Man Calls 911: “I Need Sex!”


A man who repeatedly reported an unusual emergency via a series of 911 calls has been arrested – operators apparently took a dim view of his insistence that someone be provided for him to have sex with.

The man, a resident of Florida, called emergency services 5 times requesting aid for his sexual emergency, but none was forthcoming and operators merely hung up on him.

15 minutes after making his last call, police called at his home and arrested him for making false calls to emergency services.

The man remains locked up without bail, and already has 12 arrests to his name for charges ranging from grand theft auto to assault and drug possession.

It seems emergency services the world over bear the brunt of human stupidity

Via Heaven.

    Post Comment »
    Sort by: Date | Score
    Avatar of Stiyl-Magnus19
    Comment by Stiyl-Magnus19
    11:18 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    New use for the 911!!! I hope that they enable the service

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:21 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Who else wishes there was more natural selection?

    I mean there's more of a chance of a genius who would be a boon to his society beaten to death than the idiots who drive nails into their own skulls with hammers dying from their stupidity...actually it's probably those people that would lynch the smart guy because "inulluctualz iz badz! deyz smarta dan uz bozz!"

    Spencer coined the term survival of the fittest.
    I believe it was Dawkin's who coined the phrase "survival of the adequate" There are way too many unforgivably stupid people who gain a measure of prestige in their society for being outspokenly ignorant and getting enough ignorant people to follow him forcing intelligent people to either cringe or suffer for being smarter than the rest of society.

    Correcting an idiot in America can get you killed -_-

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:30 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)


    Comment by Anonymous
    11:40 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'm not talking about Eugenics...I'm talking about something like the suicide island manga.

    If people go to the hospital enough times for jumping off of the buildings, pulling stupid ****ing stunts, calling the police for not having tomatoes on the big mac that you ordered and instead of keeping insane rants to yourself or internet chatrooms, you take it to the streets to force ordinary people to bend to the will of the stupid, then you get dumped on an island with other like-minded people.

    If you don't believe in scientific theory,think scientists are evil, and/or make life hell for educated people, then enjoy your life on an island without science, or the advancements achieved through the scientific process.

    Watch the movie idiocracy, I swear to god that that movie could double as a documentary.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:08 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Because America has so many f!cking criminals.

    We criminalize everything and punish people with as great a sentance as humanly possible so the judge isn't called out as being "sympathetic to criminals"

    Case in point. The texas governor that wanted to secede from the US refused to pardon a man convicted of burning his family alive.

    Even when a panel of expert arson investigators didn't find any sign of arson or crime.

    It probably didn't help that Perry removed the arson investigation board when they tried to file a report saying that the man was innocent.

    And refused to listen to the commissions testimony.

    And replaced everyone supporting the man's innocence.

    So of course they have to punish the man who lost his family in a tragic fire accident and then kill him even though expert arson investigators found no case against him...just so Perry doesn't look easy on people falsely convicted of crime.

    And about prisons, I've been watching locked up abroad...and boy I sure as hell wouldn't want to f!ck up or be in the wrong place at the wrong time in South Korea.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:28 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Compared to other countries, our prisons are resorts. Perhaps that is why we have the problems that we have. There is no real deterrent.

    Punishment should be just that: Punishment. You train a dog by sticking his nose in it and whacking him on the nose with a newspaper. Seems cruel, but he learns. Human animals should be treated the same way.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:54 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's just another one of those "WTF" moments...

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:39 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The main picture for this article.. the lady's nipples are off to the side.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:19 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, the police did respond to his emergency. Now he can have sex with Bubba.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:53 30/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Bah, that's nothing. Once, some lady called 911 cuz McDonalds forgot the pickles on her sandwich.

    Avatar of dyguests
    Comment by dyguests
    22:27 23/12/2009 # ! Neutral (0)


    so. we could get a girl for call 911?

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:39 20/01/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    give me my 1 min back. yes i really did 1 min to read this shit. i need sex call 911!!! what an idiot.

    Avatar of man1
    Comment by man1
    22:30 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    He should have called the public complaints line after the first time for failure to provide service in the event of an emergency.

    Hmph! And the cops proud themselves for their motto:
    SERVICE ABOVE SELF(-service)

    Avatar of Riiku
    Comment by Riiku
    15:31 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    He stealed cars, he do drugs, but he cant find a slut? Man....

    Comment by Anonymous
    Comment by Anonymous
    13:51 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    mmmm...... looks like we should all make a call XD

    Avatar of diskonline
    Comment by diskonline
    14:15 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    of course... we should all make a call, until someone said: OK, I've had enough, you want sex? I'll give you sex, just don't disturb me any more...

