if said man in question didn't have a porn stash, digital or physical media. I'd consider pornography as a part of the rite of passage to become a man. I mean one eventually becomes curious about it all and hey guess what can satiate that curiosity?

    Avatar of Callysto
    Comment by Callysto
    15:44 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    I don't mind if my boyfriends keep porn. It's very insightful to see what they collect, what they watch, what gets them turned on the most.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:13 21/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    1, 4, 5, 7, 8, and 9 would never work for a lolicon's porn stash.

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:45 20/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    "female authority figure"
    I found the problem here, unless it's your mother.

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:46 20/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    If you'll hide your porn rather then dump your shitty controlling gf, then maybe you should remember where you also hid your BALLS.






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