Man “Committed Suicide by Cutting Off Penis”

penis-cutter-suicide.jpg

Japanese police have uncovered what they think may be a highly unusual and doubtless unbelievably agonising case of suicide by penis auto-severance.

Tokyo police discovered the body of a naked 49-year-old man in his apartment, dead from numerous stab wounds and a severed penis. His penis was found under the bed he was lying on.

He was found in his bloodied bedroom with the door open and the kitchen knife used to cause his death in a neighbouring room, all of which would be consistent with a murder.

However, police say his body bore no marks from him trying to defend himself, and there were no signs of a struggle in the room, which would be more consistent with a suicide.

The man was a taxi driver by profession, and had been incommunicado for a week. Police estimate he had been dead for 2 days when they found him.

Locals say he had lived at his apartment for the past 4 years, and had recently been seen engaged in repeated and noisy arguments with a woman thought to be his partner.

Witnesses report seeing the man tossing furniture into the street and engaging in physical altercations with the woman.

The nature of his wounds suggest this would have to be quite a suicide, say grisly crime commentators – “It’s the kind of suicide he would need considerable determination to complete. We have to wonder why it is police are announcing the possibility of him having committed suicide.”

Another comments that “there’s no real need to kill yourself naked, it seems like something you might do to make it look as though someone else was responsible though.”

Noted guro expert Shoko-tan says that the case is “Really unusual, isn’t it? Hmmm, scary, isn’t it?”

Given these puzzling and conflicted circumstances, police are still undecided as to whether the man’s death was a suicide or a murder, and have announced they are investigating both possibilities.

Fortunately, 2ch provides legions of apparent forensics experts ready to shed even more light on the case, as if the opinions of Japan’s notoriously effective police and random TV personalities weren’t helpful enough:

“Who kills themselves by cutting off their own penis?”

“As if this is a suicide!”

“No way!”

“Brilliant deductive reasoning from the police there.”

“As expected of our marvellous police!”

“No man would think of killing himself by chopping his member off like this.”

“Perhaps the police just got bored investigating this one and decided to chalk it off as suicide.”

“Who commits suicide by cutting their own penis off and then stabbing themselves repeatedly?”

“Perhaps he killed himself and someone else lopped his penis off? Police should check whether he was alive when it was removed.”

“Oh, Japanese marakiri!” ["mara" is slang for penis]

“Maybe… he wanted to become a woman?”

“The woman probably found his corpse and hacked off his boy to defile it further.”

“All you can tell from that death is that it wasn’t suicide.”

“If he were drugged or tied down there wouldn’t be any evidence of resistance, would there?”

“Some kind of twisted sexual game?”

“He was naked after all…”

“The police can start by firing the morons who call this a suicide. They might get a bit better from doing so.”

“Japanese police: ‘If we can’t work it out, it must be suicide.’”

“He was obviously offed by this woman.”

“I expect the mass media will drop this rather quickly, for obvious reasons.”

“Cops, see if you can explain his motive for hacking off his own member.”

“He could just gas himself, instead he cuts his penis off and stabs himself to death. Cute, police, cute.”

“At least they aren’t blaming it on goblins.”

“Still, I’d respect any man who could pull off a suicide like that.”

“You know, I may have just worked out the mystery of how we can have over 30,000 suicides a year in this country…”


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    178 Comments
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    Avatar of Bigall
    Comment by Bigall
    05:20 18/01/2012 # ! Quality (+0.9)

    I don't know if it's because of the low crime rate in Japan or other thing but is the Japanese police getting stupid or what?

    Avatar of cats2
    Comment by cats2
    06:43 18/01/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    The "low crime rate" is because they label shit like this "suicide".

    Seriously, their police are straight out of the 3 stooges or the like....

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:12 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    @ cats2 06:43:

    Actually, they're only HALF-way out of the Three Stooges.

    Their investigative techniques seem to be perfunctory and slipshod ("Round up the usual suspects: foreigners, males, and mimes..."), yet their other skills are way above average.

    Here in SanCom, there was the pic of that guy waving around a long knife, and the two cops who took him down; one cop was unarmed, and the other cop was "armed" with a STICK!

