What Japanese Men Hate on a Date

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A survey of what sort of behaviour Japanese men find most intolerable from their female companions whilst on a date presents some interesting, if not entirely unexpected, findings.

The results of the online survey, with men being asked to rate what behaviour from a woman they find most likely to ruin a date:

1. Expect to be treated as a matter of course.

2. Take a haughty attitude to waiters.

3. Do nothing but check for mail.

4. Get unhappy just because it is crowded.

5. Want to do something else.

6. Keep looking at other members of the opposite sex.

7. Complain about being tired or having sore feet.

8. Make a racket with ringtone after ringtone.

9. Take the attitude that a treat was a right.

10. Make no effort to make conversation.

These of course seem quite universal concerns, just as was the case with the surefire ways of provoking a Japanese woman’s ire

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134 Comments

  • 1. I always treat. Its the gentlemen thing to do.

    2. Its never okay to be rude towards a waiter. They’re just doing their job.

    3. If all she does is check her text/mail. I would start texting her. She’d probably think its cute.

    4. If its crowded in a place that usually isn’t crowded then sure I’d be upset as well.

    5. If you want to do something else then say it. Its 2009 be upfront about what you want to do. The whole point of dating is to see how compatible we are. Test the limits.

    6. Regardless of who you are I’d give you my undivided attention. If you wish to return it that is completely up to you.

    7. Sore feet? I’ve got the magic fingers.

    8. You can always tell what kind of person they are based on their ringtones. I personally run a little Yusef Lateef as my default.

    9. As I stated before I always treat. But if you feel uncomfortable with that I’ll make an exception for you.

    10. This can be very frustrating. Based on the atmosphere a date can turn sour. If I’m the only one trying to make conversation I’ll probably end up talking about the weather or much worse.

  • I would agree with everything but “Want to do something else.” And “Complain about being tired or having sore feet.” Because last week I went out with my BF and I told him I’m bored and tired especially because I just got off of work and he just drag me all over SF just to go shopping for sun glasses and window shopping. I told him I’m bored and he got piss off and said he wants to go home and drag my arm and said I don’t tell him anything. I told him that what he wanted to do I went along with it but when I’m interested in something he just drag me always. And when I said “I’m bored” he just throws a bitch fit. Of course I would be bored we been looking at nothing but men clothes and men sun glasses and the whole time I wanted to sit down and didn’t get a chance. I even told him I was hungry and he told me lets wait half and hour so he could shop some more. I told him everything and he still complains that I don’t say anything so I just walk off and he just follow me. He kept asking where we are going and I didn’t respond and just kept walking but he try to drag me again and I just kept going until I hit a Japanese tea cake shop that was recently open. I always wanted to go there but never got a chance and I told my BF about it. So he bought me something there and we made up. Afterward he kept trying to buy me expensive clothes just to make up some more and I just say no because it’s a waste of money especially since I don’t need it or want it. I’m not a materialistic girl I just want to be respected, and if your partner is bored or complain about being tired you should try to understand why. I understand why my BF act the way he did because he is just like the many Asian men who grew up in male dominance society and just want the woman to do what they want. Women get sore feet because the men drag them everywhere and a lot of woman wear high heels.

    • Honoko, that’s your own fault. Instead of complaining that you’re bored or tired, TELL him what you want. Men are not mind-readers anymore than girls are or would like men to be.

      If you say you’re bored and he acknowledges, ok you’re bored, so what? What? WHAT! He may be keen enough to ask what you want to do, or where you want to go, but in my experience girls often don’t have a bloody answer anyways, even if keen so far as to have suggestions. You shouldn’t expect him to have an answer for entertaining you.

      • Preach it brother Anon!

        We men are stupid creatures. We can’t infer millions of iota of information from a single glance. We aren’t Edward from Twilight. And he still sucks at it with over a hundred years to practice! There’s your hint: if a guy needs over 36500 days of solid training to learn something, he isn’t going to learn it.

