Top 10 Ways of Chatting People Up on a First Date
- Categories: Japan, News
- Date: Feb 10, 2010 14:12 JST
- Tags: Comparison, Dating, Internet, Marriage, Rankings, Relationships, Statistics
Japanese surveyed on how they thought it best to get a good conversation going with the opposite sex yield up some at first glance very sensible sounding advice.
1. Balance “aizuchi” (making encouraging utterances like “I see,” “mmm,” and “ah” to keep conversation moving and affirm that you are listening) with actual conversation.
2. Express an interest in their hobbies.
3. Be sure to adopt a sympathetic posture.
4. Search for shared experiences to talk about.
5. Try to engender an “at home” atmosphere.
6. Incorporate stuff about their home town into the conversation.
7. Praise their dress or possessions.
8. Follow through on any self-deprecatory comments.
9. Always ask questions at the end of a conversation.
10. Lightly ask for advice on something.
At the very bottom of approaches favoured was “play games together on your phones,” a perhaps understandably shunned pastime.
Strong agreement was present amongst those surveyed on the first few items, reducing significantly further down the list.
When the results were split by gender, the first items were also ranked all but identically, not entirely surprisingly suggesting there may well be some common perceptions of how to get a good conversation going between the sexes.
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Pretty much what i always on first dates.
>implying he's had a date
Oh you...
The fact that you've never had a date yourself doesn't mean that every other person posting on the same site as you is a virgin as well.
Just because you fuck on first date doesn't mean everyone on the same site as you doesn't have standards.
Wait, you can lose your virginity by going on dates? I thought that you lose your virginity by having sex. You can go on dates and still be a virgin.
But where the hell is "sniff partner's panties" ???
Those Japanese...
You can have sex without going on dates. If you have money.
You can have both by breaking the law.
You don't have to break the law by moving to cambodia.
「えーマジ 童貞!?」
「キモーイ」
「童貞が許されるのは 小学生までだよね!」
「キャハハハハハハ」
my exp comes form dating games so i know how to chat to a girl XD ^_^
Dating games... riight...
I do almost everything in the list... But I'm just too nice to seduce them into sex... Sigh...
Had a girl in my bed just 2 days ago. There was alcohol flowing too. But noooooo... I'm too nice... Instead I played the nice elder friend role and gave her advice and encouragement on how to focus on her assignments so that she doesn't flunk out of her degree...
i cant help but empathise with you mate
thought it said "Express an interest in their boobies" at first XD
@ vanchrian
Don't put the pussy on a pedestal... then again I do the same thing.
Pretty much the format i always talk to girl on first meet. But i always feel like i'm faking it and the girl i'm talking to just go along with it.
Thank you sir! I'll use them IRL!
When I skimmed through #2, at first glance I read it as "Express an interest in their boobies," which prompted a double-take. Guess you know what's on my mind when I'm viewing this site....
Not everyone is a dateless anon you know....
I know I am...
And now I know, you are.
I know your mom likes sucking my cock.
I know your a huge faggot
ಠ_ಠ
Jealous?
Is it me or did they forget eye contact and smiling?
Yeah, now that you mention it, they forgot the bottle of lube
Correction, You forgot the bottle of lube.
If I ever talked to a girl I will:
1. Wheeze
2. Shit myself
3. ???
4. Protip
You mispelled Profit.
Get out.
Regarding the conversation list.
To be honest I see it as more of a common sense list. I am a bit anti-social myself but I at least know most of those things.
Although I don't think I would really ask about their hometown or incorporate anything about their hometown in any conversation.
I'm pretty sure they ment that this was a protip for when you find yourself in a conversation with a bear.
Reading fail. How could that be profit it doesnt make any sense.
Protip itself doesnt make any sense for that to begin with. Sure sure, it's a "tip" but in the way you write that, 1.__ 2.___ 3. ??? 4. Profit is how it's supposed to be, the last two are not open for interpretation unless you want to look like a retard.
No No...
He means
4. Drop some Protips
Naturally the lady will be impressed by your protips
that guy looks like Takasu Ryuuji.
Why is he with another girl? Does that mean Taiga's not interested in him any more?
FUCK YOU GUYS I'M GOING TO FIND HER >3
the guy is called Kurozawa.
i guess this is artefact's way of saving the nation?
from what?
declining birth rates,
he's not being a cockblocker, but a bottle of lube
Judging by your lack of literacy (what i always isnt good bro), you are probably too young for this to matter. Though with the weaboo who frequent this site, this article is pretty much nonsense and useless anyway. Most of these people don't get laid without alcohol in college (and even then she was prolly ugly or fat), and never have real relationships.
