Bayonetta Gets One-Handed Onanism Mode


Not long before the release of sexy witch fighting game Bayonetta, maker Platinum Games has announced a special “very easy” mode which allows players to do most in-game fighting with but one hand.

With the “automatic” function, players need only press a few buttons to inflict damage on opponents, whilst lascivious witch Bayonetta jumps around and does all of the taxing business of playing the game.

“Automatic can be used on Easy and Very Easy difficulties, and leaves the most complex controls up to the CPU,” says an official with Platinum.

Ingeniously, this frees up the player’s other hand (and much of their active concentration) for other tasks, and ensures players will be able to fully appreciate the cheeky British witch’s moves:

Bayonetta also capitalizes on particular fetishes, including glasses and hair, and rather overdone British sauciness.

The game itself is a supernatural action game based firmly around charmingly bespectacled witch Bayonetta; she wears a suit of her own hair which can be seen artfully leaving her body in order to deliver special attacks, and can transform as she desires in battle, as demonstrated in the video above.


Developed by the same studio that created cartoonish action game Viewtiful Joe, many of the same game elements are found in Bayonetta, such as fighting styles reminiscent of a tokusatsu-style television series and a lead character that facetiously incites her enemies.

The game will be available for the PS3 and Xbox 360, with a Japanese release in October and a release to American consoles in January 2010.

The stunning trailer can be seen below:

Via Platinum Games.

With so much of the skill required for such a game eliminated by this mode, gamers are left to ponder just what it is they are supposed to be doing whilst the game plays itself…


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    Comment by pl
    00:14 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Surprised by English voice actress NOT being bad.

    Avatar of nocturne
    Comment by nocturne
    02:49 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    AI constructs GLaDOS and SHODAN would like a word with you.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:22 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    her japanese voice is still better, btw i want a megane witch in my office

    Avatar of xyanide1986
    Comment by iPood
    08:16 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    you'll need an office first

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:44 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    actually im working in a bank :)

    Comment by Cybervid
    02:16 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    You heard her Japanese voice? Interesting. I haven't heard it yet. That much more appealing?

    Comment by sakaki1
    Comment by Anonymous
    03:55 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Sounds kinda like Ivy's voice actor, but I might be wrong. Could just be the same type of fake british accent.

    Comment by i386
    07:06 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    devil may fap.

    Avatar of El Chaos
    Comment by ChaosAngelZero
    06:10 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Thanks for not posting the YouTube vid with Mari Shimazaki playing this awful disgrace to real 3D action games with a Xbox 360 controller, that'd be shameful for the system and its serious users...

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:13 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    R.I.P. Gaming.

    Comment by Schrobby
    00:13 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Now we need a patch to make her a (half) naked loli witch and it would be fappers paradise...

    Avatar of Kingwel
    Comment by Kingwel
    22:50 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Most of the comments didn't even know what they are talking about.It's from the creator of DMC1 so it's not a clone!The game looks awesome! Any comment saying that looks shit,or the protagonist is ugly,its just troll

    Comment by Anonymous
    Comment by disgaea20
    17:21 29/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    can't wait to play the game

    Avatar of hALOTOO
    Comment by hALOTOO
    11:33 29/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    DAT ASS (my new wallpaper)
    LAST PIC damn HOT

    Comment by Ch1nGFuX
    11:07 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Is it just me or did she use her clothes to summon a giant, black half-dog =.=

    Comment by Barimen
    14:04 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Sort of. She used her hair, from which she also forms clothes.

    Comment by Garvala
    14:54 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)


    Easy modo?!

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:59 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Playing easy modo is laaaaaame!

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:54 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    shitty devil may cry clone with least visually appleasing, most stupid looking female character of all time.

    No thanks, I'm skipping this one. I'd rather fap to dante

    Avatar of Raito
    Comment by Raito
    21:11 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The director and creator of the original Devil May cry is directing this, and is considered a clone.

    Freaking A. I should never use my own original ideas ever again.

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:07 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    DMC clone? They were created by same person

    Comment by Barbarian of Gor
    16:43 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Yeah, I thought--- "Whoa! Boy! Someone's got a masturbation fantasy fetish they are inflicting on the world that causes them pain!"

    This imagery makes me wince. Although a "Leftist" (what I'm usually called) I'm no stranger to guns or their use, though I'd only use them in self defense. Her fetishist walking on guns scares me.

    1. Jamming. Even if she's a bulimic lady, she still weighs plenty to pack the barrels with dust and dirt. If the gun is fired with those blocked, it can blow up, probably breaking her heel at least.

