Olympics Sushi Soy Sauce Ban Outrages Japanese


Japanese are aghast to learn that the 2012 Olympics has banned sushi sellers from providing soy sauce as there are no makers sponsoring the event, making the dish practically inedible to Japanese and further drawing attention to the increasingly farcical nature of the event.

According to the Japanese reporters swarming the event to give blanket coverage of their team’s humiliatingly tearful judo losses and the anticipated crushing victory of their women’s football team, all sushi on sale at the games has been banned from including wasabi or shouyu.

Diligent investigations lead to the discovery that all this was due the hyper-draconian sponsorship rules in force at the games – sushi suppliers say that as the condiments are supplied in sachets bearing the logo of non-Olympic sponsors, the event’s “logo police” have warned them they face a £20,000 fine if they use them.

Similar restrictions have affected the sale of lesser foodstuffs, with hawkers being forced into under the counter sales if they wish to provide branded snacks which have not paid up millions in advertising fees to the organisers.

Whilst mere foreigners and certainly the British may not know any better, the exclusion of rotten soy bean juice from raw fish bits on rice has prompted some unusually critical reporting from the Japanese media, not generally known for its willingness to confront marketing excesses.

With the likes of McDonald’s and Coca Cola proudly dominating sponsorship of the world’s biggest sporting event with their notoriously healthy produce, it is however perhaps understandable why organisers feel the need to exclude inferior foodstuffs.

The consequences of obsessive corporate sponsorship, crazed flag-buffing, media saturation and of course the drug-addled athletes, corrupt mafia organisers and pork barrel contracts for the host city have become increasingly controversial with the latest games.

Aside from the expected draconian restrictions on what can be sold in or around the games and the sudden interest in otherwise utterly obscure sports solely for their medal yields, a new spectacle for the games is teams of athletes deliberately competing to lose against one another.

Female badminton teams from China, South Korea and Indonesia outraged audiences and organisers by attempting to throw their matches (apparently due to the tournament’s structure, which would allow them easier opponents and less chance of being knocked out if they deliberately threw certain crucial games), causing a minor scandal.

The Badminton World Federation was in any case so disgusted with them competing to lose against one another that it banned the lot of them from further Olympic competition for “clearly abusive” play.

Events like these, and the even worse prospect of ‘sabinuki sushi undrenched in soy sauce, have prompted much criticism in the land of the rising sun, with the renowned culinary prowess of the UK proving an especially soft target:

“Who would want to eat sushi without shouyu?”

“Who could eat sushi without soy sauce!?”

“Poor Kikkoman.”

“This is like something from Monty Python. But not funny.”

“What do you expect given the culinary sense of the British…”

“I can’t understand why anyone would order sushi in the UK in the first place.”

“British food is seriously disgusting anyway, we don’t need to be reminded by being deprived of soy sauce on our sushi.”

“Well, it’s just a nation of hairy barbarians so there’s no way they could understand sushi.”

“There’s no understanding what a nation deprived of culinary civilisation will do when it comes to food.”

“Can’t they just put the soy sauce in a cola bottle? I guess some of those guys might accidentally drink it but it’s not like they could tell.”

“I don’t get why they can’t just remove the labels on the sachets or something? Honestly, the organisers are such greedy misers that we should expect this stuff from them.””

“Just stick to inari or anago and you’ll be fine.”

“This Olympics is going to go down as a failure – the horrible management of the event is the worst ever.”

“They should just drop these ridiculous Olympic sports, it’s just a marketing event now.”

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    Comment by Anonymous
    05:35 04/08/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    A BBC Radio 5Live presenter had his umbrella confiscated by logo police while it was pouring down with rain. Sushi without soy sauce? That's nothing.

    Avatar of Conduit
    Comment by Conduit
    16:24 04/08/2012 # ! Good (+0.4)

    Honestly I don't know whats funnier(sadder?) that the Olympics has become so anally money grubbing that they won't even allow packets of soy sauce in a boxed sushi meal, or that the Japanese media has apparently nothing better to do than report on such a trivial matter.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:57 04/08/2012 # ! Good (+0.8)

    It's not really a trivial matter, some of these meals are supposed to be eaten with X and Y.

    Just because something is not 'sponsored' does not mean that it should be banned, nor should the 'logo police' be confiscating anything like they are.

    It's PRIVATE PROPERTY, the regular police don't get to seize X and Y just because it has a logo on it they dislike.

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:23 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    I wonder how America would react, if Fries-sellers were forbidden from providing their customers with Ketchup.

    1. Refuse to buy Fries?
    2. Bring their own Ketchup?
    3. Sue the Olympic Federation?

    I think 3. is the most probable option.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:15 15/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    American condiment makers aren't poor and wouldn't think twice about being the official ketchup of the olympics.

    Avatar of Artist Rising
    Comment by Artist Rising
    13:28 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Welcome to the New World...

    Enjoy your stay...

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:24 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    I don't watch the Olympics, so I can't tell if you're joking or serious...

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:08 07/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Not a case of British sense of humour.


