Man Calls 911: “I Need Sex!”
- Categories: International, News
- Date: Nov 15, 2009 03:26 JST
- Tags: Bizarre, Crime, Florida, Police, Prostitution, USA
A man who repeatedly reported an unusual emergency via a series of 911 calls has been arrested – operators apparently took a dim view of his insistence that someone be provided for him to have sex with.
The man, a resident of Florida, called emergency services 5 times requesting aid for his sexual emergency, but none was forthcoming and operators merely hung up on him.
15 minutes after making his last call, police called at his home and arrested him for making false calls to emergency services.
The man remains locked up without bail, and already has 12 arrests to his name for charges ranging from grand theft auto to assault and drug possession.
It seems emergency services the world over bear the brunt of human stupidity…
Via Heaven.
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Um, wut?
I need SEX with Virgin Busty Girl!!
I live in Florida.
There are none.
let's go to California! they're not virgins, but they'll be plenty busty then!
Yea.. I need to call 911 asap too!
me too
call 1900-xxx-xxxx
Florida, where brain cells go to die.
We have brain cells?
We have br........
We ha.........
W.....
....
I CANNOT BRAIN TODAY! :(
^ FAIL SENTENCE
I can't believe you are al...
BRainz.....
drrrrrrrrrrr...
Brain Exercise with Dr. Kawashima! BOINK!
I thought that was alabama?
wow i can't believe he tried it 5 times... they should of send someone to his house to remove him from the gene pool.
"have sent" not "of send" dumbass
lol.
it was the easiest to spot at that moment
It appears now that they have.
Sure he can find people to help him with his lack of sex trouble once in jail ^_^
It won't be the sex he is looking for, though.
who knows? 18 year old cellmate...
Who said anything about it being consensual sex between a man and a woman?
Fail, well maybe he can get sex in prison.
That's the general idea...
He's lucky if he gets a trap-like inmate. Otherwise he won't even be able to deceive himself.
Who said he's going to be the one penetrating?
And while we're at that question, who said it'll be consensual?
who said he want a female companion?
Who said he wanted a human partner?
Send in the police canine unit?
(He is led into a cell, and the guard shuts and locks the door. He looks at his 300-pound, skinhead, tattooed cellmate.)
FailGuy: "Uh..."
CellMate: "I'm Bubba. Yo' mah bitch. Yo' gonna git sex tonight."
lawl
Bubba's a 300 pound BLACK men...with 5 pound ****s.
Ye,pretty fucked up how people get raped, beaten, and/or even killed in prison in America, and come out (if they do) worse than when they came in. WTF!? Prison is supposed to make people change! What is wrong with you people! How come you let all this shit happen!? In normal countries, people don't get raped in prison dammit! The jail Security is supposed to make sure of that.
Rokudaime - In this country, we lock up the uncivilized, bestial criminals because no one, including you, has suggested a viable alternative. Everyone knows this, so only younger, uncivilized beasts commit crimes. This is hardly a good system. But, like I said, what's the alternative?
Offcourse you lock them up. I don't see a problem with that. It's the right thing to do. We do that here too. What I resent is the treatment prisoners get over there, both from other prisoners and the jailguards. The latter doesn't give a shit what happens to the inmates, and anything can happen to them. We don't do that over here. Some asshole try to rape someone in prison over here, he's fucked. And it serves him damn right. You know there's something wrong with the system when people turn out worse from prison instead of rehabilitating.
There's an interesting history behind it. America's own reform movement got off the ground right after WW2- for obvious reasons, but ran right into the red scare. Since many of the early reformers were socialists politically, any kind of progress got compared to evil communists, who weren't into that kind of stuff anyway.
Oh wait, it still is.
The net effect is that it's almost 2010, and the US still has the prisons, and schools, of a century ago.
Prision rape is part of the punishment, like a "unwritten law" and if that helps to people to obey law, so be it.
Yes, for the mass murderers, pedo-rapists, and other assholes like that, sure. But what about the petty crime people huh? You think it's right, that it's justice, that some 20 year old girl who is serving 2 months in prison for some lame shit, should get beat up and/or raped in prison, as part of her rehab and punishment!? 8-/ what the hell is wrong with you, you freak!? I hope YOU get put in prison for something you didn't even do, and get raped 'til you can't sit down anymore, then see how you like it! People are being messed up in the head, and scarred for life due to prison, instead of coming out a better person! If you can't see that that's wrong, then God help society!
"it can't be helped".
People on the internet often tell me I need to get laid. NEED, that is. Perhaps the police are wrong, and this is a SERIOUS matter.
I mean, people on the internet told me there is no other reason to live. And that not getting laid is a serious and bad matter. Clearly people on the internet always know what they're talking about.
They sure do. Now go become an hero, it will benefit the society.
they don't.Just bunch of idiots hahahaha.
I know you were joking Fonz...but yous still killed it.
no im serious this time.
People don't know shit.
And this was refference to this line "Clearly people on the internet always know what they're talking about."
True that people need to get laid.But when people want to get laid they don't know what they are missing that they don't get laid.
