Japanese Marriage, According to Google

idol-master-yuri-marriage-kikuchi-makoto-and-hoshii-miki.jpg

Google’s search auto-suggest feature provides some despair inducing insights into the nature of Japanese matrimony, seemingly encapsulating the institution in disturbing detail…

The suggestions themselves are thought to be based on Google’s database of search terms frequently occurring together (although Google is known to censor these quite heavily to remove anything it considers unseemly). Enterprising 2channelers soon found some interesting results by inputting “husband” and “wife.”

Firstly, the English language results for Google.com by way of comparison:

google-husband.jpg

google-wife.jpg

The suggestions for Google.co.jp in translation (due to Japanese grammar and sentence structure the wording is altered slightly to make sense):

google-japanese-husband-wife.jpg

For “husband” (夫 / otto):

[I want my] husband to die

[I hate my] husband

Husband average pocket money (see here)

Husband verbal violence

Husband pocket money

[How to address] husband

Husband death procedure

Husband depression

Husband unemployed

Husband death pension

Very similar results can be found for “danna,” a word typically used by wives to address their husbands.

For “wife” (妻 / tsuma):

Wife birthday present

Wife birthday present ranking

Wife present

Wife hysteria

[How to address] wife

Wife depression

Wife present ranking

Wife kenjougo (a type of humble speech, traditionally used by wives to address husbands)

Wife common law marriage

Wife shochu (a type of rice liquor)

Anyone thinking about marrying a Japanese woman might be well advised to think long and hard about these results…


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    Avatar of Niwa
    Comment by Niwa
    10:11 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Holllllllly Crappppp o__O

    Avatar of istuffedsunny
    Comment by istuffedsunny
    10:14 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I love Japan but would never want to live there for reasons such as these.

    Avatar of DK
    Comment by DK
    11:01 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Now I wonder how Azrael of Gaijin Smash got his awesome wife...

    Avatar of Miroku74
    Comment by Miroku74
    12:43 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Azrael has better bonuses to his Sense Motive and Spot Checks than your average Japanese man.

    Let's hope Miki (his wife's name, iirc) never goes Googling..... <_<

    Comment by Anonymous
    21:28 11/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Nice.

    Comment by Anonymous
    01:55 11/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Funny!

    One of our gaming party suprised us all by in-game marrying a succubus.

    "Dude! She's a SUCCUBUS! Why would you have sex with her, let alone marry her?!"

    "'Cause all women are soul-stealing demonesses from Hell. I might as well get myself a hot-looking, horny one."

    Comment by Anonymous

    Black men probably get to name their own pocket money.

    For reasons of ethnic stereotyping, obviously.

    Avatar of CJLopez
    Comment by CJLopez
    10:12 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

    no wonder there are many otakus who stick to dakimura and stuff over there

    marriage = death sentence

    Avatar of loli-kun
    Comment by loli-kun
    10:13 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    >Husband average pocket money
    This made me sad.

    Avatar of Duolis
    Comment by Duolis
    13:09 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    >[I want my] husband to die
    Made me sadder =(

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:19 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Sad face :(

    Avatar of Syllen
    Comment by Syllen
    10:08 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    thats just hilarious

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:55 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    [I want my] husband to die

    [I hate my] husband

    are the first two... wow

    Avatar of dreamingArtemis
    Comment by dreamingArtemis
    13:44 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    you know you're in trouble when the wife types that often.....

    Avatar of Koroshiya
    Comment by Koroshiya
    14:54 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Good reason to go through their search history. If any of these come up, get your ass the hell outta there!
    ...Virtual waifu don't use google...do they?

    Comment by Anonymous
    09:38 09/12/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    You'd think they could just use the Hotline to Hell instead of consulting Google...

    Avatar of ImperioMoe
    Comment by ImperioMoe
    05:37 11/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    They are talking about their workaholic Japanese husbands. We are "gaijin" we are different!! ^^

    Avatar of Yoshii-kun
    Comment by Yoshii-kun
    12:22 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    If google runs on recommending the top searches when entering a word, jap husbands have quite a short life span...

    Comment by Anonymous
    10:33 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    O.O it seems japanese women take their gifts verrryyyyy seriously :/

    Avatar of Chris
    Comment by Chris
    11:04 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Seems like they're constantly trying to placate their wives...

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:01 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    xD

    Comment by Anonymous
    11:40 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    ... because they're plotting to kill them.

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:13 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    No idea how 2ch got their results, but when I googled 夫 on the .jp site, I got completely different results.

    Comment by Busy
    23:58 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Actually there are also more results about killing girlfriends...

