Why Won’t Women Kiss on a First Date?


A survey of whether Japanese women may feel inclined to decline a kiss on a first date reveals some coy feminine tactics at play, with the most common response, “try to modestly refuse him once” perhaps being a near universal female stratagem…

The survey itself posed the question “how would you respond if a guy tried to kiss you on a first date?” to NicoNico Douga’s large and youthful female population in a popular women’s programme aired regularly on the site. In 200 seconds some 18,000 responses were gathered, and the results are instructive.

The most common response, with 46.3% of the vote, was “try modestly refusing him once,” demonstrating perhaps that these ladies are less interested in effete and unassertive males than they are sometimes portrayed as being.

After this came the more submissive “meekly let him” with 31.6%, although it should probably be thought that the question presupposes the woman wants the man to kiss her in the first place.

The dread “refuse him” comes in with only 19%, indicating perhaps that fast movement may not go unrewarded.

Interpreting these results is of course a minefield unto itself; the editor of a male dating support site gives his interpretation: “The woman wants to test whether the man is really serious, and she is concerned about being thought an ‘easy’ girl,” which does indeed sound a universal female tactic.

However, where Japan is concerned there seems to be a more fundamental issue: are these assertive men, ready to press for a kiss, even that common anymore? The editor once more sheds some light on this:

“The impression I get from managing this site is that men are becoming more and more cowardly about romance.

They worry a great deal about what to do if they are turned down, and whether they can ever manage a romance a second time.

In these cases it really is important to act assertively, it’s not like you’ll die if you are rejected. Rather than thinking it’s hopeless and being frightened, it is a case of acting.”

Via J-Cast.

There seems to be some contradiction between the manliness desired by women and the effete manners and apparel they apparently prize, though it seems most are unanimous in considering one factor before anything else…

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    Comment by Falos
    20:04 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Memo to self, "No means no" is BULLSHIT.

    Comment by Anon
    20:22 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    their body is always honest

    Comment by NotAnonymous
    03:05 07/07/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Reason #2,648,393 most posters here are still virgins.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:54 29/09/2017 # ! Neutral (0)


    Comment by ReddHeretic
    05:47 06/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    You might be surprised at how quickly women will throw out "logical thinking" and social pressures when they're REALLY INTO a guy. If you can develop your confidence and learn to be who you truly are (not some nervous, ass-kissing pussy), it becomes easy to trigger powerful feelings in a woman.

    That's speaking in general when it comes to dating and sex. If you want to actually be in a relationship with a high-quality lady, you should at least have a job.

    Bums are not boyfriend material.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:19 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, I'm a woman and I have never kissed on first date. Though you could say I've once kissed without dating, but he had been a lifelong childhood friend, so it isn't quite the same thing.

    I wouldn't like it if a guy/girl tried to kiss me on first date either, I think it would mean that we have different values for relationships. Myself, over at least the first few weeks, I just want to get to know the person I'm dating with without making any significant progress in the physical part of the affair. I'd regret it if I kissed a person I ended up hating. Or got herpes simplex, lol.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:29 06/07/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    "A guy OR a GIRL"? You mean you're bisexual right?
    No problem at all!

    Comment by NotAnonymous
    15:33 06/07/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Like it really matters. [insert rolling eyes smiley] You probably are bisexual too, but are just too scared to admit it.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:30 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    *I’ve once kissed without dating*


    Comment by Anonymous
    16:51 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Would you have the the same opinion if a guy did the same thing? That would be unfair.

    Comment by the internets, ur on it
    18:45 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)


    Comment by EqualityNow
    15:03 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    This is an associate of the feminist justice organization, Equality Now. I find this story incredibly demeaning to all womankind. Please delete this article and all "gallery" items immediately!

    We of the superior women race hate you 'otakus' and your rape simulators!

    Vice President of The Organization for Equal Women - Equality Now,

    Barbara C. Oldbag

    Comment by Anonymous
    15:17 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)


    Comment by Anonymous
    18:03 10/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    where is the picture from? Seems like from a visual novel. I rlly like the style, which game is it?

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:03 27/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    go for it. be assertive. that's what anime pr0n teach so don't question it. when will males ever learn. females like me want to be violated in a romantic and sometimes forceful way.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:50 09/12/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    oh really, and which part of the world do females like you come from? maybe japanese men should be posted off there for a little masculinity training for the sakes of japan's future?

