Top 10 Ways of Chatting People Up on a First Date
- Categories: Japan, News
- Date: Feb 10, 2010 14:12 JST
- Tags: Comparison, Dating, Internet, Marriage, Rankings, Relationships, Statistics
Japanese surveyed on how they thought it best to get a good conversation going with the opposite sex yield up some at first glance very sensible sounding advice.
1. Balance “aizuchi” (making encouraging utterances like “I see,” “mmm,” and “ah” to keep conversation moving and affirm that you are listening) with actual conversation.
2. Express an interest in their hobbies.
3. Be sure to adopt a sympathetic posture.
4. Search for shared experiences to talk about.
5. Try to engender an “at home” atmosphere.
6. Incorporate stuff about their home town into the conversation.
7. Praise their dress or possessions.
8. Follow through on any self-deprecatory comments.
9. Always ask questions at the end of a conversation.
10. Lightly ask for advice on something.
At the very bottom of approaches favoured was “play games together on your phones,” a perhaps understandably shunned pastime.
Strong agreement was present amongst those surveyed on the first few items, reducing significantly further down the list.
When the results were split by gender, the first items were also ranked all but identically, not entirely surprisingly suggesting there may well be some common perceptions of how to get a good conversation going between the sexes.
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I find these tips very useful in all interactions between any individual. Being on the more reclusive side, I tend to have difficulties communicating with anyone from either gender. To help improve my ability to properly communicate, I'm looking forward to incorporating these tips with my next conversation.
Usually if someone does #1 too much, I take that as meaning they don't give a fuck.
That's why you're supposed to balance it with actual conversation...
ALL HAIL THE ONANIE MASTER KUROSAWA
Awesome manga, a must read for everyone.
This shit is unbelievably gay.
I mean, men shouldn't give a fuck about this kind of stuff and just be themselves. What the hell happenned with honesty? Trying to put yourself in line just because you know you 'might' get laid that way is pathetic.
Girls who don't like a honest guy don't deserve your attention, gentlemen.
Yes, yes, yes, it's all about you. Fuck whatever she says, if I'm bored by her I'll tell it to her face. Now, allow ME to be honest with you. A relationship is a two way street. If you act like that and don't give a fuck then YOU'RE the one who's pathetic and need a wake-up call. No one said you didn't have to be honest when you do these things, it's just showing you care. Expressing an interest in her hobbies doesn't mean youy need to lie and pretend you like them when you don't, just ask her why she likes them instead. Honesty is the most important, I agree, but there's something else called tact and good judgement.
Excuse me sir, but no.
You seem to confuse honesty with being an asshole. An asshole deliberately f*cks with people, he WANTS you to feel bad. An honest person doesn't have that intention; he might not care, sure, but his intention is to deliver a clear message, even though your small soul might get hurt in the process.
Playing a conversation like you described is to accept the invitation to the woman's mind games. If you do that, you're screwed. You will find yourself doing incredibly stupid things you would never do normally. You will put most of your efforts in pleasing her just to have a chance of scoring inside of her.
That's the fastest way of becoming a slave to pussy. Which is what most men are nowadays, though it's not really their fault.
Just fucking hold to your principles and screw everything else.
Oh but that's the thing, in reality it's never black and white like that; there's that grey area in between truth and lying, and if you don't know what that grey area I'm talking about is then you need to talk to more people. This is kind of argument is like the age old idealism vs realism debate. After all, there is the often forgotten choice to just say nothing in a situation like that it's either lying or being honest. And no, I don't claim to be an expert in women (I'm just a guy after all), but I just use a little common sense and experience on what works and what doesn't.
That's not what I'm saying. What I mean is that while honesty is important (perhaps the most important), blind honestly isn't. Too much of a good thing as they say. It's like that old example of whether a dress makes her look fat or not. Let's assume it does. If you say no, you're a liar, and if you say yes, you're an asshole. Sticking to your principles is all well and good and I wholeheartedly agree, but starting a serious relationship sometimes means you need to have tact snd keep some things to yourself at first. Being able to make a good first impression and navigating through a conversation where you could potentially step on a landmine is essential to having good social skills.
Pardon the presumption, but I'm guessing you're female seeing as you've taken personally several stupid comments in this forum (seriously; as interested as I am of others opinions I just say to myself that it'd be better to just let some of these dumbassed comments go).
That having been said, I guess you think you're some kind of expert when it comes to women, so let me ask you this: if your only choices are being honest or lying, aren't you basically saying that women are impossible to please? I don't see how tact would apply in a situation like this.
Girl: Oh the other day, I chipped my nail and-
^ Above Anon: WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR CHEAP PAILS, I HAVE A RAGING BONER AND YOU'RE GONNA RELIEVE IT NAO!!1!1ONE
^This, I kind of agree with...
Honesty should hold more value, but people nowadays...
Sure, if you're only looking for some one-nighter it would probably work, but if you're really looking for a partner, then being honest would pay off in the long run.
