What Japanese Men Hate on a Date


A survey of what sort of behaviour Japanese men find most intolerable from their female companions whilst on a date presents some interesting, if not entirely unexpected, findings.

The results of the online survey, with men being asked to rate what behaviour from a woman they find most likely to ruin a date:

1. Expect to be treated as a matter of course.

2. Take a haughty attitude to waiters.

3. Do nothing but check for mail.

4. Get unhappy just because it is crowded.

5. Want to do something else.

6. Keep looking at other members of the opposite sex.

7. Complain about being tired or having sore feet.

8. Make a racket with ringtone after ringtone.

9. Take the attitude that a treat was a right.

10. Make no effort to make conversation.

These of course seem quite universal concerns, just as was the case with the surefire ways of provoking a Japanese woman’s ire

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    Avatar of ReVerse
    Comment by Re:Verse
    17:12 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    1. I always treat. Its the gentlemen thing to do.

    2. Its never okay to be rude towards a waiter. They're just doing their job.

    3. If all she does is check her text/mail. I would start texting her. She'd probably think its cute.

    4. If its crowded in a place that usually isn't crowded then sure I'd be upset as well.

    5. If you want to do something else then say it. Its 2009 be upfront about what you want to do. The whole point of dating is to see how compatible we are. Test the limits.

    6. Regardless of who you are I'd give you my undivided attention. If you wish to return it that is completely up to you.

    7. Sore feet? I've got the magic fingers.

    8. You can always tell what kind of person they are based on their ringtones. I personally run a little Yusef Lateef as my default.

    9. As I stated before I always treat. But if you feel uncomfortable with that I'll make an exception for you.

    10. This can be very frustrating. Based on the atmosphere a date can turn sour. If I'm the only one trying to make conversation I'll probably end up talking about the weather or much worse.

    Avatar of NO MEANS YES
    Comment by NO MEANS YES
    20:57 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Hi, Rick Astley!

    Avatar of xyanide1986
    Comment by iPood
    19:49 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Since when do otaku have money for dates instead of figurines.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:28 26/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Sounds like a very considerate man, though don't let a rude woman walk all over you.

    It's the people like this that restore some small hope that there's actually decent/caring men out there.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:13 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    most of those are just plain rude ><
    But the sore feet, is a bit insensitive of the guy; if your partner tries to dress up a bit and wears heels that she isn't used to her feet will hurt -.- that's nothing to get pissed over.
    That's a chance for a little skinship imo.

    Comment by Mitsuo Kubo
    03:28 22/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I don't see a problem with complaining about sore feet if you're walking a lot, but they may just be because my girlfriend's feet tend to hurt to the point she can't even stand on them sometimes..

    But the rest, I hate those, too. It's really disrespectful when someone does that shit on a date.

    Avatar of Myballz
    Comment by Lazydabear
    02:19 22/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    1.Thats like every male its about respect.
    2.I don't want to suffer embarrassment in a restrant I do understand that the waiters are just doing there job.
    3.I don't have a issue with that unless its for buisness not soical.
    4.Enochlophobia I met a woman like that before take her to a place less crowed.
    5.Oh boy...that one is tough one to do.
    6.I guess it doesn't show interest with me.
    7.It happen while walking ether in high heels thats what taking brakes are for.
    8.If you play "My little pony" theme song on your ring tone I am going to be laughing my ass off.
    9.Oh if you start demanding or disrespecting me the date is over.
    10. Its kind of hard to bring up a good subject of conversation to talk about sometimes I wonder what Japanese men would talk about to a Female?

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:51 22/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Lol, I know a girl who fits perfectly in this list.

    Comment by bolt
    21:00 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    most are reasonable.. and on the treating... if i ask them out, I pay, if they ask me out.. they pay. 2nd 3rd date.. usually pay for yourself, or sometimes i treat if i have the money, and there worth it. goes with anything on the date.. if we go see a movie.. i pay, dinner, put put golf, etc. :)

    Avatar of xyanide1986
    Comment by iPood
    19:48 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    If a girl is constantly screwing around with her cellphone it's the wrong kind of girl you're dating.

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:18 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    4, 5, and 7 seem fairly harmless provided they aren't excessive.
    2, 8 don't get a callback.
    3, 6, 10 don't get a callback and they're definitely paying for every penny of their own expenses.

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:33 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    1. Expect to be treated as a matter of course.
    of course a guy would get mad at this. you're going on a date with me as much as i'm going on a date with you.

