A German company is offering vaginal juices in a bottle for use as Eau de Cologne.
The company responsible, Vivaeros, a sex toy manufacturer, provides some glib spiel about this not-perfume:
The erotic, intimate scent of an irresistible woman…
The precious, vaginal odour filled into a small glass phial. The phial is shaken gently, only a tiny amount of the precious, organic substance is applied onto the back of the hand… and the irresistible smell that exudes from a sensuous vagina immediately intensifies your erotic fantasies and starts the film rolling in your head…
VULVA Original is not a perfume. It is a beguiling vaginal scent which is purely a substance for your own smelling pleasure. Breathe in and enjoy, anytime, anywhere, the odour of a beautiful woman.
Some pictures of a Vulva being modelled by what 2ch uncharitably describes as “an old hag”:
Some relief for the 2D demographic:
The CEO of the company responsible touts his juice in an unsurprisingly creepy interview:
So what were the main obstacles in developing your very own fanny odour?
The most difficult thing was finding preservatives to add the scent as it only lasts around half a day without them. We had to find ingredients that made the product live longer but didn’t change the scent. We tried many ingredients from around the world and eventually found a combination that works.
Can you tell us what’s in the mix?
No. It’s our secret.
Can you confirm that there’s real vagina in there?
Almost everything on the sex market is based on fantasy. The toys are plastic, the movies use actors. Vulva is real. We tried several samples from women of all ages. We didn’t take the scent after someone had run a marathon or anything, but it is a combination of urine, sweat, and female arousal.
Urine? Lovely. How do you transfer the scent from lady to lab?
That’s also a secret. I can tell you we don’t get it from any masturbating techniques, or squirting into jars. I sometimes tell people that we got many women to sit on horse riding saddles for ten hours a day and took samples. But that’s not true.
You use a range of women or just one?
One. She’s the blonde woman on our website. Of course, we wanted to take the scent from a woman that looks nice, but we tried with a variety of women as it was ultimately smell based, not about looks. We took a year and a half to get it right.
How do we know that the scent comes from this beautiful woman and not a septuagenarian hunchback from Swindon?
Well there has to be an element of trust. I think when you smell it you will know it comes from a young woman.
How does one apply Vulva? Presumably you don’t splash it all over your neck before a night out.
You use it to enhance a situation, for example, maybe watching TV or a DVD, or with your partner. You can apply it to the back of the hand and use the aroma to add another dimension.
Will there be more Vulva products?
We see Vulva Original as being like the first dildo. There are many sizes of dildo available today and we will have many smells available. There is already development going on with Vulva 18 and Vulva Exotic, as well as a very aroused scent for the bad boys.
Executive summary: they have a girl soak her pantsu every day and then squeeze them into a bottle.
Such a product of course faces stiff competition in Japan due to the availability of freshly harvested schoolgirl pantsu, but in less advanced hentai nations Vulva might well succeed in gulling a small coterie of maniacs into purchasing the Eau de Pantsu.
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Rejoice ronery Otaku! Now you can take your onanism to the next level! Simply splash some Vulva onto the front of your Tenga Ona-hole while looking at an Evangelion doujinshi and BOOM, you're as close as you'll ever get to fucking Asuka Langley! >:-D
Vulva 2D would be a gold mine
You know, this actually sounds like a more practical use for this stuff than applying it on yourself to "set the mood". I mean, it just seems weird for women to try to set the mood by smelling like a vagina that isn't theirs. At least this way it can add a sense of realism for the ronery otaku and their beloved dakimakura.
I heard france came out with Clitter, glitter for your clit.
Wouldn't that be an inconvenience for the person who goes down on that glittery clit? Worse than getting the occasional hair in your mouth...
When people tell someone they smell like pussy it's usually not a complement.
10 year ago i would have liked this if Claudia Schiffer
was involved in the process
That's disgusting.... now we wait for penis smell in a bottle-
Way to destroy itself by hiring some ugly whores to advertise it...
FUCK
Heh...
"Skanque..."
Remember the South Park episode "Stupid, Spoiled Whore"? Featuring Paris Hilton and the marketing of "Sexualization to Tweens" in the USA?
I'd buy THAT for a dollar.
......grandpa always said "if you can bottle it, you can sell it".
This somewhat reminds me of the show Nip/Tuck.. how the old ladys were making mens sperm into creme for the face..
As another German, I do find this quite odd. But I could see my wife getting this for me as a gag gift.
And there's nothing wrong with the women in the AD, thou they could've done something with their hair, the slicked back look just isn't complimentary in their case.