        /Tell us/. Tell us what you /want/. Directly. Any man will bend over freaking backwards for a woman they can understand, who speaks “English”, not only “girl”. (Or Japanese, insert “real” language of choice). Not many girls speak Lojban or Hymmnos, completely unambiguous and “easy to identify reason” languages.

    • Anonymous says:

      Women can get either defensive, or highly self-concious around large groups of people. Despite being a woman myself and knowing that, I don’t necessarily care if a place is crowded or not. Would it even matter if the grocery store was crowded or empty? You still shop at the same speed, same for the check-out line. Generally, if it’s busy that day, more lines are opened.

  • 1. Expect to be treated as a matter of course.
    of course a guy would get mad at this. you’re going on a date with me as much as i’m going on a date with you.

    2. Take a haughty attitude to waiters.
    well that’s just rude.

    3. Do nothing but check for mail.
    rude again. why don’t you go on a date with your cell phone instead?

    4. Get unhappy just because it is crowded.
    i’m fine with chilling in a park if you want to.

    5. Want to do something else.
    ok, think of something else.

    6. Keep looking at other members of the opposite sex.
    hey, if you don’t mind me checking out other chicks and maybe getting a number or two, then we’re cool. otherwise, we own each other for the duration of our date.

    7. Complain about being tired or having sore feet.
    ok, no big deal, let’s sit down.

    8. Make a racket with ringtone after ringtone.
    silent plz. and by “plz” i mean “now”.

    9. Take the attitude that a treat was a right.
    hahahahaha.
    on a side note, once i told a japanese girl off about doing this with her bf and actually convinced her that she was being a bad person XD

    10. Make no effort to make conversation.
    mmmkay i’m gonna go call up someone else who actually wants to go on this date.

  • 1. Expect to be treated as a matter of course.
    lol no. I heard the funniest date story on that matter. The guy went out for dinner with a woman for their first date and all, and mind you they were at a not so cheap restaurant. The dude never said he would and he did a prank on her by going to the toilet for an extended period of time when the bill was coming whilst having said to the waiter that he’d pay his part only. I think he never got back with that woman lol.

  • 4. Get unhappy just because it is crowded.

    THIS. It’s the most inane of complains, and it nags the shit out of me. “THERE’S MORE THAN TWO PEOPLE IN HERE IT’S TOO CROWDED NOW I’LL BE IN A MAD MOOD FOR AN HOUR”
    And she doesn’t even say it in some tsundere voice.

  • Seems like Japanese men are almost like ordinary women when it comes to dates.

    Tsk, be happy that they had one. It seems harder nowadays just because of people expecting too much on the first moments.

  • Mitsuo Kubo says:

    I don’t see a problem with complaining about sore feet if you’re walking a lot, but they may just be because my girlfriend’s feet tend to hurt to the point she can’t even stand on them sometimes..

    But the rest, I hate those, too. It’s really disrespectful when someone does that shit on a date.

  • Lazydabear says:

    1.Thats like every male its about respect.
    2.I don’t want to suffer embarrassment in a restrant I do understand that the waiters are just doing there job.
    3.I don’t have a issue with that unless its for buisness not soical.
    4.Enochlophobia I met a woman like that before take her to a place less crowed.
    5.Oh boy…that one is tough one to do.
    6.I guess it doesn’t show interest with me.
    7.It happen while walking ether in high heels thats what taking brakes are for.
    8.If you play “My little pony” theme song on your ring tone I am going to be laughing my ass off.
    9.Oh if you start demanding or disrespecting me the date is over.
    10. Its kind of hard to bring up a good subject of conversation to talk about sometimes I wonder what Japanese men would talk about to a Female?

  • Anonymous says:

    most of those are just plain rude ><
    But the sore feet, is a bit insensitive of the guy; if your partner tries to dress up a bit and wears heels that she isn't used to her feet will hurt -.- that's nothing to get pissed over.
    That's a chance for a little skinship imo.

  • most are reasonable.. and on the treating… if i ask them out, I pay, if they ask me out.. they pay. 2nd 3rd date.. usually pay for yourself, or sometimes i treat if i have the money, and there worth it. goes with anything on the date.. if we go see a movie.. i pay, dinner, put put golf, etc. 🙂

  • Anonymous says:

    4, 5, and 7 seem fairly harmless provided they aren’t excessive.
    2, 8 don’t get a callback.
    3, 6, 10 don’t get a callback and they’re definitely paying for every penny of their own expenses.

