Penis Cutter Suicide “May Have Thought It Was A Monster”

penis-cutter-suicide_0.jpg

Japanese police insistence that a man found dead with his penis severed and thrown under his bed was a clear case of suicide seems to be hardening, with investigators unable to find any evidence that his death was suspicious, and with one expert even suggesting that “he may have thought it was a monster and tried to cut it off.”

The case, reported previously, centres on a 49-year-old taxi driver recently found dead in his Tokyo apartment.

The man was found dead in his bedroom by a concerned superior, wearing nothing but a pair of socks. Both he and his room were “covered in blood.”

His penis had been cut off and was found under the bed he was lying on, though his body bore 4 other knife wounds in his neck and chest.

His apartment was unlocked and he had been dead for approximately 2 days when found.

Colleagues report nothing abnormal or untoward about him at work, but neighbours say he had a history of noisy and at times violent relations with women. Police were repeatedly called to his residence after domestic altercations.

Police however were reportedly “unable to obtain any useful information” from interviewing his various female acquaintances.

Police investigators still insist they “cannot eliminate the possibility of suicide,” having found no evidence of another person at the scene of his death and no marks on his body consistent with any conventional struggle.

One investigator’s insightful analysis runs as follows:

“All of the wounds on his body were in places where he could have inflicted them on himself. The extent of the wounds was not enough to kill him instantly, so he was able to move around his room.

So, we think he may have inflicted these wounds on himself, then walked around his room until he eventually died…”

No note or other definitive evidence of suicide was found, but autopsy results did find traces of “stimulants” in his body, along with injection marks.

This has prompted fanciful speculation from medical experts – one professor of forensic pathology at a Japanese university provides the following analysis:

“If he cut off his private parts whilst he was still alive, there would be a correspondingly large amount of pain and blood loss.

However, with drug use we cannot deny the possibility that he may have hallucinated that his privates were a monster and attempted to get rid of it by cutting it off.”

This sort of incisive analysis seems only to be convincing many that Japan’s high rates of suicide and low rates of murder may have more to do with police incompetence and malfeasance than a suicidally orderly society:

“Yes, a 0.00000001% possibility!”

“Mine’s Godzilla.”

“This is a new one. You could turn most cases into suicides with it, making their job a lot easier!”

“Maybe he could have thought it was something, but to then cut it off and stab himself repeatedly?”

“They seem really desperate to cover this one up for some reason…”

“It is pretty odd that they are trying so hard to tone this down.”

“Anything’s possible!”

“If they say something as messed up as that I guess there really is something going on.”

“Any idiot can study medicine…”

“So what happened to this woman he was fighting with? She some politician’s daughter or something?”

“The pathologist probably can’t help it, if he gets on the wrong side of the powers that be his university funding will suffer.”

“They may as well just say ‘investigating is too much trouble.’”

“So all we can be sure of is that perpetrator was the kid of someone pretty high up.”

“You can’t deny the possibility that he hallucinated his penis was a mushroom and tried to pick it, either.”

“If he’s a doctor he should be able to tell from the angle and force of the cut whether it was likely him or someone else…”

“Another one of these scholars who act as government tools. I wonder how many suicides they’ve created using this method?”

“What kind of trashy university did they pull that moron out of? There’s no way someone on speed is going to do something like that.”

“They should probably test that pathologist for drugs as well…”

“And what about where he got the drugs? What he was doing with them? Can’t the police even manage an investigation of that?”

“You ‘cannot deny the possibility’ of just about anything.”

“So any case where the culprit looks to be rich or powerful turns out to be suicide, how handy.”

“Aren’t they just trying to co-opt this into their anti-drugs campaign?”

“It’s the perfect crime – dope your victim on speed and then kill him.”

“At least we know why our suicide rates are so high.”


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    148 Comments
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    Avatar of Nin
    Comment by Nin
    03:37 23/01/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    I think the penis stabbed the man to death with the knife, then cut itself off to be free. It left the knife near the man so that it would seem like suicide.

    Avatar of Lord Blue Macaw von Laserparrot
    05:09 23/01/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    That is the only rational explanation.

