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A recent book highlights some of the less than reassuring exam answers given by UK schoolchildren.

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With apologies to Malaysians…

The UK has long enjoyed neurosis over the dire quality of its public schooling, for good reason it seems. The book is available now.



    Post Comment »
    276 Comments
    Comment by gjackson2004
    23:12 19/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.6)

    Fail

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:27 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.3)

    you mean you?

    a lot of those were totally hilarious, one of the few things that actually made me laugh in this website.

    Comment by Hexa
    23:33 19/11/2009 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Agreed, lotsa laughs in there ^^ Some very creative stuff :)

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:48 19/11/2009 # ! Good (+0.8)

    Not to mention some might be done for fun.

    Comment by TNinja
    01:27 20/11/2009 # ! Good (+0.4)

    Expand 2(x+y)!

    Comment by k
    02:11 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (-0.2)

    lmao, those answer are made up right?
    i dun think real Britain are that stupid...

    Comment by marids
    02:21 20/11/2009 # ! Good (+0.4)

    lmao! these are some genius kids!

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:24 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I! fuckin! LOL'D lololol.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:57 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    gotta love Mariah Carey

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:15 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    this an answer from a genius kid while bored or something...

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:00 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Yeah, a lot of very dry humour in here. I love sarcasm :3

    Comment by richmeister
    09:33 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    MOAR

    Comment by First Posting Idiot
    09:34 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Flooding in areas such as the Mississippi may be avoided by placing a number of large dames into the river."

    I agree completely. They'll drink the water and everyone else will be safe.

    Comment by ExtrovertedOtaku
    10:11 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Nice to see the result of UK education are creative kids, with heavy sarcasm... I APPROVE!

    But Malaria? WTF?

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:03 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    just apologize to the malays. the rest of us know where we come from :3

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:19 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    /gg to the above comment.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:20 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    if you put it that way, even malays come from indonesia.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:50 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's Arte's apology to Malaysians that made me laugh in the end.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:56 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It is just too much pain to read every single exam paper to find anything useful, so the author decides to answer some questions himself. Well he seems intelligent all right.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:57 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    That was uber fucked up.
    Total LOLage.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:46 19/11/2009 # ! Good (+0.8)

    True, this goes beyond idiocy into epic genius win.

    Comment by LockCoated
    00:18 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    They should now make 1+1 which equals to 11 Lol

    Hope my children becomes this way

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:34 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Hadrian's garden sure is epic LMAO

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:26 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    @LockCoated But 11=1+1+1!
    There is a famous joke among programmers:
    "There are 10 types of people - those who know binary, and those who don't."

    Google it if you don't have CompSci background.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:39 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Actually 1+1 = 11 in binary..

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:51 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Uh, no. 1,10,11,100,101,110,111,1000 Aren't you glad you did not divulge your identity?

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:56 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    In other words, 1+1=11 is still wrong no matter how you put it.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:54 24/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    str(1)+str(1) = 11

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:07 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    not really funny. i know a guy named Petrosyan... this guys r just like he.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:22 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    How does that make it less funny?

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:59 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    it does. i guarantee it.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:02 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Eh, some should've been awarded points for sheer originality, even if the answer wasn't the one that was supposed to be given.

    Like the Ghandi, Genghis Khan one.
    Outside the box thinking like that should be encouraged.

    Although I do disagree with the perception that the analysis of Romeo and his character was faulty. It might be a subjective conclusion, but a valid one when one considers the literary sciences and the latitude it provides for textual analysis and conclusions.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:51 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Outside the box thinking is what makes life good.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:59 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I disagree with the Romeo part too. That answer could be justified.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:43 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    *looks for where to buy*

    IS THERE AN EBOOK VERSION OF THIS??? must... read... this... NAO!

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:50 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    man these are as fake as they can be. you can clearly see some of them are photoshops

    Comment by Artefact
    08:47 20/11/2009 # ! Inordinate

    They are scanned from a paperback, it is a given that they look like that.