You are absolutely right, but this site is full of pathetic pieces of shit without any self-respect or confidence. They put themselves on the level of a woman, no wonder they don't agree with you.
While i may not be that successful with women, (or successful at all for that matter), a lot of those tips do work as conversation goes.
WTF!!
where the hell is winking, hold hand, make eye contact and say really really "romance" cheesy stuff (that usually makes you cringe)
that works for me
5 dates
5 times round my house
10 times of sex ^_^
This should come in handy. Thanks Arte :3
Why do articles about anything possibly related to sex get so many comments so quickly? xD
Because kids are rushing to try and sound like they know what the article is talking about.
Heard of Sigmund Freud?
I call him Dr. Childhood Sex Thinker.
I have that pic as wallpaper but it just makes me cry every time I look at it.
lol, same here !
Tsunbaka end was sweet since she was his first victim. Who would've thought?
never take the girl to your parent's house
most of the comments here are just sad.
which is incomparable with how sad the fact this article even exists is.
no 2ch comments?
im disappointed
Picture for this implies something else entirely.
WTF!!!???
Number 1 in one of the most annoying things for me in Japanese conversations.
All those "mmm" and "ah" make me really angry.
It gives the impression that the conversation is a bother to the listener.
Now i'm told by this poll that it's actually a cultural habit!?
Oh man, learning Japanese culture is getting more fucked up by the day.
I can't keep up with it.
not exactly... it's saying to balance both actual conversation and aizuchi, not to use those "mmmm" and "ah" all the time...
really ppl doesn't read anything properly on internet anymore
It probably wun matter at at once u start stuttering...basically too nervous
The last ones seem rather awkward to me, specifically:
7. Praise their dress or possessions.
("Praise" strikes me wrong here, it gives off the impression of pretentiousness, "positive comments" might be more along the lines of what they actually meant by praise)
8. Follow through on any self-deprecatory comments.
(I don't find this a good conversation starter, might seem "self esteem issues". It's good to keep a conversation lighthearted though)
9. Always ask questions at the end of a conversation.
(This one is just wrong in my eyes, it's better to know when a conversation is over and then move on to something else)
10. Lightly ask for advice on something.
(Asking for an opinion is good for getting a conversation going. Asking for advice seems overkill since the scenario is "get a conversation going", assuming the other is a stranger or one is not yet familiar with. If it is, then I don't see why getting a conversation going would be a problem)
LOL Dating is for kids...
I can see the ending...uh wait...
So basically, just lie and you'll be ok
You pretty much nailed not only Japanese dating but the entire Japanese social structure. It'd probably crumble if Japanese people started saying what they really think instead of what they're expected to say / what the other person wants to hear. I like it though....why let the truth get in the way of reality?
Ah man... Onani Master K.... hate that series so tragic :/ SIGH
Dating usually isn't the problem, it's creating a meaningful relationship that can be difficult. Purpose, motive, and commitment play a big role then, and it becomes more of a strain when one person feels it's going nowhere, or when they have an ulterior motive the other person doesn't want to follow.
I've seen all sorts through friends and acquaintances, but have had only one relationship myself, which was nothing but sex. I'm a guy and I know it sounds crazy, but I wasn't satisfied with that. It was good times mind you, I just felt bad that we couldn't connect on any level other than sexual desire. No common ground.
just a outside question, is this photo from onani master kurosawa?
other than #7 i think it's perfectly normal to apply all other "ways" in any conversation with anyone you just met >.>
Next up, how to operate your new aircraft carrier, lol... you just have to figure out how to get it and you'll be set!
I find these suggestions to be sensible yet a little politically correct or cautious as a whole, I'd add trying not to sound too serious and formal, that's usually off putting, try to be nonchalant and jovial.
Btw this also seems sensible as a guideline for conversation when meeting new people.
"Nice shoes... shall we fuck?"
"Nice handbag... shall we fuck?"
"Nice dress... shall we fuck?"
"Nice glassess... shall we fuck?"
Since my strategy wasn't working, I decided to change to:
"I lost my teddy bear, want to replace him and sleep with me tonight?"
Now I know what I was doing wrong... "Lightly ask for advice on something." Next time I'll do so.
"My hand's been cramping up lately when I jack off. Do you know a better way to do it?"
...
o_O
That's because you have testicular cancer....on your hand.
"Do you want cheesy lines or do you just wanna do it?"
Nuff said.
"Neither"
They seriously need to make an Onani Master Kurosawa anime. That, and a Mirai Nikki one too.
No wai! That would ruin it, just like every. other. adaptation.
Never say anything about their figure cause if you tell the truth she'll hate and if you lie she'll hate you.It's a lose lose situation lol
You know the old joke: "I know this guy whose chat up line is 'Wanna fark?'. Nine times out of ten he gets a slap in the face but the tenth time more than makes up for it."
The funny thing is, I grew up with a guy like that and I can honestly say this: I've observed that his batting average was better than one in ten.
It's all about the confidence. Chicks dig it. (^,^)
Or maybe the 10th girl is just the slut with HIV.
Its all about dick size chicks dig it.
