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Final Fantasy XIII: “Biggest Swindle in Gaming History”

moe-serah

Divisive RPG Final Fantasy XIII has received its most damning print review to date, being awarded a pathetic 40% by an overseas rag evidently free of the need to toady up to Square’s advertising department. The game is a “swindle” and a “joke” it is said, and many who have played the game will likely sympathise with the criticisms made.

The game received the following score:

System: 1/10 “Such a crude system barely warrants being called an RPG at all.”

Scenario: 2/10 “An epic tear jerker.”

Graphics: 9/10 “Top marks here.”

Sound: 7/10 “Mostly quality.”

Enthusiasm: 1/10 “As if you could play this for 100 hours! I could put up with 8.”

Total: 4/10 “To think it got this bad…”

Criticisms include:

The game is complete linearity until the open areas near the end. You can’t even backtrack.

Of all the RPGs I’ve played in recent years, this is the first which has been so linear that it’s little more than riding an amusement park ride.

I had heard the opinion that “It’s amazing once you get to Chapter 11,” but why should you spend 20 or 30 hours on a game to get to the only enjoyable part? Just how do they intend to make me play this? Do they think I’m some kind of masochist?

He goes on to deride the gameplay for having become a button mashing puzzle game with no real strategy or RPG elements and a plethora of annoying features, saying the game as a whole is little more than a “digital novel” of sorts.

For such a game to approach 2 million copies sold must be due solely to the strength of the Final Fantasy brand, he opines, calling it in closing the “biggest swindle in gaming history” and the “biggest joke of 2009.”

The review, in Chinese:

chinese-ff13-review

Final Fantasy has never been so divisive and polarising; even Square Enix’s CEO seems somewhat sheepish about the title… Hardly the reception the supposed crowning masterpiece of the series should be receiving?

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