    Comment by AmericanOtaku83
    23:14 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    And this was done by British Children? I actually thought they were smarter than their American counterparts. It's like they had this exam at Springfield Elementary...the most dilapidated school in Missouri...until it was moved brick by brick to Springfield.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:09 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    What may be the impression and what actually is are two different things. Another pitfall of stereotyping. Were you to study the answers by other kids in other countries to these same questions there is no way you could avoid answers which are similar in nature. It is universal.

    If you want more of this, google "Richard Lederer" (without quotes). He has some funny books about this stuff.

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:54 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Generally they are smarter than their American counterparts. But on the flip side, you need to remember there are many out there who takes education like a joke.

    It just seems like they are 'stupid' because some educator out there found it money making to publish a book of errors people will not possibly make to fill his/her pocket. People answering in such a 'creative' way exist in every education system around the world. It is just ironic for England to have someone publish this on their behalf.

    Comment by Pandemonia
    02:15 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Web brits are happy to coast through school, mostly.

    I gave those kinds of answers too... and look where I am =D

    (...yes, i failed 2 years of college, thanks to the same laziness)

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:39 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's okay, college doesn't mean anything.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:21 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    lol this isn't going to be an accurate display of the knowledge of the whole of the UK! Plus most of these sound sarcastic rather than serious.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:48 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    If you really don't know a answer - why not go for a chuckle?

    Comment by Aoshi_88
    23:18 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    HAR HAR HAR HAR... Malays come from Malaria eh?

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:09 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    You prefer Maland?

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:26 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Epick weeen aaha I'm a Malaysian myself but not exactly a Malay lol!

    Comment by Aoshi_88
    01:55 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'm Malaysian too mate.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:59 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Guess ppl don't know Brunei is a Malay country too..

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:52 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It is? I thought it's independent.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:14 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    To anon above. Brunei is another country with Malay ppl. But they are not in Malaysia.

    Comment by Overlord Cirno
    23:18 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    When a boy leaves puberty, he heads into adultery.

    What is this I don't even

    Comment by OTIKA
    23:24 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, considering modern trends...

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:12 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    So, the word is "adulthood" isn't it? It sound as the answer was written by a mexican... like myself!

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:34 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It does make sense. He starts going after many women at once. Isn't that adultery?

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:36 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    not if he isn't married :P

    Comment by triniking1234
    05:55 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I really hope a boy didn't answer that XD

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:20 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    wtf :P

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:20 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    love the hedgerow removal one for some reason

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:22 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJY1JX_ETTo

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:22 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Find X.
    ^It's right up there."

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:23 19/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.2)

    Some of these answers had the same writing style / pen-pencil. I think most of these answers are trolls.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:32 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Samefag detected."

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:24 19/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.4)

    United Kingdom's fucked for sure.

    Comment by Shaawin
    23:24 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    good vibrations were found in the 1960's along with AIDS.*

    fixed.

    Comment by Poyo The Great
    23:27 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I though the kid is gonna write "good vibrators are for penis and vagina" for a sec.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:41 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    What is 'good' vibration and 'bad' vibration anyway? I never learnt that in my Physics class.

    Comment by Anonynonynonymous
    04:46 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Go listen to the Beatles. I thought that answer was comedic genius.

    Comment by NeonShadows
    09:16 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The Beach Boys

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:00 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Good Vibration is a very famous Beach Boys' song in the 1960s. It is considered as one of the greatest songs of all time by the Rolling Stones magazine. This kid surely got wide (non-)contextual knowledge.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:24 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    You sure this is from schoolchildren?

    I dunno, the handwriting seems pretty adult to me.

    Comment by Tex_Arcana
    00:32 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Clearly you misunderstand the UK.

    Comprehension is so-so, but presentation is top notch!
    It's like france, in reverse.

    Comment by comorbid
    00:49 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, I suppose it depends on whether "schoolchildren" means "pre-teens" or "pre-collegiate," but I'd say you've pretty much established your handwriting style by the time you hit… maybe age 10-12?

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:21 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I'm 21 and never established mine. It's still a mess.

    I'm pretty sure the pics above are replications of the original answers to make them... legible.

