Men Gang Rape Porcupine, Porcupine Rapes Back
- Categories: International, News
- Date: May 20, 2009 02:15 JST
- Tags: Alcohol, Animals, Bestiality, Florida, Penis Abuse, Raep, Russia, USA
A pair of men who sought to violate Florida’s longstanding and well founded law against sex with porcupines found themselves almost losing their manhoods when their victim took exception to their unwanted advances.
The pair of male Russian tourists (30 and 32) apparently sensed a challenge after reading a guidebook to some of the more bizarre and archaic Florida state laws. The express prohibition of sex with porcupines caught their attention in particular, and magnified through the bottom of a bottle of whiskey seemed an irresistible thrill.
Soon they were traipsing off into the countryside to find a porcupine to ravish. Soon they found one, and approached it for sex.
The next day the pair had sufficiently regained their senses to realize that their quill laced penises would need immediate medical attention. They boarded a plane to California, and checked into hospital as soon as they arrived.
There they were unsurprisingly diagnosed with “needles of a porcupine in genitals.”
Californian doctors dryly pointed out that things could be worse: “The most positive thing about the situation is that the Russian tourists did not have to stand trial in Florida. They left the state just in time.”
Although the pair kept their genitals relatively intact, painful inflammation meant extra treatment in Russia was necessary.
Via Pravda.
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Epic win for the porcupine. nobody rapes porcupine.
Сообщите об этом инциденте Задорнову - это наверняка он виноват.
In Soviet Russia.....
Penetrate the unpenetratable!
F*ck the unf*ckable!
Break the unbreakable!
RAWR RAWR
FUCK DA PORCUPINE
And end up with a Prince Albert. :P
Awesome the porcupine. *nyeeaow!*
I'm surprised news such as this hasn't been broad-cast on the local news. . Floridian here.
I think someone is making this up. No one would get quills in their junk and then spend hours on a flight to Cedars-Sinai medical center in LA to get it taken care of.
Anyone notice it's always people from Russia or China in the news?
Uhm.. We just had two articles on necrophilia from the US, with one chap killing a loli and doing her corpse and the other a guy killing his own mother and doing her corpse.
What the heck do you mean, it's always people from Russia or China?
"extra treatment in Russia was necessary"
Yeah, but they'd better hope it's not going to be treatment that comes from that crazy Russian hairstylist.
ROW ROW FIGHT THE POWAH!
Russian men + Whiskey = Awesome
Whiskey brings out the RUSSIAN IN YOU!
I'm in your America, rapeing your porcupines.
Russians are funny
Lol those Rooskies.
That's disgusting those guys should go to jail for doing that.
As long as they're not bothering anyone why should they?
Because they more than likely traumatized that poor little porcupine? :P
The hell are with the Russians recently?
I live in Florida and it was just recently that I heard of a law banning sex with animals in my city.
The pricks looking for a prick got their prick pricked.
The extra treatment required in Russia was probably just a re educational program that taught them how to properly hold their dicks while taking a whizz, so it doesn't leak out one of the new holes and hit them in the eye.
this story is most probably made up as it is. it was published on some russian sites first, then on EnglishRussia. There you can still see photo of the alleged medical file issued by this prestigious hospital. See the picture for yourself.
http://media.englishrussia.com/russian_tourists/2.jpg
http://englishrussia.com/?p=2771#more-2771
hahahaha ya, America gone wild
SICK !!
Porcupine quills are BARBED, god damn there is not enough anesthesia for that shit
HAHA SERVES EM RIGHT FOR WANTING TO RAPE A FREAKING PORCUPINE WTF!
Nice to see some humorous sex stories on this site once in a while
Haha just how desperate are they??
I salute your bravery! +100 points for Gryffindor!
DAMN RUSSIANS... THEY'RE CRAZY...
so these guys come to Florida from Russia to rape a porcupine. they must have had nothing to do.
Duh...
"Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal."
Already done, f**c...
What i'm to do on my planned vacation now... Boring...
Ooh...
"It is illegal to molest a Key deer. If caught one will be fined or will have to go to jail."
That's sounds like a challenge! A deer is fine too!
I'm glad it messed them up. Having sex with animals is wrong. :<
Unless they start it. Even then it's sort of shady.
Just... lol wtf? XD
No, you don't. Death is one way to achieve it, but the criterion is to make oneself incapable of producing more offspring, thus excising one's genes from the gene pool.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Its nice to know at least some idiots get what they deserve.
~ You know... this is the first time that my eyes rolled back in my head that I actually saw my medulla oblongata!!
Idiots!
These are the kind of people that should be hunted down and killed to ensure they do not ever breed. Along with anyone else who thinks sex with animals is ok, which would sadly be a very large majority of people.
imagine replacing the porcupine with a nuclear launch button or device. We'll be having fallout 3 by now...