    Welcome to 1984, Orwell style.

    Avatar of cpc65
    Comment by cpc65
    05:41 04/08/2012 # ! Quality (+0.8)

    They distribute free condoms at the Olympics. Does Trojan sponsor them?

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:08 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    No. And neither does Durex, but Durex is a British company and is supplying the condoms free of charge to the Olympic Athletes.

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:56 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    What I want to know is if they have the Olympic logo on the condom packets.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:58 05/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Ironically, according to the rules, they can get away with using their own team flags instead of the Olympic logo, since it's ''personal sports equipment''.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:03 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    I've never actually seen Trojan condoms available off-the-shelf anywhere in the EU, so no, Trojan obviously does not sponsor them. And I used to believe that Durex is american as well, but this is the good thing about Sankaku, you'll learn something new every day.

    Avatar of Solace
    Comment by Solace
    04:44 04/08/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    Why don't you guys gift the Olympics chairman with some of the Chinese soy sauce?
    It packs an explosive taste!

    Comment by Taylor
    09:49 05/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Please don't support Sankaku's retarded exploding Chinese thing. Its old. Don't encourage them.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:30 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I see what you did there

    Comment by Anonymous

    stfu queer

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:40 04/08/2012 # ! Good (+0.8)

    Watch out, we've got a badass over here. >.>

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:28 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    I've got your explosive taste, gayboy

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:29 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    ^Cool stories bro. U MAD?

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:51 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    sorry cant hear you, try removing the dicks from your mouth

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:57 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    this conversation made me laugh :)

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:46 04/08/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    no wonder this olympic is under budget.. the opening was shit... and now the food is shit... meh, its not like i only just learnt england sucks.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:39 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    The biggest problem with the opening, as it is with most Olympic openings nowadays, is that it was rife with symbolism pertaining to the host country. The issue with that is that unless you have a commentator explaining every little piece of symblism to you, you sit there going "WTF was that about?". If you could understand the symbolism, most of it really wasn't bad.

    As for the soy sauce thing, England has nothing to do with that. It's the International Olympic Commitee.

    Avatar of Gitami
    Comment by Gitami
    01:59 05/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's like internet memes except being more obscure.

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:25 09/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Agree with Anon @ 13:39. What does the lack of cultural understanding say about the broadcast quality in ______ country. As an American, I thought the commentary was clueless due to either laziness, ignorance or apathy... considering folks all over the world watch some US TV, I now have a unifying explanation for the Common American Charicature. Apparently, we broadcast to anyone with $$$.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:30 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    if you can't read the obvious then your an idiot

    Avatar of Yoshii-kun
    Comment by Yoshii-kun
    06:40 04/08/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    McDonalds, the meal for champions.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:14 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    SUMO Champions.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:45 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Sumos actually eat a lot of sushi....

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:51 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)


    Comment by Anonymous
    05:58 04/08/2012 # ! Good (+0.5)

    They could serve the sushi with soy sauce and wasabi already included on the plate.
    There are loopholes too you know.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:07 04/08/2012 # ! Good (+0.8)

    You've never seen boxed sushi in your entire life? Your idea is so retarded I don't even know where to start.

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:11 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Serving sushi boxed and not made on site. What are you poor anon 10:07?

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:38 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Eating raw fish that's been in the sun on a hot stall for 12 hours? What are you, suicidal?

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:11 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Serving sushi boxed and not made on site. What are you poor anon 10:07?

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:28 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    It always comes down to the F'in money for the IOC.

    Avatar of NakkiNyan
    Comment by NakkiNyan
    22:45 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    With the amount of people buying making it in batches, storing it till ordered, and then throwing it on the plate with condiment packets is really the only choice.

    Avatar of Gitami
    Comment by Gitami
    02:03 05/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    They could put the sauce in small clear plastic containers instead of packets.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:05 06/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Some obscure Chinese company will probably be happy to supply them with such if they just asked.

    Express delivery won't take longer than a handful days. They'll make it in time.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:31 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'm assuming they are talking about boxed sushi not fresh sushi. If you buy any boxed one, they usually come with 2 packets: a wasabi one and a soy sauce one. I don't think its practicle for them to just dump the contents of those packets directly into the boxes.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:03 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    if you want soggy sushi shit, how bout your blend everything into a shake? i mean its all the same in the end right?

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:04 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    It all comes out the same at the other end.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:12 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Yea, but you could put the wasabi and soy sauce into non-labelled containers.

    Seriously, labelled pouches aren't the only way to keep them from getting around.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:30 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    I rarely see labels on bentobox soysauce bottles from combini or supermarket...

    Either I don't pay enough attention or I should stop buying the cheapest stuff...

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:07 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    The K-on! girls ordered sushi in London...

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:33 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    i dont think they ever got to eat them though

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:26 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Olympic copyright selling is to strict

    Comment by Anonymous
    Comment by Anonymous
    01:27 05/08/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Your English fails too...

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:29 04/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    >four faggots don't know the difference between two, to & too
    public education fail

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:01 07/08/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    At least they didn't' fail mathematics.

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