    Comment by Poyo The Great
    23:25 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    LOL, never thought there will be a Malaysian-related jokes here. UK schools seems to be fun.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:25 19/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.2)

    that show how dumb people are these days

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:46 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    No, they're just not tight arsed nerds, they just like to have laugh.
    Loads of lads over here just fuck around on tests (I did too while I was in school), it may not do us any good in the long run, but it's good for a laugh at the time.

    I thought most of these were pretty funny.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:52 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    True but then again, if you don't know any answer for definate, might as well go down with a bang for that particular question.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:27 19/11/2009 # ! Drivel (-0.8)

    The highest frequency noise a human can transfer is Mariah Carey?

    PHAIL

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:49 19/11/2009 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    Actually that was made of epic win. I laughed so fucking hard at this shit, I almost gave birth to a Hyena.

    Comment by YoKozo
    03:02 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I also lol'd at that. Best one.

    Comment by Rem
    23:28 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    This makes me feel useful as a human. It really does.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:35 19/11/2009 # ! Quality (+1.0)

    "Tracey is wrong. Use an example to show that Tracey is wrong."
    "She's a woman."

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:30 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    This was already used in a motivational poster ..

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:35 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Most are true, its the proctor's fault for making such an open ended question. XD

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:35 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    These have got to be fake. If you're so goddamn smart and witty why wouldn't you just answer the question correctly...

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:50 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Because that would be boring.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:39 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I worked a job once digitized exam papers and such (it was from the U.S., but still...), and I can assure you that answers like these are very, very real.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:40 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Malays ain't from Malaysia... They're originally from Palembang, Indonesia...

    Comment by BlaqCat
    23:57 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Google is a lovely thing isn't it? ^_^

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:40 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Also, history lessons, at least in Malaysia, made that point quite clear.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:51 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    basically, they are the same...

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:44 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    snap!

    Comment by Kinny Riddle
    23:47 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    LOLWUT.

    I know Birmingham can be a pretty boring place, but I never knew Brummies have boring fashion sense as well. ;)

    I think the guy answering the last question was closest to getting the correct answer, with him intending to answer "Malayia" (one letter short), but thought the word "malaria" sounded more correct since he heard that word before. (As someone with tonnes of relatives from Malaysia, I guess I carry enough of the Malaysians' sense of humour to not be offended by this at all. )

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:47 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    i come from Malaria, lawl

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:55 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I thought the Malaysians would object to the apology offered; after all, Malays DO NOT COME FROM MALAYSIA. WTF.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:04 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Doh. Why spoil the joke.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:35 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Malaysia is a former colonial territory of the British empire and Indonesia isn't. Thats why its about Malaysia and isn't about Indonesia.

    Fun fact.

    Comment by Daiyousei
    23:55 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    THERE IS NOWHERE TO HIDE

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:01 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    BUT EVERYWHERE TO RUN.

    Comment by Matteas
    23:56 19/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.6)

    "Flooding in areas such as the Mississippi Rive may be avoided by placing a number of big dames into the river." FAIL
    Dames = women
    Dams = barriers holding back water, water reservoirs

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:58 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    FAIL

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:23 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Congrats, you answered correctly.
    Would you like a prize? A gold Star to show to your mommy perhaps?
    You also get a plaque with "Wet Blanket" written on it.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:39 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Actually, I believe it's more effective to build dikes along the river. Dams cost way too much and may cause an environment disaster.

    Comment by tarodar
    08:07 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    That's what the dames are for:)

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:13 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    He said dikes, not dykes. :P

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:28 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    No matter how you look at it, placing dams INTO the river is about as productive as the dame solution.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:03 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    They don't need more dames, they need more dykes.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:19 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Damn you! Now I can't take walks in Holland with a straight face again!

    Comment by MaidNiac
    23:58 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Lol, so that makes me a Malarian..? :3

    First one is the best imo.

    Comment by MaidNiac
    00:00 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Umm.. take that back. I'm not Malay btw..

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:37 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Hmmm, I wonder if we should fear the Malays now. I mean, they are the major cause of death in tropical Anopheles mosquito-infested countries.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:39 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    At least that's what the Britons say about us up there. Great badmouthing eh?