Wait. I already have a vagina. Why would I want to rub someone else's bottled vagina essence on my wrists? If I'm going to get intimate with someone else's vagina, it's certainly not going to be like that...
apparently your's doesn't smell near as good as the bottled whore juice .
any ways soon we going to hear about vulva organic , without any preservatives or pesticides added .
I really don't want to know what the bottled stuff smells like...that just seems kinda weird to me.
That would probably smell gross after a while...like an unwashed vagina or something. Ew.
I'd rather get some from a real cute virgin teenager!!!
And it should be fresh, not bottled!!!
Not from a Old Hag!!!
Amen
hahahaha!!!!
i agreed HAhahah!!!
Wait!!! How did they get the naming rights to it when its been used by a car company for so many years? Also don't you need to wear protection to use it?
that's volvo, you douche.
Boobs and body not withstanding, the faces on those models look rather... man-ish.
Presumably you'd use this on your RealDoll's vagina to "enhance the experience."
It'd be a LOL to swap this stuff into your male enemy's aftershave lotion and see what happens.
Wahrscheinlich hätte ich diesen Mist sogar gekauft, hätten die Idioten nicht solch 3D schweinwiderliche Models für die Vermarktung benutzt.
genau.jpg
they better have taken the scent from someone who has eaten lots of fruit. i dont want to smell something sour. God forbid they took it from someone who ate asparagus D:
Germany's style meter has officially dropped 10 points after seeing this.
All they have to do now is create a fragrance for men that smells of sweaty bollocks.
Watch out! China will RIP this shit :P
O___O' OMG... This is fuking funny!! And the funniest thing is that the take this thing as a serious business... Hmmmm... I'd never use a perfume with urine as part of the composition xD
Can they prove that this smell can't be interpreted as the odor of an underaged girl? It could trigger the twisted sexual urges of Pedophiles everywhere in public? Even if kid fuckers don't react to this, it could increase sexual longings in any man, effectively bringing him one step closer to committing a horrible crime: Rape. Pheromones are part of nature and thus, God's work. Don't mess with it, or it will result in disaster.
Are you seriously on the right website?
I'm sure that smells like fish sauce..
This is a practical joke in a bottle.
Don't use it for arousal; rather, use it to fuck with people.
"You use it to enhance a situation, for example, maybe watching TV or a DVD, or with your partner. You can apply it to the back of the hand and use the aroma to add another dimension"
So... I put a splash on my hand and sit down for an evening of television with my girlfriend. She sniffs my hand, thinks I fingered some other chick, and begins an interrogation.
That's how it works, right?
I was thinking the same thing...lol
Used one woman from the website.
Took 1.5 years to get it right.
This tells me it's a vaginal-derived scent - mixed with other scent ingredients to make it smell as if it were real, but is not. Still, that's better than making it in a sweatshop where you know the workers wouldn't be picked for youth or beauty... the final product would also be illegal in most places, as a human bodily fluid.
"I think when you smell it you will know it comes from a young woman."
Pretending the whole market for this isn't virgins and tramps, lol
Heh heh.
"Fanny" means "butt" in America.
Heh heh.
"Fanny" means "pussy" in Australia
"arse" means "butt"
Thanks, Artefact. I just broke my record of continuous laughter. 35 minutes. The only problem now is that my stomach hurts a lot...
They sorta look like a couple of poorly modeled Poser Models...
Yup... Old hag.
Honestly, if I were the guy in the pic smelling the girls vag.
I'd lick it, even without her consent.
But if he happens to have gotten offended, I would just blame it on the Vulva.
Hitler would be proud...the arian race at its finest.
well, this reminds me of the movie, Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, it takes 10+ girl's life to extract a small bottle.
What the...? Is every third poster from germany now? And to admit it after this kind of post..
Germany [http://img230.imageshack.us/img230/2457/worstcountrygermany.jpg]
This is from German HipHop Star Lady Bitch Ray (she is the tanned woman on the right)...I saw an interview with her a few years ago on which she said that she will produce such an Eau de Toilette soon...but I didn't believe she would really go through with it...
They SAY its from the blonde in the photos...but no one will know if they are actually getting it from women that look like this:
http://regretfulmorning.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/fat-chick.jpg
http://www.addasnap.com/d/272-1/fat-chick.jpg
seems like they'd be more willing to do something like that for cash...
Although, the blonde in the photos is ugly anyways..very man-ish like a few others stated. She looks like an old porn star...sooo possibly, not ONLY are you getting her juices..but the residue, etc. from the 10+ guys she has slept with that day..and all the diseases that comes with it.
*puke*
I am seriously WTFed. what in hell is anyone thinking buing this stuff...
Never mind that this reminds me of the twilight zone.
Long live the German country in which i currently am ! !