Human Torch Forgets Matches

fiery-romance.jpg

A jilted woman who sought to end her life by dousing herself in petrol and immolating herself publicly was foiled when she neglected to bring a lighter.

She was surprised to find nobody would do her the favor of lending her a lighter, instead calling police to restrain her.

The woman, who had been recently fallen out with her boyfriend, went to the front of  Taipei’s World Trade Center building in order to set herself on fire, and thus publicly commit suicide.

After liberally pouring petrol over herself, the woman searched her handbag only to discover that she had forgotten to bring either matches or a lighter, meaning her self-immolation was temporarily scotched.

Undeterred in her pursuit of a dramatic end, the woman, presumably still wet and reeking of gasoline, entered the parking lot of the trade center to ask the guard for a lighter.

The guard, who could not help but be immediately suspicious of the woman’s intentions, called the police instead.

After confessing to the police that she had become distraught when her boyfriend dumped her, the police allowed the troubled woman to leave with her family.

Via Ibn Live.

She might have had better luck with Japanese police


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    Comment by Anonymous
    08:38 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    "She was surprised to find nobody would do her the favor of lending her a lighter, instead calling police to restrain her."
    Harsh world.

    Avatar of Fatty
    Comment by Fatty
    10:43 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Its not that people didn't want to see her burn alive, its that they didn't want to be raped by authorities.

    Or maybe it's just me.

    Avatar of metatron
    Comment by metatron
    15:11 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    indeed --

    no one wants to help her -- BURN HERSELF >.>

    Comment by wee
    17:14 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    wouldn't that make you an accomplice if you lend her one?

    Avatar of fatimmortal
    Comment by fatimmortal
    17:44 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'd hand her a vibrator.

    At least that will let her forget her worries, until the batteries run out.

    Comment by lolipedofin
    18:11 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    or until it short-cicuit...

    Comment by HechEff
    00:25 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Better buy one that isn't MADE IN CHINA

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:39 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well the JP police have mysterious ways. She might not have gone ablaze despite given a lighter.

    Avatar of takuya13
    Comment by takuya13
    08:48 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    taipei is in taiwan

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:03 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I was referring to the last line in the article.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:23 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "taipei is in taiwan"
    you mean china, amirite

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:40 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    umm... no... taiwan....

    Comment by The Jumper
    14:12 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    China is different from Taiwan

    learn2geography

    and this kids is why people are getting dumber by the minute, please don't support amerikkkan education system, because its only education by name

    Comment by hdlineage
    14:13 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    TAiwan it is.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:26 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    >> China is different from Taiwan
    >> learn2geography

    Actually Taiwan insists that it is the Republic of China. So instead of telling others what to learn, google it to avoid embarrassing yourself.

    Comment by Anonymous
    15:13 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Actually Taiwan insists that it is the Republic of China. <--- which is different from the People's Republic of China, which is commonly known as China.

    The Republic of China is commonly known of Taiwan.

    Please.

    For you, maybe we should start off with something easier. Such as the difference between South and North America?

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:06 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Taiwan is a province of China. Therefore it is China.

    Also, cool trolling bros.

    Comment by Junkujanai
    04:10 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    No, it is not. They are two separate countries (at least according to every country other than the People's Republic of China.)

    Comment by Kev
    04:46 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    ^ since everyone that replied are retarded, I'll sort this out:

    Taiwan is officially recognized as a part of China, much to their dismay. Yes Taiwan used to be recognized as a nation on its own before, but when China opened up and provided a huge market, everyone just decided to go with what they say, and that's the truth.

    Comment by IHATERETARDS
    07:16 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    ROFL so many fuckin retards on here. I will say it for the last time. TAIWAN IS A PROVINCE OF CHINA. JUST LIKE HOW ONTARIO IS A PROVINCE OF CANADA, AND CALIFORNIA IS A STATE Of U.S.A.

    Comment by other
    07:24 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    it doesn't matter what taiwan is recognized as by other governments, it and china are separate countries with separate governments.
    And being an anarchist i hate both of them.

    Comment by other
    07:25 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    " Comment by IHATERETARDS
    2009-04-16 07:16:15 Report
    ROFL so many fuckin retards on here. I will say it for the last time. TAIWAN IS A PROVINCE OF CHINA. JUST LIKE HOW ONTARIO IS A PROVINCE OF CANADA, AND CALIFORNIA IS A STATE Of U.S.A."

    its a shame that you hate your self

    Comment by other
    07:29 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    " Comment by Anonymous
    2009-04-15 16:06:00 Report
    Taiwan is a province of China. Therefore it is China.

    Also, cool trolling bros."

    Taiwan is a province of china in the same way that the USA is a colony of Britain.