    Comment by BlaqCat
    23:59 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I can't answer half(probably couldn't answer 1/4) of these myself, but the answers were funny all the same.

    Comment by Icy-nee-san
    23:59 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Smartest kids in the UK :D

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:59 19/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    vericose = very close.. this one crack me real hard..

    00:05 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    And some of the questions, I couldn't even answer...

    Comment by Necromas
    00:21 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Yay for funny posts!

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:23 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    well that was good for the luls

    Comment by Key
    00:26 20/11/2009 # ! Good (+0.4)

    this is what they called think outside of the box

    UBER GENIUS for the answer ROLF!!!!!!

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:29 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Big dames.. ROFLOLOL!!

    Comment by the envoy
    00:29 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I've seen this somewhere before...

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:31 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    This fails so hard it wins.

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:50 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.4)

    I actually thought a couple of the answers were good.I'd give them the partial credit for thinking of it if I could.

    Comment by LaughingReader
    01:06 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I answered some similar questions like that with appropriate(with sarcastic methods) answers because the questions i've had were point-blank obvious
    e.g.
    Who is James Watt?
    >What?
    correct
    Describe Macbeth's tragedy
    >they all die

    Comment by Rwr4539
    01:07 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    As a fellow Brit, I should be ashamed at this, but they are actually really witty and funny.
    The expansion one makes me want to slap the person who answered it though.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:43 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The fellow inject a hefty load of sarcasm in answering ALL the questions. Especially the expansion one.

    Comment by motaku96
    01:11 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I lol'd. Such clever responses.

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:12 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    fuck ya... sad to be a malaysian
    http://bit.ly/48biNZ

    Malay are dumbass pigs... they fucked the education system. first teaching from the beginning in english during colonial times till independence than some asshole change it to malay and than later regret as the useless malay lang doesn't even have enough vocabulary to describe today's modern terms. Now after 20-30years of malay education, they decide revert it back to english again... fuck ya... but BUT but after only barely 5 years into the change as to fucking cater those idiots in the village that cant speak english. They revert back to BAKA MALAY again. what a deinstitution thing to do

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:12 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    While I agree that the Malaysian government has fucked up in many ways, this topic is not about the Malaysian education system, but the British one.

    Comment by izu taisa
    10:15 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    well,its suck to be u.
    at least even i m half malay half japanese,not otaku wannabe like ya and in here, i enjoy free eds,subsidized gas etc etc.and my father choose to live here instead of japan or INDON.
    and u can start hating japanese now becoz we always think u people is just an uncivilized monkey who still believe in lucky buddha and all that stupid mystical thing

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:23 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I can feel somebody intentionally stepping into bombs.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:21 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, I am a Minesweeper. That's what I do (when I'm bored anyway).

    Comment by Tiedupinknots
    01:16 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Steve was speeding @40.9 MPH and I didn't need to check his speedometer......

    Well, at least I got one right.

    Comment by Chrouya
    01:19 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "The opposite of pro?"

    "n00b"

    ...Why is it wrong :(

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:41 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It is wrong because someone apparently did not want to invent that word into the dictionary :(

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:49 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Also very easy to answer this question. Add 'un-' before it and you got it.

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:20 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    This kids are geniuses with a great sense of humor.

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:25 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, part of the problem was with these questions. A lot of people take things exceedingly literally. The last question however, that is just a stupid answer to that.

    The problem is not with the UK schoolchildren... the problem is with questions that are exceedingly vague and the lack of 'open book' in these things.

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:41 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I feel ashamed that I can't answer half of those questions.=(

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:36 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well, I can't answer all the questions except the Maths one. I didn't take literature classes. Not part of my country's syllabus.

    Comment by Isukira
    01:50 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    EPIC win!

    Comment by Anondesu
    02:11 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "How does Romeo's character develop throughout the play?
    It doesn't, it's just self, self, self all the way through."

    I would have given full credit for this response.

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:43 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    He really knows Romeo's characterization :P

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:13 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Now I'm clear about Stand-Alone System....lol

    Comment by HyperKnuckles99
    02:19 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I lulzed, especially to the speed limit one.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:19 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Really? that's the one that made me put on my serious face. Pretty sure the use kilometers not miles over in the UK

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:32 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    HAHAHA. Wrong. Otherwise I wouldn't struggle as much as a German to drive on their roads.