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:52 09/12/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    23:50 09/12/2010 & 23:48 09/12/2010 would be moi

    Avatar of tyciol
    Comment by tyciol
    16:41 12/12/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well heck, we care about their feelings by not wanting to mouth-rape them and get punished. This is the kind of thing that sends mixed signals.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:54 12/06/2013 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's not sending mixed signals, it's simply taking control of an issue. Because a polite person won't ask another time in the same timeframe/conditions, but will assume the ball is in the other court to communicate a change of stance, if one happens to occur. So it can save time if done right.

    Avatar of Kiljoy616
    Comment by Kiljoy616
    01:33 10/01/2015 # ! Neutral (0)

    I am all for her going down on me on our first date, and we can skip the kissing till we get to know each other better.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:48 09/12/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    there seems to be a subtle but aggresive competition between asian males and females (i exclude myself clearly from them, period) to become more attractive (in my own words: lalaism), which seems to be the reason why they generally prefer to be as effete as their female counterparts... i believe you have your answer...

    Comment by Anonymous
    15:39 18/10/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I kissed my 1st girl friend on my first date.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:54 16/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well I'm not surprised by the effeminate thing. In a big piece of western(ised) society men are taught from a very young age to treat women extremely carefully, like handling a priceless vase. So unless it's made extremly clear by a woman they want to be kissed a lot of men will act very cautiously.

    That and in certain parts of the US an unwanted kiss/advancement will land you in jail, it's not weird men are more cautious :P

    Men should be taught that is ok to be rejected, that it's ok to chase multiple women, that it's ok to experiment instead of the highly romantized image of love that corrupts a big piece of modern society.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:51 14/04/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    it's okay to be emofags,it's okay to turn into gays and who knows what.You are allowing too much BS this is why men turn out so wrong

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:59 07/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    In the old days when i was an uncontrollable horny teenager i would really suck at this shit.
    Now i don't try anything except asking for another date. The fact that she's willing to go out again with out finding excuses to avoid me after the first date means that she has some interest in me. And since am not some horny teenager anymore i keep dating her with out even trying even a single kiss.Usually by the third date she will start going crazy with thoughts like "Am i not attractive enough? Doesn't he like me that way? OMG what if he wants to be just friends. Could he be gay? No, he doesn't seem to be.Maybe his shy. Should i ask him or try to make the first move?"
    And there you are my friends, while you are in piece with out wondering what would happen if you tried to kiss her and how you will get her to bed and all that, she will simply be going crazy and she will give you anything you want in no time after that while you will have the upper hand of letting her appearing like she's the horny one. Just be a little patient.

    Comment by hALOTOO
    11:38 11/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The only thing I'm kissing is my wallet goodbye on my first date

    Comment by K
    05:16 18/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    this is japanese we're talking about, they're known to be modest when it comes to showing affection. western society just don't have this kind of problem (well not as much)

    bottom line, they're too shy!

    Avatar of Ponky14
    Comment by Ponky14
    09:42 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    According to these surveys it seems that im the perfect male for japanese women I even fit all the emotional and physical traits sadly I wasn't born or am anywhere near Japan (T_T)

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:38 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Move or take a trip to Japan~ XD If you're too lazy to or don't have that kind of money, you're probably not as much of a match for Japanese women as you think you are.

    Avatar of Ponky14
    Comment by Ponky14
    19:35 06/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    well I gotta wait till I finish college kim-kim

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:25 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    A womaniser.. Amen

    Avatar of MidnightTide
    Comment by MidnightTide
    09:36 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Kiss on the first date, no need for it. After a few dates I would expect it. Now how long do you wait for sex? (longest I have gone was 3 weeks)

    Comment by mewofforcena
    Avatar of fxc2
    Comment by fxc2
    08:15 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Just do what you think is right" is the only advice you need, if you're too pussey just stick to the 2D. Great pic btw.

    Comment by Anonymous
    Comment by Anonymous
    10:42 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)


    Comment by Anonymous
    15:39 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    =9001! IT'S OVER 9000!

    13:18 16/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)


    Avatar of infidel
    Comment by jj
    13:21 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    What the hell...+1

    Comment by Yangth
    08:15 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'm not that aggressive in terms of kissing on the first date.

    Avatar of Major Bukkake
    Comment by Major Bukkake
    08:16 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Kissing leads to Bukkake!