    Comment by IHATERETARDS
    07:55 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    ROFL Where did you get that information from? You gotta stop making stuff up, or get better sources bro. "Sigh" I guess i am going to have to re-educate you all.

    1. "China is different from Taiwan" - Well no shit Sherlock, China is a country and Taiwan is a province. Could you be any more vague and retarded with your arguments?

    2. "Taiwan insists that it is the Republic of China" - Yes, just like how I insist I am Barack Obama. Just because they "insist independence" still does not make them actually independent from China.

    3. "They are two separate countries (at least according to every country other than the People’s Republic of China.)" - Well your labeled as a fucking moron according to all the people I've shown your post to. "According to every country" - Wtf is that supposed to mean? So your saying Taiwan is a separate country because all the other countries think so?

    4. "Taiwan is a province of china in the same way that the USA is a colony of Britain." - You sir, need to stop contradicting yourself and get your facts straight before you make yourself look even more like a retard.

    Comment by Kev
    08:23 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Comment by other:
    "Taiwan is a province of china in the same way that the USA is a colony of Britain."

    Wrong comparison, more like: Taiwan is a province of China in the same way that Tibet is a province of China.

    Comment by IHATERETARDS
    10:19 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, looks like Kev is the only person intelligent enough to post something accurate. Not like all the bs everyone else posts.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:30 18/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Taiwan is not a province of present-day china. The main political party KMT which form the first governing government of taiwan is the original ruling party of mainland china but they are driven out by the communist not in a election but in a bitter civil war in which communist gain control of mainland china. Since KMT was not destroyed, they retreated to taiwan. In fact the 2 countries are still technically at war pretty much like North and South korea but in the past 2 decades or so, taiwan basically just shut its mouth up due to the enormous military might that china had build up since the 70s. And China leave taiwan alone as its not worth the effort to wage war on taiwan and destroy its economy and status as 1 of the superpower on the world political map.

    Avatar of takuya13
    Comment by takuya13
    Comment by Anonymous
    08:43 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Attention whore

    Comment by Anonymous
    Comment by lol
    10:04 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    says someone who's never had a girlfriend, much less a heartbreak before..

    Avatar of muteKi
    Comment by muteKi
    10:07 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The way you say it you make it sound like crap.

    Avatar of LunarSD
    Comment by LunarSD
    00:21 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Stereotype much lately?

    No need to take your frustrations out on otaku, I'm sure I'm not the only one who would have happily provided you with a lighter, were we the focus of this article.

    Avatar of Raso
    Comment by Raso
    08:47 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "anyone got a Light?"

    Comment by Gunso
    10:14 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    she should ask the guard cigarette first then a lighter second...

    she also should be charge try to burning World Trade Center building to other than try to commit suicide...

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:41 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Female Human Torch" FLAME ON!

    Avatar of ichimokuren
    Comment by Ren ichimoku
    12:56 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    damn it not the light i was looking for...

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:48 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Women's handbags are always in such a mess that they can never find anything they need at the moment, be it car keys or matches...

    Avatar of maxchain
    Comment by maxchain
    09:01 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, good to see this one had a happy (or at least not-fatal) ending.

    And a punchline.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:18 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    If she were a smoker, then this would have never happened. I mean any self-respecting smoker would always have a light with him/her right?

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:51 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    So true... I normally carry a zippo, a butane lighter AND matches.

    Comment by Tess
    09:18 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I would have helped her out. Poor dear, is no one courteous anymore?

    Comment by lol
    10:05 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    and gotten the splash damage? Think of the chain nuclear reaction, man!

    Comment by Tess
    12:20 16/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'd pass it to her. And don't say man, lol. Ichiou, onna no ko nan desu kara~ ^^;

    Comment by Bounce
    09:23 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    bitch can't do nothing right

    Comment by Gunso
    10:27 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    no...

    bitch can burn their self and everything around her and put blame on you...

    Comment by Ivory
    09:28 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    where mah bitches?

    Avatar of Icy-nee-san
    Comment by Icy-nee-san
    09:33 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    What kind of world do we live in were no one will lend a simple lighter to someone, god, it sickens me >__>

    Oh a more positive note, I read this entire article while listening to the Kugimiya canyon, and couldnt help but laughing my ass of at almost every 3rd word XD

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:47 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    This is the guard of the building. I want to apologize for not helping that lady out but i was suspicious of her intentions. I thought she would try to put the building in fire. If she had explained her intentions to me sooner i would have gladly help her out.

    Avatar of Obsidian
    Comment by Obsidian
    12:12 15/04/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Doing it right now.
    Now I find the Article to be damn cute.

    Avatar of Dark Steno
    Comment by maskawaih




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