Once you get laid, you receive all the knowledge in the universe and everything becomes honky dory.
seriously society is totaly wrong and they don't exactly know what is really wrong.
well what do you expect from a dysfunctional society.
It's just people don't know about it flaws.
ok guys u have to say it rigt and not just realize that u have or we have a imperfect system and wel have the right to find and bring to light the flaws and improvise better rules if they will always have flaws and i mean have a petittion made up with a major amount of signitures pardon my incorect spelling was typing realy fast that u can use and remake the ruls of this society and u can then improve i wont do it cause im a bit of a passifist and unless its my problem i wont deal with it but ur makeing it ur prob by argueing ok if u want ideas contact me at Miss_mystic2000@hotmail.com and tel me the rule u had thought of and the guidelines and well talk of ways to improve ok
"Believe nothing that you hear and only half of what you see." - Benjamin Franklin
Masturbate?
Both his right and left hand cheated on him, obviously.
Forget about what 'people on the internet' say you need. Think only of what YOU need.
Yes.You have to know what you want need and tell her your expectations.
I thought you wanted to get raped not laid
lol, reminds me of this lady calling 911 cause she got locked in her own car and didn't know how to open the doors.
reminds me of this lady that got arrested after call 911 to get the police man back to her house to have good time with
Reminds me of this lady who called 911 because she couldn't find the eleven on her phone and she needed to call "nine-eleven" because she had an emergency.
"Hello, Operator? I need the number for 9-1-1!"
People these days are wierd. The police had other things to do then crap like this. No wonder why the crime rates rise when people call them for crap.
This is ingenious. I'm pretty sure he'll get his "Sexual Services" in jail.
Ohohoh~
But, this IS an emergency.
It is, but they clearly helped him out seeing how there taking him to jail for his needs
He must have been hopped up on some of his drugs
911 send me a 3 nurses...and a hot lesbian who's good with a whip...if you don't my balls will explode!
be careful there was a man who called the police because someone put a bomb around his neck and forced him to rob a bank, and the police just let him die.
Apocryphal.
It's bound to be a very small explosion.
this dude probably wanted to go to prison.For whatever reason,some people just want to get caught for something to escape things in life or other problems they are having.
Reminds me of a case when some illegal immigrants commit crimes on purpose to gain some form of food and shelter (no matter what).
Lol the mcnuggets call was in florida aswell
Personally, I think it's that hot Florida sun. It's too. Fucking. Hot! These people who use 911 for such stupid shit must all be suffering from sun stroke. They have to be. It's the only explanation which makes any sense.
Other than, say, they're examples of CCS (Can't Cure Stupid).
There are lots of possibilities.
* Booze-rotted brain (see the earlier SC article about the cannibal Russian drunk);
* Meth/coke/other-drugs-rotted brain;
* Physical trauma-induced stupidity (look at heavyweight boxers for examples);
* Genetically-inherited stupidity (it's why you're not supposed to get your sister pregnant - USE a condom, damnit!)
And, oh, yeah. "Sunstroke".
well and this method that they are really stupid and the people giving them advice are just slowwing down the progress of humanity and they dont realize it cause they are retarded people who belive in a being thet has yet to show him or herself to humans for proof just look at the cave men age they look up at the sunn and they call it god and they all do that now they call anything whos power is greater than humanitys a god so thats the reason now contact me if u have any more questions at Miss_mystic2000@hotmail.com
You can cure stupid...you take different calibur doses of lead depending on the thickness of your skull ^_^.
I would suggest 9mm.
no need to use different calibers: .50 Cal does it all.
Please, Kortaku. Fifties are SOOO messy. Have heart for the clean-up crew!
Agreed. 9mm Hollowpoints do the job much more neatly. ^^
It was an emergency!! what if his nuts exploded from lack of stimulation. Emergency services my arse!! that man is a legend. They have failed in they're job....
If his 'nuts' exploded, future generations will have a higher cumulative intelligence quotient.
The man has to have sex, I say give it to him.
And if he claims he needs to have sex with a child? What then? Give it to him?
Yes
What a silly question
How rude. The police should've at least provided him with the number for a prostitute or a phonesex hotline.
It wouldn't work. His aptitude limited him to dialing only three numbers.
Well he will get his fair share of sex in jail :)
They could have at least gave him a helping hand.
Everyone needs a good fuck every now and then. Maybe he was trying to have phone sex with the 911 operator?
She couldn't be any uglier than his future cell mate: a win-win situation.
If he wanted sex call a Escort Service.
i'd probably do the saem
You'd probably do anybody. Who's this Saem guy?
Now you wish that 911 supplied that...lol..
Dammit, why didn't I think of this?
Because there are easier ways to go to jail.
Don't drop the bar of soap! He is probably going to be un-able to have sex forever after his month in jail there. Jails are not safe places, the keepers in the USA can be a whole lot worse than the ones that stay inside, A WHOLE lot worse.
Which I find sick, wrong, and revolting. prison is not supposed to be like that, and it isn't in alot of other countries. It's a cultural problem you're dealing with there.