  • Anonymous says:

    Surprisingly normal, considering the articles Artefact has posted about Japanese women shows their batshit insane when it comes to relationships. I guess the genders balance each other out in this situation.

  • 1.) Unless we;re going out for my birthday, I expect everyone to treat each other well and enjoy. Even then on my birthday everyone should be happy and not worshiping me

    2.) I am always nice to wait staff because they have to do that all day. Forcing themselves to be nice to rude customers must suck. I always tip well, too.

    3.) Ew. This and cell phones are the bane of any social experience. Burn on sight.

    4.) This I can understand as crowds make me insanely uncomfortable, but if I’m with someone I like well enough, I can stomach it

    5.) This really also depends on the situation. If I’m really uncomfortable or tired/not feeling well then yeah I’ll suggest leaving, but not make it a requirement unless I’m puking on my shoes. Alternative: Take turns picking out where you go.

    6.) This is somewhat reasonable to me.

    7.) Part of going out for a while is minor inconveniences. Unless you just stepped on a rusty nail, go sit down for a couple minutes and get back up.

    8.) See 3 because arrrrrrrgh. You came to be with me, not your friends. They can wait until I drive you home and we’ve said goodnight to talk.

    9.) I like treating people a lot, but I don’t like it when people expect to be put on a pedestal and bronzed and admired endlessly. I don’t exist to be your loyal lapdog.

    10.) This would also bother me. The least you could do is talk to me. I don’t care about what, just be interested and try.

    • Atma, you’re too damn gentle. How come i’d add bad words all over the place ?

      like in 1, 2, 3, 8, 9 and 10.

      4, 5, 6, and 7, are not problems at all. excellent solution to take turns picking out where you go..
      also, if i may, i like to sit down here and there, enjoy a chatting and having a drink. it’s not like a date is a tour de force, you have to enjoy it.

    • I could have done it slightly different. taking yours as a reference

      1. I agree, but you’re too gentle. I’d go for “Fuck yourself idiot”.

      2. 100% agree with you. I also worked in some restaurants, and you never know if the personal is new to the work, it’s human to make mistakes sometimes, and most of all the major part of the people do whatever they can to make it difficult for the workers. Not to mention the fact that they leave the table as dirty as you couldn’t even imagine. I absolutely hate people who are not respectful. On the other hand, when it is reasonable to complain, i’m the first to start. And i’m a professional whiner, so get the hell out if you see me <3

      3. right, burn. in hell.

      4. Agree, but i wouldn't mind go to a different place if both of us are not that easy in the crowd.

      5. couldn't agree more, i guess.

      6. ^ this

      7. sitting down here and there, having a drink, i don't mind it at all.

      8. I could just add some bad words here and there…

      9. See 1.

      10. There's something else to add in here, like "if you talk, don't just do it about you, your life, or your problem". mostly if you call me after months, years in which we lost sight of each other, telling me you realized how much i was important to you, and after a couple of time you tell me we're just friends. Oh, screw you.

  • Anonymous says:

    3. Do nothing but check for mail.

    Er, well, both my girl and i do it from time to time (we don’t check mails actually, we browse facebook, forums, or somesuch), especially while we wait for orders. Both of us are guilty, so we don’t make it a big racket out of each other really.

  • 2. and 3. are real turnoffs for me. I hate anyone being classist in public, or not paying attention. Fortunately, on my (few and scant) dates so far, 2. has never happened; and 3. has happened on occasion, but she always apologizes and sets to silent mode.

    • It’s very disrespectful more than anything else. If you go on a date is because you’re trying to get the other person to know you more (and consequently to like you), not to ignore them in favour of some text messages.

  • Anonymous says:

    The only thing I do is complain that it’s crowded…who the hell complain’s that they have sore feet on a date?

    And expecting your dinner to be paid for is sexism in my opinion…I always pay half. :]