    Yes,, but surely you can't service all of us at one time.

    Avatar of diskonline
    Comment by diskonline
    14:07 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    if that works, i'll call too

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:29 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'm sorry sir, this number cannot provide you with legal prostitution perhaps you can try the turbo service Xneeds. Have a nice day~

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:48 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Lol the mcnuggets call was in florida aswell

    Avatar of Miroku74
    Comment by Miroku74
    06:28 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Personally, I think it's that hot Florida sun. It's too. Fucking. Hot! These people who use 911 for such stupid shit must all be suffering from sun stroke. They have to be. It's the only explanation which makes any sense.

    Other than, say, they're examples of CCS (Can't Cure Stupid).

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:30 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    You can cure take different calibur doses of lead depending on the thickness of your skull ^_^.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:12 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Please, Kortaku. Fifties are SOOO messy. Have heart for the clean-up crew!

    Avatar of Kortaku
    Comment by Kortaku
    10:10 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    no need to use different calibers: .50 Cal does it all.

    Avatar of Miroku74
    Comment by Miroku74
    04:49 16/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Please, Kortaku. Fifties are SOOO messy. Have heart for the clean-up crew!

    Agreed. 9mm Hollowpoints do the job much more neatly. ^^

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:05 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I would suggest 9mm.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:41 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    There are lots of possibilities.

    * Booze-rotted brain (see the earlier SC article about the cannibal Russian drunk);

    * Meth/coke/other-drugs-rotted brain;

    * Physical trauma-induced stupidity (look at heavyweight boxers for examples);

    * Genetically-inherited stupidity (it's why you're not supposed to get your sister pregnant - USE a condom, damnit!)

    And, oh, yeah. "Sunstroke".

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:27 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    well and this method that they are really stupid and the people giving them advice are just slowwing down the progress of humanity and they dont realize it cause they are retarded people who belive in a being thet has yet to show him or herself to humans for proof just look at the cave men age they look up at the sunn and they call it god and they all do that now they call anything whos power is greater than humanitys a god so thats the reason now contact me if u have any more questions at

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:01 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It was an emergency!! what if his nuts exploded from lack of stimulation. Emergency services my arse!! that man is a legend. They have failed in they're job....

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:38 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    If his 'nuts' exploded, future generations will have a higher cumulative intelligence quotient.

    Avatar of Fonzer
    Comment by Fonzer
    04:37 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    this dude probably wanted to go to prison.For whatever reason,some people just want to get caught for something to escape things in life or other problems they are having.

    Avatar of OTIKA
    Comment by OTIKA
    19:16 16/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Reminds me of a case when some illegal immigrants commit crimes on purpose to gain some form of food and shelter (no matter what).

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:11 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    They could have at least gave him a helping hand.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:05 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well he will get his fair share of sex in jail :)

    Avatar of softbanker
    Comment by softbanker
    05:50 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The man has to have sex, I say give it to him.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:15 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    And if he claims he needs to have sex with a child? What then? Give it to him?

    Avatar of Unellmay
    Comment by Unellmay
    20:45 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    What a silly question

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:51 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    How rude. The police should've at least provided him with the number for a prostitute or a phonesex hotline.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:07 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It wouldn't work. His aptitude limited him to dialing only three numbers.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:32 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    911 send me a 3 nurses...and a hot lesbian who's good with a whip...if you don't my balls will explode!

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:09 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's bound to be a very small explosion.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:16 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    be careful there was a man who called the police because someone put a bomb around his neck and forced him to rob a bank, and the police just let him die.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:02 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)


    Avatar of HentaiInRealLifeIsNotAwesome
    04:22 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    He must have been hopped up on some of his drugs

    Avatar of Trepiz
    Comment by Trepiz
    03:44 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    wow i can't believe he tried it 5 times... they should of send someone to his house to remove him from the gene pool.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:56 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It appears now that they have.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:13 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Sure he can find people to help him with his lack of sex trouble once in jail ^_^

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:03 16/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    who knows? 18 year old cellmate...

    Avatar of OTIKA
    Comment by OTIKA
    19:11 16/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Who said anything about it being consensual sex between a man and a woman?

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:50 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It won't be the sex he is looking for, though.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:09 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "have sent" not "of send" dumbass

    Avatar of Trepiz
    Comment by Trepiz
    11:00 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)


    Comment by Anonymous
    22:11 15/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    it was the easiest to spot at that moment

    Post Comment »


Recent News

Recent Galleries

Recent Comments