Police are once again hunting a dangerous man for the crime of speaking to schoolgirls.

The “incident report” from the Osaka police’s criminal advisory system (preserving the curious wording of the original):

At 1730 a pair of middle school girls were proceeding on foot when they were approached by a suspicious individual who told them “I recently moved here and don’t know the way” and asked for directions.

There was no violent or obscene conduct, but for roughly an hour and and a half an incident involving them showing him the way occurred.

The suspicious individual was an elderly man. He was bald on the top of his head, wore beige work clothes, and had on a pair of black trousers.

Should you encounter this suspicious person, please dial 110 immediately and report him to police.

It should be noted that these reports never detail how the incidents in question actually come to the attention of police.

Online there is the usual scepticism about the near criminalisation of having a penis in the presence of schoolgirls in public, as well as a great deal of speculation about what really happened:

“So now we can’t even ask people for directions?”

“It’s a bit harsh to call him bald like that!” [the Japanese word used, “hage,” has a rather harsher nuance than “bald” might suggest]

“No, it was being bald which made him suspicious.”

“That had nothing to do with it!”

“He kidnapped them for an hour and a half, this is an outrageous crime!”

“If making eye contact with schoolgirls is a crime, making them show you the way deserves the death penalty!”

“If he wasn’t bald this wouldn’t have ended up as a police report.”

“Poor baldie.”

“Baldies have no human rights.”

“What the hell is this about it taking one and a half hours, he could have found his own way to a police box in that time.”

“This report just exudes spite.”

“This country is becoming seriously messed up – ‘suspicious people’ being seen everywhere, couldn’t this just have been someone trying to find their way?”

“Just for asking the way, that would be horrible. But for enjoying a stroll for 90 minutes with two schoolgirls, I suppose it can’t be helped.”

“But who thought this ‘suspicious’? The girls were in high spirits and he didn’t cause anyone any trouble?”

“That sort of thing usually costs ¥10,000.”

“I’m always getting lost and asking for directions. I guess I don’t get reported because I’m young.”

“If you’re going to ask people for directions, schoolgirls are the ones you should avoid asking at all costs.”

“All the people who are saying it can’t be helped because he’s bald are seriously despicable.”

“Couldn’t they have said it in a more oblique manner?”

“It’s pretty strange for someone to let someone take up an hour of their time with showing them the way…”

“It probably took 10 minutes but such was the ordeal of talking to a baldie it seemed like 90 minutes.”

“Perhaps if they were headed the same way and walked together talking for the duration?”

“It was nice of them to show him the way.”

“A pair of kind little schoolgirls kindly helping an elderly man in trouble to find his way – shouldn’t that be treated as a moving tale of human kindness?”

“Wasn’t this just a lie made up by a pair of JC scamps to explain why they were an hour and a half late getting home?”

“This was enko, wasn’t it? They were on the way to the love hotels with baldie but they got rumbled and said they were showing him the way?”

“Just get it over with and make speaking to people you don’t know in public a crime.”

In light of recent events, the rather staggering dangers of terrifying bystanders into thinking they face arbitrary persecution at the hands of police and courts should they interact with strangers could not be more apparent.

    Post Comment »
    Sort by: Date | Score
    Comment by Anonymous
    05:57 23/10/2011 # ! Good (+0.9)

    I hope they catch the guy soon.

    What kind of backwater country even lets bald people out on the streets. That's so unsafe!

    Comment by Anonymous

    Steve Jobs in disguise ( he's not dead yet, he's in Japan !! )

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:32 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Beige work clothes? More like black shirt and jeans.

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:29 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    A death today doesn't keep the apple away.

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:35 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    First he gave us the iDied, now he's showing off the iReturned.

    Apple products may not be returned under any conditions if you do it will be lost in the mail.

    Comment by Anonymous


    I think its Jamie Hyneman in disguised on an episode of MYTHBUSTER


    Approve or Stupidly Busted?

    Avatar of War Hawk
    Comment by War Hawk
    06:29 23/10/2011 # ! Drivel (-1.0)

    Bald people = unsafe? HUH?

    Are they some sort of a refusenik or something? :\

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:42 23/10/2011 # ! Drivel (-1.0)

    He is anon, you should always assume the possibility that they are just trolling. He got a frosty bite it seems.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:10 23/10/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Since when was sarcasm considered trolling?

    Oh wait, everything is considered trolling nowadays. I've no idea what the term means anymore ever since idiots started referring to everything as trolling.

    Comment by Anonymous
    20:32 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well not quite sure of the concrete definition, but normally leaving a comment tailored to upset and/or irk people(though I don't know how my last comment was voted down so much. Maybe it was the frost bite joke. Sorry.) in hope of receiving a (normally)flame or angry(even educationally snobby or "pwnage"). Some people are serious in their anon comments, others troll, and some just say what the f*** they want because they are invisible. So I apologize if my last comment upset anyone.

    Avatar of Neferius
    Comment by Neferius
    02:30 28/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)


    Avatar of Zet@
    Comment by Zet@
    06:24 23/10/2011 # ! Drivel (-1.0)

    Give us a reason to justify why 'bald' people shouldn't be on the streets, and then tell us the dangers of having a 'bald' person or similar that you don't think should go on the streets

    You should be the type of people they keep off the streets, you NAZI you

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:43 23/10/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Dude, your sarcasm detector is seriously broken, same to Frost_Byte ( @sarcodine ) :\
    (not the same anon btw)

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:11 23/10/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    forgive him, I think he is bald..äh I mean bad at recognizing sarcasm.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:32 23/10/2011 # ! Good (+0.8)

    Newborn babies should be checked for baldness and if no hair is found, they should be turned into cheeseburgers. The non-bald babies could then go on to live their wonderful hairy lives.