    Avatar of SaltyPenguin
    Comment by SaltyPenguin
    11:12 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Funniest Sancom title I've seen in quite a while.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:43 23/01/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    So the man was right, the penis was a monster.

    Now the question is who struck first. The penis or the man?

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:43 23/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.8)

    The man struck first. Years of sexual abuse by the man led the penis to finally break.

    Avatar of ArrowInTheKnee
    Comment by ArrowInTheKnee
    19:51 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    The Penis could no longer tolerate its owner for using it to have sex with his gay partner. Then the man had heated argument after his ex-girlfriend caught them redhanded and broke up. The penis can no longer bear the owner and decided to cut all tied with him.

    I am sure its the penis who struck first!

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:26 22/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    I think the left hand was jealous of the left hand affair with the penis it turned in a heated argument followed by a triple suicide.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:10 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    The penis shots first... Or so until George Lucas does his rev. 2 remake.

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:51 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    You got it wrong the penis was stabbing him, the man was able to fight off the penis but it was too late

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:31 23/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    Mr. Furious: [talking about Carmine the Bowler] Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.

    The Bowler: Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.

    The Blue Raja: You know, I've alwas suspected a bit of foul play there.

    The Bowler: As have I.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:12 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    Or Colonel Mustard with the candle stick.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:33 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Actually he asked his penis to cut itself off and stab him to death so that it would look like murder. That way he could take his revenge on all the bitches that tormented him by making them look suspicious.

    Avatar of TenguSan
    Comment by TenguSan
    03:40 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    sounds legit

    Avatar of Notto Disu Shitto Agen
    12:00 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Someone should've taught him how to train it to be obedient.

    My Trouser Titan is perfectly tame towards its owner.

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:43 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    I think his hand was the culprit:
    After years of being forced upon Penis for the man's sick entertainment, the hand plotted the man's demise and drugged him. Once the man was at his weakest, the hand sprung its attack with a knife. When Penis screamed and threatened to warn the authorities, it had to be silenced as well.
    It was a true Shakespearean tragedy.

    Avatar of cats2
    Comment by cats2
    00:41 24/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Still makes more sense then what Barney Fife (aka 95% of their police force apparently) came up with..

    Fucking China Quality almost...

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:29 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    "It left the knife near the man so that it would seem like suicide."

    According to the other article, the knife was found in an entirely different room from the 'suicide' victim. Apparently after stabbing himself multiple times and cutting his member off, he decided it would be a good idea to wander around the house.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:29 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    That's one tricky dick.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:47 23/01/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    OH GOD!

    HELP MY PENIS IS TRYING TO KILL ME!

    I managed to fight it off, tried to strangle it but it just SPAT AT MY FACE!

    NO! NOW IT'S TRYING CHOKE ME!!! IT'S WORKING WITH MY TESTICLES! THEY'RE MUFFLING MY SCREAMS FO HELP!!

    Avatar of Shizu's Waki Obsessor: MaidNiac
    12:37 23/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    The police must have been watching too much Evil Dead 2..

    Comment by Anonymous

    i .....
    neeed........
    moar........
    of this!

    "
    OH GOD!

    HELP MY PENIS IS TRYING TO KILL ME!

    I managed to fight it off, tried to strangle it but it just SPAT AT MY FACE!

    NO! NOW IT'S TRYING CHOKE ME!!! IT'S WORKING WITH MY TESTICLES! THEY'RE MUFFLING MY SCREAMS FO HELP!!

    "

    Avatar of Carrot_Glace
    Comment by Carrot_Glace
    03:27 23/01/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    This is a case for Conan!

    Avatar of alternative kyon
    Comment by alternative kyon
    10:51 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Too bad he wasn't there like he was with every other case in Japan...

    Oh wait... IT would be bad if he was there when he killed himself... haha.

    Avatar of Shippoyasha
    Comment by Shippoyasha
    16:39 23/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    At least Conan has the hunch that these suspicious deaths could at least be murder in his universe.

    Japanese police are treading dangerous ground for declaring everything as suicide almost as a default. That means people can set up a suicide scene for many deaths and completely get away with it.

    Avatar of Gitami
    Comment by Gitami
    17:13 23/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.4)

    Japanese police declare to media we suspect suicide with possibility of murder. They appear to look for evidence to support suicide theory.