Wait a minute wait a minute.
Gang Raped? I missed that detail the first read.
I'm not going to Wiki this, but two guys sharing the dipping jar inside a tiny porcupine?
1) Is this even physically possible
2) What you visualize, cannot be un-visualized
Thanks a lot.
I didn't think about the gang rape or two dicks going into a porcupine until I read your comment.
The poor porcupine....
"2) What you visualize, cannot be un-visualized"
So true. Not to mention I'm going to be wondering how the heck they did it for a good while.
srsly... fuck the what o,0
oooooh. this is a new one.
Russians, in the US.
also: revenge is a dish best served... painfully.
let me elaborate.
huge amount of news of russians doing stupid stuff in russia.
huge amount of news of americans doing stupid stuff in america.
first time (that i've seen on here) where the two have combined powers.
SEX!
LIQUOR!
DRUGS! WOMEN! PETS!
GO STUPID!
By your Powers combined, I am Sergeant Stupid! :D
Sergeant Stupid
He's an idiot.
He's gonna take the Human Race to its Limit.
He's our Dumb selves
Magnified
And his Fighting on
Charles Darwin's side.
Sergeant Stupid
He's an idiot.
He's gonna take the Human Race to its Limit.
No need to help him
Find a mate
He'll stick his penis in Porcupine's Bait.
"You'll pay for this, Ms. Porcupine!"
I'm a Stupideer.
You can be one, too.
'Cause usin' rationale ain't the thing to do.
Doing and then regretting is the way.
Here's what Sergeant Stupid has to say:
"Someone, please, Call an Ambulance!"
duh... XP
Hahaha, Ichiro, I think he IS parodying Captain Planet...
lol...
reminds me of captain planet...
i remember another porcupine sex incident, this one story is made by an american who had sex with a porcupine on his own will and thought it was fun while being laid in a hospital...
how'd they stick it in a porcupine in the first place anyway??
Poor penises. And also poor russians, they're getting owned pretty bad lately..
I know. What is it with Russians lately?
Good fucking lord, a goddamn PORCUPINE?
This is one of those rare times I can say the idiots deserved what they got. Guys, if it has fucking SPIKES all over it, don't stick your goddamn dick in it.
I agree... damn it you must be reaaaally fukken retarded if you want to fuck something that has huge needles that can pierce your goddamn cock !
WTF Russian people !?!?!
... Or perhaps what they were looking for was exactly that kind accident... *double facepalm*
Reminds me of a joke I once heard long ago. I'll reiterate it here for the lulz:
Q: How do you make love to a porcupine?
A: *VERY* very carefully.
Apparently these idiots don't realize that even female porcupines need foreplay too, to get in the mood. XD
*begins taking notes*
LOOOOOOOOL!
I was planning to send that comment to the "if it has fucking SPIKES all over it, don’t stick your goddamn dick in it" advice.
And now you make it look like I'm taking notes about Porcupine foreplay!
My kingdom for the 90 seconds I was late here >_<
"Florida state laws. The express prohibition of sex with porcupines"
Why do they have that? I mean, even if there's no law about it, Isn't it not good to have sex with it?
Penis abuse... it's just everywhere...
penis abuse is right. compared to the guys on bmezine that cut their penises in half just for fun, is this really anything.
The ways these laws work is that there was one specific incident that occurred and people got really enraged about it...and the law was passed to make it clear that it was not worth repeating.
Of course these laws are rarely if ever actually enforced on account of their infrequency, and because nobody really cares anyway.
"Penis abuse... it’s just everywhere..."
Or maybe that's exactly what the Penile Abuse Research Consortium wants you to think.
Probably because this wasn't the first case :D
There are some laws created for your preotection. Like this one.
Maybe in Russia they have something like "express prohibition of sex with adult bears", who knows. =/
In Soviet Russia, bears rape you.
Pedobear, that is.
Why only with adults, eh? Seems someone here is looking for loopholes.
Pedoman?
so do bears have a pedoman like humans have a pedobear =o
Pedobear is universal!
It's alright, though. I'll have back up.
Pedobear approves of my actions!
You can try with child bears, if you want. Just don't forget to look (and run away screaming) from Mama Bear :3
There's a lot of States with a lot of weird laws like that. For example, here in Virginia, It's illegal to have sex in any postion other than missionary, and the lights have to be off.
I wish I was kidding.
Nobody enforces it though so it doesn't matter.
An example of a non sexual law - In Massachusetts it's illegal to put tomatoes in Clam Chowder.
In Pennsylvania it's illegal to sleep outside on a refrigerator. It's also illegal to sing in the bathroom.
It's like the loli war. I see the Philippines isn't the only place with strange laws they can't enforce.
it's not that they can't enforce...they don't enforce!! (well here int the phil anyways)(the rank and file cops doesn't even know that particular law)
WTF? Seriously? IS law allowed to enter in your intimacy? Can a girl tell the police that she was raped because you use d a different position? I wish swine flu kill the closed minded....