Always what? A whole bottle?
Also, good luck being a virgin with this method
All you need to do as act like your listining to the girl and repeat the last thing she says over and she'll you praise as a good listener.simple :)
Alternatively, get her to keep talking about herself. They LOVE talking about themselves.
I don't like talking about myself. Nothing much to talk about. I'd rather know about the other person than they know about me.
That's a perfect reason why you get the other person to talk about him/herself.
Now if both people don't like to talk about themselves, well, someone is going to have to figure out how to keep the conversation going. Have some backup go-to topics for times like those.
Usually in a first date both the man and woman tries to get to know the other person and would want the other person to talk about themselves and what happens is that both end up listening and not talking. It should be talk, ask, talk.
Looking for the inbetween is always my problem such as talking to much to listening to much...
Everybody loves that. < <;;
How painfully true...
I don't!
Best thing to do is to talk about your creepy fetishes. Chicks dig that.
Chicks dig giant robots.
Wouldn't that be a bad thing to talk about if you were an Otaku.
This works every time.
Talk to them about the eroge games you beat [off to] as well.
Of course chicks dig freak shows that they can talk about to their friends. Just don't expect to get laid after she finds out you're an otaku.
If you were an Otaku, why would you go out and talk with a girl?
^ Densha Otoko thats why.
chicks dig giant drills
Not true... In my experience, women tend to want to engage and have a conversation, and men love to talk about themselves. And if the women start to talk about themselves, the men starts to space out. But when the men start to talk about themselves, you usually see the women listen attentively, and can even quote verbatim.
Protip: Sex is more important then talking
That is not a protip; everyone knows men loves sex and talking about themselves.
all of my knowledge of social interactions come from sitcoms too
shove your cock into her mouth. she loves it better that way
I once just sat quietly as a rock while a girl was talking to me. Didn't say a thing at all, just nodded and made eye contact a couple time. She told me in a really genuine tone that I was a good listener and even said she liked that about me. o_O
She is wierd and will probably stalk you because you listened to her.
Man Law #43: All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". And the right to leave the room.
*writes down* I see
5. Try to engender an “at home” atmosphere.
8. Follow through on any self-deprecatory comments.
What do these two mean?
5 make her feel very comfortable so its not awkward
8 something about being critical about yourself? iunno
No.8 is more like.
Guy: Wow, you sketch?
Girl: Yea... but I'm terrible at this. >__>
Guy: No way! I bet you're really good. I can't draw at all.
Girl: If you say so... *blush*
As oppose to just letting it die like.
Guy: Wow, you sketch?
Girl: Yea... but I'm terrible at this >___>
Guy: Oh. Well. Ahm - I like pizza.
Girl: ...me too.
5. Make them feel comfortable?
8. If someone says "I'm really no good at xxx though," you gallantly leap in and say "you're not doing yourself justice" or perhaps "it's very difficult and you've only just started, it's only natural"?
Something like "let's do xxx together!" won't work?
Nope...
kwl I'll use that!
It's quite normal actually, unless you are lacking interaction between people. Usually you will use this even when talking with very good friends. I mean we are always comfortable when talking with friends right? thus it's the same. We try to make them feel more relaxed, and in the same time we give them self belief.
Hahaha, for #8 I thought it meant to follow through on any self-deprecatory comments about yourself and pretty much drag yourself through the dirt.
I lol'd at "Imperious"
Yeah, #8 is a bit more apparent if you speak Japanese, or know a little about the culture. まあまあです、etc.
Edit: Artefact swooped in and owned it
Say how small HER breasts are... and say you like it that way?
.........tell us how that goes
Well the good news is that if that works then she's probably the perfect woman for anyone here! XD
Only say something about a woman's figure if they demand it, and then only say nice things otherwise shut up.... Saying she has big or small anything will most likely piss her off regardless of intentions...
Nawww, tell her not to worry about her small breasts, and that as soon as you get a kid in her womb, they'll grow by a cup in size.
The last thing a woman wants to hear is some creep mentally fucking her on a first date. Men are retards. How would you feel if a woman said you have a tiny dick but she likes it anyway? Not fucking possible.
Yeah, the world needs more people who can appreciate the DFC. I think I'd be a little weirded out if someone told me they liked my flat chest on our first date, though.