    Avatar of sycamore
    Comment by sycamore
    08:09 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    So Japanese women want rich romantic men. Universal concept in my mind...

    Comment by AJ
    02:09 06/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Universally, all women want to be swept off their feet.

    Why even bother with kiss on first date? If you play your cards right, you can be borking her soon anyway.

    Comment by Anonymous
    Comment by Anonymous
    19:04 04/02/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Even though those tatics are less than effective.

    Comment by WondrousWizard
    09:05 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Give her a rose, a thousand dollars, tell her she's the most special girl in all universe and get your kiss. LOL!

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:47 14/04/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    this is called overwaluing,she will toss you away like the spineless trash you are.

    Comment by Athrun
    09:11 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Or ask her: Would you like to kiss me?

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:11 06/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Ugh. "would you like to kiss me" = Lame, old PUA material that sucks balls. Also sounds socially robotic/weird.

    Get up to date, friend! Kissing is much more natural and should be something that gets lead up to smoothly... but be my guest and use that old phrase, I've never used it and been just fine...

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:23 18/10/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    just go ahead and do it, but make sure she knows its coming so you don't miss and awkwardly kiss her nose :\

    12:57 16/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    is being kissed suddenly natural??

    Comment by unellmay
    09:26 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    That would never work

    Comment by deid
    09:39 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    if she will say no than say "i don't said you can"

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:21 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)


    Comment by mewofforcena
    10:20 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Just the thousand dollars will do.

    Comment by TsundereWorks
    09:00 06/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    That's cheap! LOL

    1000¥ = $10

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:00 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    guys were talking about japan here thousand yen will do the trick

    13:12 16/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    1000 yen is quite cheap...

    Avatar of ManaYagami
    Comment by ManaYagami
    10:43 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Thousands of euros would sound better.

    Comment by Robert Patrick
    11:06 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Reap is more effective.

    Comment by Kortaku
    14:22 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    dollars? euros? fuck that and ship her some Gold muthafuckin bars baby.


    Avatar of Ari
    Comment by GourmetPrince
    09:40 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Most guys are pussy asses these days. Which is great. Because then its easier to stand out when you actually know what you're doing.

    Comment by the internets, ur on it
    18:32 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    pussy ass kinda sounds like the best of both worlds

    Avatar of Critius
    Comment by Critius
    08:15 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Seems like so.... well atleast their not sluts.

    Comment by Storm WIng
    08:39 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, it's all modesty ^^; Why teh duck you even tried to kiss to a girl in your FIRST date anyway? ^^;;

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:05 06/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Lol that worked for me. At the end of a blind date I asked "How bout a kiss?" and it seemed like she reacted negatively so I waited like 3 seconds turned back and jokingly asked "Ok, so how about now?" without really expecting anything but a laugh. She did laugh and did agree to it. :3

    Comment by Brent
    15:16 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    lol I don't understand this denie the first time thing.. It's like "no I won't kiss you." Then you ask "can I kiss you now?" a second later and they are down with it.

    12:51 16/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Can't relate to that. My ex-girlfriend is the one that kissed me first, and it was me who's shocked...

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:54 21/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Oh nice, gotta remember that one. :D

    Comment by Not STupid
    02:52 26/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    can you not kiss, and not not kiss?

    Comment by King of Hentai Gods
    09:56 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)


    Comment by Unknown-nimus
    09:33 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Because i'm a horny bastard XD

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:52 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    more like salad tossing i think

    Avatar of Reichi
    Comment by Kyo
    14:01 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Iunno what's worse. The fact that I know what you're talking about Rob, or the fact that it made me laugh.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:45 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Because it is just a kiss. It is common on a first date. They are not talking about tonguing their asshole while masturbating.

    Comment by Robert Patrick
    11:05 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Are you refering to something called "rusty trombone" ?

    Avatar of DieHardjagged
    Comment by DieHardjagged
    11:54 05/07/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Its everywhere the same, no money = no girl / kiss / whatsoever, i saw that method when my brother had his 3 GFs over the years...
    Girls are too complex today.. how sad.

    13:14 16/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    money - it is a key to buy everything but happiness, it is a passport everywhere except heaven..

    just read it from somewhere and that is not the exact thing.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:31 03/01/2015 # ! Neutral (0)

    Money in per se is not the thing that we need but the value, possibility it holds or are you stealing while preaching?

    13:15 16/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    it is a password to go everywhere except heaven. sorry for the typo

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