    I have to wonder how much of the investigative sloppiness is due to lack of skill, and how much is due to management rating and promoting purely "by the numbers."

    Such management laziness is pan-nationality.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:17 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Someone send them a copy of A Study in Scarlet. They need the guidance of a fictional detective!

    Avatar of DoubleX31
    Comment by DoubleX31
    08:40 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    Nah, they're just trying to find the easiest solution. They get paid either way.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:11 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    you have to admit, they're pretty smart at halfassing their job and make it look official.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:13 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    @DoubleX31 08:40:

    But, do they get *promoted* either way?

    Avatar of mike d
    Comment by mike d
    05:36 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    What do you mean low crime rate? What about the scores of men talking to schoolgirls? If anything the police are severely overworked....

    ....I couldn't even TYPE that with a straight face. it's that stupid lol

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:16 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.9)

    “You know, I may have just worked out the mystery of how we can have over 30,000 suicides a year in this country…”

    "suicide"; great way to save tax dollars tracking down killers

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:45 19/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Oh fuck my penis hurts from reading this...

    Comment by Anonymous
    15:05 20/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Shit, I don't even have a penis, and I hurt from reading this.
    No way it's a suicide, no one's THAT crazy.

    Avatar of Lurkerman
    Comment by Lurkerman
    18:33 21/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    TT_TT believe me, there are people THAT crazy... I once heard about a video a dude posted where he cut off his own dick for fun; he video taped it because he could only do it once and he wanted to enjoy the moment... I don't know if it was true or not, but it really doesn't matter, because I am convinced that someone insane had to be involved at some point; the description got WAY too painful to be conceived by a sane mind.

    Most people would call this horrible police-work, but it really could go either way. Either the guy was really drunk and wanted to ruin the woman's life, and the dick part was just to make it convincing, or the woman knocked him unconscious and mutilated him.

    Either way, that body needs TONS of forensics done and the woman needs a psychiatric profile done ASAP, because someone with even the possibility of being that insane should definitely not be free to walk around in society!

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:59 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.8)

    Yandere girlfriend + bad end perhaps?

    “At least they aren’t blaming it on goblins.”
    Okay, that one made me lol.

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:34 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    If that's the case, losing a head and carted off on a boat sounds better...

    Avatar of kajunbowser
    Comment by kajunbowser
    Comment by Anonymous
    23:35 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Yay for yandere :D

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:39 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.8)

    "dead from numerous stab wounds and a severed penis"

    "recently been seen engaged in repeated and noisy arguments with a woman"

    Police conclusion: suicide.

    Really?

    Avatar of Noodlestein
    Comment by Noodlestein
    07:49 18/01/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Its like the last 2ch'er.... Their low homicide rate is only because they chalk most of them up to suicide instead.

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:29 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    They're waiting for real-life Detective Conan to pop out, y'know?

    Avatar of TFish
    Comment by TFish
    07:45 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.5)

    It's a pretty well known fact that in a lot of places in Japan when the police don't think they'll be successful in capturing a criminal, and closing the case they will write off deaths as suicide in order to keep their success rates high.

    Avatar of Yoshii-kun
    Comment by Yoshii-kun
    10:36 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.7)

    Police too busy with their manhunt for men walking on the streets or asking for directions.

    Policeman A: Inspector? Sir?

    Policeman B: *sigh* What is it this time, Corporal?

    Policeman A: Severed penis, with reports from local witnesses on possible domestic violence. Suspect is assumed to be his lover. Seems like murder with motive, sir.

    Policeman B: And you think this is serious!? We have millions of potential rapists and dangerous individuals called men waltzing on the street at this very moment, and you think a murder is important right now? Can you just imagine the amount of paperwork we have to file if we pursue this investigation?! Just keep writing them off as suicidal NEETs and be done with it like always.
    Now get back to that manhunt, Corporal!

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:58 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Ah, so that's why Japan has so high suicide numbers and low murder numbers... I tought it as strange.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:51 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    NO WAY it was suicide!