@basilio You win, sir.
...LOL no.
Saying "it's not the size that counts, it's how good it's used for" or something similar to that effect works best.
Say that it "fits their figure."
Flattering, and you sound like you know more about fashion than how to take a bra off with one hand.
What the FUCK!? You are just saying that you have a tiny dick and that you know how to use it?
Alternatively, you could explain that your dads and granddad's penises are small and then show them.
say how bad you are in sex. And mention about your previous experiences
I was on a first date last week, and she said some self depreciating comments like "My breasts are so small" and "My style is kinda old fashioned"
So I said, "It's okay, I love delicious flat chested Pentako. Don't worry Miss Hirano, you look totally hot like that"
I found this post to be Enlightening!
I say I see all the time, possibly from Sou desu, which is roughly what it translates to...
I say it can't be helped a lot too...
FUCK anime is influencing what I say
That's pathetic.
Its just evolving
nothing else, nothing more.
Alright! Onani Master Kurosawa is one of my favorite mangas. Good Shit
Considering the article topic though, it means rage will follow.
^ This guy knows his manga
Also, hover over the image and it's in the name.
Same here, it's very...umm....interesting, to say the least :P
Dammit! I totally didn't notice.
Anyways, same here.
a top without importance.
# 7: praise her dress, sniff it, then wear it, thats the only way
You, sir, are pretty weird :|
No. What you should do is flip her her skirt, praise her panties, sniff it, then wear it on your head.
That's the way to go.
#7 Praise her dress, then sniff it, then wear it, then rub it with it
523: Be honest
755: Be yourself
BLASPHEMY!
Spiderman took on a false persona and it worked out for him alright!!
You have some weird sense of “alright”, you know :}
Girls don't like it when one is honest. They just want to hear things that they want to hear, like "you look beautiful tonight" and such. It's fine when it's true, but things won't end up well if you say "That red dress is particularly eye-searing".
I don't know what girls you have been with (if any) but not all girl's are superficial...
First date conversation huh? Endless sexual references, jokes of all kinds, and lot's political jargon. Ladies love a politik savvy guy.
/end obvious sarcasm....or was it lool
*cackling*
Most of these tips are pretty lame.
Girls look for meaning in small things.
Like what is the meaning of your small penis?
^ American
^ needle dick.
Needle dicks are pricks. Ha ha Lol!
"Nice shoes... shall we fuck?"
"Nice handbag... shall we fuck?"
"Nice dress... shall we fuck?"
"Nice glassess... shall we fuck?"
Since my strategy wasn't working, I decided to change to:
"I lost my teddy bear, want to replace him and sleep with me tonight?"
Now I know what I was doing wrong... "Lightly ask for advice on something." Next time I'll do so.
"My hand's been cramping up lately when I jack off. Do you know a better way to do it?"
...
o_O
That's because you have testicular cancer....on your hand.
"Do you want cheesy lines or do you just wanna do it?"
Nuff said.
"Neither"
I find these suggestions to be sensible yet a little politically correct or cautious as a whole, I'd add trying not to sound too serious and formal, that's usually off putting, try to be nonchalant and jovial.
Btw this also seems sensible as a guideline for conversation when meeting new people.
There's no point to this, they'll only leave you once you run out of money.
Stick with 2D girls, enough said.
If you are that pessimistic then you will never find a woman you can be happy with. Finding the right person might be a fool's errand to you but at least you can give yourself credit for trying.
People with that kind of mindset probably don't want to find a woman they can be happy with. They'd rather lump all women into one negative stereotype and complain about how it's not HIS fault he can't find a decent women--there just aren't any decent women out there at all.
I have a friend who does this. It drives me nuts.
Let me ask you this: when you've been in relationship after relationship after relationship, when does it occur to you to just stop putting so much effort trying to make it happen?
I can't really answer that question. I've only been in one relationship, and I'm now married.
They seriously need to make an Onani Master Kurosawa anime. That, and a Mirai Nikki one too.
No wai! That would ruin it, just like every. other. adaptation.
Never say anything about their figure cause if you tell the truth she'll hate and if you lie she'll hate you.It's a lose lose situation lol
You know the old joke: "I know this guy whose chat up line is 'Wanna fark?'. Nine times out of ten he gets a slap in the face but the tenth time more than makes up for it."
The funny thing is, I grew up with a guy like that and I can honestly say this: I've observed that his batting average was better than one in ten.