    Avatar of War Hawk
    Comment by War Hawk
    17:48 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Oh, it's sarcasm?
    Sorry.. I didn't really know about it..

    Avatar of Zet@
    Comment by Zet@
    17:47 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Oh... that was sarcasm? o.o
    Shit v.v
    Mind not working properly, sorry

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:29 23/10/2011 # ! Drivel (-0.8)

    Forgive him.
    I think he is trying to be funny at it.

    Avatar of Zet@
    Comment by Zet@
    06:32 23/10/2011 # ! Drivel (-1.0)

    I guess so v.v
    I will let it go this time

    Avatar of PaperJunkie
    Comment by PaperJunkie
    05:10 23/10/2011 # ! Good (+0.7)

    an outcome like this is to be expected when you really think about it. any teacher or teachers aid can tell you that you have to be careful around kids these days no matter what your intentions are.

    if youre lost and need directions then find a police officer or an adult, but for god's sake do NOT approach a child or minor alone unless its life or death.

    Avatar of Yoshii-kun
    Comment by Yoshii-kun
    06:18 23/10/2011 # ! Good (+0.7)

    For pedobear, its a matter of life and death.

    Avatar of pedobear
    Comment by pedobear
    07:16 23/10/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ ^ ┻━┻

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:02 24/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Soon they will hunt men even if a girl ask directions. 'Cause men are evil.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:04 24/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    “So now we can’t even ask people for directions?”--- they aren't people they are goddess!

    Avatar of Your Name
    Comment by Your Name
    13:42 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    You an I should keep some distance, like, a comment of distance in between.

    12:11 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Pedobear needs his daily fix of loli's.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:06 23/10/2011 # ! Good (+0.6)

    I was told that if you're an English-speaker and need to ask for directions, the best person to ask is a Japanese High-schooler as they tend to be the most proficient in the language.

    I must say that is one piece of advice I'm questioning.

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:59 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    even if you could proof it was for life or death they'd fuck you up then anyways...

    Avatar of Ken
    Comment by Ken
    05:40 23/10/2011 # ! Good (+0.6)

    This is getting old...

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:41 23/10/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    The police just want all the lolis for themselves.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:33 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    JKs aren't lolis. Except in anime, ofc.

    Avatar of SaltyPenguin
    Comment by SaltyPenguin
    14:14 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    The next step in the feminist world domination plan: Men are pets and cannot be let free. Keep all males on a leash at all times!

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:29 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    I like the sound of that, can we be sex slaves, I wouldn't mind being on a leash under the right circumstances :D

    Avatar of vanchrian
    Comment by vanchrian
    00:44 24/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Except that you'd also be expected to work and pull in all the money for the household, and then come right back home and listen and agree to everything she says.

    Also your paycheck is banked straight into an account that names her as the only legal administrator of all funds therein.

    She will control your daily routines, your social life, and your allowance. You will be expected to wait on her hand and foot, and be at full strength to be her enthusiastic chauffeur, no matter how long the work day has been.

    You are not allowed to look at, or talk to any other female, unless she herself ogles at someone and asks for your thoughts, at which point you have to agree.

    And if you are not like this, and may perhaps be a genuinely nice and fun guy, she will beat this out of you.

    Eventually you will be nothing more than a mindless husk, working your life away, until she decides that she's not interested in you anymore because you are not the fun guy you used to be.

    She then gets bored of you and leaves you for someone younger and richer, like a parasite, sucking out the life and energy of whoever is unlucky enough to cross her path.

    Relationships are overrated.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:42 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)


    This is getting BALD.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:11 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Darth Vader, only you could be so bald.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:03 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    why he is so bald

    Comment by Anonymous

    ah bald, not bold. got it.

    Comment by Dark Mage
    05:54 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Indeed it is I think something is seriously wrong in Osaka.
    Is every cop there like Tomo Takino?
    Come to think of it not even she is that stupid.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:55 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    .....Apparently Japan has become so chaste and uptight that they don't even know what actual sex is, anymore. I should go to Japan, point my finger at a schoolgirl and say 'Booyah!' and see if I get arrested for suspicion of impregnating her.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:17 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    ya think? this had already gotten old before it even started.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:43 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    This is turning into a benny hill sketch, all that is missing is the naked girl and the guy in the monkey costume

    Avatar of Raven
    Comment by Raven
    05:24 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Doesn't everyone in Japan own a camera phone with GPS now? How exactly can they get lost? That in itself is suspicious. :P

    Besides, kids today are taught to never talk to strangers. Adults should know better than to try to engage them in conversation. The guy is lucky that the kids didn't whip out a can of pepper spray or a rape whistle. ;)

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:22 23/10/2011 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Reminds me of Lucky Star, when Konata wanted all kids to learn karate so that they could fight off strangers. Until Kagami pointed out that those same kids would some day become adults, and could use those skills to prey on other kids. It is an arms race now between lolis and lolicons!

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:34 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Ever read Lolicon Saga?

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:47 23/10/2011 # ! Good (+0.6)

    It's more suspicious that it takes an hour and a half just to give directions. I think details about where they were giving him directions to is needed.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:05 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    A love hotel.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:12 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    You mean the schoolgirls?

    Because I don't know the likelyhood of a (senile) old man knowing how to operate a GPS on a smartphone (or if they even have one).

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:15 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    The photo-pollution caused by the moonlight reflected on the head of the bald is a serious ecological problem .


    now if somebody can find where i heard that phrases , i'm willing to give some cookies .

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:30 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    Japans cops are stupid. Though, so are most cops everywhere world over.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:08 23/10/2011 # ! Neutral (0)

    90 minutes is quite a long time. I found that a bit suspicious.

    Post Comment »


Recent News

Recent Galleries

Recent Comments