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Debuman, the lifelong virgin who claims he spent $60,000 on a maid only to have her refuse to go on a single date with him, continues his tragic adventures in solipsism in yet another thread, revealing just how far he is willing to go for his maid and what happened to him when he did.

The latest thread is of course a direct continuation of the previous thread, in which Debuman introduces himself and his problematic relationship with his maid.

A quick summary of the situation thus far by another 2ch denizen:

Summary: He’s been going to a maid café for 5 years and spent 5,000,000 on one maid, in gifts and other expenses. He’s 40-year-old virgin who’s never had a girlfriend, earns about 3,000,000 a year and is a fat and ugly loser. He does work, and has a beat up car.

His maid has been seeing him daily, including drive dates. He’s taken her home before and knows where she lives.

Says their relationship is one of mutual love, and that he wants a date and not sex. Has no interest in sex. Seems not to think he can buy her love outright, but that he can demonstrate his sincerity with gifts of money. Already started 2 threads, in which he talks to himself and takes no notice of anyone. Stalker.

The thread proper:

I put ¥5,000,000 into a maid and was reported to the police and questioned, any questions?

I’m just overcome with anger and grief right now.

I’m interested in what happened – do tell.

You again! You can’t force someone into a relationship with just money you know!

It’s not just money! We had a real heart-to-heart interchange!

Give it up already, or you will be arrested. Find a new one.

You again! What the hell did you do this time!?

I was treated like a stalker, and had the cops called on me. I just don’t get it.

So did you ever get her to go to Tokyo Disneyland?

I asked her but she would never agree on the schedule…

From last week I was using my paid leave to arrange the trip. So in the end I offered her ¥500,000 to go on a date with me. The manager suddenly appeared and banned me from the café!

A stalker to the bitter end I see.

Like I was saying, she’s a pro with no feelings at all, you had no chance. Congratulations on waking up!

Surely if she were a real pro she would have taken ¥500,000 for one date at TDL.

At first I thought maybe it was not enough. Maybe if I waited until she came off work at night and offered her ¥1,000,000? So I waited until about 8, gathered my courage and asked her “Here’s ¥1,000,000 – please go on a date with me to TDL!”

When I did that, her mood soured. In an incredibly cold voice, she told me “Please stop that already…” Then she went to hide herself away in the shop.

So then I had to throw aside my pride – if I did not I’d be a virgin for life! I’d never get to go on a date with a girl and die alone!

I was desperate. I got on my knees and grabbed her by the ankle, and somehow managed to stop her going back in.

She screamed “Let go!!!!!” Unfortunately, I instinctively let her go… she went back inside the shop. I had no choice but to sit outside the shop until she showed herself again.

You wanted to buy a date with her then. You wanted to date her, or to do her?

I already said I wasn’t after her body. I just want a healthy date with her.

And what did you want to do after that?

Who cares what happened after – I just want to go on a date once in my life.

Please tell me this is a troll…

That ear cleaning murderer must’ve been like this.

He had no friends too I think. If only he had the Vippers…

Well, I was kneeling there for half an hour. She didn’t come, but the manager did.

He started shouting at me, trying to threaten me: “You, give it a damn rest already! If you keep following her I’ll call the cops!”

He pushed me over and held me down… I didn’t resist. Maybe he was jealous? Anyway, I was happy to endure his threats and violence for her sake. If the police got involved it would inconvenience her, and if he was arrested the café might shut and I wouldn’t be able to meet her again.

This is awful – your head is messed up! What the hell.

“Can I buy love” “No” < You found out the answer.

Take the ¥500,000 and use it to take a soap land tour – you can even have them cosplay as maids.

Even I couldn’t put up with the manager’s actions for long. I got angry and told him: “You’re jealous! You’re just jealous of us!!” He told me “That’s absurd, you aren’t even dating her!”

Then I realized – maybe she’s cheating on me with the manager…

It may be a bit harsh to call it cheating – we are not, after all, officially dating. Besides, she’s much too prim and proper to do anything like that. I think it was probably unrequited love on the part of the manager. We could both be after her. Once I realized all that I cooled down.

Cheat… ing?

Are you crazy?

He’s too far gone.

Well, whilst he was holding me down she quickly slipped home. I couldn’t meet her at the café as I was banned, and that jealous manager would be all over me if I waited for her to come out. So I had to think of a plan.

I would go to her house.

Even though she wants nothing to do with him he’s still at it…

Can’t you just take that money and use it on plastic surgery or something?

Didn’t you make silent calls to the girl you liked and watched her house at night when you were a kid?

I went to her house and watched over it night after night as a show of my good faith. I just wanted to ask her on a date when she came out.

That first line – no way.

Please no – no no no no no.

How creepy do you have to be for someone to refuse ¥1,000,000 to date you?

If he was a millionaire and offered $10,000 to date him it might work, but he only has$20,000 to his name so it’s rather scary.

If this is not a troll, please stop going to her house. You’ll only cause an incident and not be able to get within 500m of her afterwards.

That maid brought this upon herself.

I spent 3 days watching over her. So this was yesterday. It was a about 1AM. For some reason the police came, in a patrol car and everything.

The cop came up to me and said “We’ve had reports of a suspicious person in the area, so we’ve come to check it out.”

Me: “Really? But nobody came by here?”