It's all about the confidence. Chicks dig it. (^,^)
Its all about dick size chicks dig it.
However, a girl has to decide to have sex with a guy before she knows how big his dick is. ...Unless the guy is somehow already not wearing pants and walking around with a boner.
I thought walking around with your junk out was casual attire?... maybe thats why im getting those looks
Or maybe the 10th girl is just the slut with HIV.
How do you get dates?
well, the first thing u have to do is to stop asking in the wrong places >.>
Dates? you pluck them out of a tree fool.
It's going to be they ask, you ask, or one of the many Hindu gods gives you one. Guess which one is most likely.
ummmmmm the 2nd one?
So troublesome, poor normalfags.
I just open my hentai folder and fap away.
LOSER!
exclaimed the anon on SanCom
He was just trolling the poor guy who doesn't have a dutch wife.
I Think This should be common sense :D
It should be, but I'd cough it up to experience and self-reflection.
Besides, even if it was common sense, very few people seem to use such a thing. It has been in my experience that people often need reminders of such things. Those reminders could very well just be everyday conversations.
All in all, good post. Let this be a helpful reminder to all SanCom denizens.
There are some that are often at a loss for what to do during a date, This is helpful.
Wow, it's so clear in this article who has been on a date and who hasn't...
This will help with my relationship with my waifu!
Thanks.
Eroge games don't let you input text so that's not gonna work.
Hell yeah, I knew it was Onani Master Kurosawa in the picture!
One that might be useful: Avoid asking yes/no questions. Ask questions that create longer answers. That way you have more time to think about the next thing to say, and the conversation will flow more naturally.
My boyfriend and I never really had a first date lol. I went round his flat and we talked about games, anime and played old Sonic games.
That was you?
wtf is a sympathetic posture?
I assume it means interested/not bored, but not to the point of looking so damn into what he/she is saying that it's creepy.
Leaning forward, eye contact and basicly try to look more attentive or interested and sympathetic I think.
A sympathetic posture means not staring at her boobs while she's talking. You know you've failed when she says "My eyes are up here."
I just wanted to say, that you guys really are masters of pics related to topics. They are almost everytime so nicely choosen. :)
WTF!!
where the hell is winking, hold hand, make eye contact and say really really "romance" cheesy stuff (that usually makes you cringe)
that works for me
5 dates
5 times round my house
10 times of sex ^_^
While i may not be that successful with women, (or successful at all for that matter), a lot of those tips do work as conversation goes.
This shit is unbelievably gay.
I mean, men shouldn't give a fuck about this kind of stuff and just be themselves. What the hell happenned with honesty? Trying to put yourself in line just because you know you 'might' get laid that way is pathetic.
Girls who don't like a honest guy don't deserve your attention, gentlemen.
Girl: Oh the other day, I chipped my nail and-
^ Above Anon: WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR CHEAP PAILS, I HAVE A RAGING BONER AND YOU'RE GONNA RELIEVE IT NAO!!1!1ONE
^This, I kind of agree with...
Honesty should hold more value, but people nowadays...
Sure, if you're only looking for some one-nighter it would probably work, but if you're really looking for a partner, then being honest would pay off in the long run.
Yes, yes, yes, it's all about you. Fuck whatever she says, if I'm bored by her I'll tell it to her face. Now, allow ME to be honest with you. A relationship is a two way street. If you act like that and don't give a fuck then YOU'RE the one who's pathetic and need a wake-up call. No one said you didn't have to be honest when you do these things, it's just showing you care. Expressing an interest in her hobbies doesn't mean youy need to lie and pretend you like them when you don't, just ask her why she likes them instead. Honesty is the most important, I agree, but there's something else called tact and good judgement.
Excuse me sir, but no.
You seem to confuse honesty with being an asshole. An asshole deliberately f*cks with people, he WANTS you to feel bad. An honest person doesn't have that intention; he might not care, sure, but his intention is to deliver a clear message, even though your small soul might get hurt in the process.
Playing a conversation like you described is to accept the invitation to the woman's mind games. If you do that, you're screwed. You will find yourself doing incredibly stupid things you would never do normally. You will put most of your efforts in pleasing her just to have a chance of scoring inside of her.
That's the fastest way of becoming a slave to pussy. Which is what most men are nowadays, though it's not really their fault.
Just fucking hold to your principles and screw everything else.