    2. Mechanism. Some mechanisms are elegant and beautiful. Since she doesn't blow her feet off if she shoots after hitting a mud puddle or walking on a gravel road, there must be some kind of slide-cover that blocks the barrel. So there has to be some way of releasing it when she pulls the trigger, but again even the best gun's regular mechanism can fail...

    3. Misfire. Most bullets are very stable these days, but triggers aren't. Still, if a bullet will ever go off by itself or a trigger will be tripped, well the action these guns get guarantee several lifetimes worth of normal "accidents" every few blocks.

    But I guess all its sold for is the fetish fantasy... I'll probably buy it myself when it hits the $5 bin for when I get around to buying a cheap, used PS3. (when the current users hawk their PS3 for the PS4 or whatever)

    Comment by thanto_
    07:01 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    She's not walking on just regular guns. She's walking on *magic* guns that fire *magic* bullets via *magic*. Barrels can be self-cleaning via magic. Since the mechanism is magic, there's no need to worry about jarring, damage, or misfire.

    Also, what does her "walking on guns" scare you? WTF?

    Comment by Claymoredog
    23:30 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I suppose it'd be too much for you to expect magic to overcome mechanism where a fucking witch is involved.

    Seriously you're one of those idiots that went to see transformers 2 then complained about the plot aren't you.


    Comment by Barbarian of Gor
    00:31 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    There's a thing called "Suspension of Disbelief" guy, whenever you write stuff. Enough fantastic elements and a person needs the SoD of a Fursuit Lifestyler to get into it.

    And I'll probably buy the game and play it later anyways;-)

    Not even going to watch EITHER "Transformers" movie, for the record.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:37 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The transformers movies aren't bad, the second one has a few too many testicle jokes is all.

    Comment by MetalMasquerade
    08:33 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Around the "beneath robot testicles" part, I was sorta reminded of Stargate.

    BTW, Transformers 2 had better Animations, but it had tons of stupid jokes and Satire. 3 humping jokes, several testicle jokes, pot brownies, and robotic stereotypes.

    Not to spoil the dumb characters, but there were 2 small trash talking autobots with fake Brooklyn accents. One actually had a Gold Tooth.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:03 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    you have to be retarded for attempting to slam this game by talking about real world physics and her body mass.

    it's a FANTASY game. Why the fuck do you guys insist on having ugly main characters? Is it so you can relate better to it?

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:45 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    She has magic to back her up.

    Comment by McNugget The Movie
    16:14 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    How can anyone seriously find her hot? She looks like someone who could have been your teacher in elementary school. Old ugly witches.

    Comment by Hentai_Heitai
    Comment by Anonymous
    13:02 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    should change your name to mcfaggot the faggot.


    Comment by McFaggot The Faggot
    14:37 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Thank you.


    Comment by McNugget The Movie
    21:14 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'm hurt.

    *single tear*

    Comment by Maggot MacFaggot
    20:44 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Shut up.


    Comment by Anonymous
    16:09 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    this character is a complete mistake, british women are not hot!

    Comment by MarineRX179
    16:33 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "british women are not hot!"

    "Most" women are not hot- fixed.

    Comment by PERVERT
    17:19 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Yeah i just came back from a travel in England and im now sick of British women..

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:45 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'm watching the gameplay video and I see nothing sexy about it at all, unless you're turned on by her yelling "get out" every 5 seconds.

    Comment by Cybervid
    02:14 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's the transformations causing her clothes to come off. Granted all you see is her bare ass, but that'd probably be enough for some. Everything else about this game is a fetish, so why not add one more?

    Avatar of xyanide1986
    Comment by iPood
    08:22 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Am I the only one reminded of Ivy from soul calibur by her voice?

    Comment by Anoni
    19:36 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The trailer does make it look like it's fun but the actual gameplay is boooring as hell.

    Comment by Tsundere Works
    16:46 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Wow, this game looks cool.
    I think it's worth checking out.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:56 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    i would be excited if god of war 3 didn't look so much better than this does...

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:41 27/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Actually,GOW3 is getting worst,the bayo-chan here wins for 10 X 1

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:52 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    What happened to the British genteel young ladies?

    Oh Shirley you are fine the way your are...

    Comment by Barbarian of Gor
    16:48 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Yeah, I'll definitely buy it!!! The sheer "Over the Top" makes up for it. Just finished watching the trailers, I'd based most of my text on magazine pictures I saw.

    I like "Vampire hunter D" even though the premise; "Monster is a monster hunter" was done to death long ago.

    Avatar of Exa
    Comment by Exa
    16:48 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Oh, the sex. Hadn't heard of this, most certainly does want! :D

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:03 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Bayonetta, now for Achievements whores (sadly)

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