It was hands down the best concert I’d ever gone to. They brought their A game that night and it will go down as one of the greatest experiences in my life. Niji!!!!

antika said:

Ha-ha OK then that part is already covered. There's actually a perfectly good chance for you to learn how to sing well, so if you could get someone to teach you (if you find poor music students, they usually do it much cheaper than the professional vocal teachers).

Then there's the guitar part. I don't know exactly if you were trying to do a song that is supposed to be played in full band afterwards or not, but as long as you're playing on an acoustic guitar, try giving it some more love. Because it is NOT a strat, thereby you need to handle it gentler and it'll sound better. Go ahead and try it.

Then there's the song itself.
[quote]Lyrics:

The electric buzz of my clock stops
I gotta get up, I gotta get out
because I want to see you
I walk the same route as I always do
The scenery is the same but it still feels new
because I want to see you

And though the world may change
Our feelings will stay the same

I see you've got a new hairdo
My gosh girl it looks good on you
And girl I love you
Those eyes, your smile, everything you do
Makes me just wanna be with you
And girl I love you

And though the world may change
Our feelings will stay the same
And though our bodies may decay
The bond we share will never break[/quote]

That looks like it's:
Verse
Chorus/Bridge (sounds more like a bridge than a chorus)
Instrumental break
Verse
Double chorus/bridge

Nothing at all wrong with that, since music can be done in a lot of different ways. But normally as song is made up like this:
Verse
Chorus
Verse
Chorus
Then there's some kind of middle thingie, a break or middle 8 form here.
And an ending Chorus.

You can put an intro and an outro and even a short bridge before the chorus but the way I explained is normally how every song out there goes.

So, by following that mall, it is easier to make a song that will somehow sound like it has a beginning and an ending.

BUT THEN AGAIN; there's nothing wrong with using the form you used too, though the only problem can be that it repeats itself very much, which yours does a bit.

I'd like to know about the part
"And though the world may change
Our feelings will stay the same"
Is it supposed to be a chorus like thingie? Because it sounds very much like a bridge. In case it IS a chorus, I'd recommend that you change it a bit so that it doesn't sound like something is about to follow up after it.

Then, if I were you, I'd make some middle 8, some kind of collision (in this song, it would work well) or something interesting at the end. Try it and see what you think.

In the end, it is your song and it's important for you to like it of course. I've been writing songs for a while now, and quite honestly, it's hard as hell (mainly because, like everyother person, I kinda go "ew this sucks" after two days). So, good work!

Wow, you’re the first person to give me an in depth critical response to my song. To be honest I’ve written that song so long ago I don’t even know how to build it up from there. But I’ll try though. So what songs do you write?

antika said:

Do you want to hear only the good things about it or the whole package with "good, bad & bitchiness"?

I’d like your honest opinion. I already know my vocals suck. :D

Mosquitoes. Can’t fucking stand those bastards.

Does music artist count? Because if so……….

Here is a song I wrote. Tell me what you guys think!

Some of these traps are quite impressive. I doubt I’d ever run into one but if I did my will will be tested.