That's not what I'm saying. What I mean is that while honesty is important (perhaps the most important), blind honestly isn't. Too much of a good thing as they say. It's like that old example of whether a dress makes her look fat or not. Let's assume it does. If you say no, you're a liar, and if you say yes, you're an asshole. Sticking to your principles is all well and good and I wholeheartedly agree, but starting a serious relationship sometimes means you need to have tact snd keep some things to yourself at first. Being able to make a good first impression and navigating through a conversation where you could potentially step on a landmine is essential to having good social skills.
Pardon the presumption, but I'm guessing you're female seeing as you've taken personally several stupid comments in this forum (seriously; as interested as I am of others opinions I just say to myself that it'd be better to just let some of these dumbassed comments go).
That having been said, I guess you think you're some kind of expert when it comes to women, so let me ask you this: if your only choices are being honest or lying, aren't you basically saying that women are impossible to please? I don't see how tact would apply in a situation like this.
Oh but that's the thing, in reality it's never black and white like that; there's that grey area in between truth and lying, and if you don't know what that grey area I'm talking about is then you need to talk to more people. This is kind of argument is like the age old idealism vs realism debate. After all, there is the often forgotten choice to just say nothing in a situation like that it's either lying or being honest. And no, I don't claim to be an expert in women (I'm just a guy after all), but I just use a little common sense and experience on what works and what doesn't.
You are absolutely right, but this site is full of pathetic pieces of shit without any self-respect or confidence. They put themselves on the level of a woman, no wonder they don't agree with you.
ALL HAIL THE ONANIE MASTER KUROSAWA
Awesome manga, a must read for everyone.
Why do articles about anything possibly related to sex get so many comments so quickly? xD
Because kids are rushing to try and sound like they know what the article is talking about.
Heard of Sigmund Freud?
I call him Dr. Childhood Sex Thinker.
I have that pic as wallpaper but it just makes me cry every time I look at it.
lol, same here !
Tsunbaka end was sweet since she was his first victim. Who would've thought?
This should come in handy. Thanks Arte :3
Usually if someone does #1 too much, I take that as meaning they don't give a fuck.
That's why you're supposed to balance it with actual conversation...
I find these tips very useful in all interactions between any individual. Being on the more reclusive side, I tend to have difficulties communicating with anyone from either gender. To help improve my ability to properly communicate, I'm looking forward to incorporating these tips with my next conversation.
So basically, just lie and you'll be ok
You pretty much nailed not only Japanese dating but the entire Japanese social structure. It'd probably crumble if Japanese people started saying what they really think instead of what they're expected to say / what the other person wants to hear. I like it though....why let the truth get in the way of reality?
Ah man... Onani Master K.... hate that series so tragic :/ SIGH
I can see the ending...uh wait...
Dating usually isn't the problem, it's creating a meaningful relationship that can be difficult. Purpose, motive, and commitment play a big role then, and it becomes more of a strain when one person feels it's going nowhere, or when they have an ulterior motive the other person doesn't want to follow.
I've seen all sorts through friends and acquaintances, but have had only one relationship myself, which was nothing but sex. I'm a guy and I know it sounds crazy, but I wasn't satisfied with that. It was good times mind you, I just felt bad that we couldn't connect on any level other than sexual desire. No common ground.
Next up, how to operate your new aircraft carrier, lol... you just have to figure out how to get it and you'll be set!
other than #7 i think it's perfectly normal to apply all other "ways" in any conversation with anyone you just met >.>
just a outside question, is this photo from onani master kurosawa?
LOL Dating is for kids...
never take the girl to your parent's house
most of the comments here are just sad.
which is incomparable with how sad the fact this article even exists is.
no 2ch comments?
im disappointed
It probably wun matter at at once u start stuttering...basically too nervous
The last ones seem rather awkward to me, specifically:
7. Praise their dress or possessions.
("Praise" strikes me wrong here, it gives off the impression of pretentiousness, "positive comments" might be more along the lines of what they actually meant by praise)
8. Follow through on any self-deprecatory comments.
(I don't find this a good conversation starter, might seem "self esteem issues". It's good to keep a conversation lighthearted though)
9. Always ask questions at the end of a conversation.
(This one is just wrong in my eyes, it's better to know when a conversation is over and then move on to something else)
10. Lightly ask for advice on something.
(Asking for an opinion is good for getting a conversation going. Asking for advice seems overkill since the scenario is "get a conversation going", assuming the other is a stranger or one is not yet familiar with. If it is, then I don't see why getting a conversation going would be a problem)