The winners to the 7th otaku haiku awards have been announced, with thousands of dollars of cash prizes rewarding those best able to capture the ennui of otaku life in 5-7-5 haiku verse. Sankaku Complex has humbly endeavoured to provide such crude translations of their poetic elegance as are possible in a mere barbarian tongue.
The “godliness prize” (grand prize) winner, winning ¥100,000, and with winners determined by user voting:
From the first son on
Each of them turn to 2D
3D home ruined
The 2nd and 3rd place “genius prize” winners each get ¥50,000.
Second:
Thirty-nine years old
Without money, without wife
Without any hurry
Third:
The girl who I like
Without any struggle for her
We talk together
Entries four through eight each get ¥10,000 prizes. The fourth entry, an onomatopoeic representation of “otaku laughter,” attraced much attention, though it is completely untranslatable, and, as might be expected, some of the runners-up were similarly abstruse.
Other highlights:
Sixth (Sagawa is the name of a delivery company):
Today yet again
The man from Sagawa comes
Telling me to sign
Ninth:
She is now my wife
So the author must now be
My father-in-law
And by way of an omake, the ¥50,000 2D and 3D nekomimi character audition prizes:
Sankaku Complex’s contribution:
Otaku haiku
Most lonely of pursuits yet
The harshest of truths
Japan NEETer Than Ever
Date A Live Deadly Date Finale
Super Sonico Black Nurse Ero-Figure
“.moe” Domains Approved
Top 25 Yandere
Haiyore! Nyaruko-san W Feverishly Fiendish Anime
Police Hunt Man for Following JC 10m
And You Thought China’s Birds Were Bad For Trains…
Loli Ban “Facing Rejection”
FF14: “Some Things Never Change”
Dead or Alive 5 Ultimate Ultimately Sexy
JK “Sex Training” Interview Gets Pimp Busted
Square Enix’s Fall “Because of Bad Feng Shui”
AKB48 Rage at Rino: “If She Can Win, What’s The Point!?”
And You Thought Japanese Cops Couldn’t Get Any Worse…
Top 10 Karaoke Songs Japanese Youth Love
Manaka Komaki Bunny Girl Figure
Man “Impersonated Foreigner” To Rape Girlfriend’s Daughters
Not Again: Final Fantasy XV = “Action RPG”
MS: “No Xbox One for Japan” “Asians Wait Another Year”
Korean Plastic Surgery More Impressive Than Ever
Fancy Frontier 21 Cosplay Fancier Than Ever
Wonder Festival 2013 Winter Cosplay
Ultra-Sexy Babes of Tokyo Auto Salon 2013
“Why Are Seiyuu Such Great Artists As Well?”
Even More Comiket 83 Day 3 Cosplay
Comiket 83 Day 3 Cosplay Cuter Than Ever
Comiket 83 Day 2 Cosplay Has Otaku Wet With Desire
Comiket 83 Day 1 Cosplay Cool As Ever
Chinese Cosplay Pure Quality: “They Even Have Enako!”
Flawless complexion,
curves, supple ass, perfect tits,
Plastic never sags.
Haikus are easy,
but sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.
I, the explorer,
I took an arrow on knees.
By Alduin's Wrath.
it dies. you level.
Kissed the girl I like,
She Is actually gonna marry someone else
Did this BEFORE and AFTER he proposed to her.
It's complicated.
I do no Haiku
But here I am, thinking out
My little tenses
3D is my vice
2D is my wife
My nickname is hairy palms
Dark future,
Bright screen,
Such is an Otaku's life
guys, a haiku isn't just a three line poem -.- lrn2literature
Haikus must contain
mention of seasons' qualities
chilly spring sunrise!
Five syllables first
And then seven syllables
Five more syllables
It's that easy.
Those aren't haiku. They're senryu.
How do I haiku
I don't know what I'm doing
Mogami-gawa
Oh my fucking God, thank you so much. Just lol'd so hard. Mogami-gawa, indeed. XD
woot~ somebody gets it :)
I don't get the
third one, it doesn't
belong there.
Oh you don't get it?
Go rewatch Nichijou
and pay attention
I felt the Ninth one was the best.
i have a feeling the first one got Lost in Translation.
Yeah. The first one is like
From the first child on (first dimension)
Reach out to second dimension
Household is a disaster (third dimension)
With the pronunciations of first and third dimensions being homophones for first child and disaster, respectively.
So, getting the first and third dimensions in there playing off the explicitly written second dimension is what makes it good. Artefact is not kidding when he says it cannot be translated into barbarian tongues. =P
The second one is similar, with thirty nine years old having the second meaning of "triple handicap" or "three times the suffering".
All good haiku in Japanese are like this, and the ones in English just miss the point...
Not very good at it but I'll attempt a more literal translation, hopefully it will be closer to the original expression.
One/first son/child onwards
2D to the hand
Family matter tragic matter
I don't get the ninth one.
it means his wife is a 2d...
It doesn't matter if you get it or not. If he's happy, it has no relation to your life. Move on
have you heard of onahole? yes, now u can have sex with any 2D, even 3D if you get a good picture on your screen
I don't understand how a man can marry a 2d character. The act of marriage must be consumed by the joining of the two parties meaning they ... need to have sex. Is he gonna screw his monitor? His magazine? His Manga? seriously ¬_¬
>wife
>author
>father-in-law
...2D...get it....
Sankaku Complex
Everyone is poet now
That's hillarious
Reading late at night
Forum posts about Haikus
How did this happen
these English translations terribly suck
you guys totally got them wrong
Only native Japanese speaker can understand and enjoy these poems
The translations don't do them justice, but I guess it couldn't be posted otherwise.
4th place: デュフフコポォ オウフドプフォ フォカヌポウ
I'm wondering why I only could 6 syllables in オウフドプフォ.
Anyway... it apparently is quite funny https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDF9WD-6ox0
The ninth most certainly should be a winner. :3
tiny breasts
a heartbeat now
in my palm
My freedom is short
So does a loli lifespan
Grope now or regret
A police nearby
A loli in front
I grope with no fear
darn... this one's good :p
thanks for the perspective. got my priorities back in order now.
DFC is best
Breasts, but they are travel-size
Power in my palm
the hell, you killed her, got her chest open and ripped her heart out?
Here's one I made long ago:
Yearning for her home
A merchant guides her Northward
Goddess of Harvest
Oh liek dis?
- Since pussy is pussy,...
- A cat is fine too.
I've seen you post before
Around this site and I have to ask
Are you a zoophile?
Spice and Wolf?
That's cute.
Real life is fuzzy,
Borders unclear; Cell-shaded
world is much simpler.
Why stay in this alien winter
When fantasy is warmer land
Society understands me
not; I understand it nor,
do I really care.
16th place was actually a full plagiarization of the basement haiku from Wayne's World.
Each week I will learn
Another trait of her mind
Seasons end too soon
So it turns out that
Even the Japanese have
a sense of humor
I found a picture...
Can't even tell what that is...
I can fap to that!
She is now my wife
So the author must now be
My father-in-law
This was actually genius.
Cheery picked. I think third one is more like:
The girl who you like
Trying struggling for her (or: In order to fight for her)
Go talk together