Is that a serious question? Dude, have you not been keeping up on the American right wing moonbats trying to police our bedrooms? (BTW - have to give credit to the 20th 9/11 hijacker- sorry, Rush Limbaugh for the term "moonbat", only funny thing he's ever said).
Well, except in Texas.. If, it dealt with gay folks, then the cops were liable to bust down a door.
Hence Lawrence v. Texas in 2003.
Dude, chill out, most people don't know about that law anyway, and it's probably old as fuck too, one of those things about "protecting public morals" or some shit. But I agree with you on one point, what adults do consensually in the bedroom together, out of sight of everyone else, is no concern of the law, which is exactly why nobody bothers to enforce it.
Actually, the Virginia laws were struck down when the Supreme Court said that laws against sodomy were unconstitutional. So they were repealed by default. But yeah, no one would enforce them, even if they were still legit. Same with Tennessee still having a law on the books that says if a woman is to drive, her husband/father/brother/another man must be walking in front of the car waving a red flag, to warn pedestrians and other motorists alike that a woman is behind the wheel.
Although I don't think it's likely to happen with these particular laws, in general dead laws are a bad thing because they tend to have (mainly) two negative effects:
1) They can get selectively enforced against people the police / politicians / etc. don't like. The law may be ridiculous but if proof of the offence is available and the law is not easily shown unconstitutional, the judge really can't do more than give the accused a minimum sentence. Fortunately the US constitution explicitly sets forth a limited set of kinds of laws that the government can enact, but even so the problem persists.
2) They can be used to artificially heighten sentences for other crimes. This means that if the sentence for a certain crime is say 2 years, you have to read that as 2 years + X, where X is the sum of whatever sticks. This perverts justice because the original sentences where meant to be proportionate and because there is a large random factor in what can be made to be tagged on and/or what the police want to tag on and thus how high X will be.
You forgot Oral and Anal sex are both illegal in Virginia too, q_q. Oh well there is always the hand.
Is that not what "It’s illegal to have sex in any postion other than missionary" means? >_>;
Also, as previously mentioned, it's an impossible law to enforce, so nobody really cares. People still fuck in VA however the fuck they want.
THEY'VE DESTROYED EVERYTHING GOOD ABOUT SEX!
Maybe the law is there to prevent people getting spiked in their dick, and got tired of assisting the injured ones... Who knows if someone used to rape those animals in the past.. oh well O_ò it would be interesting to know
I live in Florida and EVEN I didn't know a law like this existed. LOL! this is way too funny!! Russians are stupid when they drink.. hahahaha!
Of all animals... why something with spikes? And why was it a pair a guys going to rape one... crazy Russians.
IN SOVIET RUSSIA
PORCUPINE RAPES YOU
oh Russia. {insert facepalm}
Russia again?
Damn, Russia, i thought you were cool.
Well, actually i did not.
They must have some pretty small penises.
How did it fit inside a porcupine?
That really amazes me.
I feel like we've just witnessed something similar to the famous gold medal hockey game most of us know about. I do believe in miracles. xDD
I wonder if they found a male or female porcupine...
Fucking A.
BEWARE!! The Russians are cumming!! Ravishing your animal!!
http://www.spike.com/blog/russian-raccoon-rape/73168
http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2009/05/10/chimpanzee-raeps-woman/
Wut teh DUCK??!! o_O;; Raep a porcupine is illegal??!! *sarcasm*
I LOL'd... SRSLY... XD
That's exactly what those russians were thinking. Except they were drunk.
I can imagine the joke talk about this.
Russian guy #1: Okay so its illegal to kill someone.
Russian Guy #2: Got it!
Russian guy #1: WTF? It's illegal to rape a porcupine...!
Russian Guy #2: Ha, what a joke. *takes another chug* Wonder why they did that?
Russian guy #1: No clue. Lets go find one!
Seriously; think what they would have done if they were sober...
One of them is an animal raping a woman, did you not read it =/
I should have thought that Florida's law against raping a porcupine was one of those self-enforcing laws -- like gravity.
I still think so.
You know why the russian women start to rape their men?
http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2009/05/08/mother-raeps-teenage-son-have-sex-with-me-or-die/
http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2009/04/16/lady-turns-robber-into-sex-slave-rapes-him-for-days/
Because all the other Russians start to prefer animals!
http://www.spike.com/blog/russian-raccoon-rape/73168
http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2009/05/10/chimpanzee-raeps-woman/
or cut their dicks of
http://www.sankakucomplex.com/2009/03/23/man-cuts-off-penis-with-scissors-after-break-up/
Shame on you Russia!!
SOVIET RUSSIA = EPIC FAIL