Cop: “Anyway, do you have any ID on you?”

Me: “Eh? Is this voluntary?” Then he started questioning me. It seems the residents got some weird ideas about me and reported me as a suspicious person by mistake.

That was no mistake!

Being a maid or prostitute is a really dangerous job isn’t it?

It came down to an argument with the cops, or two parallel conversations at any rate:

Me: “I’m just watching over my girlfriend”

Cop: “Stop bothering her”

Me: “Where’s your proof that I’m bothering her?” < This stopped him cold.

He was totally wrong to start questioning me. But he was persistent and some onlookers had gathered… what would she think if she woke up and saw this?

Finally he came out and said: “If the victim files a report you’ll be arrested as a stalker you know?” What the hell?

After that he kept lecturing me, trying to split us up. I was worried about causing her a nuisance so I decided the mature thing to do was to go home.

That’s the story until now. If I go to the café again, what should I do? Tell me.

Turn yourself in.

The next time you’ll see her will probably be in court.

Make a maid café in jail.

If she knows where you work she could tell them and get you sacked. Then you turn this into a murder case…

The ear cleaner case must have been like this…

I’ve experience of stalker countermeasures. The police can keep targeting them for questioning with reports from residents, illegal parking, “chance” patrol encounters, etc. They’d tell us what the stalker was saying as well. After enough of these “chance” questionings the stalker eventually gave up and disappeared.

I went with a friend to a maid café for a lark. I was given a point card type thing… they said if you made 1000 visits to the café you’d be upgraded to a gold card. I laughed and asked how many of those there were – they smiled and said “a number of them.” People who come twice a day. ¥3,000 x 1,000 times = ¥3,000,000…

If the OP thinks money = love, what does he think their body equals?

The problem is:

1. I have a ¥5,000,000 tie to this maid

2. Her boss is intensely jealous of us

3. The maid’s attitude is no longer favourable to me and I need to fix this

4. Police and crazy neighbours have forced me to stop waiting at her house

What can I do now?

[…]

The problem is I have nowhere to get in contact with her, and she changed her mail address and doesn’t answer my calls.

Enough – just accept that she doesn’t like you!

That alone I can’t accept! If I do I’ll be consumed with rage. Anyway, don’t say negative stuff like that.

The trick is timing your calls… she might just have her phone in her bag or something.

I tried it… I’m faithful so even now I try every 15 minutes or so.

You mean stalkerish…

Get a friend to go in there and get her details, the shop’s guard will be down with a new customer. Also, try giving her an electric toothbrush – they’re really popular with girls at the moment, maybe she’ll forgive you.

I don’t have any friends – who could I ask? That’s the first time I heard about electric toothbrushes – I’ll try it.

She won’t answer her phone and changed her email – what about a letter? You know where she lives after all.

A letter!? Great idea! I’ll post it at her house myself. Is it OK to put money in the envelope I wonder?

You’re serious!?

That’s it, a letter! I’ll think of what to write. I can write her one every day.

He just ignores all inconvenient responses. He may be the real deal.

[Debuman presents a long letter describing how sorry he is she was forced to avoid him due to him being assaulted at the café and informing her that he has strangely yet to receive the details of her new email address]

Wow, I’m quite the writer even if I do say so myself. Correct it guys.

Your love is oppressive. Or you are just stupidly obstinate. You’re a complete stalker. She’s obviously traumatized. And you keep going on and on about the ¥5,000,000.

I don’t think this is a troll. He is creepy and gross, but I do understand his feelings.

I think so too, but I can’t help but think this is the woman’s fault milking him on. 3D is like that… I really don’t like women.

It really is her fault – she took all the expensive gifts, led him on with promises of a date, and took so much money. She toyed with him to get his money too much – it may not be illegal, but that’s her only defence.

[Debuman posts a revised letter promising in the PS to come and pick up the response personally]

Don’t do that!

I have a question.

What now?

I’d like to make this the last thread. Honestly now, do you guys think she loves me? Or does she hate me? Answer me honestly, giving a reason if possible.

I don’t think she loves or hates you. More like you’re just some annoying customer who’s gone out of control.

I really don’t think she loves you.

You understand now don’t you?

She hates you. You spy on her, follow her, keep calling her, and are there waiting when she leaves her home. You are there when she’s at work. She never wants to see your face again but she’s forced to every day. She wants you to disappear but there you are. Something like that.

Really. I see.

As I said, this is the last thread.

I’m going to go and liquidate our relationship. Not in any weird or dangerous way though.

Bye now, thanks for being with me. I’ll enjoy what remains of my life with what remains of my savings.

>>666 [the response was number 666 of 1,000 possible in a 2ch thread]

Run, maid!!!!

>> 666

Don’t do anything hasty now!

[A number of replies attempt to convince Debuman his maid does in fact love him after all, perhaps being too embarrassed or otherwise]

You guys telling him she loves him – you’re trying to get our board to produce another criminal case aren’t you!?

I can’t laugh at this guy. He tried. Don’t make the same mistake again!

I was crying up until then.

After crying I feel better.

The ¥5,000,000 is the fee for a lesson on life I suppose.

I’ll go to my maid’s house now.

Thanks for your help – bye bye.

[Debuman writes “go to” with a character with the same sound which means “pass away”]

When he said “go to” / “pass away,” it was a typo, right?


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