However, a girl has to decide to have sex with a guy before she knows how big his dick is. ...Unless the guy is somehow already not wearing pants and walking around with a boner.
I thought walking around with your junk out was casual attire?... maybe thats why im getting those looks
There's no point to this, they'll only leave you once you run out of money.
Stick with 2D girls, enough said.
If you are that pessimistic then you will never find a woman you can be happy with. Finding the right person might be a fool's errand to you but at least you can give yourself credit for trying.
People with that kind of mindset probably don't want to find a woman they can be happy with. They'd rather lump all women into one negative stereotype and complain about how it's not HIS fault he can't find a decent women--there just aren't any decent women out there at all.
I have a friend who does this. It drives me nuts.
I can't really answer that question. I've only been in one relationship, and I'm now married.
Let me ask you this: when you've been in relationship after relationship after relationship, when does it occur to you to just stop putting so much effort trying to make it happen?
I say I see all the time, possibly from Sou desu, which is roughly what it translates to...
I say it can't be helped a lot too...
FUCK anime is influencing what I say
That's pathetic.
Its just evolving
nothing else, nothing more.
Alright! Onani Master Kurosawa is one of my favorite mangas. Good Shit
Dammit! I totally didn't notice.
Anyways, same here.
Considering the article topic though, it means rage will follow.
^ This guy knows his manga
Also, hover over the image and it's in the name.
Same here, it's very...umm....interesting, to say the least :P
a top without importance.
Pretty much what i always on first dates.
i guess this is artefact's way of saving the nation?
from what?
declining birth rates,
he's not being a cockblocker, but a bottle of lube
Judging by your lack of literacy (what i always isnt good bro), you are probably too young for this to matter. Though with the weaboo who frequent this site, this article is pretty much nonsense and useless anyway. Most of these people don't get laid without alcohol in college (and even then she was prolly ugly or fat), and never have real relationships.
that guy looks like Takasu Ryuuji.
Why is he with another girl? Does that mean Taiga's not interested in him any more?
FUCK YOU GUYS I'M GOING TO FIND HER >3
hes from manga Masturbation Master Kurosawa.
True story.
the guy is called Kurozawa.
Always what? A whole bottle?
Also, good luck being a virgin with this method
>implying he's had a date
Oh you...
Not everyone is a dateless anon you know....
I know your mom likes sucking my cock.
And now I know, you are.
I know your a huge faggot
ಠ_ಠ
I know I am...
Jealous?
The fact that you've never had a date yourself doesn't mean that every other person posting on the same site as you is a virgin as well.
「えーマジ 童貞!?」
「キモーイ」
「童貞が許されるのは 小学生までだよね!」
「キャハハハハハハ」
my exp comes form dating games so i know how to chat to a girl XD ^_^
Dating games... riight...
You can have sex without going on dates. If you have money.
You don't have to break the law by moving to cambodia.
You can have both by breaking the law.
Thank you sir! I'll use them IRL!
When I skimmed through #2, at first glance I read it as "Express an interest in their boobies," which prompted a double-take. Guess you know what's on my mind when I'm viewing this site....
Did anyone understand #8?
lol @ the anon troll comments
Nice one Shirakawa.
I do almost everything in the list... But I'm just too nice to seduce them into sex... Sigh...
Had a girl in my bed just 2 days ago. There was alcohol flowing too. But noooooo... I'm too nice... Instead I played the nice elder friend role and gave her advice and encouragement on how to focus on her assignments so that she doesn't flunk out of her degree...
i cant help but empathise with you mate
Pretty much the format i always talk to girl on first meet. But i always feel like i'm faking it and the girl i'm talking to just go along with it.
@ vanchrian
Don't put the pussy on a pedestal... then again I do the same thing.
thought it said "Express an interest in their boobies" at first XD
Wait, you can lose your virginity by going on dates? I thought that you lose your virginity by having sex. You can go on dates and still be a virgin.
But where the hell is "sniff partner's panties" ???
Those Japanese...
Just because you fuck on first date doesn't mean everyone on the same site as you doesn't have standards.
Is it me or did they forget eye contact and smiling?
Yeah, now that you mention it, they forgot the bottle of lube
Correction, You forgot the bottle of lube.
If I ever talked to a girl I will:
1. Wheeze
2. Shit myself
3. ???
4. Protip
You mispelled Profit.
Get out.
Regarding the conversation list.
To be honest I see it as more of a common sense list. I am a bit anti-social myself but I at least know most of those things.
Although I don't think I would really ask about their hometown or incorporate anything about their hometown in any conversation.
No No...
He means
4. Drop some Protips
Naturally the lady will be impressed by your protips
I'm pretty sure they ment that this was a protip for when you find yourself in a conversation with a bear.
Reading fail. How could that be profit it doesnt make any sense.
Protip itself doesnt make any sense for that to begin with. Sure sure, it's a "tip" but in the way you write that, 1.__ 2.___ 3. ??? 4. Profit is how it's supposed to be, the last two are not open for interpretation unless you want to look like a retard.