China Menaced by Exploding Watermelons
- Categories: International, News
- Date: May 18, 2011 13:55 JST
- Tags: Bizarre, China, Food, Jiangsu, Made in China
Chinese farmers are complaining of their watermelon crop mysteriously exploding.
Jiangsu farmers are reportedly losing large amounts of their watermelon crop to the spontaneous explosion of the melons.
Authorities and the Chinese media are at a loss to explain the problem, but suspect the use of an unidentified “growth chemical” (apparently distinct from a “fertiliser”) may be the cause – some farmers reported using such chemicals only to see their crop explode.
Chinese media claim this “growth accelerant” was developed in the USA and used widely in Japan before falling out of use due to the growth deformities and fast rotting it introduced. It was never as widely used as it now in China, and its health implications are not fully understood, they say.
However, other farmers claimed their melons exploded even though they used no such chemicals. Experts struggling to offer more sober explanations have cited the weather or large size of the melons as a possible cause.
With everything from chairs to toilets, sewage and now fruit in danger of explosion, even sitting down or eating a meal is now a game of Russian roulette in China, to say nothing of the horrible things sold as food.
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Oh watermelons.
Flying so high in the sky...
Crushing zombie heads.
"Melon-pults at the ready!"
"Light the Torchwoods!"
"And can someone stuff scaredy shroom up for sunshine's sake! He's gonna gas everyone here before they get to the fence."
Next thing we see are flying cornbombs.
Lol. I can only imagine when they try to diffuse a Melon Bomb.
"Once you determine which watermelon retains the highest water content for maximum yield, carefully, make a small opening at the top somewhere beside the vine trigger. Once it's open, we need to determine which seeds are duds and which carry the nitrates so we can extract them. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT let the Melon Bomb rotate of its axis. There's a gyroscopic trigger attached to the seeds which will detonate upon rolling. We have a professional Fruit Ninja on standby just in case things look grim, but we'd like the bomb squad try diffusing it. Once we send in the pros, we'll have to consider the Fresh Convention lost and start evacuation procedures."
"I-I just can't, Sergent. There's too many seeds! And they all look the same!"
This really make my day =)
This is America's revenge on China
The Fruit Ninja part did it for me, I'm so never gonna forget this article based off this one post alone XD
I was wondering when you'd write about this.
That must be The New IED by Taliban suporter in their revange of the fallen Bin Laden
yeah whats with it?
What's with the grim avatar, Yoshii :D
Sometimes, facepalms and OTL don't cut it, so... --->
Excuse my lament, Dark :3
couldn't stop laughing xD
To live in China resembles more and more like living in action flick movie produced by Michael Bay!!
Revenge Of The Fallen should have just stick to have the big battle in the end of the movie happening in Shanghai instead of Egypt; that would make more sense.
Sadly i'm probably one of the few people that facepalmed once i saw a trailer for transformers 3 in theaters a while back...
Yeah I know... 1 was good, I mean "it began, it 'middled' and it ended." A story was told and it told it as well as it possibly could considering it's original source material. It so did not need a sub-par number two and I can only cringe at number three being worse than part two...
"Everyone on set, standby for explosions!"
"And avoid the vines, those are Bouncing Melons"
*dumb blond enters the set: You called?
fail?
I think not.
I think america should fear...fear much....fear the new melon terrorists!
"If it exists, we can make it explode!"
Hahaha oh god that was horrible, so horrible im laughing hard right now. Anyways, china needs to get out of this fail hardcore bit of their lives and hurry to overpower america as world power...
*hums the theme song of Killer Tomatoes*
Damn I remember that. Good times.
Fun Fact: Michael Bay was born in China.
No, he's not, he's born in Los Angeles, California.
People need to be less serious on Sankaku.
I know China has low quality control but how can they F*#k up a Watermelon?
Oh, there is plenty of ways to F*ck up a fruit. Now to have it explode? Holy shit, Cave Johnson need some of those farmers on his research team. Then soon he will have his exploding lemons to burn down houses with.
That's not a fruit. That's a monkey mine. We make those too.
"We make those too." XD
Their historically bad environmental oversight and excessive pollution could have something to do with it. Maybe the government and media should remind themselves that first before blaming America and Japan. Again.
...Nah, they'll just blame Japan, Korea, Russia, America and the Moon.
Huh? Blame America and Japan? Looks more like they blame the farmers for being stupid since they actually mentioned that it fell out of use for being bad.
Background research is not blaming, it's what media should do. Keep the complaining for when they actually screw up, that shouldn't take long. =P
I blame that Urizane guy from S-CRY-ed.
Simple use a plant hormone based aeccelerant and raw sewage as fertilizer.
Then leave said crop now inoculated with bacterium in the sun for a week or more after it is ripe.
What the fruit!?
prolly it was a voltorb being painted to look like a watermelon..some things there tend to be fake, aka fake eggs, fake seaweed..now a fake melon
bahahaha this article made me laugh so hard. So Chinese watermelon can be used as an assassination tool now.
It's quite easy to spoil your fruits and vegetables, even if you grow them with love and care, natural fertilisers and clean environment.
Michael Bay present:
EXPLODING WATERMELONS
MI-BA-BLA-BA SPLOSIONS!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3AR23f08yBA
AWESOME WATERMELONS!!!
Fkkn Cartoon Network took it down, I wanted to see that >.<;;
Ikaros should now be more careful picking up watermelons
Well, if pantsu explode, nothing new for watermelons to do so. Aegis will handle it.
You get the feeling they probably shit on their crops thinking it's a "safe" fertilizer and much cheaper..
Them Chinese...
More likely the runaway pollution.
Green sludge rivers, garbage ponds, those do add up.
dont forget the air... exploding crops need more then just screwed up water.
But shit, eh, feces, are natural fertilizers, and are used everywhere else.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feces#Uses
They tried to develop a chemical weapon without the use of gunpowder, thus they resorted to watermelon bomb. Now the terrorist know how to avoid bomb detection; by sending a "Grown in China" watermelon
Yea but then it would either blow up before it got there, or not blow up when it did get there lol.
Silence! I keel you!
At least these watermelons explode in your mouth, flavour-wise and beyond :3
Where's the Fruit Ninja when you need him?
He's probably under the stove still, lying in wait for his chance to strike. If you don't get that, you're an apple!