    Western police declare to media we suspect murder with possibility of suicide. They appear to look for murder evidence then gather evidence to support suicide theory.

    You need to look competent as well as be competent. But if you look competent you buy time to excuse your incompetence.

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:15 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Yes but the problem is, would Conan solve a case involving a penis? Kids are watching that show.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:02 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I can see it now...There was a string tied to the penis that ran under the bed and under the door...

    Comment by Anonymous

    the string is orange colored. its just the question what is that "string"......

    and its a question what that thing you are doing here actually is.

    interogation?

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:54 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Kaito Kid accidentally sliced this guy's penis as tried to walk on the air.

    Comment by Anonymous

    you have to tell me that again with the "nonsense" tag and the arian and the penis and this certain anime. the the arian woman .. udner my bed!!!!!

    Avatar of Darth_Suse
    Comment by Darth_Suse
    03:21 23/01/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    mmmm.....what??
    well that actually make sense, mine's looks like Bahamut..

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:45 23/01/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Mine looks like cactuar. Green and spikey.

    Avatar of Kuro'Base'Neko
    Comment by Kuro'Base'Neko
    06:05 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    eeew what is that? lion king? gonorrhea?

    Avatar of Gradius
    Comment by Gradius
    08:04 24/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.4)

    Those cops really need to watch "Monster" the anime!

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:08 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    a final fantasy.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:55 24/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    What ever happened to the penis? Did they end up preserving the fine specimen?

    Comment by Anonymous

    ah thats A final fantasy ;)

    THANKS FOR THE EXPLANATION: COULD HAVE TOLD US THAT SOONER MR SQUARE.

    /sarcasm

    Avatar of jamesownsall
    Comment by jamesownsall
    03:22 23/01/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    That 'investigator' better be someone well-versed in both psychology and sociology, with relevant qualification from respected institutions and at least 5 years of case-by-case experience. Or at least, he must consult someone of equal level.

    Otherwise, anyone can just speculate.

    "Oh, that fucker's just crazy. He probably thought his dick is Las Plagas spurting out of his groin."

    I know some cop types real well; some of them just don't want to drag a case down and close it real quick because it can be an inconvenience. Why should they give a fuck? The guy's not someone they know or care.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:33 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    That's par for the course for Japanese cops. They have a 96% arrest rate for homicides....which is fucking impossible & everyone knows it. The suicide rate is obviously inflated.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:21 23/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.9)

    "clear case of suicide seems to be hardening"

    Surely this has to be an intentional pun.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:54 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Wheres Phoenix Wright when we need him...

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:54 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    The penis is guilty, no way Nick would defend him.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:13 24/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Sorry, but I don't think it's going to be hardening. Not now nor ever again.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:55 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Dirty Sanchez

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:35 23/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.8)

    "The man was found dead in his bedroom by a concerned superior, wearing nothing but a pair of socks."

    Man if my boss came over to check on me and wore nothing but a pair of socks I might be suicidal too.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:47 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I wouldn't. My boss is pretty damn sexy. She's got these great curves, perfect sized...

    Avatar of GHS
    Comment by GHS
    04:12 23/01/2012 # ! Quality (+0.8)

    I wouldn't rule out suicide like that if drugs were involved. Depending on what kind and how much it could've dulled the pain and make him hallucinate his 'monster' penis. Heroin users (or at least I think it was heroin) sometimes imagine there are bugs under their skin when high and end up scratching themselves so much sometimes that they scratch to the bone. Or in this case maybe the police are just incompentent lol.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:30 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    I think that's PCP or Acid. Not sure, so many different kinds, and there's if someone is stupid enough to mix their drugs.

    Avatar of Engine
    Comment by Engine
    05:10 23/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    “Mine’s Godzilla.”

    Best comment there.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:32 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    "neighbours say he had a history of noisy and at times violent relations with women"
    + a cut off penis

    definitely suicide...

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:04 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    "You... you scared another one away. Everytime I show you to them they just argue with me and run out! I'll... I'll kill you!"
    *chops off penis*
    "Hah, you thought that would stop me?!"
    *Penis takes knife and stabs man then hides under bed*

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:23 24/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    the charms arent working!






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