    Avatar of Artefact
    Comment by Artefact

    I just noticed that one. I think he just got unlucky to be honest. Of course you are not helping by being a non-voting anon...

    Comment by Anonymous
    16:06 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    What the heck, you mean there's still a noteworthy number of arranged marriages?

    Comment by Anonymous
    12:40 11/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Off topic, I don't understand why anon 14:26 is getting the low-rank.

    The resulting quality of highranking/lowranking system is rather becoming skewed I feel, not due to its design but due to the participants involved.

    What do you think, Artefact?

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:12 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    You need to add the space.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:45 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Type a space like "夫 ".

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:45 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    You're right. Didn't look too hard, so I never noticed the space was there.

    Still, it's hardly something to shout about. The more normal results I got by NOT adding the space had far more hits..

    I looked a bit at some of the top hits for the suggestions in this article though, and the reasons for them appearing were pretty interesting. A lot of the "hate"-threads seemed to be the result of arranged marriages... So, eh, I guess we should look out for those?

    Comment by Anonymous
    14:26 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    If you want to work out the common searches you need to try the common sentence prefixes and then add the subject you're looking for.

    Alternatively you can use Google sets. It shows you the words directly related to your search. You can see that there is a lot of web material related to husband murdering even in English:

    http://labs.google.com/sets?hl=en&q1=husband&q2=&q3=&q4=&q5=&btn=Large+Set [http://labs.google.com/sets?hl=en&q1=husband&q2=&q3=&q4=&q5=&btn=Large Set]

    Avatar of mix
    Comment by mix
    10:24 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    hilariously sad, that is.

    Avatar of BlaqCat
    Comment by BlaqCat
    11:18 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    +1 ^_^;

    Avatar of Kaze Fira
    Comment by Kaze Fira
    13:41 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Google can make your day~

    Avatar of babybluez287
    Comment by babybluez287
    14:09 11/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    lols yeah xD what the wives search and husband searches ..... i pity them ...

    Avatar of dreamingArtemis
    Comment by dreamingArtemis
    13:43 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Okay, now I'm really scared @_@

    Avatar of Ken
    Comment by Ken
    19:39 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    they treat us like crap... they r lucky to be called wife, but WE are luckier to have PENIS :)

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:00 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    Google can even find your socks.

    Avatar of Rokudaime
    Comment by Rokudaime
    09:51 13/11/2009 # ! Neutral (+0.2)

    I don't understand the need to marry in the first place, unless you're religious. My uncle and aunt have been together all their life, and have 3 kids, the oldest of which is 15, and they never married. They don't see any point. Well, neither do I. There are no real benefits what so ever. There are however DISadvantages when the two involved ecide to split up, and get a divorce. When not married however, splitting up is alot less of a headache.

    Avatar of Table-wanna-be
    Comment by Table-wanna-be
    17:26 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Wife birthday present"

    That one seems nice but expensive D:

    Avatar of Apache
    Comment by Apache
    09:43 11/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's funny and a little surprising to me only because I don't have a Japanese wife, If I did I think I would be shitting bricks right about now.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:50 20/07/2010 # ! Neutral (0)

    Plus, there's the problem with tax.

    At least where I live, married couples get huge tax benefits.

    Just living together and not marrying is much more expensive.

    Comment by Anonymous
    13:56 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    It's a pretty male-dominated society in Japan

    so my guess is that wives bust the balls of their husbands nation-wide out of an almost cultural scorn for that

    Comment by Anonymous

    lol. Women rule.

    Comment by Anonymous

    Marriage is a contract that protects both parties in case of divorce, death, birth etc. It dictates rights and responsibilities. *Not* getting married is actually quite risky. What happens if either one of them dies, or if they break up? You don't have to believe in any fantasy ghost figures to get married... Ofc it is possible to protect your rights with other mutual *written and notarized* contracts, but would it really be worth the trouble ;)

    Comment by Anonymous
    Comment by Anonymous
    19:32 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    "Anyone thinking about marrying a Japanese woman might be well advised to think long and hard about these results…"

    lolwut? You don't marry them, you only fuck them ;)

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:05 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    Japanese men thinks about what to give their waifu and what their wife want is... Google is against japanese men

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:16 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    AHAHAHA! Now this is what a win article is like.

    GOOD JOB ARTEFACT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by Anonymous
    19:27 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    i am married with Japanese woman, and my life is living hell.. i thought they ware cute... but really Japanese ppl are fuked up, i wish i can divorce her soon....

    Avatar of Ray
    Comment by Ray
    22:58 10/11/2009 # ! Neutral (0)

    According to this in order to make the recent anime more realistic they just gotta make the cute girls try to poison the main character in his sleep.







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