    Silly buggers still use imperial.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:22 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Only in USA

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:35 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's Britain. Read carefully or you will join the ranks of the fellows who answered those questions.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:27 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    No UNLIMITED ESSAY WORKS?!

    Comment by Phionperv
    03:17 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It won't WORKS believe me.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:36 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Highly recommend this book to anyone. The maths section especially, is just lethal.

    Just look at this:
    http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/reader/1840247002/ref=sib_dp_pt#reader-page

    This book made my day so many times XD

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:50 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I read snippets of the Chemistry part and facepalmed my way through. Wrong spelling and an obvious lack of reading. The questions were so direct!

    Comment by The_Black_Swordsman
    02:49 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I love this.

    I really liked the Romeo one.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:54 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Q: Can a man still reproduce with only one testicle?
    A: No, gurlz don't find that shit attractive.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:54 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The next EINSTEIN!!!

    Comment by Phionperv
    03:14 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Er, there is no way I can be one of them (Phionperv referring to himself as an Einstein).

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:00 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    lol

    what's is the function of the Skeleton?

    his function is to defeat He-Man and conquer the castle of "Grayskull".

    that was the answer of one of my class mate in a exam

    Comment by Anonymous
    00:55 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    By the power of GREYSKULL.

    Comment by Falk5T
    03:04 20/11/2009 # ! Good (+0.6)

    I also heard once of an epic answer, they had to write an essay about: "What is bravery?"

    the person just wrote "This." on his paper and finished.

    As well as I remember he got an A for that at least.

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:40 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    That I like.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:23 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    If I were marking the papers and I see that answer, I am also going to give him an "A". That's because it's true, whoever writes that has a bit of iron in him.

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:23 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Hey, I got almost the same situation too! The topic of the essay was "Bravery", so someone handed it up blank.
    The teacher commented: "Bravery at the wrong time. 0"
    it was National Exam btw lol

    Comment by Visar
    06:22 11/12/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I heard something similiar to this. An essay "I dare" and one person wrote only "I dare..."
    of course that person won the first prize.
    *feeling somewhat jealous*

    Comment by Phionperv
    03:06 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (-0.2)

    EPIC FAIL

    As the intelligent being in Sankaku Complex, I deeply expressing my concern to this failure.

    Is this our Super-generation in near future? What a shame DX But, I really appreciate their creative answers. Good Job! Make your teacher who corrected for the answers laughs XD

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:34 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    If those are all real answers, that actually gives me hope for the future.

    Shows that kids today can still think outside the box.

    Comment by Phionperv
    03:02 25/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Dear Mr. Anon

    There are limitations to think differently.
    To put it through, we must think inside the context. They are real questions, so the answers must real true according to the fact.

    Correct me if I'm wrong,

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:06 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    This article just made my last moment before i sleep! i cried hard laughing to some of them, such epic answers. Wished we could have more of this of article here~

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:17 20/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.2)

    lol most of these are made up anyway specifcally to be funny. They're not real.

    Also, they'll still a minority even if they are true.

    And, I know people who put answers like this on their tests simply because they didn't care anymore due to the school system failing them.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:24 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Or they couldn't care less about education.

    Or they are all aspiring to be comedians.

    Comment by chibblz
    03:21 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    LOL, MALARIA! XD

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:06 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    LOL I'm from Malaysia but I must say...Malaria is a good answer!!!

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:18 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    LMAO
    Malaria

    GHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!XDDDDD

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:22 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    This is so fuckin' awesome.

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:34 20/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.4)

    This is something you ignorant yanks won't understand. Its called "sarcasm".

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:06 20/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.2)

    hur hur what be dis sarcasm sorry imma yanker walliwallibingbong

    Comment by Rindoro
    04:54 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    OMG! LMAO!!!
    hahaha, i couldn't stop laughing XD

    Comment by Anonymous
    04:57 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    fun fact:

    you can't pass classes by being a smart-ass

    but it sure makes you fun to laugh at

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:07 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    ???? why??? ???