911 i need a Wii 911 i need a GF 911 i need .... -__-
Is 911 Santa Claus' number?
Very unprofessional from the emergency call centre. You don't ever, ever just hang up.
In this case, confirm that it's not a medical emergency ("Sir, are you in pain?"), then kindly instruct them to call a service more suited to help with their emergency.
so... "Sir are you in pain? I see. So you need sex immediately? Well we always arrest prostitutes off Mcdougal lane at 6 pm, perhaps you could try there? Yes sir, no problem. My pleasure to assist you."
-> operation with no job.
So, 911 is a referral service for hookers. What a concept!
Nobody gonna comment on the hottie from the pic? xD Well now someone has xD If only that was a official uniform for police women to wear xD
That would DEFINITELY raise the number of 911 calls.
w-what the...?
"911? I have an emergency: Someone who can't complete a sentence."
Another candidate for Darwin award
face palm*
You are no longer alone.
me ^^
i need sex fuck i need sex awawwawaw
If this is a terminal condition, I fear that you are doomed.
Apart from the link to the dumb bitch who called 911 over her chicken McNuggets, does anyone remember the story about the guy who rang 911 because the fast food joint he was getting his food ran out of soft drink? God, the stupidity and egocentrism of these people is truly without limit!
looks like hes gonna get it now
bonchika wan wan
"911? Yes. This is an emergency...I need a pizza with everything except anchovies. A couple of two liter Cokes and a prostitute."
The main picture for this article.. the lady's nipples are off to the side.
It's just another one of those "WTF" moments...
Because America has so many f!cking criminals.
We criminalize everything and punish people with as great a sentance as humanly possible so the judge isn't called out as being "sympathetic to criminals"
Case in point. The texas governor that wanted to secede from the US refused to pardon a man convicted of burning his family alive.
Even when a panel of expert arson investigators didn't find any sign of arson or crime.
It probably didn't help that Perry removed the arson investigation board when they tried to file a report saying that the man was innocent.
And refused to listen to the commissions testimony.
And replaced everyone supporting the man's innocence.
So of course they have to punish the man who lost his family in a tragic fire accident and then kill him even though expert arson investigators found no case against him...just so Perry doesn't look easy on people falsely convicted of crime.
And about prisons, I've been watching locked up abroad...and boy I sure as hell wouldn't want to f!ck up or be in the wrong place at the wrong time in South Korea.
Compared to other countries, our prisons are resorts. Perhaps that is why we have the problems that we have. There is no real deterrent.
Punishment should be just that: Punishment. You train a dog by sticking his nose in it and whacking him on the nose with a newspaper. Seems cruel, but he learns. Human animals should be treated the same way.
New use for the 911!!! I hope that they enable the service
Who else wishes there was more natural selection?
I mean there's more of a chance of a genius who would be a boon to his society beaten to death than the idiots who drive nails into their own skulls with hammers dying from their stupidity...actually it's probably those people that would lynch the smart guy because "inulluctualz iz badz! deyz smarta dan uz bozz!"
Spencer coined the term survival of the fittest.
I believe it was Dawkin's who coined the phrase "survival of the adequate" There are way too many unforgivably stupid people who gain a measure of prestige in their society for being outspokenly ignorant and getting enough ignorant people to follow him forcing intelligent people to either cringe or suffer for being smarter than the rest of society.
Correcting an idiot in America can get you killed -_-
EUGENICS NOW!
I'm not talking about Eugenics...I'm talking about something like the suicide island manga.
If people go to the hospital enough times for jumping off of the buildings, pulling stupid ****ing stunts, calling the police for not having tomatoes on the big mac that you ordered and instead of keeping insane rants to yourself or internet chatrooms, you take it to the streets to force ordinary people to bend to the will of the stupid, then you get dumped on an island with other like-minded people.
If you don't believe in scientific theory,think scientists are evil, and/or make life hell for educated people, then enjoy your life on an island without science, or the advancements achieved through the scientific process.
Watch the movie idiocracy, I swear to god that that movie could double as a documentary.
Well, the police did respond to his emergency. Now he can have sex with Bubba.
mmmm...... looks like we should all make a call XD
of course... we should all make a call, until someone said: OK, I've had enough, you want sex? I'll give you sex, just don't disturb me any more...
Yes, ma.am, but surely you can't service all of us at one time.
if that works, i'll call too
He stealed cars, he do drugs, but he cant find a slut? Man....
heh.
stealed
I'm sorry sir, this number cannot provide you with legal prostitution perhaps you can try the turbo service Xneeds. Have a nice day~
He should have called the public complaints line after the first time for failure to provide service in the event of an emergency.
Hmph! And the cops proud themselves for their motto:
SERVICE ABOVE SELF(-service)
Bah, that's nothing. Once, some lady called 911 cuz McDonalds forgot the pickles on her sandwich.
eee~~
so. we could get a girl for call 911?
give me my 1 min back. yes i really did 1 min to read this shit. i need sex call 911!!! what an idiot.