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:18 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Woman maybe went all Fatal Attraction on him.
    Guy thought he was getting make up sex all happy and shit, didn't even see the blade coming.

    Penis was most likely removed after the man was dead, as a final insult. Most likely because he was cheating on her constantly, or she felt disgusted by having sex with him to kill him.

    If the bathroom has signs of blood, that's where she cleaned herself before leaving quietly.

    Comment by Anonymous

    i'm more surprised they didn't mistake his penis for a rat's tail.

    Comment by Anonymous

    OBJECTION!

    Please present the decisive evidence to the court, to prove your claim.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:04 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    You never know. Maybe he staged it all to incriminate his ex-girlfriend. All he needed to do is get into bed, stab himself repeatedly and cut off his penis, toss it on the floor so it could roll under the bed, throw the knife into the other room, and then bleed to death without thrashing about.

    ...

    You know, I find myself wondering what kinds of drugs Japan has again, only this time for different reasons than what inspires their commercials.

    Avatar of Noodlestein
    Comment by Noodlestein
    10:04 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Japanese police at their finest.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:53 19/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Step 1: Get a knife
    Step 2: Cut off your penis and stab yourself multiple times in a room
    Step 3: Discard knife, pick up penis.
    Step 4: ...???
    Step 5: Throw penis under the bed of another room, and sleep over it.
    Step 6: Successful Suicide.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:35 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    It was the otaku!

    Avatar of Gitami
    Comment by Gitami
    17:25 23/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Perhaps the man and woman watched The Realm of Senses movie and wanted to imitate.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:18 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Japanese women are now in the next stage ... ... ... ... male extermination

    Marakiri this was good joke... ... ... ....

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:54 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.7)

    man weakneses is his penis he cut off his penis to gain immortality ^_^

    Avatar of PirateKing
    Comment by PirateKing
    10:16 18/01/2012 # ! Quality (+0.9)

    Why would you want to be immortal without a dick ?

    Avatar of jinhong91
    Comment by jinhong91
    20:37 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    There is no fun in being an immortal and not a dick at the same time.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:03 21/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, you can't say that unless you actually experience it.

    Avatar of Yoshii-kun
    Comment by Yoshii-kun
    09:44 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    Rather live my finite life with little John.
    (and no subtle jokes on how little is my John)

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:13 19/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    you thought anyone here could be that subtle?

    Comment by Busy
    10:17 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Just think about the average size in japan...then you may understand it.

    Comment by Anonymous

    Ok; then I'll be blunt.

    You have such a small penis that you get blowjobs from microbes.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:26 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    Its like the movie hot fuzz
    "so accident?"
    "yep accident?"

    Avatar of Octopi
    Comment by Octopi
    05:58 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    Time for a spin off CSI Japan.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:11 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    My little police can't be this shitty~~

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:33 20/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    suicide my ass.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:28 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    Well, there was that guy who willingly got someone to cut off his penis and ate it and that lady who was willingly cannibalized, so you never know.

    Avatar of fxc2
    Comment by fxc2
    06:06 18/01/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)

    There also was a guy who ripped his eyes out of his head with his bare hands and claimed it was because the voices in his head told him to. So you never, never know...

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:01 19/01/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    The voices in my head tell me not to listen to you because you are crazy.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:55 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    there was a guy who was sleeping on my bed with his pants around his angle, hand on crotch, a plastic bottle of baby lotion near him... i didn't want to know.

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:30 19/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    i take it nobody here has seen the infamous video "hatchet vs penis" ... now why this article reminded me of that thing

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:09 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Did your bum pain you?

    That's usually a sign for a revenge in the above style.

    Avatar of Dia
    Comment by Dia
    12:23 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (-0.2)

    It's quite reasonable to gouge your eyes out if you're schizo and seeing stuff. Not that it helps.

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:28 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    There was a guy named Jigsaw

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:53 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    Screw no Evil

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:57 18/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    See no evil
    Hear no evil
    Speak no evil

    Avatar of kajunbowser
    Comment by kajunbowser
    13:29 19/01/2012 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'd like to play a game.







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