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:10 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    why are u spaming this site?????

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:13 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Who was Joan of Arc?"

    "Noah's wife?"

    Comment by Unicogirl
    05:33 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Those are clever...

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:38 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Typical English children. Most are either "chavs" or drug addicts...

    I live in the UK ¬_¬

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:40 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    OK, how many of these do you suppose are trolls by students trying to at least fail with some humour, how many are made up to be funny by someone who isn't even doing an exam and how many are actual serious answers by students that they actually think are correct? I'd be interested in knowing exactly how thick it's possible for a kid to really be.

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:41 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    very fuuny

    Comment by greenpoint0
    05:43 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    What if your speedometer was in feet per second?

    Comment by Anonymous
    05:46 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    This book's pretty old.

    My favourite one was the maths question that asked the pupils to "find x". One bright spark circled the x on the diagram and wrote "here it is".

    At least some of these are made up. No school in the UK cares where the American Declaration of Independence was signed for example and most UK exam require much longer answers than these questions call for.

    ..."Somewhere in Philadelphia" would be my guess by the way.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:39 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Really? You don't think they offer American History courses in the UK? I know they offer British History courses in the US.

    05:47 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Genius, if only these kids existed in real life

    Comment by lovehate
    05:56 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    God damn it I lawl'd xD

    Comment by PechapaiLoli
    06:00 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Kids sure do say the darndest things.

    Seriously though, this article is lulz. If I was grading some of these, I would give them 100% just for being creative.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:03 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I would like to go to Malaria some day.

    Comment by dreamingArtemis
    06:05 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    okay, the last one was fantastic! XD I'm Malaysian and I find it hilarious!

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:04 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    me too!
    XDXDXD

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:13 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    lol i guess allot of UK people go on this site,
    if this was results for the US i wonder how many people would say fail and not think it was "creative"
    It was funny though

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:14 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    WTF, is totally funny, is still better in ENG, if in BM(Bahasa Malaysia) Malaysia's country language, is more funny is anyone knows BM. But i think is some people plan to share these kind of stupid things and come up with these kind of answers. xD

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:44 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Dood, these answers were taken from British exam papers, why you're expecting any Malay language here?

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:18 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Is this sankaku?

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:24 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Welcome.

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:25 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    No, this is Patrick.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:41 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    While I can't fault the given answer to the question "What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common?", I am curious to know what the expected answer was.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:29 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    They were both leaders of their respective countries. Mahatma Gandhi was the leader of India and Genghis Khan was the leader of Mongolia.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:35 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    They're both dead and asian, for one.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:23 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    they're both dead people in history books

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:43 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    This isn't very far from the truth lol. Some people do it for lulz...seriously...ahh good times in my Business Studies exam...I didn't know the answer for a question so I wrote 'Batman will save us' and 'Pie' for another...why not? If you really don't know it, answer with a stupid answer for fun. Though I won't deny some seriously think that those above are the answer for reals. Most teachers now just train kids for exams rather than actually teach them anything. But then it makes you wonder whether the kid who just threw a stanley knife at the board where the teacher stands is a lost cause...Shitty parents=shitty kids.

    The education system here is a joke. Is this so surprising as to why UK has criminalized prostitution, banned loli/shota, got us in debt with the banks etc...But it was inevtiable when you have moral advocates and religious facists in power. Majority of the Lords are devout Christians or Catholics and supported by Christian Organization. The Commons? Just the same. Mordern Warfare 2 has been under fire ever since it came out...Wow now that I look at it I'm fairly stumped. Are us Brits just gettin more stupid by the year? Looking at the past 7 years and these incriminating legislations being churned out at the speed of light...It seems all too true. If we're not ruled by facists it's moralfags...or both. Welcome to 1984 and Animal Farm.

    Comment by Anonymous
    06:52 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The names and the Birmingham ones were the best!

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:05 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I haven't ROFL'd that hard in a while. This is by far one of the best articles I've ever read on this site.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:14 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Fantastically funny! British humor lives.

