Lolicon Attempts Ika Musume Kidnap

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Poor Ika Musume has found herself co-opted into helping a creepy child predator in his efforts to invade a tender young schoolgirl, prompting police to issue a warning.

The incident reportedly occurred on Christmas day in Okinawa, when a man approached a girl in her 4th year of elementary school as she waited for her parents outside a shop.

He then quizzed her on which school she attended and showed her a picture of Ika Musume he had about his person, asking if she knew the lovable Cephalopoda invader and, if so, whether she would accompany him back to his house.

She declined, but he reached for her arm, at which point she batted his hand away and sounded her anti-crime buzzer. He promptly fled, leaving her unharmed.

The culprit was described as being plump and in his thirties or forties, and carrying an Ika Musume plastic file. After making off  he was not seen again.

Police advise children to be sure they are familiar with “Ika no Osushi,” and to avoid the dark places of the world and the dangers of solitude.

Knowledgable Ika fans have been quick to explain there is actually a child safety mnemonic known as “Ika no Osushi” (“squid sushi”):

Ikanai: Don’t go (with strangers)

Noranai: Don’t ride (in a stranger’s car)

Oogoe: Shout in a big voice

Sugu: Run away fast

Shiraseru: If something happens, tell someone soon

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There is, of course, an Ika Musume version:

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True cephalopodaphiles laugh at this ham-fisted attempt at child predation:

“What have you lot been doing!”

“You guys again…”

“This smells fishy.”

“How is a 4th year elementary schooler going to know about late night anime you moron!”

“Or read Champion…”

“Ika no Osushi? What?”

“I’d think Cure Peace would be more effective.”

“They ought to fingerprint all these anime otaku!”

“Do they even broadcast this show in Okinawa?”

“He was actually a US soldier!”

“Ika-chan would actually make a pretty good anti-crime mascot.”

“The poor creator!”

“Her invasion continues apace…”


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