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Behold: The ONACOUNTER

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A technically inclined onanist has apparently developed a piece of software designed to exploit the notoriously advanced capabilities of the USB Onacon, capable of not only measuring speed, insertion time and other vital onanistic statistics, but even of uploading the results to Twitter so fellow onanists can compare their performance…

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  • Anonymous commented on February 13, 2012 19:28

    i lost it when he said it was compatible with twitter this guy is such a troll... More

  • Anonymous commented on February 12, 2012 22:36

    With Japanese people using such things as this and getting obsessed with anime girls, I can see why Japanese birth rate and marriage rate is declining in Japan. well, that just leaves more real Japanese girls... More

128 Comments »

Japan Arrests First Console Modder

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Japan’s controversial new law criminalising mod chips and DVD ripping has been applied for the first time, resulting in the arrest of a man for modding several Nintendo Wiis.

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  • Anonymous commented on February 12, 2012 10:00

    "The law was prompted by industry complaints about damage to their sales" Ha! damage to sales? They are All fucken greedy! making millions on A game isn't enough?... More

  • Anonymous commented on February 9, 2012 20:02

    They did. We have online stores selling digital copies now.... More

119 Comments »

“Only People With Bad Eyes Can See The Loli”

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Suspiciously eager otaku have lately been squinting at the above image in the hopes of discerning what they are assured is apparently a defect in their vision, as paradoxical as this may seem given what they may be missing out on.

(It may be necessary to view the image at full size to gain the intended diagnostic effect)

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  • Justin commented on January 31, 2012 10:40

    Try tilting you screen if you have a laptop no need to blind yourself... More

  • Anonymous commented on January 30, 2012 18:46

    I wear glasses and even without them I can barely see the Image although that may be due to a severe hangover and the moshpit I enjoyed Saturday So I guess only people without lives can... More

305 Comments »

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Hatsune Miku’s live performances may not long be limited to the stage – one particularly dedicated fan has succeeded in getting her to perform in his living room, and provided a video of the spectacle

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  • Anonymous commented on January 19, 2012 22:37

    I've said it before and I'll say it again. Some people should be shot. Not necessarily shot and killed. Just shot and left there.... More

  • Anonymous commented on January 16, 2012 10:47

    Give this guy the Nobel.... More

83 Comments »

Bandai Hacked

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Bandai Visual joins the legion of companies to suffer embarrassing hacks, having been forced to take a number of its sites offline as a result.

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  • Anonymous commented on January 6, 2012 21:16

    Why is it that when people speak of anonymous, you make them sound like some kind of defined group of idividuals and but just a random bunch?... More

  • Anonymous commented on December 23, 2011 17:55

    shoulda known. those bastards will take over the world one day and make giant robots!... More

49 Comments »

Chrome Touts Hatsune Miku

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Google Chrome has drafted in none other than Hatsune Miku to tout its benefits to computer users in Japan and beyond, with the latest Chrome advertising campaign carrying a video featuring the world’s foremost virtual diva.

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  • Anonymous commented on January 20, 2012 05:29

    One of these days, I will learn to proofread my comments. Today is not that day, however. [quote]...Being a low memory system I went with FF [i]because it used less memory and[/i] because it doesn't require... More

  • Anonymous commented on January 20, 2012 05:23

    @01:00 On my parents' computer and I cannot honestly determine weather Firefox or Chrome run smoother. Being a low memory system, I went with FF simply because it doesn't require you to explicitly uncheck the "please... More

108 Comments »

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Virginal onanists are hailing the advent of the USB Onacon as a major step forward, with at least one reviewer praising it as “like having sex” and others noting that this brings them tantalisingly close to finally being able to lose their virginity to their PCs…

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  • Anonymous commented on February 11, 2012 07:19

    "Using it is certainly exciting. IT FEELS LIKE SEX" More like "it feels like how I always imagined having sex feels"... More

  • ums1405 commented on February 11, 2012 01:25

    Its $200, fuck dat! Taking the girl downstairs out for drink then sex wont cost more than $80, plus condoms!... More

305 Comments »

Polygon Maiden Evolution

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A historical comparison of the dramatic technological evolution of 3D polygonal anime-styled bishoujo has recently been circulating, showing just how close the goal of a “real” 2D wife is getting for the otaku masses…

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  • Anonymous commented on December 14, 2011 17:00

    i can't believe crisis core isn't here... didn't it had better 3D graphics? wth...... More

  • cahyo_pwkm commented on December 11, 2011 23:00

    heeeey, what about schoolmate 2? isn't it better?... More

94 Comments »

Steam Hacked: “They May Have Gotten Your Credit Cards”

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Top PC games developer Valve has joined Sony in being subject to a catastrophic database hack, with the security of customer credit card details and personal information stored on their Steam platform completely compromised.

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  • bound2serve commented on December 21, 2011 07:38

    i'm waiting for the headline "Facebook hacked: All stolen information was already available via Facebook." or "Google and Apple hacked: Identity and location of every female user sold to international kidnapping ring."... More

  • Anonymous commented on November 23, 2011 02:24

    Steam is not a truck. It's a series of tubes.... More

199 Comments »

Company Accidentally Deletes MMORPG

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An MMORPG company which accidentally deleted its MMORPG during server maintenance has announced it has no choice but to shut the game down.

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  • Anonymous commented on November 27, 2011 15:35

    Play Skyrim! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9eGtyqz4gY... More

  • Anonymous commented on November 20, 2011 05:26

    pardon my english. maybe they didn't have a backup server? must be cost cutting... what makes me wonder is what happened to the local raid backups? it seems unlikely that the mainframe would fail, then their local... More

172 Comments »

ASIMO vs PETMAN: “Japanese Robots Are A Joke!”

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Japanese are aghast at how pathetic their nation’s robotic poster-child ASIMO is compared to America’s new bipedal military prototype PETMAN.

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  • Anonymous commented on December 5, 2011 00:47

    So American MILITARY robot at 2011 won over the 2000 INDUSTRIAL robot? Nice.... More

  • Vincent Giannell commented on December 4, 2011 17:13

    You really are a big time sucker for that old lunatic. All he cares about is staying in office would care less about guys like you.... More

466 Comments »

Retro Japanese Futurism Quite Something

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Lovers of retro science fiction have lately been delighted by Japanese visions of the future dating from the middle of the twentieth century.

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  • Anonymous commented on October 29, 2011 20:48

    If you're talking about Fusion (something not even usable yet), then you don't use helium, you use hydrogen as fuel and produce helium as a by-product. Note that currently fusion means KABOOM. Not an energy source.... More

  • Raven commented on October 28, 2011 11:51

    Ha! Some of this stuff is bording on Steampunk :)... More

104 Comments »

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