    Comment by Cerenado
    07:15 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    They were obviously trolling... Maybe, just maybe, they were just way too smart and looked down on the rest of their peers? Maybe there were a little cynical? Maybe they didn't give a shit about exams? Maybe the UK's school system's failing-wait a minute...
    By the way, are these elementary school exams? I'm not familiar with the UK's educational curriculum.

    Comment by Anonymous
    07:16 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    dude, this is almost as old as the internet

    Comment by Yangth
    07:36 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I think they should get credit for being witty and original! I've seen some bad answers before, and these aren't bad.

    Comment by triniking1234
    07:47 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Question: What is a vibration?
    Answer: There are good vibrations and bad vibrations. Good vibrations were discovered in the 1960s.

    That one broke my laugh box.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:02 20/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.2)

    Not only that they fail at smiles, they fail academically...

    The one thing they don't seem to fail at is to stab each other...

    Funny thing that two of the top universities in the world are in the UK (Oxford and Cambridge).

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:07 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    British education is in such a sad state that now only one in five students are in the top 20% education bracket.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:49 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    This is because rather than reading school books, those lifeless kids would rather read Stephenie Meyer's crapload of bullshit known as Twilight or watch Twilight movies.

    *pokes New Moon*

    This entry is so timely, Sankaku. Soooo very timely!

    Comment by erochichi
    09:03 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Most answers are absolutely correct. Math ones should have been calculated, but... i a way they we`re correct anyway.

    Comment by erochichi
    09:06 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    i meant "in their own way most answers we`re correct". My sloppy always spelling... shoot me if you want.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:06 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I've only seen the expand one before. Some of these were pretty funny but others were meh.

    Comment by erochichi
    09:07 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    i meant "in their own way most answers we`re correct". My sloppy spelling... shoot me if you want.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:08 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The amount of tests for preperation for final exams we get are rediculous so a few people just get sick of it and have some fun with it.
    My answer to "Contrast and compare The knights tale and the millers tale." was three pages of normal writing and a drawing of a giant robot piloted by the miller fighting the knight between the pages.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:08 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Ps3 sucks.

    Comment by Ukonkivi
    09:14 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Some of these are oh so very correct.

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:24 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I was taking an IQ test recently during a psychological exam and I had to fight the urge to not answer some of the questions this way.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:10 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    why was one of the tags 'schoolgirls', thats very misleading. still, good shit, the 'you might walk into the telephone mast' one was damn funny.

    Comment by Anonymous
    23:43 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I hadn't noticed the school girls thing, that's almost as clever as some of the test answers.

    Comment by MasterYuke
    10:17 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "by placing a number of big dames into the river"
    wasnt there JUST an article on Fat Princess?

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:50 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Malays don't come from any country... they originate from Malaysia. People from Malaysia are called Malaysians anyway, not Malay. They do, however, speak Malay

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:03 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    wanna bet not all malaysian know how to speak malay?

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:20 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I don't, so hah!

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:51 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    This news shouldnt' be here.
    They aren't even written in hiragana.

    Comment by metatron
    10:58 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    LOL UK Schooling XDDD

    Comment by Stiyl-Magnus19
    11:22 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    jajajaja good theme!!!

    Comment by Miroku74
    11:22 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    LMAO! This reminds me of when I was back in college.

    One girl in one of my gym classes thought that Manual Labor was the Communist Leader of Cuba. XDDD

    I shudder to think where the world is headed with bright lights such as these making their way through the educational systems all over the world.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:28 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Why is the soil so fertile?

    Because of all the micro orgasms.

    Comment by celebrinen
    12:52 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Cracked up laughing at this. Especially the Romans one, reminds me of Monty Python "What have the Romans ever done for us?"

    Comment by Takumi
    13:25 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Ya! Brits are funny!
    LONG LIVE JEREMY CLARKSON!!! POWERRRRRR!!!!

    Comment by hALOTOO
    13:30 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    +100 for making my day

    Comment by Exia
    13:48 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Varicous" = "Very Close" lolol

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:07 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    These kids are creative. They still rattle their brains to write some answers rather than nothing.

    Two thumbs up!