    2. Take a haughty attitude to waiters.
    well that's just rude.

    3. Do nothing but check for mail.
    rude again. why don't you go on a date with your cell phone instead?

    4. Get unhappy just because it is crowded.
    i'm fine with chilling in a park if you want to.

    5. Want to do something else.
    ok, think of something else.

    6. Keep looking at other members of the opposite sex.
    hey, if you don't mind me checking out other chicks and maybe getting a number or two, then we're cool. otherwise, we own each other for the duration of our date.

    7. Complain about being tired or having sore feet.
    ok, no big deal, let's sit down.

    8. Make a racket with ringtone after ringtone.
    silent plz. and by "plz" i mean "now".

    9. Take the attitude that a treat was a right.
    on a side note, once i told a japanese girl off about doing this with her bf and actually convinced her that she was being a bad person XD

    10. Make no effort to make conversation.
    mmmkay i'm gonna go call up someone else who actually wants to go on this date.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:58 10/01/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    4. Get unhappy just because it is crowded.


    Comment by Anonymous
    01:10 20/06/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Women can get either defensive, or highly self-concious around large groups of people. Despite being a woman myself and knowing that, I don't necessarily care if a place is crowded or not. Would it even matter if the grocery store was crowded or empty? You still shop at the same speed, same for the check-out line. Generally, if it's busy that day, more lines are opened.

    Avatar of Honoko
    Comment by Honoko
    12:32 23/01/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    I would agree with everything but “Want to do something else.” And “Complain about being tired or having sore feet.” Because last week I went out with my BF and I told him I’m bored and tired especially because I just got off of work and he just drag me all over SF just to go shopping for sun glasses and window shopping. I told him I’m bored and he got piss off and said he wants to go home and drag my arm and said I don’t tell him anything. I told him that what he wanted to do I went along with it but when I’m interested in something he just drag me always. And when I said “I’m bored” he just throws a bitch fit. Of course I would be bored we been looking at nothing but men clothes and men sun glasses and the whole time I wanted to sit down and didn’t get a chance. I even told him I was hungry and he told me lets wait half and hour so he could shop some more. I told him everything and he still complains that I don’t say anything so I just walk off and he just follow me. He kept asking where we are going and I didn’t respond and just kept walking but he try to drag me again and I just kept going until I hit a Japanese tea cake shop that was recently open. I always wanted to go there but never got a chance and I told my BF about it. So he bought me something there and we made up. Afterward he kept trying to buy me expensive clothes just to make up some more and I just say no because it’s a waste of money especially since I don’t need it or want it. I’m not a materialistic girl I just want to be respected, and if your partner is bored or complain about being tired you should try to understand why. I understand why my BF act the way he did because he is just like the many Asian men who grew up in male dominance society and just want the woman to do what they want. Women get sore feet because the men drag them everywhere and a lot of woman wear high heels.

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:56 26/03/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Honoko, that's your own fault. Instead of complaining that you're bored or tired, TELL him what you want. Men are not mind-readers anymore than girls are or would like men to be.

    If you say you're bored and he acknowledges, ok you're bored, so what? What? WHAT! He may be keen enough to ask what you want to do, or where you want to go, but in my experience girls often don't have a bloody answer anyways, even if keen so far as to have suggestions. You shouldn't expect him to have an answer for entertaining you.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:56 13/04/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Preach it brother Anon!

    We men are stupid creatures. We can't infer millions of iota of information from a single glance. We aren't Edward from Twilight. And he still sucks at it with over a hundred years to practice! There's your hint: if a guy needs over 36500 days of solid training to learn something, he isn't going to learn it.

    /Tell us/. Tell us what you /want/. Directly. Any man will bend over freaking backwards for a woman they can understand, who speaks "English", not only "girl". (Or Japanese, insert "real" language of choice). Not many girls speak Lojban or Hymmnos, completely unambiguous and "easy to identify reason" languages.

    Avatar of Black_Troll
    Comment by Black_Troll
    12:48 28/09/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Signs like this mean its time to bail out LOL!

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:16 01/12/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    tell her you're going to the bathroom and run lol

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:08 15/09/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    9. Take the attitude that a treat was a right.

    This applies to chinese girls pretty well.
    Chinese mens are machos, but girls are generally worse.
    I know few exceptions to that fact.

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:27 19/08/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Each of my dates consisted 200% of this. :)
    And I was dumped 7 times.
    And I never even thought something was wrong and could be in any other way. xDDD

    Comment by L.L
    17:32 22/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Mel Kano~~!! Kyaha~~!!