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:44 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    well, at least i found a reason why the world should be affraid of us Malaysians.

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:46 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Agreed. *nods* :P

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:48 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    How can people be so stupid! lol!!!

    Comment by TerrawindX2
    15:48 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Most of these answers were done with such genius and wit that the thought of these being answered by stupid students is nonetheless defamatory- stupid students don't come up with smart, creative answers such as these. It takes a bright student to make a joke out of a question they so happen to not have the proper answers for.

    It also goes to show that Malaysia needs to work harder in order to be recognised a little bit more in the world compared to Singapore.

    Comment by Anonymous
    15:56 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Thinking outside the box is considered fail? How close-minded are we!

    Comment by gnomikomori
    16:49 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Funny but too fake

    Comment by Anonymous
    17:46 20/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.2)

    Malaysia, the gayest country in Asia.

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:25 20/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.2)

    Malaysia truly gaysia ^.^

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:39 20/11/2009 # ! Bad (-0.2)

    Malaysia truly Gay-Sia! ^_^

    *Fixed

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:42 08/12/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    fuck u retard

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:54 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Many of these are logical answers. I approve XD

    Comment by babybluez287
    19:43 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    lols i gotta try those on my tests xD ha ha xD

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:44 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Last time I checked, there is no "race" called "Malays". You can't define race just by what country they're from. That's some serious racist bulls--t they're teaching over there. I feel sorry for these kids.

    Expand 2(x+y) was hilarious - good post.

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:32 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Actually, there IS a race called Malays. And yes, they are in Malaysia. But Malaysia also has Chinese and Indian and other indigenous races. So not only Malays come from Malaysia.

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:07 20/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    thank you for making my day, SC!

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:46 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Well I suppose the students in question jsut thought >well I don't know shit about the topic so if I am going to fail I might as well fail as awesome as possible.<

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:10 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Some of those aren't really a failure of the answer, but a failure of the question. Any smart person can see that.

    Comment by Anonymous
    08:01 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    some of these questions are even more of a failure than the answers, in fact.

    Comment by dzodzu
    03:45 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    HA ha ha that was hilarious, lol.
    *falls from chair laughing*
    Now my chair is "stand alone" one :P

    Comment by Anonymous
    03:59 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    the vibration one shows an element of vaguely intelligent humour at least

    Comment by Castronaut
    08:21 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I remember more than once during my school days thinking "Fuck it!" during a test and just writing the goofiest answers I could think of.

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:29 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    1 + 1 = 10 in binary u noobs!!!!!

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:38 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Fail. Some are okay but a lot were a little korny.

    Comment by Anonymous
    15:30 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    oh my fucking god

    epic..to the nth degree

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:37 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    People in UK are so dumb! That's dumber than the stupid jokes you get from Filipinos or Vietnamese....

    Comment by Anonymous
    18:49 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Didn't know there were plenty of Malaysians surfing Sankaku before I came across this page :P

    *flies off to spread Malaria*

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:08 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    we do it in private~
    lol

    Comment by Reboot
    20:33 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Oh, God. I loled very hard.

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:31 21/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Reminds me of some weird answers that my friends and I answered in our examinations..

    "What are converging lens?"
    "Lens that converge.(?)"

    "Give 2 examples of converging lens."
    "Lens that converge and lens that don't diverge."

    lolwut I got 40% for my whole paper

    Comment by Char
    00:57 22/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Oh God even Cirno would have given better answers then these.
    I now under stand why the Brits allow their liberty and privacy to be stripped away without a complaint.

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:00 22/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    British humour - you're born with it.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:05 22/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    18 is actually pretty hard. I can't remember that conversion off the top of my head.

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:08 22/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    The response about Romeo's character development is true, though. I mean, he's a loathsome, self-centered little git throughout the entire play. He doesn't get better, he just dies.

    Comment by Anonymous
    02:29 23/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    I would be highly interested in seeing the same person's answer to questions regarding Hamlet's character dev :P

    Comment by Anonymous
    22:45 27/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    most creative way to fail class
    hope to see you in fall semester

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:50 05/12/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Some pretty creative answers there... i wouldn't be able to think up something so funny!

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