    Comment by Eamon
    14:45 22/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Seems very true towards international standards. Especially the I want to do something else part...

    Comment by Genny
    09:18 22/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Seems like Japanese men are almost like ordinary women when it comes to dates.

    Tsk, be happy that they had one. It seems harder nowadays just because of people expecting too much on the first moments.

    Comment by Hugmeir
    20:16 22/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    4. Get unhappy just because it is crowded.

    THIS. It's the most inane of complains, and it nags the shit out of me. "THERE'S MORE THAN TWO PEOPLE IN HERE IT'S TOO CROWDED NOW I'LL BE IN A MAD MOOD FOR AN HOUR"
    And she doesn't even say it in some tsundere voice.

    Comment by Ido
    01:43 23/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    1. Expect to be treated as a matter of course.
    lol no. I heard the funniest date story on that matter. The guy went out for dinner with a woman for their first date and all, and mind you they were at a not so cheap restaurant. The dude never said he would and he did a prank on her by going to the toilet for an extended period of time when the bill was coming whilst having said to the waiter that he'd pay his part only. I think he never got back with that woman lol.

    Comment by my mom
    17:13 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    no 6 should be put at first

    Comment by phossil
    10:19 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Checking email constantly is very annoying...

    Avatar of tomoemami
    Comment by yaku
    11:34 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's very disrespectful more than anything else. If you go on a date is because you're trying to get the other person to know you more (and consequently to like you), not to ignore them in favour of some text messages.

    Comment by polk
    10:15 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Heh actually the only time I have dated a Japanese girl was something like this...

    Avatar of VZ
    Comment by VZ
    10:08 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    For me it's don't talk about your friend's lives or hobbies, talk about what YOU like.

    Comment by Waterfall Towers
    11:58 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    2. and 3. are real turnoffs for me. I hate anyone being classist in public, or not paying attention. Fortunately, on my (few and scant) dates so far, 2. has never happened; and 3. has happened on occasion, but she always apologizes and sets to silent mode.

    Comment by Yangth
    11:42 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's all true!!! It's supposed to be a date! Do your best to be a good partner, and we'll do the same dammit >_<

    Comment by roukou
    11:44 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    That list is missing a few things.

    Avatar of fatimmortal
    Comment by fatimmortal
    12:21 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)


    Like spending too much time walking around.

    Got dragged around until 6am, just because she was too scared to go home after a late night horror movie.

    Comment by Typewriter
    17:05 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Er, even if there's no horror movie, if it's late at night, then escort her home you should. It's called common courtesy.

    Comment by Typewriter
    00:09 22/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The "to go home" bit suggests it's about home-escorting, though.

    Avatar of fatimmortal
    Comment by fatimmortal
    01:20 22/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I didn't escort her home, I just accompanied her through the night until the morning buses were available. Of course, we just walked around the outside of a mall, talking and such.

    I didn't want to escort her home, due to the fact that my house was in the opposite direction of hers.

    AND, she's not my girlfriend. Just a good friend of mine who invited me to watch a movie with her. Of course, she forgot that the movie was a horror movie and wanted to watch a 2am show.

    Comment by Vegio
    18:23 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    drag you until 6 am != escorted home

    forcing you to walk around in the night when you may have something else to do the next day is a pain in the ass.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:12 01/12/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Lame! you totally missed out on a flag moment

    Comment by Uraisamu
    10:00 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    #10 has always been a pet peeve for me

    I at least like to have a little conversation before I break out the Rufi.

    Avatar of N.R.
    Comment by N.R.
    09:49 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Take the attitude that a treat was a right."
    LOL What's the meaning of this sentence?

    Comment by Psyvariar
    21:55 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Think "right" should be "rite."
    "Take the attitude that a treat is a rite." Would mean that they always expect to be treated.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:01 22/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Or, it could be "right", which means that they feel entitled to be treated.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:04 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    say, you pay for her dinner, and then she complains about how the food was shitty and that you should have treated her at some other place.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:03 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    free dessert, maybe?

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:48 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    the dessert in my pants, yea

    Comment by Mercenary09
    09:51 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Probably means being treated to dinner or something. Well, it makes sense anyway. Sort of taking it from 1, though.

    Comment by Joe
    09:53 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    They think they have a right to get a treat.

    Comment by K
    11:54 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    oh, I have a treat alright.

    Avatar of null
    Comment by null
    12:13 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Treat a right I'll get.

    Avatar of Geerie
    Comment by Geerie
    09:54 21/06/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    that she has to have extra stuff done for her and that its your job as a man to buy her things

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